Blocked but not down

 Greetings all,

It has been an interesting season. This summer has felt different. For me it was a time of recovery. I have traveled, taught, and embarked on new projects. Currently I'm in the middle of a work cycle in my ceramics studio, and 3 stories in with my next book in the Mistfall series. I've tinkered with my website and looked into taking my teaching to the next level. 

I have also hit a few road blocks on the way forward. This week I was sitting with disappointment. I was down, feeling sorry for myself and thinking things like, "Well failed again. I fail so often." Some people would want to rush me out of those feelings. They'd try to paint a smile on over that hurt. Get out the neon colored spray paint and fill my aura with the toxic fumes of the 'Live, Laugh, Love' vibes. 

Mindset is important, but I don't think we can skip over the feeling of hurt or loss. Sometimes we have to feel the suck. So that is what I did. I took a day. I wallowed. I sighed heavily. I played sad music. The next morning when I was still reeling from it, the thought of being a failure came into my head again. This time though it was followed by a different thought, "Maybe I fail so much, because I attempt to do big things." 

That was the reframe I needed. It didn't deny that I have failed at a lot of things, but it pointed out that I attempt more things than most people. I don't do the easy things. I do the hard things. Plus there are several big things I attempted that I did achieve. I have 2 published books and a meditation album out in the world. I have full classes with waiting lists on a regular basis. I finally am making work in my studio that I am proud of, and I am my own harshest critic. 

Right now some of my goals are in a holding pattern or have run up against obstacles. I don't know that I am out of the game though. My approach may need to change. I may need to look elsewhere, or let the universe find another way for me to get what I need. What has been encouraging is that this time, I've not let the obstacles or life's detours make me feel like I am not worth it. If anything rather than feeling like my self worth is lacking, I feel that others are misinformed about my worth. That is huge. If it weren't so frustrating, I'd be grateful.

Why am I telling you this? We often believe others when it comes to our self worth. We mistakenly think that if they can't see our value, it means our value is lacking. Maybe you have chased approval, or tried to prove your worth. Please stop. You're going to get out of breath trying to run down people who just don't have the willingness or capacity to see what you bring to the table. Ooh and I hear that voice of self doubt in your head that says you're nothing special. You don't have anything to offer. I'm here to tell you, that's a lie. If the world didn't need you right now, you wouldn't be here. We all have a part to play. 

So until you hear from me next, believe in yourself, especially when others don't. You have done things others would find impossible. You've failed at things, that others would never attempt. You have something valuable that the world needs you to share right now, this very second. So get to it.

Peace and Blessings,

Thomas Mooneagle

The Breaking of a Curse

 Greetings all,

 My focus has been elsewhere. At the start of the year I nearly doubled the amount of classes I teach. On top of that I had a serious health issue that required medical intervention. So a little over a month ago I had surgery. The recovery was rough to say the least. In the midst of it though something unexpected arose, the chance to break an old curse.

To understand you need a little context. For one I use my teacher's definition of a curse, a curse is a lie you believe about yourself. I know, it's not as exciting as all the horror movies would lead you to believe, but believing a lie can cause serious damage. We often pick these up as children or adolescence. Some are given to us by bullies some are given to us by the people who were trying to protect us, and still others are picked up by accident. You never know how your words are going to get processed by others, so it is best to be very deliberate with them.

All that said, sometimes we come up with a curse because we draw the wrong conclusions from something that happens to us. This was the origin of my curse. Many years ago I was very sick. So sick in fact that my family thought I was dying. (Medical misdiagnosis can cause as much damage as a curse). At the time I was involved with a group of friends, and these were the first people I finally let myself be my true self around. We'd had a few rough patches, but my illness kept me from being able to hang out with them for a bit. When I was at the worst stages of that illness, they abandoned me. They wouldn't take my calls, nor would they return them. I was alone and to my mind dying, and nobody outside my parents cared. It was fairly devastating. 

I did recover thankfully, and in my healing my gifts became stronger. I felt better alone than I had in that group of friends. However a seed was planted in my spirit. The idea that people didn't really care for me, that I would be abandoned if I needed help became one of my core beliefs. This was the curse. It has plagued relationships, building upon my childhood experience of being bullied. The idea that someone cared for me and would show up was foreign. I can't tell you how many times I found out years later that someone had a crush on me. I just couldn't conceive of anyone caring for me.  (Cue sad violin music)

Well, I had a long recovery with surgery. This time around things were a little different. I had a lot more responsibilities, between teaching, patreon, and clients there was a lot of juggling to allow myself the time I needed to heal (and honestly as I type this I'm still not 100%). I expected to lose my job, to have patrons be upset that I had to postpone sessions and perks. I thought I'd be on my own again. Again the lie, "If you really need someone, they won't be there, nobody cares about you Thomas." 

This did not happen. I had so many people check on me. I started getting cards from students. Not just one card either, they sent a card for every class I wasn't there for. As painful as the healing journey was, it really set about disproving the curse. I had people offering to bring me food: friends, students, and employers. Texts to check on me were common. I knew the curse was breaking when I received flowers for the first time in my life, and yes the picture above are the flowers I got from my friend Shawn and her husband Andy. My patreon supporters weren't mad that I had to postpone the group healing call, and their individual sessions. They bent over backwards with the scheduling. I was absent from work for almost 2 months, and I was welcomed back with excitement and warmth. It still all feels a little like a dream, but it is beginning to sink in that I make an impact and people care for me. 

Why am I sharing this? I'm sure the three of you that read my blog have some lingering lies about yourself that filter your perceptions and experiences. Maybe like me you drew the wrong conclusion from a traumatic experience. I often have people come to me afraid that they're cursed. It's a rare thing to see a curse involving magic come across my office door. Not impossible just improbable. Everyone thinks people who cast curses are so powerful. They really aren't, mostly we do all the work for them. They just activate one of the lies hanging out in our energy. If we didn't believe those lies about ourselves the hexers of the world would bleed themselves dry with nothing to show for it. Cursing someone doesn't make you powerful. Real power is breaking a curse, that's some real wizard shit.

So what have you been carrying around in your field? What lie have you marinated in so long that it has seeped into your bones? What awful things do you whisper about yourself when you're alone? This may be a good time to examine those things. Maybe don't wait until you have a healing crisis. Maybe you were always enough, but didn't know it. So go on break that curse, and while you're at it, forgive yourself for believing the lie in the first place. 

Peace and Blessings,

Thomas Mooneagle

Bringing forth

 Greetings all,

I hope you are finding ways to find some peace amidst the chaos of the world. I find myself frazzled and easily provoked these days. It can be difficult to imagine ever feeling safe or hopeful during dark chapters of our lives. Taking time to relax and meditate can feel like a luxury, but it is essential for our resilience, so that we emerge from the challenges we all face.

I have been less successful at keeping up with a dedicated meditation practice of late. I feel a great deal of resistance to sitting still or not engaging in something that is either 'productive' or just distracting. Recently I settled into a longer meditation session and it not only helped me to reset my body a bit, but also opened up some insight about how I view myself in relationships.

Relationships, whether they are familial, friends, romantic partnerships, or career based, have a major impact on our development as individuals and on our overall level of satisfaction with life. It can be tempting to look for someone to rescue us when we feel overwhelmed, or to play the hero in other people's lives rather than handle our own struggles. I've fallen into both traps over the years. Lately I've been so overwhelmed by the cruelty of our times I've been wanting to be saved by someone. Simultaneously I've been caught in the mindset of, "Why would anyone waste their time on someone like me? Mess that I am what do I have to offer anyone?"

Well during meditation, an observation popped into my awareness. In the past, when I've had transformative relationships I haven't been rescued. I've been listened to, I've been accepted, and I've been made to feel enough just as I am. The strides forward I made, were driven by my efforts with some kind support from others. People didn't give me the qualities I needed, they brought them out of me. Those qualities of confidence, dedication, compassion, and competence were already there within me. I just sometimes needed someone else to see them in myself. I didn't need to be rescued, only recognized.

Why am I telling you this? Maybe like me, you've been struggling. Maybe you haven't felt strong enough, or brave enough, or talented enough. Maybe you've not been able to see your good qualities amidst the fog of near constant tragedies that are hitting daily. Maybe like me you've forgotten the good you have brought and still bring into the world. Maybe you feel alone and despair that you don't have anything to offer. Our culture tells us we are flawed beings that need to be saved. It tells us we aren't worthy...it's a lie. 

I challenge you to remember yourself at your best. Those qualities still live in you, waiting to be brought forth, whether by circumstance, personal epiphany, or by the loving recognition of good people. Come, stand once more in the light.

Peace and Blessings,

Thomas Mooneagle

A Dangerous Tool

 Greetings all,

I have returned at the end of this year to speak to you once more. It's been a hard year for myself and many others. Disappointment and destruction of the world has continued by the powers that be. Helped along by Technocrats.

I like many others find my time and attention ripped from my control. This is the power of the Algorithm. Social media, search engines, streaming platforms, all show us a never ending supply of distractions. They bait us with delight or with rage. They play our emotions like a virtuoso, knowing the exact right thing with which to enthrall us, to have the minutes of our days slip through our fingers, and focus our attention down a pre-laid path.

Our attention, focus, and our ability to direct our intentions have been undermined by the drive to sell us more stuff that we don't need, and to get us to hate people we don't know. This is nothing new, as long as mass media has existed it has been doing this. What has changed is that now everything can be targeted to the individual. Our phones listen to us, our TVs make note of what we watch. Youtube videos, Tiktok, Facebook feeds, and even Netflix suggestions are all tailored to the individual. At first this was useful, it showed us more of what we were looking for, but now it uses that to shape everything we see. It guides us down narrower paths until we are far from where we started. 

I liken this to the Palantirs in Lord of the Rings. It could show you things that would be useful for you, but slowly the will of Sauron knowing your mind, would direct your gaze where it wanted it.  Our screens are so much like that, they show us much that we wish to see, but all the while looking back at us, gathering data, selling it to forces that wish to shape us into what they want --the perfect consumer, unable to think critically, just react.

The trap is that we can't function in the modern world without our digital connections, not if we want to prosper. It takes an iron will to resist the siren song of the Algorithm. With the rise of AI content things have gotten even worse. No longer do we need actual stories, just elements that programs scraped the internet for engagement. Is all lost?

The first step in avoiding a trap, is to be aware there is one. The second part is harder, because we're fighting against our own wiring. We must disengage, set limits on our screens. Often times we use our screens as a distraction against feeling our feelings or doing the things we find challenging. (Like writing a blog post, or a book, or meditating in the evening). We must change the energy of the relationship between ourselves and our technology. If we fail to do that, we become indistinguishable from our tools. We collectively created this algorithm. We should have a say on how it develops or how it doesn't. Have a Happy New Year.

Peace and Blessings,

Thomas Mooneagle

The Song Beneath the Song

Greetings all,

Welcome to summer's country. It came on rather suddenly, The cicadas burst forth from the soil and just like, that the sound of the summer wind was in the air. Normally I associate this with the late summer, but we seem to be at ground zero for this particular brood.

Every season has its sounds, its own ambient song. The winter has its winds and the quiet of snow. Spring has its bird song, fall has the rustling of the fallen leaves. This year apparently is one of the 17 year brood in this area. It's funny considering cicadas have played a part in my writing for over 20 years and now this year with my first book of stories out they have come. I invented silver cicadas in Tales of Mistfall, the only source of the magical metal, iridescium, also called rainbow-silver. A strange synchronicity, I couldn't have timed it better. For those that think I did it on purpose, I'm not that patient of a planner.

 Many people have complained about the noise and being dive bombed by swarms of insects. I have relished the emergence. On an aesthetic level I'm fascinated by insect forms, but the frequency of their song has also been comforting to me. Several times in the past week, I've sat on my deck after a tai chi or chi kung practice and meditated using their song to take me deeper. I've been using binaural beats and hemisync albums to meditate for years, but it is good to remember that we can use nature and its sounds to calm our minds. In fact, hearing different groups of cicadas at varying distances created something akin to a binaural effect. 

While I may not be a great planner, I am good at recognizing opportunity. One of my best friends recently bought recording equipment that we've been playing around with as we launch into creating a podcast (I know, I don't have enough projects). I wanted to get a sample of the cicada sound, so last week we headed out to a more secluded spot where the sounds of mowers and traffic wouldn't compete with the cicadas. We edited out the noise and we had a beautiful ambient track, summer preserved in audio format. Not content with that, I dropped a binaural tone at the theta frequency at a lower volume to bolster the meditative effect. I am extraordinarily proud of it and put it up for my patreon supporters to enjoy. 

You might think well that's the end of that then, wrap up this post, but wait there's more. I also happened to mention my experience of the cicadas to one of my teachers and she suggested I take a shamanic journey to them.  So I did, and I used my own ambient track to do it. I thanked them for their song and asked why I felt so connected with it, while others can't stand it. They told me that I heard 'the song beneath the song'. When I asked for an explanation they said my mind couldn't conceive it, but my soul understood it. The song is larger than the mind apparently, but they did share that the sound and frequency of their song was about renewal and acted as energetic reset for our bodies. Make of that what you will. Perhaps in the future these sounds and their frequencies will be studied for the physiological effects they have on us and the environment. 

Why am I sharing this?  Well for one, it is cool. I got to partner with nature and my friend to create something magical. What could be better than that? It's been a dark time lately, but I have connected with loved ones deeply, and nature has lended a helping hand to heal my despair. I believe that all of us have something that calls to us in nature. Maybe for you it is birdsong, or the song of wind chimes, the roll of distant thunder, the crashing of waves, gentle rain, or the babbling of a brook. There is an element of nature that brings you back to yourself and restores you. I challenge you to go out there and find it, because right now we need you whole and healed for the task ahead. 

Peace and Blessings,

Thomas Mooneagle

 

Together

 

Greetings all,

Summer is just around the corner and for me that means travel and workshops. This summer I'm really excited to teach Quantum Wizardry. It's basically how I do all the magical things, and now you can too.

As I observe society, (okay if I'm being honest as I mercilessly judge it) I've noticed a pattern. The story of  progress has always seem to come about by people in power using coercion of varying levels to make everyone else do the work to make things happen. Yes accomplishing something of value often requires sacrifice. Every piece of food on your plate had to pass through many hands to reach you. It takes the collective effort of thousands to feed us at each and every meal. It's downright impressive. The thing is we throw out close to 40% of our food in my country. Why is there so much waste? Well we like the story of hard work, and pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps. If you don't measure up to the societal standard of productivity, we'd rather throw food in the trash to rot, rather than let you have it. 

The sad thing is that as technology and economic systems change, more and more people can't quite make ends meet. The tragedy of it all is that this is by design. This is an outgrowth of thousands of years of history where rulers focused on strategies of coercion. Often times there were whips and chains involved, and not in that fun sexy way either. Once absolute monarchies faded from prominence, economic means were brought to bear to force the population to do the bidding of the people with the most resources: build this thing or starve, break your body in a factory or starve, work 2 jobs to barely afford to not starve....

