Behind the Eyes

Greetings all,

I hope you had a good June.  I can hardly believe that we are already into July, and that in less than 2 weeks I take to the road again.  It still feels a bit unreal.  Lately my months seem to fill up with happenings and I am grateful for that.  Recently I spoke at the Sanctuary of Eternal Truth.  I always love the Q&A portion of any talk.  I seem to speak more naturally when answering questions, and get to slip into my conversational mode.  You know like I do here.

Anyways one of the questions I was asked after the event helped to crystallize something I have been thinking about for a long time.  Somebody asked me if I ever felt like a fraud. They weren't doing it to be mean (at least I don't think they were), but my honest answer was, "Gods yes all the time!"  I mean I have blogged repeatedly about my own chronic self doubt so my answer should come as no surprise.  I don't truly think I'm a fraud, but do I sometimes feel like one, oh hell yeah.

My answer surprised the querent.  They wanted to know why I felt that way if I'm the real deal.  As best I recall this was my answer.  "Well when we see other people in our field doing what we do, we only get to see the end result.  We never get to see the struggle that goes on behind their eyes.  So we assume that they don't have one.  Which is of course total bullshit.  Almost everyone you ask if they are being truthful will admit to having self doubts and inner turmoil.  We tend to forget that especially when we're self conscious or feeling anxious about our own worth and abilities."

I used to have a friend that summed it up with this saying, "Never compare your inside with someone else's outside."  It's probably best really to stop comparing yourself to others in general. That way is the road to madness.  I know you will continue to do so because it is a very human thing to do, but just remember you have no idea what is going on behind someone else's eyes.  They like me could be quietly freaking out on the inside.

So are you comparing yourself unfairly to others?  Do you assume that person you look up to moved through life without their own inner self critic?  Does it help you to accept your own struggles to know that each of us has that inner voice telling us how much we suck?  What if we accepted that voice as part of the deal of getting stuff done?  What if we stopped penalizing ourselves for having that difficult passenger in our psyche?  What if we remembered that each of us has our inner conflict and burden that we carry?  Sometimes it will be lighter and quieter, and sometimes it will be louder and heavier.  That is life as a human being, so let's stop judging ourselves for having that inner judge.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle