Welcome to the Darkness, I've been waiting for you....
Those are the first lines of my new book. The book I am continually avoiding working on these days. I thought it would be an appropriate way to start this post. I haven't been writing much the past few months. I've been busy working on other projects like live streaming, launching a second youtube channel, and otherwise overhauling how I conduct business. Basically I'm trying to move my whole practice online. It makes it easy to relocate.
We're well past 6 months into the pandemic and I am sure many of us have reached the limits of our reserves. Here in the northern hemisphere we're also heading into the dark half of the year. So welcome into this dark time of uncertainty. In the midst of this we have gaslighting on a societal level here in the U.S. and a continued culture of oppression and genocide. These are tough times. It's easy to get run down and despair when our only outlet is online, but that outlet is also full of the poison and rhetoric that disheartens us. I like many of you, have at times lost faith that there could be any hope for a brighter future in our lifetimes. This is with all the training, techniques, and spiritual tools that I have at my disposal. I can hardly imagine what someone who has access to none of those is experiencing. I'm also able to sequester and work from home. Many people don't have that option.
I have found myself despairing and then beating myself up for despairing which then spirals into self judgment and of course more despair. What this has taught me is that no one gets out of the darkness unscathed. It's not that I'm weak, it's that I'm human and vulnerable. I have limits to the amount of energy I can access to combat stress. When it is depleted I move much more sluggishly to get anything done. I've not been especially productive and the self recrimination I've felt has shown me just how deeply the cultural programming of how we value ourselves goes. Intellectually I know that life has value outside of productivity, but in my bones I still feel the need to justify my existence by accomplishing something. (Like writing a blogpost...)
Why am I telling you this? I am quite sure many of you are exhausted, depressed, and anxious. I want to let you know that you haven't failed to walk a spiritual path if you're feeling that way. All of those emotions and experiences are part of the dark night of the soul. The pain we are feeling can make us go deeper and acknowledge truths about ourselves, our beliefs, and the way we've been conducting our lives. It may clue us in to what matters to us, and give us clarity about what we want and don't want from life. That said it is not an enjoyable process. 'For the night is dark and full of terrors.' (GOT quote)
So how about you? Are you stuck in the pit of despair? Are you struggling to match your ideals to your feelings and experiences? Are you judging yourself by standards made for better times? I would suggest that you cut yourself some slack. Do your best to find compassion for yourself in these times. Experiment until you find what works for you. Then practice it, make it your super power. When the time comes, you may be the one to teach others resilience. The world is dark now, you are the light.
Peace and Blessings,