I would like to point out that not every society went down this route. However due to colonialism most of those societies were either exterminated or folded into the current power structure. Work became a divine mandate. What really sucks is that the work tends to be the hardest and most unpleasant also happens to be the least economically rewarding. During the pandemic a lot of these minimum wage workers were renamed 'essential workers' of course we didn't vote to improve their wages. We just gave lip service to their sacrifice. 

Why am I bringing this up? Well I see our civilization at a crossroads. We could continue down the path of coercion by psychopaths to determine the future, or we could try something different. Some of you may think that society would collapse without people being forced through the miserable gears of late stage capitalism. I mean what's left once we eliminate systems of coercion? The answer I think is learning to build systems of consensus. See the problem isn't productivity. The problem is productivity that doesn't serve people. Right now productivity only serves the profit of wealthy shareholders. Any positive benefits that come out of that are basically side effects, and as the economic game gets more refined those, side effects are being phased out. 

There are hard jobs that need to be done, like harvesting crops, plumbing, construction, shipping, caregiving, and sanitation to name just a few. Our civilization depends on these and many others, but there are a lot of projects that really don't support human life and aspiration. Those things that take up a lot of resources but only serve the ego and pocketbook of very few individuals, but what about the visionaries you say? How can they change the world if they can't force the population to build their new future? I don't know maybe they should try inspiring people instead. 

So what about you? Are you tired of systems that don't serve humanity or the planet? Do you despair in the mindless drudgery you go through just to keep from starving? What if something else was possible? What if all the needs of people could be met? What if it still required sacrifice, but nobody was left behind? Would it be worth it? I think so, how about you?

Peace and Blessings,

Thomas Mooneagle

Media and Minds

 Greetings all,

Happy new year! This post was supposed to be an end of year wrap up sort of thing, but the holidays were a blur and this week I've been busy shoveling snow and staying warm. Lately as I have been reaching out and promoting my book I have also been telling the people closest to me about the stories and media I enjoy.  I was supposed to text a list to a friend of mine, but then I thought why not make it a post and share it with you half dozen people that read this. (I'm kidding it's more like 3 people, blogs are so 2008).

During the pandemic I consumed a ton of media as I wasn't getting out much. I barely left the house except for daily walks with my puppy. (He's 8 now but will forever be a puppy to me). I often will listen to podcasts on my walks when I am not catching up with a friend on the phone, they are also a favorite when I take a long roadtrip to help the time pass. So here is the current list.

1. Levar Burton reads 

This is Reading Rainbow for adults. Levar is one of the best narrators out there, and thanks to him I've discovered many new favorite authors (which I should make a list for too sometime)

2. Tanis

It's weird, creepy, and mixes in real life facts and mysteries. There are currently 5 seasons out and a 6th and final season coming soon. If you like the odd paranormal mystery vibe, this is for you.

3. Rabbits

By the same folks that did Tanis, but a completely different story. Imagine a game where the reality is the playing field. Watch out for the wardens in gray.

4. The Big Loop

A two season podcast also featuring short stories that range from ghost stories to sci-fi, some are very moving and lovely.

5. The Left Right Game

Another bizarre reality twisting story involving parallel worlds (hmmm I'm beginning to see a pattern in my tastes)

6. Welcome to Nightvale

Lovecraftian comedy does a small town public radio program. There are a lot of episodes and the lore keeps going, just remember "Nobody does a slice like Big Rico's pizza....nobody."

7. Family Ghosts

This ranges from funny to tragic to historically revealing the tagline for the show is "The stories are real, the ghosts are metaphorical."

8. Dumb Dumbs & Dragons

Ok, this one assumes you like roleplaying games, ridiculous character concepts, and running gags. Despite the bathroom humor you will come to care for our ragtag team of adventurers and NPCs. Maybe you missed the D&D hype the past few years, but if you wondered about it, then it's not a bad way to learn about the hobby.

9. Give Me Away

This is a sci-fi podcast. Imagine an alien ship crashes in the desert of the Southwest USA and screaming comes out of it. The ship is empty of passengers except for the computers where the consciousness of alien political prisoners have been uploaded into it and are constantly tortured. Their only way out is to download into a human host who has to share their body with them.  This had me riveted, the concept is high and the characters are rich and well portrayed. I can't wait for a 3rd season.

10. Unwell

Another gothic or perhaps slightly Lovecraftian podcast set in the fictional town of Mt. Absalom Ohio. Great characters, don't eat at the diner.

11. Midnight Burger

Last but not least. I have gotten several people hooked on this podcast about a diner that travels in time and space leaving a bit of well natured chaos in their wake. Do not cross Gloria, you don't want to goto war with her. They open at 6.

Well folks I am going to call it there. There are other good things out there, but this is enough to be getting on with for a while. I should note that the numbers don't correspond to a ranking, it's just a list of my favorites. I have laughed and cried with these and that says a lot. We are blessed to be alive in a time where there is so much creativity available to us. Having written my own stories I more fully appreciate all the effort that goes into bringing something to life. I've only recently started dreaming things from my own world of Mistfall. 

Let me know what you think of some of these suggestions and if you have something that you think I'd love let me know.

Peace and Blessings,

Thomas Mooneagle

Through the Mists

Greetings all,

How long has it been now since last I posted? Well if you saw the image on this post you know why it's been so long. I've been putting my writing energy into something else, namely my latest book, Tales of Mistfall.

When covid shut the world down, I like many others had a lot of time on my hands. I was only teaching once a week and that was through one-way streaming, meaning people could see me, but I couldn't see them. People sometimes mistake me for an extrovert since I put out content on youtube and on public posts like this one. Teaching requires me to be social, and that takes energy. When in person classes stopped for over a year, I found myself with an abundance of creative energy. I got back into my ceramics studio, and made work that I'd never managed to before. 

Being confined to the house and the daily walks with the dog basically meant my mind had to roam inside its own confines. I started looking back on some of my work that had the seeds of ideas for a setting; that setting became Mistfall. My plan was to write my way out of the pandemic, and to a large extent I did. Originally I was just going to do a few stories and see if I could get some friends to start a virtual writers group. I found as I wrote though, I became more possessive of this world. It was my mind's second home, my time-share in the otherworld. 

After the first story, I penned another short piece in one sitting. Then the one after that took months. Each story I wrote, the world became more real to me, more enriched. Before I knew it, I had more ideas than I had time, especially once I went back to teaching in person again. All told this book took over four years, twice as long as my first book took. This one is considerably longer, and as I told a friend the first book was mostly me just writing down what I was told when in a journey. Mistfall on the other hand had to be built from the ground up. It had to have consistency, the world had to make sense.

Why am I telling you this? Well I just spent the last four years pouring my soul into this book, and I need to share just how big of a deal it is to me. Additionally, creating my own world has me thinking about how much we do this everyday. The mental landscape I live in is vastly different than most people I know.  Politics and religions tell stories about the world too, and many people confuse those stories with the the objective world. They are not, they are just stories. Personally, I prefer Mistfall to most of those stories of the world. 

How about you? What stories are shaping the world your mind inhabits? Are they true? If they are fiction, are they helpful? Do they make life easier, more enjoyable? Do the stories you hold close to your heart make you a better person? Let me know what you think and maybe we can share a tale or two, should we meet on the Endless Road.

Peace and Blessings,

Thomas Mooneagle

P. S. Here is a link to the book.   

https://www.amazon.com/Tales-Mistfall-Thomas-Mooneagle/dp/B0DP7K2HNT/ref=sr_1_1?crid=NJ8RUMMLEHAU&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.ErXPnL2xZ_9-r2N9UVq-EA.Gv70l_PNwQOmV3pBMi1zR5c_vlmPeLQGaHeRW5zFBq0&dib_tag=se&keywords=tales+of+mistfall&qid=1733258328&sprefix=%2Caps%2C144&sr=8-1

 

Mindset and Timing

 Greetings all,

It's been a long time coming. The past few years has seen me blogging less and less. My focus has shifted inward since 2019. For those 10s of people that actually still read blogs I should put this in context.  At the end of 2018 my last grandparent died. They were 98 at the time so it was not unexpected, in fact I had been given a heads up the summer before that they would be passing in the winter. I often told people it would have been greedy to ask for more time. Still it was a huge adjustment. I spent most of 2019 trying to grieve and rebalance and see what I wanted to do. When 2020 hit I was planning to finally expand and take my business to the next level. I was scheduled to teach a workshop in Manhattan in May of 2020...well we all know what happened next.

When covid hit I withdrew from the world. I mean most of us did. (Some delusional people refused to alter their lives at all). I was let go from most of my teaching jobs, and I wasn't able to see clients.  My income fell to almost nothing. I was completely isolated for over a year. I literally went almost a year and half without a single hug or human touch of any kind. Amidst all of this there was a level of political turmoil not seen since the civil war. When I finally emerged  and returned to teaching in person classes I was greeted with a staggering amount of loss. At least a dozen of my students and contacts had died, and those are just the ones I know about. 

So during this time a lot of folks were telling me to not be sad to stay positive and work on my mindset. This was the time they said to go out there and create transformation. That didn't go over well with me. I was in grief mode and was being told that those emotions were invalid. Concurrently all of my guides had me in a holding pattern.  I checked every few months after new developments and was always told the same thing, "WAIT."  So I waited, and waited, and waited. I waited for over 2 years. It is only really this year where I have been green lit to get out into the world and resume some of my activities. 

Magic, healing, and transformation techniques can do many things. You can bend reality more than you think. What you can't do is bend the whole world because it doesn't line up with your wants and needs. Lots of the inspirational posts people would use to try and shame me into acting spiritual (in other words smiling and ignoring the shit show that the world had become) really got under my skin.  I ended up having to reject all that and in some ways distance myself from my own power. It had after 2 and half years become pretty ingrained. I stopped trying to make anything happen for me, I stopped even thinking that anything could be good for me again. This was actually helpful at the time; it was a survival mechanism. It kept me safe during uncertain times.  

I don't want to you to think that the pandemic ruined my life.  While it took away with one hand it gifted me with the other. My creativity returned in a way I hadn't seen in years. My work in the studio progressed more in those 2 years than it had in over a decade. I started writing again (obviously not in my blog) and I am close to having a first draft of my first book of short stories set in a world that I created.  I became more savvy about live-streaming and teaching remotely. More importantly covid showed me what I really valued by its absence from my life. 

I'd been following my guidance to wait, but then when I came out of that even though I was working, I wasn't doing things for me. I wasn't allowing myself to dream of what I would like.  I had become accustomed to not getting what I want. This summer I began testing the waters. My guides finally stopped telling me to wait when I asked about my plans. I traveled to see friends and teach a workshop and it went great.  I've made more plans to teach workshops and expand out again. I recently had my first craft night since the before times, and I started swimming again. I am connecting with others and it is like water in the desert. 

Mindset does matter. It just didn't matter in the way the 'positive vibes only crowd' said it did. Mindset cannot change the world.  It only change how you relate to it, and more importantly how you relate to it has to change depending on the state of the world. You can't affirm a hurricane away or visualize the tide not coming in. You can't help but lose people in your life. It's the nature of our journey, every hello is also a goodbye some day. When covid was still just a news story about a virus in China, I remember getting together with some energy practitioners to see if we could shift the energy. Each of us got told something like, "Make your peace with it, this is happening."  

Why am I telling you all this?  Well I am coming to a place in life where I have to balance acceptance of what is, with using my abilities to get what I want. It is time to dream again while acknowledging the world and my place in it. I am having to learn when to use my energy and when to realize it isn't happening and stop wasting effort. Timing matters, there is a time be a go getter and a time to just vegetate and let others run around in circles. I might add it is not an easy lesson it requires a much less rigid mindset and temperament than I currently exhibit.  Still it is important because without this balance we can spend our lives wishing for what could be instead of exploring the riches in what is around us. 

So how about you?  Have you found the balance between making a life and accepting what comes your way? Have you forsaken your dreams at the cost of joy?  Have you abandoned all sense of shared reality for a delusion of desire?  Either ends of this spectrum is fine to pass through, but a terrible place to make your home. Be kind to yourself and others as you recalibrate your life path.  

Peace and Blessings,

Thomas Mooneagle

The Falling of Leaves

 

Greetings all,

When I wrote my first post this year way back in January I didn't know when I would write again.  I've had quite a few ups and a lot more downs. I also stated that I was putting my efforts towards my fiction, and I have been.  That has been the shining light for me this year.  I have over 60,000 words written so far.  I've been building worlds and I like it. Still the past few years for me have been years of continual loss combined with a lack of in person community.  This has taken a toll on my mental and physical health and grief has been my constant companion.

Today is the equinox ushering in autumn in the Northern hemisphere and spring in the lands below the equator. Fall brings in such a mix of feelings and memories for me.  It is at this time when I seem to miss people the most. I long for deep meaningful companionship and closeness. I delight in the colors of the season, but also mourn the loss of the green world. Holiday season begins in the fall and with that everything that comes with it. What I have noticed in me this summer is all that is still broken, and what may always be broken in myself and in the world.  That is a daunting realization. What if things don't get better?  What if I fail? What if this is as good as it gets? When we come against those questions we can feel crushed.  We live in a society that values winners, that rewards specialness, and that tells us only those that triumph deserve love and respect. It is deep and pernicious programming. It is difficult to fathom how much love we've withheld from ourselves and others because we didn't think it was earned yet.

As you can see my musings have been dark of late.  It is why I haven't been writing them down. It is terrible from a marketing perspective. I mean I've got magic I should be able to fix anything right?  I've often said if magic could solve all of your problems I wouldn't have any. You can't simply magic away feelings of not being enough. I like everybody struggle with feelings of unworthiness.  It is baked into our culture. 

Amidst all this I keep coming back to the same questions: how will I respond, what do I want my life to be about, what do I want to leave in my wake? All of this I put into my drumming ceremony for the equinox. Normally after I welcome the directions I do several rounds of drumming, the first is for gratitude, and then one to build energy, and finally the third to carry the prayers for myself and my community. This time I did one long round of drumming.  I asked to release the grief as the trees release their leaves, that tears nourish us like the rain nourishes and renews the land.  I asked that beauty be left in my wake. I asked for support. I asked for love and fellowship.  I asked for peace.  I asked for a path. I drummed and I walked the circle. I saw runes in the sticks on the ground, and one in particular kept forming, laguz. 

For me laguz is about the bond of love between people. It is the support and nourishment we receive from nature as it is the rune of water, but it is also the nourishment we receive from fellowship. Other than our material needs for sustenance and shelter this need is paramount to life. We are not solitary creatures. Love is the sun that lights our lives. As the darker months approach and the external sun fades we need that fellowship and closeness to warm our hearts and minds as the bitter winds begin to blow. 

When the world is uncertain I turn to ceremony to stabilize myself and my energy. I've drummed at the quarters of the year for a decade, and I've done a weekly rattling and prayer ceremony for almost as long. Sometimes I come away from them feeling better, sometimes I just come away from them.  It is the commitment and rhythm of them over time that does the work, that helps, and in the process helps others. Ceremony was the first psychological technology, it led to religion and systems of belief, but the foundation of it was in organizing the mind and body. It brought coherence to thought and action. It gave meaning to our place in the world and the seasons. The world is complex, but there are powerful simplicities within it as well. We are complex beings, but we are also simple in our needs. We require sustenance, shelter, safety, belonging, and meaning. These are our needs. The shape they take on changes from person to person and from one society to another, but it is the truth of being human that these needs must be met to find peace and contentment.

As I drove home from my ceremony in the park today, I noticed the changing light. I saw the trees still mostly holding onto their veil of green. I felt them in a way I hadn't for a while, as if they were whispering. As if the wind moving through them was singing a song to those who had the ears to hear it. There was a sense of mutual recognition, a greeting of old friends. For me kinship with the green and growing things was enough to bring a temporary respite, a fragile peace. In these days I take what I can get even if it is ephemeral. 

What about you? Is the changing season whispering words to you through the falling leaves? Are the winds stirring memories in the forest of your heart? Does Grace flow down the streams of your life blood? If you are feeling untethered go to the trees. Walk among their shade. Sit beside their roots. Greet them as dear friends. Do a kindness, and as they do themselves let go of your old leaves.

Peace and Blessings,

Thomas Mooneagle

Structure

 

Greetings all,

Happy New Year!  I recently got a message with a generous donation thanking me for my videos and my blog.  I was surprised as I didn't think anyone was reading my blog anymore.   For six years I put out weekly posts, and then I lost my drive. I'm not going to recommit to a weekly post. I am putting my efforts in writing elsewhere these days, but it is a good idea to occasionally share my thoughts.  The weekly posts began as a way to deal with my own internal thoughts and feelings. It was transformative in that aspect, but it also helped me develop my voice as an author. Which leads me to what I want to talk to you about.

I've been working on my 2nd book for the last 3 years.  I have now laid that one aside. Fear not, I haven't stopped writing, and I may yet revisit that book. Over the pandemic I have read a lot of books, and more importantly I have gotten back in touch with my desire to tell stories  Long before I wrote my first book I wrote fiction. At one point I even tried to write an epic fantasy novel with a friend. I look back on it now and think how bad that writing was. Well during my seclusion I revisited a seed of an idea I had, a world of my own that had a visual language similar to my artwork (although done much better of course). I called it Mistfall, it had been a hazy dream of an idea, until it wasn't. I have written 4 or 5 pieces set in it, and these will be part of a collection that I will publish at some point. 

I've been back to in person classes since the middle of the summer, and one thing I noticed was how much less time I spent writing. I had over 2020 fallen into very unstructured uses of time.  I had so much of it being isolated at home  I could be loose with it and still get lots done.  The past few months has seen a stalling of progress on all my creative fronts.  So I finally decided to structure in time for specific projects. Just like I have hours on the calendar for my classes and events, I now have hours blocked off for writing every week. Now when I get stuck on a scene I have to play around with it at least during the time allotted. Since I put down scheduled writing time I have finished 2 stories and begun a 3rd. Seeing how well this worked I've also put down scheduled time for meditation on the calendar, and I am getting more of that in as well. 

Self care or creative work was always being pushed back or put off. The thing is I need that to be able to succeed. If I want my business to succeed I need time to tend to my own passions and see to my own mental/physical health. I'm only a few weeks into this, and already I see where I need to schedule other times for leisure and rest. I like so many of us have gotten lulled into thinking that rest is something you do after achievement like a reward. The truth is rest is crucial for achievement. I had been depriving myself of it and my achievement went down not up. Currently I feel much better than I have in a while. I am resting more and getting more done. 

Why am I telling you this? Well, structure matters. If we haven't been seeing to our needs or meeting our goals, odds are that we don't have a structure that supports them. In many cases, the existing structure (or lack of one) is leading us to the exact opposite of what we want in our lives. We find time for what matters to us. If we put it down on our schedules we are more likely to prioritize it and stand firm with our boundaries with other people. Trust me other people will test you on this, but if you have a 1-2PM appointment for writing, all you have to tell people is that you have a standing appointment.  If you need more rest or mindfulness put a half hour nap or meditation on your schedule 4-5 days a week. If your appointment is with you and your couch honor it the same as you would a doctor's appointment.  Structure can be your friend if you shape it that way.

So how about you? Are you scheduling time for your needs and goals? Are you putting your own needs last? Do you let people talk you out of the time you need for yourself? If so maybe you need to get out your calendar and block off some time. People don't need to know what you appointment is or who it is with. They may press back at first, but stay firm. Over time they will adapt and you will feel better. Which will make the time you do give to them more meaningful.

Peace & Blessings,

Thomas Mooneagle

What We Miss

 

Greetings all,

The end of the year draws near.  Holiday season is in full swing.  The cold and dark can be challenging and the holidays while they lift some up, for many they serve as a reminder of what is missing in their lives.  We often see what has yet to be healed, and perhaps what can never be again. 

I tend to get down around the holidays. This springs from several things: a bit of seasonal depression, missing people who have passed away,  the weird tendency to compare my holiday experience to social norms, and the stress of having to put on a happy face or be called Scrooge or the Grinch.

To those that may be in similar positions forced to play a parody of 'merry' let me give you permission to tell the joy police to go fuck right off. You are not obligated to be happy on their timetable or be festive just because it is what they want. You are you, your feelings matter even the ones you prefer not to feel.  We cannot ignore the darkness around us or within us. When we do, no amount of decorating or holiday lights will brighten our hearts. 

To those of you who are estranged from loved ones, I understand. The Mooneagle is no stranger to the chasms that can grow between souls.  What I have learned about myself in recent days may help you navigate, or at least help you to not call your ex.  I find at certain times I miss people, or miss the time when we still cared for one another.  This goes for even some of the most whackadoo crazy abusive or exploitative relationships.  I have to come to see that it is not the person I am missing, it is myself.  I miss the person I was when I still loved them. I miss the ease of not having to be on guard from them.  I miss the innocence of my own heart.  

How about you? Are you struggling in the 'most wonderful time of the year'? Is your weary heart ready to have a lie down until spring? Do you find yourself exhausted for the loves you have lost? As we journey further into the darkness, let us not lose ourselves by looking for the others we have lost.  Let us instead call back our loving hearts.  Let us find the selves we have lost or buried with the past. Let us find the innocence lost in the darkness and gently take its hand and carry it back with us into the returning light. 

Peace and Blessings,

Thomas Mooneagle

Self Inflicted Care

 

Greetings all,

I've been pondering over this post for almost a week.  Rather than spewing weekly blogs out, I'm waiting until I have something constructive to say.  Well I've been struggling with the seemingly never ending pandemic and all that entails.  I'm back to teaching in person, but I'm not yet eligible for a booster so I've been stressed. I've also struggled with self worth, and valuing my own work.

Dark times can magnify wounds in ourselves that we haven't healed or addressed.  The pandemic has shone a spotlight on mine with most of my distractions being unavailable.  (Yes I avoid and spiritual bypass with the best of them).  Specifically I've been feeling the wounds around being worthy.  Given this time between time I still find myself dwelling in, I have decided to do my best to practice some self care. 

I use my mesa for prayer ceremonies for my community and Patreon supporters, and I also use it for session work with clients.  I often forget that I can use it for working on myself.  Like many people I forget that I can give to myself.  It isn't any more difficult than doing it for others.  The difficulty is the mental block of setting aside time for myself, where a lot of subconscious programming sees it as somehow selfish or unproductive (yay more internalized capitalism...grrr).  I mustered through those internal voices of dissent and did the thing anyways.  

What you see in the picture above is not the work I did for myself.  The picture was the weekly prayer ceremony,  minus the stones and inner cloth of the mesa.  It was doing work for me and wasn't finished in time for the Friday ceremony.  So I improvised using just the outer cloth and some things from the office, whilst my inner cloth and stones were cooking on the issue back at home.  It was kind of a big deal to put myself first and not dismantle the self care I had going on to do my service work the way I always did it.  I still showed up, still sent Spirit gratitude, set up an altar, shook my rattle, and said prayers for my community.  What I didn't do was sabotage my own work by rushing it and demanding I show up in exact the same way.  I'd like to make self care and healing work more of a habit where I give myself the same level of consideration that I give to my clients when we're in session.

Why am I telling you this? Well how many times have you damaged yourself just so you can show up in the exact same way for everyone else around you? How many times have you made yourself sick just because you don't feel like you can slow down, rest, and recuperate?  How many times have you said yes to another obligation, even though you were past the point of exhaustion? I'm not saying to throw out all your responsibilities, but what I am saying is that perhaps don't add anything more to them when you haven't taken care of your responsibility for your own needs. 

As we in the Northern Hemisphere Head further into the dark and cold months it is important that we rest more.  It is important that we value our own being enough to give ourselves what we need, despite all the cultural programming we are bombarded with.  We cannot show up for others if we never show up for ourselves, so my darlings take care of yourselves.

Peace & Blessings,

Thomas Mooneagle

Heart Fatigue

 

Greetings all,

Wow I can't believe I'm writing another post so soon. I also can't believe that I used to do this weekly, while working part time, teaching, and running my own healing practice. Just thinking about what I used to do makes me exhausted. Although exhaustion seems to be a way of life these days.

I don't know about you but I am chronically tired. The pandemic has stretched me to my limit and beyond. I spent nearly all of 2020 isolating, and the first half of 2021 as well.  I began teaching in person classes at the beginning of July, right at the start of the Delta surge.  As part of my contract, I have to avoid gatherings of 10 people or more.  Some of my social groups have been having parties this summer,  but if I want to be able to teach I have to stay isolated.  I was hoping to travel towards the end of the summer, but that is not going to happen.  I was hoping to finally get to visit my grandmother's grave, but again that will probably not happen for another year...at least.  Every activity that I would use to renew myself has basically been removed from the field in order to protect myself and those around me. In the meantime, I have observed so many people flaunt the slightest restriction.  They simply can't mask to save someone else's life, because it is uncomfortable. They don't want a vaccine, because they think they'll be fine.  So I continue to watch the circle of my life shrink. I goto work, aware that it is a risk, but really I can't just sit at home either. I am anxious constantly because I don't know who is being careful. I watch as the death tolls rise again, and I just can't seem to care.

I have caught myself thinking lately that we should just let people die.  They have chosen to not protect themselves and by extension everyone else around them. Some of them have verbally belittled those of us who took this crisis seriously.  Others have even done so much as to cough in people's faces just to 'own the snowflakes' (this actually happened to someone I know). I have friends that work in healthcare and they are beyond exhausted, and yet there is no end in sight.  I have family members that have been living with pain because they've had to put off medical treatment for a year and are now having to delay it yet again. So at what point do we just stop caring about those who have been abusive, selfish, and have actively endangered everyone around them? Why are we working so hard to save people that won't do anything to save themselves or others? 

I know that this is wrong. This is not in line with spiritual teachings or at least my current understanding of them. My heart is tired, it is broken, and it despairs. We keep coddling those that would do us all harm and because of this many of our needs can't be met.  Our lives and dreams keep having to be postponed.  

Why am I telling you this?  I know it doesn't paint me in a good light, but it's what I'm feeling.  I'm pretty sure I'm not alone. We're all going through a prolonged traumatic experience, and have been gaslit the whole time by a subset of society. Those that are currently overwhelming our healthcare system were perpetuators of this trauma.  Is it any wonder that we are having trouble mustering up compassion for those that have caused so much collective suffering? Is it surprising we can't seem to have tender feelings or soothing words for those that  said "Fuck your feelings:?

How about you?  Are you finding yourself exhausted?  Are you too tired to care?  Are you succumbing to cold logic/? Have you become numb to the numbers? If so know that you are not alone.  We are all suffering from compassion fatigue. We are all stretched too thin.  Spend your kindness budget on yourself and your loved ones.  Stay safe and healthy.  Take care of each other, because that is how we find our way through this.

Peace and Blessings,

Thomas Mooneagle

The Big Con

 

Greetings all,

I hope you've had a stellar summer so far. It is so very strange to compare last summer with this one. We were in the early days of the pandemic.  Many of us were working from home or out of work. We didn't yet have a vaccine, and I never thought when we did get one we'd have to beg folks to take it. The conspiracy theorists were busy back then and for the most part they still are today.  

The more things change though, the more they stay the same.  It seems as though we are living in the age of conspiracies.  I should know better by now than to read the comment sections on the internet, but I just can't seem to help it.  Now I freely admit that I'm kind of out there on the fringes of shared reality.  My paradigm is weird.  I make no bones about it, but I also agree that there is such a thing as a consensual reality or if you will shared reality. The last few years have showed me just how grounded in that shared dream we call reality I actually happen to be. I do my best to not break reality when I do 'my thing' just nudge it at the edges where it is a bit frayed. This makes me sound a bit less confident than some, but it also leaves me way less open to scams.

This of course leads me to the interactions of the past week.  Let me set the scene for you: Instagram a new follower messages me. It starts with a hello.  I respond with a simple hi.  The conversation now begun he responds with a "Hello brother", and I am quite sure this man is not in any way related to me. I am already getting a vibe, the spiritual bro vibe to be exact. As I have little patience for fake spiritual sentiment I skipped the pleasantries and asked "What can I do for you?" I was then presented with a golden opportunity to join the illustrious enlightened society of the Illuminati.  They offered me fame, riches, and the ability to become as they put it part of the elite.  At this point my bullshit detector slid from the orange all the way into the red.  I responded with truth which was that I had no interest in fame. (Mooneagle likes his privacy and ability to vanish at will). Then they asked what about riches.  I told them that I had serious doubts that they could deliver such a result and if they did that the price they'd ask is not something I would be comfortable paying.  I also quoted the law of equivalent exchange from the anime show Fullmetal Alchemist.  I was disappointed when they missed the reference. Seriously if you're going to double down on nonsense you best get some good fictional source material. Well they responded that they didn't want anything.  Then they went back to the original pitch of rich and famous, and I'm like seriously read the room dude  I don't want fame.  They were hooked though, I had spoken with them and used multiple sentences. Who knows how many folks go this far before blocking.  I could tell he was getting frustrated though so I thought I'd give him an easy out and I told him that I was sorry but my soul was already under contract. They still didn't disengage though and tried to convince me that I wouldn't be selling my soul.  My last retort was that they didn't have a very good business model, I mean they are offering the world and not getting anything in return.  I just don't see that as sustainable.

Now the funny thing about this story or at least one of the funny things is that when I have told a few folks about this interaction they have expressed concern that the Illuminati might take offense and come after me. My response is that I will just ask Lara Croft to take care of them for me, and they're like Tomb Raider isn't real.  Which is exactly my point. A couple things to know about this encounter: one if the Illuminati exist I highly doubt they extend invitations over Instagram, two even if they did this guy did not look like the poster boy for the wealthy elite of the world, and three the grammar of the invite suggested that it was all being pumped through a free translation app. You may ask why did I waste time speaking with this poor fool, the answer is simple, I was bored.  This was complete bull from the get go, but I was curious as to what the pitch would be.  I'm still waiting on that, plus I figured if they are focused on me maybe that is time they can't spend on someone gullible enough to fall for this.  Also the vindictive tricksy part of me really wants to get into their heads and mess with them.  

So why am I telling you this?  Well we all have a need to believe in something.  Depending on our personality and circumstances we can be more or less vulnerable to folks that prey on people with a bit too much magical thinking.  I have no sympathy for guru grifters and metaphysical snake oil salesmen.  I work hard on doing actual mystical shit, while they get rich and wreck people selling empty dreams. There is magic in the world. It can be wonderful.  It can be terrible.  It can be wielded by those with pure hearts, but it can also be wielded by those with selfish hearts. There are leaders of cults that are simply charismatic, but there are also those with actual psychic abilities.  The most dangerous ones are those that are a mix of both.

How about you?  Have you been offered a chest of dreams only to find plastic baubles? Have you given over yourself to a facade of spiritual stagecraft? Have you seen the costumed healers hawking miracles? Real magic can change yourself and even a bit of the world you inhabit, but you have to see what is actually in front of you first. Conspiracy theories do the opposite, they try to convince you that what you see before you is not actually what is going on. In that way they function like a curse trapping you in a hall of distorted mirrors. Take a deep breath, pick up a hammer, and smash that mirror. 

Peace and Blessings,

Thomas Mooneagle

Dystopian Fatigue

 

Greetings all,

Welcome back to my musings.  It's been a bit.  I have been writing just not here.  Mostly I've been writing fiction.  I've been creating my own little world and peopling it with stories.  It's something I've always wanted to do.  Years ago I had a writing partner and we were going to create an epic fantasy, which as I look back on seems ridiculous.  I had no long fiction experience nor any in collaborative writing.  I'm pretty good at short fiction, and this time around that is where I've been playing.  After months of writing I have almost produced two complete drafts as well as created a world in which these stories take place.  So imagine my surprise when I was alerted to a contest for short fiction writing.  There was just one catch, it had to be a work of dystopian fiction.

I am at a point in my life where I am sick of dystopian worlds, post apocalyptic settings. and all otherwise world ending storytelling devices.  It has become a very popular genre, and while there is a lot you can do with it in social commentary I think it is safe to say that it's all been said.  I'm really quite tired of the end of the world in fiction.  Perhaps it became less interesting as I realized that we are living in our own dystopian society. I mean we check all the boxes: pandemic, environmental destruction, rampant injustice and inequality, religious intolerance, unsustainable/predatory economics, and genocide.  Did I miss anything? At this point it is the opposite of imaginative to create tales of woe and hopelessness.  

I get it, write what you know.  They tell you that all the time.  Still at what point does it just get stale?  Ah yes another fascist society on the brink of destruction due to insert calamity here, where those in power have created a caste/economic system, and crack down on insert group of oppressed people here.  For those tales that also charter the downfall of said fascist regime it is also equally unimaginative, as well as inaccurate.  At this point I doubt we'd be able to overthrow our corporate masters in violent revolution.  I'm also not sure even if we could that we should go that route. I mean I get the appeal of wanting to build guillotines, and shoot billionaires off into space to slowly suffocate. (Of course in our world they do it to themselves so I say let them and just charge them an exorbitant reentry fee). Personally I can't see how we'd ever throw off the shackles of oppression when so many folks still benefit from the system, or where the propaganda is so well entrenched into they psyche of the citizens.  

So why am I telling you this?  Well I have no interest in participating in creating more dystopian literature. I feel like the original intent of the genre was to serve as a warning to us to be careful of what principles we let rule our power structures.  These days it seems more like normalization or bench mark so we can say, "Yeah it's hopeless but at least we're not living in that universe." I am not all Pollyanna either, my stories are not all sweetest and light.  Hell my first one involves human trafficking.  Still the place I aim to create is a world of wonder, there may be sorrow but there is also great joy and beauty.  In any case I want to feed my mind and soul a diet of hope rather than one of resignation. Our world is worth saving, and so are we.

Peace and Blessings,

Thomas Mooneagle

Chosen

 

Greetings all,

So we meet again.  I was beginning to think that I was hanging up my blogging pen.  (Which doesn't exist I compose these from a keyboard).  I have been musing on a few things lately and I think they have coalesced into some sort of sense. 

I tend to call friends to talk on my daily walks with the dog.  I am very grateful for both the walks and the talks. They have kept me within sight of sanity the past year.  During my talk walks, I've often batted a few ideas around.  One of them has to do with ideas that we cling to during challenging times.  Specifically living through our ideals.  I used to think idealism was a good thing.  I still think it may be in theory, but life is not theory, it is practice.  Social media has become a pressure cooker for ideas and how they affect ourselves and those around us. The problem is that we have made ideas more important than people.  I have done this too, and I am ashamed of how easy it is to fall into.  The problem with living in a world of ideas is that they are abstract concepts, people are not.  We need to be able to imagine and extrapolate, but far too often we treat others like set pieces in our ideas and we lash out when they don't follow the roles that complement our ideal imagining.

A particularly vulgar idea which has been dressed up in pretty party clothes is the idea of being 'chosen'.  It pervades our literature, movies, and religions.  Basically the idea that some people are chosen to do great things, chosen because they are inherently good.  This trope works well in stories, not so much in real life.  The people in history who made great changes did so because of their experiences and how those shaped them. They saw something that needed changing and 'chose' to do something about it.  People not prophecies bring about change.  To choose is more powerful than being chosen.  The other side of this is the idea that changing the world is about being special and important.  Which one of us hasn't secretly harbored fantasies of being beloved by many, being the hero, saving the world?  The thing is saving the world is a group effort, and what does it even mean to save the world?  Similar to the cries of people over the last year who wanted things to go back to normal, we have to ask, what is normal?  Is normal desirable?  

We all have a personal mythology even if we don't subscribe to any spiritual belief system.  You can be a scientific materialist and you still have an inner mythology.  It just looks different and uses more clinical sounding language.  The chosen one become the genius innovator or visionary tech magnate.  The thing is solutions and positive change don't always come from sources we recognize.  Wealthy tech billionaire playboys are unlikely to have solutions to the world's pressing problems (sorry Tony Stark), because they don't tend to be as affected by those problems.  Some of those problems they may have even created or worsened.  People who step forth to make changes and confront injustices are most often those that have lived through them.  They don't offer us shiny branded utopias.  They take us a step forward.  Just like us they have their faults.  They have been broken and found a way to piece enough of themselves together to try and make sure that others don't go through the same pain.

Why am I telling you this?  Well many of us are waiting for something to save us: a messiah, a leader, an inventor, or an overly idealized version of ourselves.  The thing is none of those things will work.  What will ultimately save us and preserve the world for our descendants is all of us working together to make things better.  After all, what good is technology if we don't apply it in a way that helps everyone?  What good is a vaccine if people won't take it to protect their community? What good is a code of laws if we don't demand justice?  

How about you?  Have you put your ideals above the lives of others?  Have you judged yourself and others as not worthy because of falling short?  Have you fallen into the trap of seeking a mythical savior either in yourself or in an external chosen one?  If you have step back, look at how your ideals lead you to treat yourself and others.  That should tell you all you need to know.

Peace and Blessings,

Thomas Mooneagle

A Circle of Flowers & Bone

 

Greetings all,

Happy Spring Equinox to all my fellow Northern Hemisphere dwellers!  This past winter was challenging, darker than most of us have experienced in our lives.  Now the light returns and with it flowers and warmth.  It also meant that I was set on drumming to welcome the turning of the seasonal wheel.

I have been drumming on the equinoxes and solstices for about a decade.  However last spring there was a halt.  I had been scheduled to drum at a healing center, but I cancelled when the pandemic loomed.  I felt that I had broken the cycle.  It was one way that I honored Spirit, and I knew it was understood that I was doing it to protect lives by avoiding contact.  Still as the year progressed and time lost meaning for many of us it seemed oddly prophetic.  Spring the season of hope and new life may have come for the plants and animals but it did not come for the human family.  I did not want this year to be a repeat.  While normal is probably a relative term at this stage, ceremony can help stabilize the seasons of our lives.  Spirit may not have needed me to drum and pray, but I needed it so I set out to find a secluded space.

I went to a local park, I often have in the past if I did not plan an event at a center (or something like a pandemic occurred).  I've always been a little nervous about drumming in public spaces.  I do live in the bible belt and I really don't wish to be accosted by angry Fox news viewers.  For this reason I always look for the most out of the way space, off the path if possible when I drum.  These days it is more to avoid people who don't understand how to social distance or the proper way to wear a mask.  Luckily there was a clear sky and plenty of warm spring sunshine, this did lead to one complication.  Everybody was at the park today.  I had to park a bit down the road.  Even with a mask I try to avoid getting near people.  So I was blessed by the appearance of a path I'd never noticed before.  It took me to green clearing ringed with twisty trees and small white wildflowers. It was perfect, and it was far enough from the main path that I felt confident I wouldn't be intruded upon by nosey religious zealots.  Then something else caught my eye, some sun bleached bones.  I was amazed at how many there were, and looking at them I'm pretty sure they were deer bones.  So I got the idea to put them in a circle, and that was my circle to drum in the spring.  It is important to note that I did not plan this, I was simply looking for a safe outdoor space to do my ceremony. When I saw the bones it all just clicked though.  So I drummed, and I sang, and I prayed.  I carried the intentions for those in my spiritual circle and community.  I feel better now, like I've renewed a promise.

It wasn't until I was walking back to my car that I realized the significance of the ritual.  The bones and the flowers really were the two sides of ceremony.  So much has died since the last spring equinox, so much that will not renew but only leave a mark.  This winter really was a season of death like we've not seen in generations.  We have over half a million dead in this country since last year.  How do we move forward with that?  At the same time poking up through the soil amidst the bones were the flowers, the new life was bursting forth even amidst the ruins of the old.  There was beauty still in the world. That is what I needed, and the circle, well I needed to create a pattern, a frame of meaning for what has transpired. I needed to rejoin the broken circle of the seasons.  We all need meaning in our lives, especially when tragedy strikes.  Contained in that circle was death, but it also held the promise of life and renewal.  There is nothing more springlike than that.

How about you?  How are you making meaning in this time of transition?  Recovery seems within our grasp and yet we are still not certain what shape it will take.  We don't know what the rhythms of life and death will hold for us in this strange new world.  What broken circles do you need to bring back together? What has died that needs to be honored and mourned? As the color of the light deepens into the bright half of the year take time to reconnect with the powerful forces that exist in nature.  Call upon the spirits of wood, stone, fire, water,  flower, and cloud to remind you of your place in this world.  You are needed or else you would not be here.

Peace and Blessings,

Thomas Mooneagle

Through the Nightlands

 

Greetings all,

It has been some time.  There has been quite a lot happening in the world since my last post.  To be honest I didn't know if I wanted to write any more blog posts.  It's been a dark time.  Like so many of you I am uncertain about the future. The new pattern of my life hasn't yet crystallized.  I've felt alone in the dark, left with only pessimistic musings on how life will be.  It isn't exactly the sort of thing I like to share.  

So it's been a year since I knew this was going to hit here.  I had no idea that it would hit so hard and last so long.  Like many  the life that I was living before the pandemic seems like a dream now.  I saw people, I could simply walk into a store without having to worry about dying or bringing death home to my loved ones.  I hugged people often.  I went out to eat.  This is not to say that life was beautiful before all this for me.  I was in an unsustainable pattern, but I just didn't know a way out of it.  Now I am in a different pattern that also isn't sustainable,  and now I can't get hugs....or sushi.  

I look back and realize I had stopped asking things of life and was just taking whatever scraps were thrown my way.  I had stopped wishing and hoping.  I was drifting through a dream.  Not that I was ineffective, I managed to do a lot of good for folks.  I  just wasn't getting where I wanted to go.  A while back a friend of mine sent me a woven mat from the Navajo nation.  It sits on my altar the pattern represents the storm.  When they were looking for a gift for me the elder indicated that this was the one I needed and they were very clear about need as opposed to want. 

 I've been thinking about the storm I find myself in, what has challenged me the most about it, and what I need for myself to get through the next storm.  I am also thinking about what I want.  There were so many distractions before, but now there is no escaping what hasn't been working.  I know that I need more relationships based around mutual support.  I know that  I need to do more than just work, even if that work is something I enjoy.  I know I need to travel more and celebrate with others the successes and commiserate the losses.  

Why am I telling you this?  Well I think a lot of us had been living life like we dream at night.  We are carried along by the dream rarely questioning the pieces that don't make sense.  We've been crossing the Nightlands in a car that someone else is driving.  Maybe it is being driven by our culture, maybe by our family's influence, or maybe by our personal past.  It is like one of those dreams where you are trying to drive the car from the backseat and you are barely able to stay on the road so getting where you want to go is forgotten.  We've been treading water alone in the dark.  It's time we swam to shore and look towards the dawn.

What about you?  What has this journey through the dark shown you?  Do you have what you  need to get where you want to go? There will be a push to get things back to normal as soon as possible.  You have to ask yourself if normal was enough for you?  Were you really happy or were you just able to distract yourself from your sorrow? These can be painful questions and realizations.  You can feel overwhelmed or worried that you just can't ever find peace and satisfaction.  It's time to make our needs a priority, and while we're at it we can make the needs of our fellow travelers one too.  Safe journey through this night and all the ones that follow.

Peace and Blessings,

Thomas Mooneagle

Collective Grief

 

Greetings all,

I hope you are safe and healthy.  It has been some time.  I have been in a dark place so I haven't really had the words till now to pen a post.

Right now where I live, we're in the midst of a large surge in virus cases.  Thanksgiving has come and gone, and the damages are yet to be tallied from the many gatherings that have occurred.  I learned that a friend has been in the hospital with covid since before the holiday.  I am safe working from home as is my family, but still I feel so much ominous dread.  Since I last checked deaths from the pandemic in the US are around 280,000 and it is highly likely that we'll be over 300,000 by the new year. I am finding it hard to fathom.  How do we deal with a loss like this? How do we brighten the season when the season is bringing death to so many, and financial ruin to many more?  How do we come together to grieve, when we are so divided not only in distance but in beliefs?

Since my last post I have been greatly relieved that we will have new leadership in our country.  However the current power structure seems to want to set it all aflame before then.  I realize that I am suffering from trauma, not individual trauma but a societal one.  What I feel is not only personal grief, but grief for the world.  This is not new to me, but it is certainly magnified. Post pandemic something will have to be done to help us come to terms with our losses.  Space must be given for our grief both the personal and the collective.  No one alive today has faced circumstances like these.  I have been thinking of gathering with other healers after all of this passes and spending a few days in ceremony.  It is no accident that the last time I received a hug (March 6th) was also the last time I drummed in a circle. We need our circles and right now many of us are without them.  

Why am I telling you this?  Well all of us have some degree of empathy.  We may be isolated physically but emotionally we are all connected.  Our fates are entwined.  We feel what the world feels, and right now that is deep sadness as well as anxiety.  We must find a way to grieve for the collective if not now, then when it is over.  Otherwise that unspent grief will poison our souls and darken our hearts. 

How about you?  Are you shuddering from the weight of the world?  Are you suffering in silence with no outlet?  Do you believe that all you are feeling are your feelings?  If so you may want to take a few moments each day in a darkened room to allow the tears for the world and for yourself to flow.  Grief is part of the healing process. We cannot be made whole again without it.  So we must grieve together and apart for those we know and those that we don't.  Take care of yourselves.

Peace and Blessings,

Thomas Mooneagle