That Freshness

Greetings all,

Happy New Year!  I'm three years into my great blogging experiment.  I think it has gone rather well.  I have found my voice.  Some of you may wish I had found the mute button instead, but luckily I choose to ignore you.

It is natural to look back on the previous year at this juncture and to also project ahead.  I did not get everything I wanted this past year.  I did get what I needed though. The process of becoming is not an easy one.  It is often uncomfortable.  I can tell you from personal experience that you won't find those things you're missing in that comfortable space though.

This past year I made new friends while strengthening old bonds as well.  I published a book.  I traveled and helped a friend with their business.  I did a lot of deep personal work on myself.  On the other side of it my work life was in a state of complete upheaval.  I had almost no clients the first half of the year.  My classes weren't well attended.  My finances were under constant strain.  Not what I wanted but absolutely what I needed.  The extra time provided by fewer clients meant I had time to write and do more expos.  When my part time jobs ended within a week of each other it forced me to look for opportunities elsewhere, and I found them.  Now I'm teaching in a new space with more students than I've ever had.  My readings have taken off again, and my book is starting to sell.  I'm still on call for one of my jobs but now I have a level of flexibility with my schedule that I've never had before.

It is all new and fresh, and yes a bit uncomfortable.  I don't know what I'm doing yet.  I'm in uncharted waters.  I don't know what lies deep beneath the waves.  It could be sunken treasure, or it could be the Kraken.  All I know is that I'm heading in the direction I said I wanted.  Even knowing that I have trepidations.  In the past, I would have thought that meant that I was maybe not on the right track. Now I see it as almost proof that I am on the right one.  When we imagine change, we leave out an important detail...ourselves.  There are so many internal changes that accompany any external shift.  Actions are only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to change.  Underneath all that are the feelings that arise amidst novel situations, and all the thoughts and mental adjustments that have to take place.  People talk of resolutions and how many of them fail.  I don't think it is so much from action.  It is the failure to address all of the mental and emotional chatter that goes on as we take new steps.

So how about you?  Are you heading into new territories this year?  Ae you staying within the lines on the map or are you sailing off the edges where the words say, "Here there be dragons."  What they don't tell you is that those dragons are largely your own fears and self doubts.  How much of your insides are you willing to change to see the changes on the outside?  It doesn't always have to be drastic sometimes it is only a single thought or belief that has to change.  Sometimes it is only a matter of changing the thought, "I don't think I can", into, "I can and I am."  Try that fresh thought on for size and let me know how it grows on you.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle