Greetings all,
My focus has been elsewhere. At the start of the year I nearly doubled the amount of classes I teach. On top of that I had a serious health issue that required medical intervention. So a little over a month ago I had surgery. The recovery was rough to say the least. In the midst of it though something unexpected arose, the chance to break an old curse.
To understand you need a little context. For one I use my teacher's definition of a curse, a curse is a lie you believe about yourself. I know, it's not as exciting as all the horror movies would lead you to believe, but believing a lie can cause serious damage. We often pick these up as children or adolescence. Some are given to us by bullies some are given to us by the people who were trying to protect us, and still others are picked up by accident. You never know how your words are going to get processed by others, so it is best to be very deliberate with them.
All that said, sometimes we come up with a curse because we draw the wrong conclusions from something that happens to us. This was the origin of my curse. Many years ago I was very sick. So sick in fact that my family thought I was dying. (Medical misdiagnosis can cause as much damage as a curse). At the time I was involved with a group of friends, and these were the first people I finally let myself be my true self around. We'd had a few rough patches, but my illness kept me from being able to hang out with them for a bit. When I was at the worst stages of that illness, they abandoned me. They wouldn't take my calls, nor would they return them. I was alone and to my mind dying, and nobody outside my parents cared. It was fairly devastating.
I did recover thankfully, and in my healing my gifts became stronger. I felt better alone than I had in that group of friends. However a seed was planted in my spirit. The idea that people didn't really care for me, that I would be abandoned if I needed help became one of my core beliefs. This was the curse. It has plagued relationships, building upon my childhood experience of being bullied. The idea that someone cared for me and would show up was foreign. I can't tell you how many times I found out years later that someone had a crush on me. I just couldn't conceive of anyone caring for me. (Cue sad violin music)
Well, I had a long recovery with surgery. This time around things were a little different. I had a lot more responsibilities, between teaching, patreon, and clients there was a lot of juggling to allow myself the time I needed to heal (and honestly as I type this I'm still not 100%). I expected to lose my job, to have patrons be upset that I had to postpone sessions and perks. I thought I'd be on my own again. Again the lie, "If you really need someone, they won't be there, nobody cares about you Thomas."
This did not happen. I had so many people check on me. I started getting cards from students. Not just one card either, they sent a card for every class I wasn't there for. As painful as the healing journey was, it really set about disproving the curse. I had people offering to bring me food: friends, students, and employers. Texts to check on me were common. I knew the curse was breaking when I received flowers for the first time in my life, and yes the picture above are the flowers I got from my friend Shawn and her husband Andy. My patreon supporters weren't mad that I had to postpone the group healing call, and their individual sessions. They bent over backwards with the scheduling. I was absent from work for almost 2 months, and I was welcomed back with excitement and warmth. It still all feels a little like a dream, but it is beginning to sink in that I make an impact and people care for me.
Why am I sharing this? I'm sure the three of you that read my blog have some lingering lies about yourself that filter your perceptions and experiences. Maybe like me you drew the wrong conclusion from a traumatic experience. I often have people come to me afraid that they're cursed. It's a rare thing to see a curse involving magic come across my office door. Not impossible just improbable. Everyone thinks people who cast curses are so powerful. They really aren't, mostly we do all the work for them. They just activate one of the lies hanging out in our energy. If we didn't believe those lies about ourselves the hexers of the world would bleed themselves dry with nothing to show for it. Cursing someone doesn't make you powerful. Real power is breaking a curse, that's some real wizard shit.
So what have you been carrying around in your field? What lie have you marinated in so long that it has seeped into your bones? What awful things do you whisper about yourself when you're alone? This may be a good time to examine those things. Maybe don't wait until you have a healing crisis. Maybe you were always enough, but didn't know it. So go on break that curse, and while you're at it, forgive yourself for believing the lie in the first place.
Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle
