Blocked but not down

 Greetings all,

It has been an interesting season. This summer has felt different. For me it was a time of recovery. I have traveled, taught, and embarked on new projects. Currently I'm in the middle of a work cycle in my ceramics studio, and 3 stories in with my next book in the Mistfall series. I've tinkered with my website and looked into taking my teaching to the next level. 

I have also hit a few road blocks on the way forward. This week I was sitting with disappointment. I was down, feeling sorry for myself and thinking things like, "Well failed again. I fail so often." Some people would want to rush me out of those feelings. They'd try to paint a smile on over that hurt. Get out the neon colored spray paint and fill my aura with the toxic fumes of the 'Live, Laugh, Love' vibes. 

Mindset is important, but I don't think we can skip over the feeling of hurt or loss. Sometimes we have to feel the suck. So that is what I did. I took a day. I wallowed. I sighed heavily. I played sad music. The next morning when I was still reeling from it, the thought of being a failure came into my head again. This time though it was followed by a different thought, "Maybe I fail so much, because I attempt to do big things." 

That was the reframe I needed. It didn't deny that I have failed at a lot of things, but it pointed out that I attempt more things than most people. I don't do the easy things. I do the hard things. Plus there are several big things I attempted that I did achieve. I have 2 published books and a meditation album out in the world. I have full classes with waiting lists on a regular basis. I finally am making work in my studio that I am proud of, and I am my own harshest critic. 

Right now some of my goals are in a holding pattern or have run up against obstacles. I don't know that I am out of the game though. My approach may need to change. I may need to look elsewhere, or let the universe find another way for me to get what I need. What has been encouraging is that this time, I've not let the obstacles or life's detours make me feel like I am not worth it. If anything rather than feeling like my self worth is lacking, I feel that others are misinformed about my worth. That is huge. If it weren't so frustrating, I'd be grateful.

Why am I telling you this? We often believe others when it comes to our self worth. We mistakenly think that if they can't see our value, it means our value is lacking. Maybe you have chased approval, or tried to prove your worth. Please stop. You're going to get out of breath trying to run down people who just don't have the willingness or capacity to see what you bring to the table. Ooh and I hear that voice of self doubt in your head that says you're nothing special. You don't have anything to offer. I'm here to tell you, that's a lie. If the world didn't need you right now, you wouldn't be here. We all have a part to play. 

So until you hear from me next, believe in yourself, especially when others don't. You have done things others would find impossible. You've failed at things, that others would never attempt. You have something valuable that the world needs you to share right now, this very second. So get to it.

Peace and Blessings,

Thomas Mooneagle

The Breaking of a Curse

 Greetings all,

 My focus has been elsewhere. At the start of the year I nearly doubled the amount of classes I teach. On top of that I had a serious health issue that required medical intervention. So a little over a month ago I had surgery. The recovery was rough to say the least. In the midst of it though something unexpected arose, the chance to break an old curse.

To understand you need a little context. For one I use my teacher's definition of a curse, a curse is a lie you believe about yourself. I know, it's not as exciting as all the horror movies would lead you to believe, but believing a lie can cause serious damage. We often pick these up as children or adolescence. Some are given to us by bullies some are given to us by the people who were trying to protect us, and still others are picked up by accident. You never know how your words are going to get processed by others, so it is best to be very deliberate with them.

All that said, sometimes we come up with a curse because we draw the wrong conclusions from something that happens to us. This was the origin of my curse. Many years ago I was very sick. So sick in fact that my family thought I was dying. (Medical misdiagnosis can cause as much damage as a curse). At the time I was involved with a group of friends, and these were the first people I finally let myself be my true self around. We'd had a few rough patches, but my illness kept me from being able to hang out with them for a bit. When I was at the worst stages of that illness, they abandoned me. They wouldn't take my calls, nor would they return them. I was alone and to my mind dying, and nobody outside my parents cared. It was fairly devastating. 

I did recover thankfully, and in my healing my gifts became stronger. I felt better alone than I had in that group of friends. However a seed was planted in my spirit. The idea that people didn't really care for me, that I would be abandoned if I needed help became one of my core beliefs. This was the curse. It has plagued relationships, building upon my childhood experience of being bullied. The idea that someone cared for me and would show up was foreign. I can't tell you how many times I found out years later that someone had a crush on me. I just couldn't conceive of anyone caring for me.  (Cue sad violin music)

Well, I had a long recovery with surgery. This time around things were a little different. I had a lot more responsibilities, between teaching, patreon, and clients there was a lot of juggling to allow myself the time I needed to heal (and honestly as I type this I'm still not 100%). I expected to lose my job, to have patrons be upset that I had to postpone sessions and perks. I thought I'd be on my own again. Again the lie, "If you really need someone, they won't be there, nobody cares about you Thomas." 

This did not happen. I had so many people check on me. I started getting cards from students. Not just one card either, they sent a card for every class I wasn't there for. As painful as the healing journey was, it really set about disproving the curse. I had people offering to bring me food: friends, students, and employers. Texts to check on me were common. I knew the curse was breaking when I received flowers for the first time in my life, and yes the picture above are the flowers I got from my friend Shawn and her husband Andy. My patreon supporters weren't mad that I had to postpone the group healing call, and their individual sessions. They bent over backwards with the scheduling. I was absent from work for almost 2 months, and I was welcomed back with excitement and warmth. It still all feels a little like a dream, but it is beginning to sink in that I make an impact and people care for me. 

Why am I sharing this? I'm sure the three of you that read my blog have some lingering lies about yourself that filter your perceptions and experiences. Maybe like me you drew the wrong conclusion from a traumatic experience. I often have people come to me afraid that they're cursed. It's a rare thing to see a curse involving magic come across my office door. Not impossible just improbable. Everyone thinks people who cast curses are so powerful. They really aren't, mostly we do all the work for them. They just activate one of the lies hanging out in our energy. If we didn't believe those lies about ourselves the hexers of the world would bleed themselves dry with nothing to show for it. Cursing someone doesn't make you powerful. Real power is breaking a curse, that's some real wizard shit.

So what have you been carrying around in your field? What lie have you marinated in so long that it has seeped into your bones? What awful things do you whisper about yourself when you're alone? This may be a good time to examine those things. Maybe don't wait until you have a healing crisis. Maybe you were always enough, but didn't know it. So go on break that curse, and while you're at it, forgive yourself for believing the lie in the first place. 

Peace and Blessings,

Thomas Mooneagle

Bringing forth

 Greetings all,

I hope you are finding ways to find some peace amidst the chaos of the world. I find myself frazzled and easily provoked these days. It can be difficult to imagine ever feeling safe or hopeful during dark chapters of our lives. Taking time to relax and meditate can feel like a luxury, but it is essential for our resilience, so that we emerge from the challenges we all face.

I have been less successful at keeping up with a dedicated meditation practice of late. I feel a great deal of resistance to sitting still or not engaging in something that is either 'productive' or just distracting. Recently I settled into a longer meditation session and it not only helped me to reset my body a bit, but also opened up some insight about how I view myself in relationships.

Relationships, whether they are familial, friends, romantic partnerships, or career based, have a major impact on our development as individuals and on our overall level of satisfaction with life. It can be tempting to look for someone to rescue us when we feel overwhelmed, or to play the hero in other people's lives rather than handle our own struggles. I've fallen into both traps over the years. Lately I've been so overwhelmed by the cruelty of our times I've been wanting to be saved by someone. Simultaneously I've been caught in the mindset of, "Why would anyone waste their time on someone like me? Mess that I am what do I have to offer anyone?"

Well during meditation, an observation popped into my awareness. In the past, when I've had transformative relationships I haven't been rescued. I've been listened to, I've been accepted, and I've been made to feel enough just as I am. The strides forward I made, were driven by my efforts with some kind support from others. People didn't give me the qualities I needed, they brought them out of me. Those qualities of confidence, dedication, compassion, and competence were already there within me. I just sometimes needed someone else to see them in myself. I didn't need to be rescued, only recognized.

Why am I telling you this? Maybe like me, you've been struggling. Maybe you haven't felt strong enough, or brave enough, or talented enough. Maybe you've not been able to see your good qualities amidst the fog of near constant tragedies that are hitting daily. Maybe like me you've forgotten the good you have brought and still bring into the world. Maybe you feel alone and despair that you don't have anything to offer. Our culture tells us we are flawed beings that need to be saved. It tells us we aren't worthy...it's a lie. 

I challenge you to remember yourself at your best. Those qualities still live in you, waiting to be brought forth, whether by circumstance, personal epiphany, or by the loving recognition of good people. Come, stand once more in the light.

Peace and Blessings,

Thomas Mooneagle

A Dangerous Tool

 Greetings all,

I have returned at the end of this year to speak to you once more. It's been a hard year for myself and many others. Disappointment and destruction of the world has continued by the powers that be. Helped along by Technocrats.

I like many others find my time and attention ripped from my control. This is the power of the Algorithm. Social media, search engines, streaming platforms, all show us a never ending supply of distractions. They bait us with delight or with rage. They play our emotions like a virtuoso, knowing the exact right thing with which to enthrall us, to have the minutes of our days slip through our fingers, and focus our attention down a pre-laid path.

Our attention, focus, and our ability to direct our intentions have been undermined by the drive to sell us more stuff that we don't need, and to get us to hate people we don't know. This is nothing new, as long as mass media has existed it has been doing this. What has changed is that now everything can be targeted to the individual. Our phones listen to us, our TVs make note of what we watch. Youtube videos, Tiktok, Facebook feeds, and even Netflix suggestions are all tailored to the individual. At first this was useful, it showed us more of what we were looking for, but now it uses that to shape everything we see. It guides us down narrower paths until we are far from where we started. 

I liken this to the Palantirs in Lord of the Rings. It could show you things that would be useful for you, but slowly the will of Sauron knowing your mind, would direct your gaze where it wanted it.  Our screens are so much like that, they show us much that we wish to see, but all the while looking back at us, gathering data, selling it to forces that wish to shape us into what they want --the perfect consumer, unable to think critically, just react.

The trap is that we can't function in the modern world without our digital connections, not if we want to prosper. It takes an iron will to resist the siren song of the Algorithm. With the rise of AI content things have gotten even worse. No longer do we need actual stories, just elements that programs scraped the internet for engagement. Is all lost?

The first step in avoiding a trap, is to be aware there is one. The second part is harder, because we're fighting against our own wiring. We must disengage, set limits on our screens. Often times we use our screens as a distraction against feeling our feelings or doing the things we find challenging. (Like writing a blog post, or a book, or meditating in the evening). We must change the energy of the relationship between ourselves and our technology. If we fail to do that, we become indistinguishable from our tools. We collectively created this algorithm. We should have a say on how it develops or how it doesn't. Have a Happy New Year.

Peace and Blessings,

Thomas Mooneagle

The Song Beneath the Song

Greetings all,

Welcome to summer's country. It came on rather suddenly, The cicadas burst forth from the soil and just like, that the sound of the summer wind was in the air. Normally I associate this with the late summer, but we seem to be at ground zero for this particular brood.

Every season has its sounds, its own ambient song. The winter has its winds and the quiet of snow. Spring has its bird song, fall has the rustling of the fallen leaves. This year apparently is one of the 17 year brood in this area. It's funny considering cicadas have played a part in my writing for over 20 years and now this year with my first book of stories out they have come. I invented silver cicadas in Tales of Mistfall, the only source of the magical metal, iridescium, also called rainbow-silver. A strange synchronicity, I couldn't have timed it better. For those that think I did it on purpose, I'm not that patient of a planner.

 Many people have complained about the noise and being dive bombed by swarms of insects. I have relished the emergence. On an aesthetic level I'm fascinated by insect forms, but the frequency of their song has also been comforting to me. Several times in the past week, I've sat on my deck after a tai chi or chi kung practice and meditated using their song to take me deeper. I've been using binaural beats and hemisync albums to meditate for years, but it is good to remember that we can use nature and its sounds to calm our minds. In fact, hearing different groups of cicadas at varying distances created something akin to a binaural effect. 

While I may not be a great planner, I am good at recognizing opportunity. One of my best friends recently bought recording equipment that we've been playing around with as we launch into creating a podcast (I know, I don't have enough projects). I wanted to get a sample of the cicada sound, so last week we headed out to a more secluded spot where the sounds of mowers and traffic wouldn't compete with the cicadas. We edited out the noise and we had a beautiful ambient track, summer preserved in audio format. Not content with that, I dropped a binaural tone at the theta frequency at a lower volume to bolster the meditative effect. I am extraordinarily proud of it and put it up for my patreon supporters to enjoy. 

You might think well that's the end of that then, wrap up this post, but wait there's more. I also happened to mention my experience of the cicadas to one of my teachers and she suggested I take a shamanic journey to them.  So I did, and I used my own ambient track to do it. I thanked them for their song and asked why I felt so connected with it, while others can't stand it. They told me that I heard 'the song beneath the song'. When I asked for an explanation they said my mind couldn't conceive it, but my soul understood it. The song is larger than the mind apparently, but they did share that the sound and frequency of their song was about renewal and acted as energetic reset for our bodies. Make of that what you will. Perhaps in the future these sounds and their frequencies will be studied for the physiological effects they have on us and the environment. 

Why am I sharing this?  Well for one, it is cool. I got to partner with nature and my friend to create something magical. What could be better than that? It's been a dark time lately, but I have connected with loved ones deeply, and nature has lended a helping hand to heal my despair. I believe that all of us have something that calls to us in nature. Maybe for you it is birdsong, or the song of wind chimes, the roll of distant thunder, the crashing of waves, gentle rain, or the babbling of a brook. There is an element of nature that brings you back to yourself and restores you. I challenge you to go out there and find it, because right now we need you whole and healed for the task ahead. 

Peace and Blessings,

Thomas Mooneagle

 

Together

 

Greetings all,

Summer is just around the corner and for me that means travel and workshops. This summer I'm really excited to teach Quantum Wizardry. It's basically how I do all the magical things, and now you can too.

As I observe society, (okay if I'm being honest as I mercilessly judge it) I've noticed a pattern. The story of  progress has always seem to come about by people in power using coercion of varying levels to make everyone else do the work to make things happen. Yes accomplishing something of value often requires sacrifice. Every piece of food on your plate had to pass through many hands to reach you. It takes the collective effort of thousands to feed us at each and every meal. It's downright impressive. The thing is we throw out close to 40% of our food in my country. Why is there so much waste? Well we like the story of hard work, and pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps. If you don't measure up to the societal standard of productivity, we'd rather throw food in the trash to rot, rather than let you have it. 

The sad thing is that as technology and economic systems change, more and more people can't quite make ends meet. The tragedy of it all is that this is by design. This is an outgrowth of thousands of years of history where rulers focused on strategies of coercion. Often times there were whips and chains involved, and not in that fun sexy way either. Once absolute monarchies faded from prominence, economic means were brought to bear to force the population to do the bidding of the people with the most resources: build this thing or starve, break your body in a factory or starve, work 2 jobs to barely afford to not starve....

I would like to point out that not every society went down this route. However due to colonialism most of those societies were either exterminated or folded into the current power structure. Work became a divine mandate. What really sucks is that the work tends to be the hardest and most unpleasant also happens to be the least economically rewarding. During the pandemic a lot of these minimum wage workers were renamed 'essential workers' of course we didn't vote to improve their wages. We just gave lip service to their sacrifice. 

Why am I bringing this up? Well I see our civilization at a crossroads. We could continue down the path of coercion by psychopaths to determine the future, or we could try something different. Some of you may think that society would collapse without people being forced through the miserable gears of late stage capitalism. I mean what's left once we eliminate systems of coercion? The answer I think is learning to build systems of consensus. See the problem isn't productivity. The problem is productivity that doesn't serve people. Right now productivity only serves the profit of wealthy shareholders. Any positive benefits that come out of that are basically side effects, and as the economic game gets more refined those, side effects are being phased out. 

There are hard jobs that need to be done, like harvesting crops, plumbing, construction, shipping, caregiving, and sanitation to name just a few. Our civilization depends on these and many others, but there are a lot of projects that really don't support human life and aspiration. Those things that take up a lot of resources but only serve the ego and pocketbook of very few individuals, but what about the visionaries you say? How can they change the world if they can't force the population to build their new future? I don't know maybe they should try inspiring people instead. 

So what about you? Are you tired of systems that don't serve humanity or the planet? Do you despair in the mindless drudgery you go through just to keep from starving? What if something else was possible? What if all the needs of people could be met? What if it still required sacrifice, but nobody was left behind? Would it be worth it? I think so, how about you?

Peace and Blessings,

Thomas Mooneagle

Media and Minds

 Greetings all,

Happy new year! This post was supposed to be an end of year wrap up sort of thing, but the holidays were a blur and this week I've been busy shoveling snow and staying warm. Lately as I have been reaching out and promoting my book I have also been telling the people closest to me about the stories and media I enjoy.  I was supposed to text a list to a friend of mine, but then I thought why not make it a post and share it with you half dozen people that read this. (I'm kidding it's more like 3 people, blogs are so 2008).

During the pandemic I consumed a ton of media as I wasn't getting out much. I barely left the house except for daily walks with my puppy. (He's 8 now but will forever be a puppy to me). I often will listen to podcasts on my walks when I am not catching up with a friend on the phone, they are also a favorite when I take a long roadtrip to help the time pass. So here is the current list.

1. Levar Burton reads 

This is Reading Rainbow for adults. Levar is one of the best narrators out there, and thanks to him I've discovered many new favorite authors (which I should make a list for too sometime)

2. Tanis

It's weird, creepy, and mixes in real life facts and mysteries. There are currently 5 seasons out and a 6th and final season coming soon. If you like the odd paranormal mystery vibe, this is for you.

3. Rabbits

By the same folks that did Tanis, but a completely different story. Imagine a game where the reality is the playing field. Watch out for the wardens in gray.

4. The Big Loop

A two season podcast also featuring short stories that range from ghost stories to sci-fi, some are very moving and lovely.

5. The Left Right Game

Another bizarre reality twisting story involving parallel worlds (hmmm I'm beginning to see a pattern in my tastes)

6. Welcome to Nightvale

Lovecraftian comedy does a small town public radio program. There are a lot of episodes and the lore keeps going, just remember "Nobody does a slice like Big Rico's pizza....nobody."

7. Family Ghosts

This ranges from funny to tragic to historically revealing the tagline for the show is "The stories are real, the ghosts are metaphorical."

8. Dumb Dumbs & Dragons

Ok, this one assumes you like roleplaying games, ridiculous character concepts, and running gags. Despite the bathroom humor you will come to care for our ragtag team of adventurers and NPCs. Maybe you missed the D&D hype the past few years, but if you wondered about it, then it's not a bad way to learn about the hobby.

9. Give Me Away

This is a sci-fi podcast. Imagine an alien ship crashes in the desert of the Southwest USA and screaming comes out of it. The ship is empty of passengers except for the computers where the consciousness of alien political prisoners have been uploaded into it and are constantly tortured. Their only way out is to download into a human host who has to share their body with them.  This had me riveted, the concept is high and the characters are rich and well portrayed. I can't wait for a 3rd season.

10. Unwell

Another gothic or perhaps slightly Lovecraftian podcast set in the fictional town of Mt. Absalom Ohio. Great characters, don't eat at the diner.

11. Midnight Burger

Last but not least. I have gotten several people hooked on this podcast about a diner that travels in time and space leaving a bit of well natured chaos in their wake. Do not cross Gloria, you don't want to goto war with her. They open at 6.

Well folks I am going to call it there. There are other good things out there, but this is enough to be getting on with for a while. I should note that the numbers don't correspond to a ranking, it's just a list of my favorites. I have laughed and cried with these and that says a lot. We are blessed to be alive in a time where there is so much creativity available to us. Having written my own stories I more fully appreciate all the effort that goes into bringing something to life. I've only recently started dreaming things from my own world of Mistfall. 

Let me know what you think of some of these suggestions and if you have something that you think I'd love let me know.

Peace and Blessings,

Thomas Mooneagle