Musings

Musings

Sunday, July 23, 2017

Within the Eyes




Greetings all,

Here I am in lovely Baltimore amidst old friends after making several new ones this past week in the Blue Ridge Mountains.  My experience at the Monroe Institute is still so fresh in my mind I don't know that I can really interpret it fully.  I do know that it was the right choice for me in this time.

Guidelines was the program I attended.  It is focused on opening more deeply to our guidance.  This time back at the institute I experienced more during exercises.  I felt as if I could really open my mind and my eyes and see images.  I did see them clearly even if I didn't understand what they meant.  I call this progress.

Now I sit in the dining room of my dear friend Sherry Tuegel after a day of joint teaching.  We come from different traditions and yet our ways flowed into each other creating a deep synergy.  It is within the past year that I feel I really am relaxing into the role of teacher.  Knowledge needs a living mind or else it dies.  Teaching is way of wisdom for it grants knowledge a kind of immortality passing from mind to mind, and with each passing also a bit of the teacher moves on into the student. It is heartening to see the wisdom that I have treasured light up the eyes of another.

Today Sherry presented as part of her section of our class, eye gazing.  How often do we look directly into the eyes of another?  How often do our eyes slide over a person refusing to see them?  How often are we seen?  I remember years ago at an art fair I was shocked that one particular artist 'saw' me.  He looked right into me and I was recognized.  This frightened me.  For many years, I had protected myself by being unseen or mis/seen.  All the veils I had cast upon myself were ripped away in their gaze.  It is a startling thing to be seen.

Most times when we are seen by others they merely see a reflection of themselves or some aspect.  If they are generally at peace they will see their own good reflected back at them.  If they are unhappy with themselves they will see what they hate about themselves in us.  The illusion is that they think it is us that they find repulsive.  In actuality, it is themselves they cannot bear to look at.  To gaze deeply into another is to also to be gazed deeply into.  This is not comfortable for many.  I'll be honest I felt sorry for whomever drew me to gaze into.  People tell me I shape shift.  My eyes have done funny things in the past.  Once I glamoured them and someone looking at me saw me as if my eyes had gone all black with no whites or iris.  It only lasted a moment, and I have never been able to recreate that effect (I think spirit just wanted to show me it was possible).  At other times people have said that my eyes seem to look through them into their soul, and still others have seen their deepest fears reflected back at them.  I take no credit for that, I only reflect the energy that people bring.

After today's exercise my gazing partner told me they saw my eyes change.  The round pupil became a slit like the eye of a cat, or a jaguar.  Now I do have a spiritual relationship to the black jaguar.  He has been a guardian, friend, and giver of sound advice(sometimes I even follow it).  I felt honored that the jaguar would manifest visually through my eyes.  It also made a lot of sense of why some people could never meet my gaze, particularly if they'd been up to no good.

So why am I telling you all this?  Well they say eyes are the window to the soul.  After a week of exercising the visionary ability I am pondering the nature of seeing and being seen.  So many people come to me who want to open their third eye and become a seer.  I often say, "It's $50 to open your third eye...it's $500 to close it.  So basically I'll be making $550 today."  People want the benefits of perfect vision, but they don't want to look too deeply at things.  If they do they begin to see the cracks in the facade of the world.  How can we open our third eye if we refuse to really look with our physical eyes?  How can we learn to see with spiritual sight, if we cannot even look at one another?  Use your eyes, observe, really see what you are looking at.  Don't chase fantastical visions, but rather come awake to what is already before you.  You might be surprised at what your eyes can see.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Just One Word

Greetings all,

Yes it is an early post this week, as I will soon be in the wind.  My long awaited trip to the Monroe Institute is finally upon me and I can hardly believe it.  I've been in a flurry of activity to get ready and fitting last minute clients in before I am unreachable.

As I was packing up at the office yesterday I put on an album I hadn't listened to in quite some time.  It was sort of a Celtic tribute album that an artist had done to honor their Scottish ancestry.  Years ago I had made a mix tape of the album to play in my car on the way back and forth to school.  (Yes a mix tape, I know, so ancient).  There was one particular song that always struck me as very sad, and at the time I was struggling with my own melancholy.  To this day I remember one of the main lyrics, "Some are born to sorrow, some are born to pain, some are born to laughter and joy.  We were born to live again."  Of course being a depressive pity whore at the time I figured it meant some were just fated to be born to sorrow.  I wish I could tell you I snapped out of that phase within in a season but it has taken almost two decades and sometimes I still spar with the shadows of the "poor me" identity.  These days it doesn't stay around too long, but it still visits.

Imagine my surprise when as I was listening to this particular song and I heard the actual lyric.  "Some are born through sorrow, some are born through pain, some are born through laughter and joy.  We were born to live again." For years I had misheard the word through as to.  That one word changes the entire meaning.  Instead of something we are born to, we are born through experiences.  For some of us our becoming is through sorrow and pain, for others they are wakened by laughter and joy.  These are the experiences that lead us deeper into ourselves, not some rigid destiny that we just have to endure.

The power of just one word to change the entire meaning of a song is simply amazing.  What's even more amazing is the shift in perspective that had to occur to allow my filters to even hear the actual word being sung.  (If indeed that is the actual word, maybe I'm still not hearing the right lyrics).  This really hammers home the point that our perspective and preconceived notions have a very strong influence over our experiences, even to the point of altering our sensory perception.  For me personally,  it was a sign of growth.

So why am I telling you this?  Well perhaps you are filtering out the positive messages in the world around you. Maybe your pre-existing bias is coloring your senses.  Now this happens to us all, but it can be more or less extreme.  If you find yourself in the grip of powerful beliefs and emotions they will act as a gatekeeper for the senses, continuing to reinforce the status quo.  If you're happy with that then no worries just go back to your lives.  If you are unsatisfied you are going to have to do some work to deprogram yourself.  Meditation is one of the best tools you have to descramble those filters.  We all think that our thoughts about ourselves must be true, because we thought them.  However our self image is rarely founded on logic since most of it was formed in the earliest stages of our lives, long before we ever gave reason a chance.  So this week pay attention to your thoughts, start to wonder what they might be keeping you from sensing.  Remember a single word misheard can change everything.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Sunday, July 9, 2017

Patterns Unfolding

Greetings all,

I hope you had a good week.  The summer is passing and this time soon after the solstice when the light is not quite yet noticeably less always brings a sense of melancholy.  This year especially I have been in love with the light.  I have noticed it in all its colors and splendor.  This season though like all seasons is part of a larger wheel and it is turning.

Summer it seems brings with it nostalgia for days gone by.  As time marches on for the personal clock my life it is in this season I think of my youth the most.  For me it is not so much a longing to be there again, but regret for the missed opportunities.  My youth while mostly untroubled (particularly in comparison to a majority of souls on our planet) was not a happy one.  I suffered a profound sense of isolation and loneliness.  It is only within the past few years that I have built any decent relationships with people. My life did not follow the pattern that most people's lives follow.  Hiding my differences had me coming to myself much later.  Sometimes I think that I was simply more aware of the illusory nature of the self that we present.  So many of us become our roles completely and we live under the delusion that they are the real us.

It is no easy task to find our place in this world.  Blessed are those who come to themselves early and stay true.  Lately I have noticed that many of the goals I set forth in the past few years have come to pass, and yet I feel largely the same.  Don't get me wrong I am grateful that things have been working out well as of late. As I strive though I have to ask myself if I am doing it because it excites me or because I think it will change me into who I think I should be.  I mean exactly when did being Thomas Mooneagle become not good enough?  The pattern of perfectionism continues to unfold for me and I have to work through it, or is that just another form of the delusion? Perhaps it is navel gazing.  Certainly previous generations would look at it as such.  They were more focused on action, but if action serves no deeper purpose why act at all?

One of the most helpful things I heard a teacher say was about their own mentor.  The Grandmaster I learned Tai Chi from was quite a character, and he loved to share the occasional anecdote about his teacher, a living Taoist Master.  (Except technically now he is a dead Taoist Master).  He told us one time as we were sitting in his office after practice that his teacher came to him crying and said, "Why am I so fucked up?"  So when I am holding myself to impossible standards and feel like a complete failure I try to remember this story.  If the Taoist Master felt like a mess odds are I'm due to feel like one too.  Which is great because so often I do feel like a mess.  I'm not sure it is something you get beyond, or if it is something you just learn to accept and honor.

Our lives are composed of patterns, both large and small.  Sometimes the tiniest motion can have larger consequences.  Knowing what patterns we are running in the calculations of our lives is key if we wish to stop living the same life over and over again.  We tend to run patterns in the same time or place we first encountered them, so things like nostalgia and even regret can be useful markers if we pay attention.

So why am I telling  you this?  Well, while we can't escape patterns, we should be more mindful of which ones we allow to shape us.  If we find ourselves repeating the same mistakes, or the same heavy thoughts and feelings then it is time to take action.  Sometimes a small movement is enough to shake the pattern loose or bring it into sharper focus.  So this week as the summer skies fill with the warm light take some time to reflect upon where you've been, where you are, and if you are going in the direction you desire.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Sunday, July 2, 2017

Behind the Eyes

Greetings all,



I hope you had a good June.  I can hardly believe that we are already into July, and that in less than 2 weeks I take to the road again.  It still feels a bit unreal.  Lately my months seem to fill up with happenings and I am grateful for that.  Recently I spoke at the Sanctuary of Eternal Truth.  I always love the Q&A portion of any talk.  I seem to speak more naturally when answering questions, and get to slip into my conversational mode.  You know like I do here.

Anyways one of the questions I was asked after the event helped to crystallize something I have been thinking about for a long time.  Somebody asked me if I ever felt like a fraud. They weren't doing it to be mean (at least I don't think they were), but my honest answer was, "Gods yes all the time!"  I mean I have blogged repeatedly about my own chronic self doubt so my answer should come as no surprise.  I don't truly think I'm a fraud, but do I sometimes feel like one, oh hell yeah.

My answer surprised the querent.  They wanted to know why I felt that way if I'm the real deal.  As best I recall this was my answer.  "Well when we see other people in our field doing what we do, we only get to see the end result.  We never get to see the struggle that goes on behind their eyes.  So we assume that they don't have one.  Which is of course total bullshit.  Almost everyone you ask if they are being truthful will admit to having self doubts and inner turmoil.  We tend to forget that especially when we're self conscious or feeling anxious about our own worth and abilities."

I used to have a friend that summed it up with this saying, "Never compare your inside with someone else's outside."  It's probably best really to stop comparing yourself to others in general. That way is the road to madness.  I know you will continue to do so because it is a very human thing to do, but just remember you have no idea what is going on behind someone else's eyes.  They like me could be quietly freaking out on the inside.

So are you comparing yourself unfairly to others?  Do you assume that person you look up to moved through life without their own inner self critic?  Does it help you to accept your own struggles to know that each of us has that inner voice telling us how much we suck?  What if we accepted that voice as part of the deal of getting stuff done?  What if we stopped penalizing ourselves for having that difficult passenger in our psyche?  What if we remembered that each of us has our inner conflict and burden that we carry?  Sometimes it will be lighter and quieter, and sometimes it will be louder and heavier.  That is life as a human being, so let's stop judging ourselves for having that inner judge.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Sunday, June 25, 2017

Receiving

Greetings all,

I hope you had de"light"ful week.  It was the summer solstice and for me that means ceremony.  Yes I got my drumming on.  I also got my despacho kit out, and the lovely bundle you see above is the result.  I love ceremony, and it forms a nice cornerstone in my practice.  Despacho for me is about gratitude for what I've been blessed with and asking for what I need in the moment.  Asking for blessings and receiving them are two different skills.

My life is filled with mostly unbelievable chains of events.  I still have a hard time believing half the things that occur, and I was there for them.  You'd think that doing the work that I do I would be totally chill with things showing up just when I need them.  I apparently have a high subconscious threshold of incredulity. Some of it stems from control issues and the fantasy version of reality we are sold by culture and media.  It colors so much of how we perceive our lives and the "natural" paths that we think lives are supposed to take.

I spent many years metaphorically banging my head against the wall trying to get things to happen.  Only thing was, I was following the logical script of how things happen.  We have a false perception of how the defining factors of our lives come together.  This is all enforced by countless movies (I'm looking at you romantic comedies...liars) and television shows.  We on the surface know that it is all fake, but when it is all we are feeding our subconscious mind, well that is what it builds the lens of our perceptions with.  This is why talking to real people who have found a path to the life they dreamed of is so important.  You get to see how much luck and chance had a hand in the recipe of their story.  That chaos that is life seems to weave in and out of all of our experiences like the currents  of the ocean.  Each tendril carrying us across the sea of time in a pattern too complex for most of us to comprehend.

This energy that some call fate, luck, or providence doesn't exist in a vacuum.  Our actions, reactions, and basic nature steer us in that current.  Some days we are barely treading water and other days we are cruising along at top speed towards the summer isles.  I've had some really good turns from the luck wheel lately.  I'm super grateful for it.  Oddly enough though it has made me nervous.  I've had a hard time accepting this good fortune.  Yes I know it is a good problem to have if you have to have a problem at all.  Again let me repeat I am grateful, and I am not complaining.  I am becoming aware of my own inner resistances to receiving the good that I've been requesting in my ceremonies.  The manner in which some of the blessings have shown up have me asking the question, "Do I really deserve this?"

Why am I telling you all this?  Well sometimes blessings come to us in ways that we don't expect.  When they don't follow the societal script of how things should arrive we can somehow doubt our worthiness to receive them.  I will point out that if you are judging yourself in this manner, you are likely judging others as well.  So stop it already.  Learn to take the compliment, and receive the gifts that you are given.  When you have a run of good luck, make use of it and be sure to spread it around.    There is no one "right" way as to how things should happen for us or anyone else.  When we get caught up in the cultural fantasy land of the way things should be we miss out on the miracle of the way things are.  So loosen up, relax, and count your blessings without worrying over whether or not you deserve them.  I assure you that you do, and by extension so does everyone else.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Dark Gifts

Greetings all,

What a week!  I found myself back in the studio revisiting some old ways of working, and my oh my did the gifts flow from that.  Here is to hoping this week has gifted you with something of value whether it be tangible or not.

One of the tangible gifts I received this week was the orb you see above.  I had to consult with some people to find out the identity of the stone, but our best guess is gold sheen obsidian.  The spiritual  properties of the stone are quite revealing as to the focus of my journey at this time.  Some of those include: healing from the abuse of power, learning to use your own power to manifest more effectively, and scrying that reveals the core of a problem or pattern.  Receiving this as I move back into clay work is quite apropos.  I have had problems with authority.  Yes I know, shocking.  Without going too far into the backstory I had an extensive feud with an authority figure when I was in the process of getting my art degree.  I had four years of public humiliation and backstabbing by authority.  It really put a crimp on my creative output and belief in myself.  Subsequently I have had just about every obstacle you could think of come into my path as I have tried to make and sell my artwork.  It has been exhausting.

Dreams, I have often remarked, show us what is going on behind the scenes.  Sometimes they also hint at the future, but peering behind the scenes I find to be more valuable.  That was the intangible gift of this week, one I believe this dark orb helped to unlock.  I have been out of academia for more than a decade, but I have hundreds of school dreams each year.  I'm back there again and again without a purpose, feeling out of place, and always missing either a physical item or vital piece of information.  For you readers of omens out there, you may be starting to see where this is going.  Well pardon me if I am sometimes just a wee bit dense.  The latest back to school dream finally crystalized it for me.

So I'm back at the university post graduation, but I still have some work to collect that was fired in the kiln.  I try to sneak in the studio and the authoritarian adversary is there.  As I am trying to carefully extricate pieces off the shelf I accidentally knock one off and it shatters.  I am sad because it was one of mine that I thought might be good, but also relieved that I didn't ruin anybody else's work.  Upon making the noise Mr. Authority figure looks at me, and says, "You aren't being very amiable to me.  You know I am taking on a bigger role in the art community and if you're not nice to me your work won't go anywhere."  I look down at my work and I don't like it, I feel it is amateur and not good enough.  As soon as I recalled the dream in the morning I had a lightbulb go off over my head.  The reason I keep dreaming myself back at school is because I left a big part of my creative power and personal authority there.  My consistent doubting of my talents, skill, and worth began in that place.  I now know that somewhere in that place a piece of my soul essence and true power was lost.

Here's the good news, I've had shamanic training that's all about reclaiming lost pieces of the self.  I have the clarity and vision now to go back and retrieve those lost bits.  I've already seen a change in my studio work.  When I run into problems I am starting to see the cause and also the solutions.  The combination of the obsidian's energy, my decision to return to clay work, and my own spiritual work I've been doing has come together to show me what I need to do.  Right at the same time I've been invited to submit work for a juried show.  What an astounding coincidence....

Why am I telling you this?  We tend to circle around issues until they are resolved.  The mind will send us coded messages in our dreams. Many of us don't pay heed to our dreams or even remember them.  This was not a comfortable dream.  None of my school dreams feel good, they've always felt off.  I just assumed it was a general anxiety that most of us carry over from our days as students.  What if it isn't that for anyone?  What if we all left vital pieces of ourselves in the educational institutions.  What if the more we dream of school (assuming we aren't currently students) the more of ourselves we have left behind.  These dreams could be dark gifts from our lost ones.  I know what I intend.  I shall ride the wind into the dream world and mount a daring rescue.  I shall return with the prize of the light of my spirit.  What will you do?  Will you seek to remember what you have lost and sing it back to you?  Will you chose to forget and resign it to the dark space between dreams?  The darkness waits for us all, but perhaps it is waiting patiently as it lovingly holds what we treasure.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Sunday, June 11, 2017

Coming Together

Greetings everyone,

I hope your first full week of June was fruitful.  Mine has been full of change.  Right now I'm still catching up to it.  If you're wondering about the odd little character in the pictures above I was only responsible for his lower half.  That glorious head was the contribution of another artist.

I took part in a surrealistic game this weekend called the exquisite corpse.  Basically people were divided up into two groups, one group made bodies and the other made heads.  Each of us had numbers that we were to keep secret while we worked.  I was hoping for a head.  I've sculpted heads before, I was fairly sure I could make one.  I drew a body.  I had no idea what to do.  Well there just so happened to be a circle cutter in front of me in one of the tool baskets.  So I rolled out a slab of clay and started cutting out circles.  I thought maybe I could do a turtle shell or something.  As I worked and made the piece to stand up, I realized it was no turtle.  It was a bit wobbly so I added a tail to stabilize it.  As I looked around the room I noticed that everyone was making quite large heads so I added the weird webbed feet for a little balance.  So now I had a godzilla tail and platypus feet.  I could tell it needed something for arms and I went with flipper-like appendages similar to a penguin.  Now all through this exercise I was certain that my creation sucked, I was beginning to doubt the wisdom of joining this clay community.  The growing surety that I would be exposed as a fraud with no talent was slowly rising.   Time was called, and us bodybuilders got to meet the headshrinkers.  When I saw the head I was amazed by it.  I was sure the other artist was feeling gipped that his head got such a rotten body.  I was wrong.  He loved the body's quirkiness, and to top it off it fit perfectly in the opening I had left.  When we put them together they just worked.  Could my body have been a tad bit more streamlined, of course, but it did create quite a character.

I share this story because it is good to note that comparing our efforts to others' is a losing game.  My persistent self doubt in my abilities could have completely tanked the evening.  Instead I had a wonderful time.  The critic in me didn't silence, but I put him in the corner while I worked, laughed, and visited with the other artists.  My experience wasn't unique, there were other people who were doubting their efforts as well.  Yet we kept working and when we came together we all created something that brought us great joy and surprise.  

Life is the exquisite corpse game.  We never have all the pieces we need ourselves to make the whole picture of life.  We often don't even know what those pieces are until we meet the others who bring them.  Just as they don't know about the piece of their lives that we've been building.  We can worry about our little bit and cry and say it isn't worthy, but if we decide to just smile and nod to that inner critic while we carry on, miraculous things may happen.  I've been away from clay for a while, and though it now shares the stage with my healing work it is just as necessary.

So what does this mean to you?  Well I am sure you have disparate parts of your life that seem to be out of place, but somehow they fit together in just the right way to make you who you are.  You may be working away on one half of a life thinking it is meant for one thing, meanwhile a wildcard creation will come along and fuse with that life in chimera-like fashion.  So when that happens don't go looking for why it shouldn't work.  If it works together just let it be, appreciate it's oddity and uniqueness, and stop  doubting the value of your own contribution.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Sunday, June 4, 2017

Out of Chrysalis

Greetings all,

I hope this week was enlivening for you.  I can hardly believe it is June already.  This week was strange with the holiday.  Plus this coming week my teaching schedule changes up again, so I am all turned around.  I also finally am transitioning back into some of my art projects that have been on the back burner.

The picture up above is a polymer cast out of a silicone mold I made from a real cicada.  It isn't exactly perfect, but I was happy with the level of detail that I was able to achieve.  Believe it or not there was no tutorial online about how to mold an insect body.  I looked, if I had a proper camera I would have filmed my process.  For some reason I keep coming up with questions that google has yet to have the answers for.   As happy as I am with the results, I think I can do better next time.

The curse of perfectionism is a difficult one to overcome.  It is probably responsible for more than half of my procrastination tendencies.  I keep wanting everything to run smoothy and get it right the first time.  It took me several years to finally produce this cicada positive.  Now true, some of that time was pondering the problem of how to mold something so delicate and learning about the process and materials of mold making, but I have had the materials I ended up using for over a year now.  The only thing that has kept me from doing it is the worry over screwing it up.  I even planned to meet with a friend who had worked in molds. but I finally just bit the bullet one day and decided now is the time.

When we sit and wait for the stars to line up we can end up missing out.  I am all for people picking their moment, but at some point you just have to go for it or give up.  This simple (or actually not so simple) mold was symbolic of finally emerging. Just like the cicada emerges from it's old exoskeleton and unfolds it wings to take flight there comes a time where there can be no more holding back.  The cicada sleeps within the earth for years before emerging to fly free, which is kind of what many of my goals have been doing.  They haven't been sleeping because the time wasn't right, but because while they slept they could remain a dream without the imperfections of life.

Why am I telling you this?  Well it is easy to stagnate when you get bitten by the perfectionism bug.  There is always an excuse why now is not the perfect time.  Sometimes we seem to be waiting for someone to come along and help.  People can be great assistance, but ultimately it is us who must crawl up from our hibernation into the sunlit world.  When a butterfly exits the cocoon it is a messy and time consuming process, but it has to do it on its own.  If you touch the wings or try and help it, then it will never fly.  We too must muddle through our own mess if we ever want to transform our lives and ourselves.  Life is not an orderly process, nor is it something that can be perfectly orchestrated.  So this week if there is something you've been putting off starting maybe you should just decide to jump in, even if you don't have all the pieces.  You might make a mistake, you might make a mess, but you will have begun.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Sunday, May 28, 2017

Wasted Lives

Greetings all,

I hope you have had a fulfilling week.  I've certainly been checking things off my to do list.  I've been making choices, and making my schedule for the next month.  It is a good sign that I am starting to plan out my calendar, it feels to me that I am becoming more professional.  It has been a long time coming, but I am finally seeing the investment in my skills and business start to pay off.  Which brings me to this week's topic.

I teach classes in Tai Chi each week.  It is helpful on several levels:  one it is steady revenue as opposed to my flexible earnings from clients and sales, two it forces me to practice regularly so that I can be an effective demonstrator for my students, and three it gets me out of the house to interact with the larger public.  My life can be quite insular, I'm not an extrovert so I don't go out much.  Like most of us I live in a bubble, but mine happens to be a bit out of the mainstream. Occasionally something pops through bursting my paradigm isolation.  This week it came in the form of an old woman who wanted to set me straight.

I never did catch her name so let's call her Florence.  Well I was enlisted as IT help with one of the other senior's phone and Florence and I got to talking about tech.  Then she wanted to show me pictures of her granddaughter on her iPhone which was fine by me.  She was studying in the medical field.  Originally she had wanted to go into psych but Florence had apparently intervened since there was no money in that, but what she really wanted was for her to go into marketing.  That's where all the cash was (because we don't need silly things like doctors).  Well the conversation turned to me and my plans,  well she had plenty to say on that.  For those of you who don't know I hold degrees in art and psychology.  She called it "Lala" stuff and reiterated that money is what makes the world go round and nobody should waste their life on art or service. She then inquired after my age, which was forward, but I told her and she was shocked.  She proceeded to tell me she should have gotten to me when I was 19 or 20 to set me on the right path.  Fortunately for me I had another appointment so I was able to extricate myself.

This interaction got me thinking.  I have devoted my life to honing what gifts I have and acquiring the skills I use with my clients.  It is quite true that if I had used that time in other areas that today I could be  much better off financially.  Still for those who think only money matters they never stop to ponder what they would buy without those who spend their lives creating.  They don't think about all those who toil to bring them their savory dishes.  If all of those people just went into marketing there would be nothing to market.  There would also nobody to take care of the sick, invent new technologies, compose music, or produce the media to entertain the rest of us.  When people only value money they just consume until there is nothing left.  Money is a means to an end, an energy exchange, it is not the end.  Right now we are seeing the follies of putting profits over people. Here in America most of us cannot afford healthcare.  Around the world freshwater supplies are being polluted.  The very air we breathe is being tainted because some people value money over protecting our home for ourselves and our descendants.  The only reason money makes the world go round is because people have agreed that it does.  Those agreements may change, and indeed they must if we wish to have a sustainable way of life.

I really shouldn't have let it affect me, but this encounter was one in a series I've had over the course of my life.  People have praised what I do, while simultaneously grumbling over the price.  Don't get me wrong I love what I do, and I can't see myself doing anything else.  It's what I'm good at, and I have a hard time putting my energy into anything that doesn't provide something of true worth to people.  Selling plastic crap that people don't need would leave a huge hole in my soul.  Still it sucks when people tell you that you're wasting your life.  What sucks more is that it wouldn't affect me if some part of myself didn't agree with that.  It can be difficult seeing myself struggle to meet my material needs while knowing that what I do is valuable.  It can really lead to some serious self doubt.   When I get into that downward spiral I have to remind myself that my needs are met in this moment, and that I have changed people's lives for the better through my work.

So why am I telling you this?  Well it can be hard to pull away from the herd mentality and walk your own path.  We may watch movies about mavericks and rebels, but we are conditioned by family and later by schools and institutions to not dream too big.  It is hammered into us that we just need to keep our head down and take care of our obligations.  Many of us spend the precious moments of our lives toiling in places we hate for things we can't enjoy.  Yes we need to have some place to live.  Yes we need clothing and food.  Yes we need to be able to get around.  You know what we also need desperately?  We need lives of purpose and meaning.  Without that everything we do is hollow and scripted.  Not everything we do will bring us great wealth, but that shouldn't be the only measuring stick we use.  So this week start to become aware of those yearnings you've ignored because they didn't serve the greater cultural narrative of material success.  Look to what lights you up, not because it will bring you profit, but because it will bring you the most valuable thing of all...a life worth living.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

P.S. That picture was of my Mesa prayer this week; the focus was to have the strength to walk our own path.

Sunday, May 21, 2017

A Kindness



Greetings everybody,

I hope you had a pleasant weekend.  I got out and about.  This weekend is the second time I participated in a local festival called the Mighty Kindness Hoot.  It is an artistic festival centered around kindness.  It's just a one day even and both times I have really enjoyed being a part of it.

On such special occasions I have to break out my horns.  Walking around the fair I got to feel the energy of the event quite viscerally.  It felt pretty good.  I've been to my fair share of holistic, healing, and psychic fairs.  This had some elements of those but also elements of a street fair, a wellness fair, an art fair, a local business fair, and an social cause event.   Now people often confuse being nice with being kind.  I have worried of late that I am more nice than I am kind.  I see that as a problem.  Nice is a behavior, usually one that is self serving or manipulative.  In my mind it doesn't come from a clean place, but one of calculation and strategy.  Kindness comes from the heart, it is more innate and more pure.  It comes from the desire to do good for another simply to do good, not for the hope that it will put you in a good position later.

Are you still fuzzy on the difference?  Well it is a significant one.  The easiest way is to give you an example.  If I were to give a reading to someone where there is some unpleasant news to deliver if I am being nice I will try and sugar coat it, or make it sound like something it isn't.  If I am being kind I will give the person the information without trying to make it more palatable and then see if there is something that can be done to help them deal with the situation.  Nice is all about appearances and seeming pleasant.  Kind is all about service.  It is not great service to put on a fake smiley face and feed someone sweet delusions so they keep coming back for more.  Kindness is healing, nice is just covering up the symptoms.  Kindness is hard to do in certain circumstances, nice makes us feel like we are good even if we're not doing good.

Some people are just very kind by nature.  Now most of us start out that way, but somewhere along the road of life we've had it beaten out of us.  We armor ourselves against the hurst of the world and genuine kindness can be hard to come by.  As I said above I often worry that I am more nice than kind, so I try to ask the question, "What would be the kind thing to do?"  I ponder it for a moment, see what answer I get, and sometimes I even do it.

It is my hope that lost kindness can be relearned, because kindness is its own reward.  There is an ease in the kind heart that is not found in the false projections of the niceties.  Manners are all well and good, but intent is the key to all.  In this world of broken dreams and shattered promises it can be easy to overlook that the solutions to many of the world's problems are available to us.  The only thing stopping us is our ability to work together towards a common goal.  The lost art of getting along is more important now than ever.  In this time a little bit of kindness could go a long way to creating a brighter future.

So why am I telling you this?  Well take stock of yourself and be very honest.  Are you more kind or nice?  (You know you could be neither, but you probably wouldn't be reading this in that case).  Have you forgotten how to be kind effortlessly?  Is your heart light with joy and compassion or is close and calculating?  Look at your own motives, make sure you are aware of the energy that is moving you.  There is often a fear that if we allow ourselves the freedom to be kind that we will be taken advantage of by others.  There is that danger, but if you are aware of yourself and the spirit of Mighty Kindness you will often feel when others don't resonate with it.  You don't have to be blind to the evils of the world to choose to be kind.  Just keep your eyes open, all three of them, and remember most of all, be kind to yourself.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Deep Moons

Greetings all,

This week the full moon graced the sign of Scorpio.  What some of you may not know is that in my birth chart my moon was in that sign.  That is actually the origin of my name Mooneagle.  There are 3 animals associated with Scorpio: the serpent, the scorpion (obviously), and lastly but less well known the eagle.

Scorpio is one that peers into the depths, and is aware of the deep currents of the psyche.  This week we had a glimpse into our often buried passions and pains.  There is a misconception that meditation and spiritual practice will always leave you feeling better.  Let me just burst that bubble for you.  Sometimes you are left feeling very raw and vulnerable.  As we grow up we learn to suppress our feelings, or at the very least not to let them show.  When we slow down and sink into our minds and hearts those feelings rise up longing to be heard.  The more we've shoved those feelings down the more uncomfortable it can be for us to move deeper into ourselves.

Now I rely on my feelings in the work that I do.  It is an asset to me, but for many years it was a liability.  For whatever reason it seems common that when people know you are sensitive that they will provoke or attack you.  Now usually a bully is projecting their feelings onto their victims.  They hate those vulnerable parts of themselves so when they see them in others they attack to free themselves of the discomfort.  They get to feel strong, for a moment.  That is one coping strategy, another is to retreat into the self away from other people in a mental realm.  This second strategy can lead to creative leaps or inventiveness, or it can lead to delusions and a fracturing of reality for a person.  Yet another common strategy is to numb the self, and in fact this one is actually celebrated in our culture.  We call it toughening up, and in truth a certain degree of this is necessary so that we don't become paralyzed by our own emotions.  However we often take it to an extreme where we barely allow ourselves to feel them at all.

I realized in the past few months that I haven't allowed myself to feel deeply in my own life.  I don't allow myself the space to want what I truly desire.  This is a real detriment when it comes to creating a life that I love as I can't get the emotional energy needed to power such a change.  As I moved into healing some of this scar tissue I have been put in touch with a lot of the pain I shoved down into the depths of my consciousness.  This is a weight I carry everyday, but for the most part I am unaware of how much it has weighed me down.  Transmuting this pain and wounding will take a lot of focus and effort and will leave me feeling quite exposed.  If I don't heal it and transform it though I will never move into that life that I've pictured.

So why am I telling you this?  Trust me it's not to throw a pity party.  Spirit repeatedly has told me I'm not special.  If you are reading this I'd say there's a great chance that you are unconsciously carrying around a wound or pain that you have encased and tossed down into the subconscious.  You carry that with you all the time like extra ballast.  Over time that extra weight makes it harder and harder for you to move forward freely.  This past week's moon had the potential to reveal what we have tossed in the bottom of our awareness.  It would not be a pleasant revelation, it may be quite traumatic in fact, but it is necessary if we want something different in our lives.

As we move forward into the next moon, get in touch with what you are still carrying.  Just begin to acknowledge it.  It will probably be uncomfortable it may actually even hurt quite a bit, but we need to feel that if we are to truly set it down for good.  Be gentle with yourselves, be forgiving of yourself first and then others.  Look within and see what is there and do your best to still love yourself in that place of vulnerability.  One thing I learned is that the more we accept ourselves as we are the more we change.  It is quite counterintuitive, but once you grasp that it can be quite liberating.  Here's a toast to the depths and the treasures it can bring back to us.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle


Saturday, May 6, 2017

Trust in Me

Greetings all,

I hope you are enjoying the first week of May.  For most of this week I've been without a voice.  Which is very difficult when you teach 4 classes. This came on the heels of a very powerful ceremony.  Maybe the universe is telling me to be quiet.  Well it didn't say anything about blogging so here I am.

One of the biggest stumbling blocks I encounter with myself and with others is trust.  It holds us back.  For without trust we cannot move ahead without constantly looking behind us.  This is particularly true in the work I do.  Unlike Hollywood I don't get a huge special effects budget for my work.  Sometimes my clients see instant changes and other times they unfold gradually in a way that could almost be coincidental, if it didn't keep happening.  There are other times when after I do my ceremonies or transformational work where things seem to get worse, until something new enters the picture.  It is at that moment right before the change occurs where trust is needed the most.  Suspending our fears is key to allow something new to come into being. The more we can trust, the more we can have happen.

Being able to project a field of calm energy is essential for me in my work.  I just don't always have the best luck when it has to do with my own life.  It is easier to know for someone else that things will generally work out alright, than it is to accept that for yourself.  The more personal something is the more charge we attach to it, but that is the real test for ourselves.  When we overcome that fear and begin to trust ourselves and the Universe, that is when we really step into our true power.

So why am I telling you this?  Well lately myself and those around me have been having challenges with trust.  We see the worst happening even though it isn't a sure thing. Once we get locked into that spiral life becomes a series of imagined tragedies stealing our power, our peace, and our joy.  We forget to be grateful and often forget to be kind.  This is the forging process of the soul.  In the coming week see if you can suspend your tendencies to focus on what could go wrong and instead work out your trust muscles.  What if things go right or turn out better than you hoped.  When we work with spirit things have a way of turning out differently than we planned but ultimately better.  Keep that in mind, and remember trust me.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Sunday, April 30, 2017

A Bundle of Joy



Greetings all,

It's Beltane!  I've been making my rounds.  Yesterday I led my first despacho ceremony for the year.  It won't be the last.  If you have a fire pit, I will do despacho.  It really is that simple.

I know I have explained what they are before, but for all the new readers just tuning in I will recap it. A despacho is an offering to spirit.  As you can see in the picture above they are quite colorful affairs.  We make a bundle out of pretty paper and fill it with goodies for the Pachamama (Mother Earth).  Into this bundle we place sugar for sweetness, because we all need a little sweetness in our life.  We also put some wine, because apparently she likes to kick back and enjoy a glass or two.  There is also candy and chocolates.  We certainly must remember the flowers and sparkly things.  This almost sounds like courtship doesn't it? Well we are trying to show our love to Spirit, because we also put our prayers into the bundle.

We breathe our prayers into every piece of the despacho.  The bundle of three bay leaves that we pass around are called Kintu.  Now if we were down in Peru we'd be using coca leaves but the government frowns on that so we raid the spice aisle at the grocery instead.  The first Kintu bundle I pass around is always for gratitude.  We start with thankfulness with what we have, most of us have quite a lot to be thankful for when we stop to consider our lives.  In that gratitude bundle we also always thank weather, because without the cooperation of weather we can't complete our ceremony.  After that first bundle goes around I send a few around that are what I call "freebies", they're for asking for the things that you want or need.  I usually send one around for our loved ones and what they need.  The final Kintu which will go on top once the despacho is sealed is for anything we have forgotten to ask for or for anyone we forgot to include.  I put a 3 day window on it, because sure enough I always go home that night and think I forgot to ask for so and so to get their promotion.

After we have sent the bundles around we all beam our energy from our hearts into the despacho.  Then I get out my tinkly bell and bless it with sound.  We then seal it up tied with pretty ribbon, the prettiest flower, and the final Kintu bundle.  So you're thinking we take it to the fire now right, but you'd be wrong.  Before we do that everyone gets smudged with the despacho bundle to take our heaviness from us to be burned away so we can feel light in our hearts again.  Now we take it out to the fire and if you're like me you're going to want to drum as it burns.

I always feel great after despacho.  I love making them.  It's a process and ceremony that really speaks to the innocence in me.  As I think on who I am without all my defenses, adaptions, and scars I remember the loving self I came into this life to be.  Despacho helps me to reclaim some of that, to be easy in my heart, more hopeful, and less defensive.  For someone who can be as distant and secluded as myself that is extremely important.  I relish any opportunity to either lead or participate in these ceremonies.  This time I was hosted by the Louisville Spiritualist Center.  They were extremely welcoming.  They even purchased a fire pit so that I could do this.  I've been really blessed to find people to share ceremony with, and the space in which to share it.  Being on a healing journey can feel solitary at times, so it is good to come together and burn our cares.

So why am I telling you this?  Well ceremony is a powerful thing, particularly when done in a group. All of us need support.  There are no lone wolves on the healing roads.  We all need our circles now.  The world can be a scary place full of dark corners.  So we light the fires of spirit with each other.  Sharing our own light.  It can be hard to see our own flame, but when we share we get the chance to see it reflected in the hearts and eyes of our loved ones.  Creating a bundle of prayers that we birth with fire is just one way to call in our joy.  There are many other ways from many other traditions.  So in the coming season of fire I suggest you gather with some folks of like heart and hold your own ceremonies.  If you're not too far off a Mooneagle might fly in and create a bundle with you to gift into the sacred fire.  Who knows what could happen, it's magic after all.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

P.S.  From myself and the Faeries, HAPPY BELTANE!

Sunday, April 23, 2017

Earth Day

Greetings all,

Welcome to Earth Day.  Well truly I meant to write this yesterday, but you know how time is all ripply and wobbly it never sits still.  Thank goodness for photographs am I right?  So we'll pretend that I got this post out on Earth Day okay, just work with me on this folks.

Seen from space everything looks so peaceful and majestic.  You can't see the bird droppings on the driveway, you can't even see the driveway.  From a distance all is right with the world.  The clouds move, the oceans churn, and the green grows.  It's only when you get down in it that things get messy.   Humanity is like that too, from a distance you see the cities, the airplanes, the space station and satellites, and if you're another species out in the cosmos you might think, "My what a marvelous civilization, look at all the art and culture."  It seems that way until you get in closer.

Earth is our home,  our planet provides for us free of charge the elements necessary for life.  We are part of Her (yes Her).  The elements in our very bodies all come from this planet of ours.  We are made up of the Earth.  We are little walking talking Earth bodies.  Yet there seems to be a large powerful faction that seems to promote strategies that would destroy this large body of which we are made.  This would be akin to you or me deciding to cut out several of our vital organs to sell on the black market, completely oblivious to the fact that when we do we shall perish.  They say that we own the Earth, which would be like one of our fingers or toes proclaiming themselves lord and master of our entire body while refusing to feed that body or keep it clean.  This boys and girls is why we have an Earth Day.

Currently we have two of the self proclaimed "masters" rattling their sabers at one another threatening to start a war without limits.  (Nuclear war for the laymen among us).  Again to use the body metaphor this would be like your left hand throwing a grenade at the right hand.  Right now in the zoomed in view of our species we do not look like sophisticated cultured beings, we appear as monkeys throwing excrement at each other.  While we beat and torment those that wish only to protect our water so it is safe for all, we allow companies to take ownership of lands and reservoirs who care only about shareholder profits.  While we pass laws that make it more difficult to cut back the amount of plastic waste that ends up in the ocean and thus our seafood, we eviscerate funding for renewable energy research and start ups.  We have politicized caring for our world, and because of that we all suffer.

I have been watching for most of my life the wholesale destruction of all that is beautiful and life sustaining.  It has been a great weight on my heart since I was 11 years old.  I am the reason my family recycles (who now would not even think to throw away something before checking to see if it is recyclable).  I care for Earth like I would for a family member.  I get angry when I see Her abused, as I would if I saw a loved one being beaten by a spouse.  To me the Earth is not just home, She is a person, a Mother of Mothers, She is our Ancestor from whom we descend. When you view Her as such it becomes personal.  You wouldn't let someone beat your Grandmother so why would you let them do that to the Earth who is Mother to all?  So when people ask me to be calm and realize that politics have to play out, I am less than patient.  I tend to resonate more with the words of House Baratheon (sorry Game of Thrones reference), "Ours is the fury!"

Anger is not a bad thing.  Anger is a sign that something is wrong.  Now that can mean it is our perception or thinking which is wrong, but in this case where we have mountains of data and rigorous research I'm confident this is not a perception error.  We are killing our Mother.  We are killing ourselves and all our distant relations of plants and animals with us.  Yes even I am guilty. I use too much water.  I don't eat as locally and responsibly as I should.  I try and do better, but working within the system we have it is nearly impossible to not do harm.  Which says to me we need a new system.

So why am I telling you this?  Well if we need a new system, we need people to dream that new system into being.  So my intrepid dreamers what matters to you?  Do you like to get out in the water to fish or boat.  Dream a system that protects and honors our waters.  Do you like to hike through the woods?  Dream up a system of land management that fosters our forests, and keeps them vital.  Do you like a city life, but hate the traffic, noise and fumes?  Dream up a city of the future with green energy,  bustling transit hubs, and urban farming knit within the fabric of civilization.  The older generations are passing onto us an out of date system that won't serve us.  It is up to us and our descendants to dream a better one into being.  We start there in the dream, then we bring those hopes and wishes into our plans and actions.  This is Earth Day and we are little Earthlings.  It is time to make Momma proud.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Sunday, April 16, 2017

The Way of Serendipity

Greetings all,

I hope you had a lovely easter or passover.  Whichever holiday you celebrated or didn't I hope the week brought you joy.

This week I sent back a book to the library.  This was the first book I had to use interlibrary loan to obtain.  It is quite a rare find.  I have been tracking serendipity of late.  Often when I am contemplating a particular topic information appears where least expected.  In this case I went to the dictionary.  I was fairly certain I knew what the word meant, but you'd be surprised how many words we use that started out with a different meaning.  Words like people can change.  Well I was quite shocked to find that the origin of this word started with a Persian fairy tale.  The title of which is in the picture above.

Serendipity is finding something helpful or valuable you weren't actively searching for, and indeed the Princes of Serendip were continually finding something while on a completely different errand.  To use video game lingo, they were the masters of side questing.   Their island was beset by dragons that attacked ships and their father sent them forth into the world to find a way to defeat these dragons.  On the way they rescued a lost princess, kept a king from being poisoned by a vassal,  retrieved a magic mirror, and delivered a nation from an evil hand (yep totally malevolent that hand). It should be noted that during this they were tracking down a wizard with the formula for the death of dragons.  The princes considered themselves great failures because they always just seemed to miss him.  As the story plays out though it was through these acts of service that their main quest was fulfilled, in a way that couldn't have happened if they had attempted it.  So they found what they were looking for because they didn't truly know what it was they were looking for.

I have mentioned before that I've been getting signs through dreams.  Indeed last fall my dreams of a phoenix over the course of a week led me to co-create a very special midwinter drumming ceremony. I was completely surprised to learn that a phoenix plays a major part in the story of the three princes. Once again it was if the universe ran in and pinched me on the bottom and then ran out of the room while laughing hysterically.  When these pieces keep showing up, I think it means I'm on the right path.

So why am I telling you this?  There is an undercurrent in our life, beneath the chatter of our minds and plans.  If we are flexible and curious that current can take us to unexpected places, somewhere we could never find if we were to consciously seek it out.  Some people seem to head right for their goals, my road always meanders.  The Princes of Serendip accomplished their goal because despite being on a crucial mission they were always available to do service for others.  Here too is a lesson.  It can be easy to become wrapped up in our errands and lives so that we don't offer of ourselves where we can make a pivotal difference in the lives of those around us.  As you go through  this week try loosening your grip on your plans and perhaps just see what else develops.  We all have missions, but sometimes the best means to accomplish them is by taking the long way round.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Sunday, April 9, 2017

When the Window Opens



Greetings all,

Well we had winter for two days this week, but we seem to be firmly entrenched in spring now.  I've had a low key week which is nice considering the flurry of activity that March was.  I am doing my best not to overcommit myself this month.  Which is lasting about five minutes it would seem.  Somehow the pacing in my life is finally picking up.  I can't complain, for years my calendar was empty and my phone silent.  Now I have to silence my phone.  Things do come around.

My big story this week is that at long last my car has a working driver side window again.  HURRAH!  For any of you who have ever had a window you couldn't roll down you know why I am so excited.  I have the wind again.  I hadn't been able to roll the window down since early last May, and let me tell you the summer was miserable in my car because of that.  So in the early evening I was treated to the feeling of the breeze on my face as I drove towards home.

It is often said that it is the simple things in life you treasure.  For the past twenty four hours I have had random upwellings of joy.  I was blessed that a friend of mine's husband had the tools and mechanical skills to get the job done.  With myself providing the parts and the friends and family discount they offered me, I was able to afford this miracle of modern engineering, a working power window.  It is the small things over the course of a life that really add up into something special:  cooking a meal for a loved one, leaving a light on for them, a hand of support on a shoulder, offering to pick someone up from the airport, or calling someone to check on them.

We have the myth of the self made man (or woman) in our culture.  We value independence, and it is important to learn to stand on your own.  However, it is an illusion.  Most of us don't build our own houses, grow our own food, make our own clothes, manufacture our own cars, and cut our own roads.   We are interdependent.  All of us together create the conditions to make it easier for all of us to function in the world.  Very few of us go it alone, we are all standing on the accomplishments of those who have gone before us, and thousands of unseen people who's contributions touch our lives.  I felt so accomplished yesterday, but all I did was buy parts (which by the way a friend helped me look up).  It is a small thing, a window, but it allows us to see beyond our walls.  A window that opens is helping me see the connection between people and the interplay of giving and receiving.

So why am I telling you this?  Well honestly I'm still riding the, " I have working car window again,", high.  Seriously though, there are so many ways that we can help each other, and when we do we see the world in a kinder and clearer light.  Right now we may not have all the pieces we need, but odds are someone we know does.  More importantly we may have something that they need as well, but are too shy to ask us for.  With the ways of the world a door may close on the traditional path to getting what we need, but a window may open instead.  That window may take you some place you hadn't expected, and sometimes that is the best place to be.  I hope you find the solutions in each other this week.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Sunday, April 2, 2017

Guiding Star

Greetings all,

I hope you had a joyful week.  We keep flitting between spring and late winter chill.  I was fortunate to attend a new moon ceremony led by a good friend.  As things go there was of course a bit of mischief to be had.

I was supposed to be the drummer.  I even arrived early by the statue of Pan.  There was a chill but I set up and played my didjeridu to pass the time, and then when I was fully winded switched to my drum.  It was getting quite late and still I was alone.  Well as it turned out the ceremony had been moved to a different hill in the park.  I had to hop in my car and zoom around  to a pavilion on dog hill.  This meant the ceremony was very brief, but as we stood there under a dark sky with a bit of chill, the mists were rising.  Afterwards, we took a candle lantern home with us.  I stuck around for a bit and let people draw a rune for the new moon.

Several other people who had been at the circle were off in the distance doing some fire twirling, but with lit color changing LED balls.  It was a hypnotic dance of beautiful vibrant fractal light.  Watching them practice to a trance inducing beat was magical.  It reminded me of a book I read a few months back called, The Night Circus.  I highly recommend it.  In the novel the circus arrives mysteriously and is open from nightfall to dawn.  It is called Le Cirque de Reves, meaning the circus of dreams.  Each tent is an act of magical creation, in which reality is sculpted as high art.  Reading it made me want to use my talents to create wonders.

I am often asked what got me into my line of work.  I usually answer that it was my own suffering that led me into healing.  While that is true, it is really only half of the answer.  Wonder and fascination are what makes my heart expand and flourish.  Seeking after that child like sense of mystery has been the true driver of my soul's engine.  The pain and suffering were simply the shovel to move that fuel of wonder into the furnace of my heart.

Years ago when I began pursuing my dreams with a friend, we worked with the manifesting energetic tools that were being popularized at the time.  We were focused on the big dreams and big picture, but we ignored the day to day pieces of living.  We didn't get much of anywhere with those dreams and sadly that friendship is no more.  These past few years I have made tremendous strides in the small pieces of the dream: setting up an office, writing a book, writing this blog, putting out regular videos, speaking at events, teaching classes, furthering my education, and just taking care of all the day to day steps.  This is good and well, but I had lost sight of the vision.  I had no big dream guiding those steps, no great passion. As a spirit recently told me, "You don't let yourself dream."  Now while my overall work has improved, I'm still not where I want to be.  This is because although I am still moving the shovel, I'm not stoking the furnace with the wonder of those big ideas.

We are people of the middle world.  Below us is the earth our mother, and we must tend to our needs while we are embodied.  Above us is the firmament of stars and heavenly cosmos.  We get a lot of contradictory messages growing up, "Reach for the stars," while also hearing, "Get your head out of the clouds."  Recently spending an evening out in the country I was able to actually see the stars.  Here in the city it is easy to forget the majestic beauty that lies just over our heads.  I'd been a good little task master the last few years, but I hadn't been looking up and beyond the day to day to the bigger picture.  I suppose it was good, I'd been on the other extreme, all dreams with no action and having realized I'd come to the opposite of action without a direction.  You see we need a star to steer our life by, a dream, something that stirs the fires in our hearts.  For me it is to connect with that sense of wonder and share it with others.  This is what makes me a trickster, I don't accept the world just as it is, but rather what it could be.  What could be more radical than that?  So it is clear to me it is time to dream big again.  I think I have a decent handle on the practical steps so now I have to nudge my focus between the day to day and the overarching vision I have for my life.

So why am I telling you this.  Well you probably are in a similar spot.  Either you are full of dreams, but are not connected to the day to day necessities or you are all necessities while the secret  yearnings of your soul are constantly put on the back burner.  We are people of the middle world meant to bridge the energies of the earth and the stars.  You are meant to dream big and make an impact.  This doesn't mean you have to change the world, just your corner of it.  Wonder may be my soul's drug of choice, but yours could be compassion, peace, wisdom, or joy. The actions you take don't have to be big they just need to be fed by a big and vibrant heart.  So get out your astrolabes, put on your work boots, grab your gear, sing your song, and step out onto the path.  Find your guiding star and let your actions lead you there.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Saturday, March 25, 2017

Spring Fools



Greetings all,

Well I have been a busy bee.  Above you see pictures from my spring equinox drum ceremony.  It had everything a budding thaumaturge could ask for:  two drummers for balance, one male one female, a dark and light drum, a clear and smoky crystal, cold and warmth, clouds and sun, and last but not least a man and his dog.

Monday the 20th was the equinox and I was of course dedicated to ceremony, but I was also on a time constraint.  For Monday is my do everything day.  I clean, I do laundry, I teach, and I goto the gym.  It's why I never schedule clients on that day.  Shamanic practitioner I may be, but the toilet isn't going to scrub itself, nor the laundry wash itself.  So in between loads of laundry I scampered off to a local park.  I met with one of my teachers there and I set up my altar space.  Just as we were getting started an older man walked by with a little dog, and my teacher a consummate dog lover asked, "What kind of dog is she?"

I have often written about the power of questions, and what they can unleash into the world.  I had no concept of what was to follow.  I should note beforehand, that I am always a little trepidatious about performing ceremony in what amounts to public space.  I never know who will be around, if they will honor the space, or if they will be belligerent and start spouting religious dogma at me.  In this case I needn't have worried.  The man whom I shall call Mr. J. was extremely friendly, curious, and courteous.  He obviously was very kind natured and loved to talk with people.  Indeed he kept us talking for at least twenty minutes, and even asked us about what we were doing.  I was vague on the details, but simply said we were celebrating the incoming season of spring.  He wanted to know more, and so I meted out little bits of information all the while quite conscious of the time ticking away and becoming more and more anxious.  I finally gave up and just let him meander on his conversational track until it seemed like he was at its conclusion.  I remembered this is ceremony and whatever happens will happen for a reason.

Mr. J. departed taking his little dog home.  We very quickly moved into ceremony.  Now here is the very interesting bit.  When I arrived it was quite raw and wet out.  It didn't feel like spring at all.  I was regretting not having ear muffs.  Well about midway through the ceremony the sun started to peak out.  All of the sudden the gray overcast light was peeled back to reveal the bright yellow light of spring.  By the time we'd finished the drumming, the temperature had moderated considerably.  It felt a good 10 degrees warmer.  It was as if spring had arrived at the apex of the ceremony.  Perfect in its timing I was glad I had indulged Mr. J., for if we had started when we first intended we would have missed the transformation from winter to spring.  Instead our drumming seemed to be plugged into the exact moment when the seasons changed.

Later on that day as I was busily seeing to my chores before teaching I realized something else about our encounter.  Mr. J. had been the living archetype of the Fool from the tarot.  Now don't misunderstand, I'm not insulting him.  I don't mean fool as someone who is ignorant or stupid.  I am referring to the open innocence that the Fool card can possess.  It is the wild card of the major arcana.  It is the zero card, the void, and is one face of the divine.  The Fool is also lucky.  Often in the card he (or sometimes she) is depicted with a little dog heading off into the world beneath  the sun, innocent to any dangers on the path ahead, and so they are open to new experiences.  Looking back I can't even be sure Mr. J. was actually there and not a spirit in disguise meant to test our courtesy while helping us to be in sync with the energies of seasonal transformation.  I have been told that the old stories still walk amongst us in our world.

So why am I telling you all this.  Well are you ever in such a hurry or so tied to a schedule that you miss the magic that is trying to happen for you?  Do you treat others as an inconvenience rather than an invitation?  Are you aware of those moments when the balance changes and something new begins?  Well maybe it is time to slow down your agenda and greet what is coming to you right now.  Here we stand at the doorway of spring.  What unforeseen forces are stalking you for your higher good?  Will you snap out of your controlled routines to see the mystery that hunts for your heart?  Will you capture the magic by letting go of the reins to your plans?  Try just for a few days, and maybe one of the old stories will find you.  Maybe you'll meet dear Mr. J. and then, well that's another story.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Sunday, March 19, 2017

Beneath the Surface



Greetings all,

I hope you had a great week.  I'll be honest the time change really punched my clock in more ways than one this week, and the next ten days for me is going to a blur of activity.  I'll be teaching my normal four Tai Chi classes as well as hosting the monthly Local Chapter of the Monroe Institute meditation, speaking at local meditation group, teaching another Qi Gong class at the Louisville Salt Cave, and facilitating a four hour workshop on runes.  This whole month has been that way with clients too.  I'm grateful for the sudden influx of opportunities, just hoping I can space them a bit more wisely in the future.

I"ve been trying to reconnect with my deeper mysteries this year.  People keep coming to me with more complicated and heavy issues and so I'm upping my game by returning to my magical roots.  What I am noticing as I delve back into my divinatory tools and otherworldly interactions is just how much I actually pick up on subconsciously.  There are many times I will do something in a session, or in my life spontaneously for no apparent reason.  It is only in looking back after the fact that I realize I made the perfect move for what was about to occur.  This has shown up as I review old dream journals too, as I am realizing part of me at least is very in touch with what is going to happen beforehand (sometimes by years).

This unconscious preparedness should have me more excited, but truthfully it would be nice to know what I know more often.  For one thing it would improve my confidence level and lower my anxiety. Intuition is a subtle thing, and in my case it likes to fly under the radar.  There are reasons why I use cards, runes, and other divination tools to focus.  Having a little bit of structure actually gives me the freedom to range out with my senses.  A starting point is kind of important if you're trying to get someplace.  Now I have random bits of information pop into my head all the time but stringing them together into a coherent reference of meaning is where the work comes in.

Now I don't mean to complain about running on the equivalent of psychic autopilot.  I'm actually rather pleased once I figure out that I did something on purpose, even if I didn't know it at the time.  What I realize is that my need to make all these senses more conscious is part of my effort to be "in control".  Of course we could just as easily call it my addiction to the illusion of control.  Oddly the more I let go of control, the more things flow, and the more access I have to my intuitive faculties.  So the only reason to try and look in control is for appearance sake....basically marketing.  I really should give that up, marketing is not one of my strong points.

So why am I telling you this?  Well perhaps like me your guidance is just fine and you're not aware of how pervasive its positive influence is on you.  Many of us have such a strong image in our heads of what being psychic or intuitive means we may be blocking our natural tendency to find our way in the dark.  What if we let go of trying to prove to ourselves over and over again that we're plugged in?  If you are part of this world, you're connected even if you don't know it.  How our guidance shows up for us is going to be very individual thing and trying to compare how it shows up to for you as opposed to anyone else is futile.  I suggest we all just chill and run with our natural inklings.  We can always analyze after the fact.  Once we start to trust that some part of us knows what it's doing, it becomes easier for us to access more pieces of the puzzle.  So as you move through your week, keep stock of the things that turned out right.  How many of those happened because you just did one thing that you didn't think about until later?  You may start to see the patterns of awareness hidden beneath the surface of your everyday life.  You may start to see yourself living both within time and outside of it. You may even see down the deep well of the self to the light you carry within.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle


Sunday, March 12, 2017

Impress Me Warrior

Greetings all,

I hope you had a blessed week.  I've certainly been hopping.  I've had many meetings, clients, and classes to keep me on the go.   My next goal is to get started in the studio again so that I can get my hands in clay.

This week has not all been about building though.  As has been happening across the land, violence has come to my home.  For those of you that aren't aware there has been a rash of bomb threats against synagogues and Jewish community centers across the nation.  I myself happen to teach one of my Tai Chi classes at a JCC in my city.  There seems to be a concerted effort by white nationalists (American Nazis) to terrorize the Jewish community.  They are not alone in receiving this kind of treatment, mosques have been similarly threatened, and at times even destroyed.  The only point of light in this has been the response from both Muslims and Jews who have reached out in support of one another.

 This is a dark time in the USA.  Those that have kept to their dark corners feel emboldened to gather and attack minorities.  I have seen articles with footage from rallies that are calling for a liberal genocide, and the deporting of Jews and Muslims.  People around me who are conservative are telling me it's all being blown out of proportion, but most of these are white Christians who haven't had their places of worship threatened, or worse burnt down.  In the midst of this all we keep hearing from on high is more chest thumping and spouting of militaristic and violent rhetoric.  People are aligning behind the, "Might makes right," argument.  With our country's love affair with firearms and recent shootings of immigrants I am to say the least, a bit disgusted.

There seems to be some misconception that the ability to destroy makes someone powerful.  Well it doesn't.  Any idiot can blow something up, or shoot something, or light a fire, or smash a window.  It takes no imagination, skill, or innate strength to destroy.  Destruction is easy.  Destruction is for wusses.  If you want to impress me, build something.  Create something elegant.  Look at the picture above.  The glass canopy is exquisite and delicate.  As challenging as it was to make that canopy, it would be extraordinarily easy to break it.  Creating something takes at least ten times the energy and skill that ruining it does.  Small minds can't conceive, so they attack and smash.  

 I am finding it harder to muster up any respect for those in this world who take pride in what they can smash.  They strut around thinking they're better because they know how to kill, maim, or take something apart.  Perhaps I am being a bit judgmental, but I really feel that we need a change of culture.  We need a new idea of what a warrior is.  Back in the long ago, the warriors were the hunters and guardians of our tribal ancestors.  Their strength was used to preserve and protect the people and what they had created.  We revered that ability and strength not for its own merit, but for what it provided the community.  Now we have separated physical ability from service, glorifying it for its own selfish use.  Whom do we honor most, firemen or athletes?  Do we honor our veterans or do we worship mixed martial artist champions?  Who is stronger, the weightlifter, or the woman giving birth?  The warrior archetype has been co-opted by the cult of masculinity, and has lost much of its original meaning and power.

So why am I telling you this?  Well we all have a piece of this culture within us.  We must ask ourselves what we honor?  When we think of the warrior are we worshipping power over others, or  the power to protect others?  How do you define strength?  When I asked that question did you immediately think of a tall well built man?  Do you think of women as strong?  I'll be honest with you most of my examples of strength came from women I have known.  So this week as you walk through the world spend time acknowledging the strength in the hands that have grown your food, that have taught children to read, that have cared for aging relatives, that have woven the cloth in your garments, and that have solved problems with the skill of their minds.  Warriors are needed in this dark time, but warriors need to impress us with what they can create.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Saturday, March 4, 2017

Return to Innocence

Greetings all,

I hope you've had a good week.  I've just been running trying to keep up with rate that things are changing.  The more things change, the more things change.  Ah you thought I was going to say "The more things change the more they stay the same."  Well I used to think my life moved in cycles, but now I am beginning to think it moves in spirals.  I have yet to discover if those spirals are going outward or deeper within.  However considering the complex physics of my mind and dreamscapes I wouldn't put it past my destiny to do both.

Innocence, a force that is simultaneously as powerful as a waterfall and as delicate as butterfly wings.  It is what we treasure and idealize in children.  Innocence in our culture is something we lose, indeed it is with great relish that some people seem to go about grinding that trait right out of those that don't abandon it quickly enough.  We also for some unknown reason seem to pair it with sexual awareness and experience, because natural processes are somehow impure and suspect. (I know what gives?)  I really don't define innocence in that way, I see it as more an open heartedness to the world, approaching life's experience with a degree of wonder, love, and gratitude.  Innocence is not ignorance in my book it is a simplicity of interaction.

Now when I came into magic working with others I was innocent.  I was trusting and open.  I wanted to get along with everyone and share all the wonders I was seeing.  It was the same reaction that I had  when encountering beings in spirit.  I was walking around in wonderland, well just like Alice I got into some trouble.  See when you're really innocent, you're not very discerning of people.  I had several years where I was repeatedly taken advantage of, and outright attacked and abused within the magical community.  The bloom was off the rose by then and I sort of retreated into myself.  I still encountered many people, some very good, but I wasn't very open with many people or indeed open much at all.

Some of you may think that this is all part of maturing, and learning to discern intent is definitely part of that.  Finding out where you belong, or at least where you don't belong is totally part of the growing into adulthood journey.  I don't think we should be wide open to every person and situation, because quite simply too many people (and beings) do not have our best interests at heart.  Still lately I've been thinking that I need to return to some of that simplicity and trust.  For one thing innocence is essential with working with the energies of Faery.  WAIT don't stop reading yet.  I swear this shit is real.  (Oh yeah my innocence is not exactly measured by how clean my vocabulary is because I can be a mouthy son of a bitch).  Working in the natural energies of Faery has for me been some of the most sacred and powerful magic I've ever experienced.  It is just so me, and yet as I have trained in more human systems of energy work I've spent less time with my dear cousins in the green realm.

Now to work with the faery you have to be in the right place in your heart otherwise it won't go well. You can't have ulterior motives.  You have to hold innocence when you're doing the work, or at least good hearted mischievousness, and really if you can manage both those things you'll be a rockstar in the toadstool circles.  People always ask me well what is faery magic good for which always struck me as odd.  To me the point of it was to work with them and to feel them with me as I moved through the world in a magical way.  That's not to say that it isn't useful, because they are masters at healing, manifesting, protection, and illusion.  They also inspire and delight.  To me they just make the world a better more awe inspiring place.

So why I am telling you all this?  Well whether you're in with the fey or not, it might be time to set aside those jaded reactions.  We are living in times of great change and upset.  These are the times when the legends can walk amongst us again.  If we wish to walk with them we'll have to shed some of the cynicism.  That doesn't meant we ignore our sense of things being fishy, but it does mean we should suspend our mindset until we get a clear feeling.  Instead of instantly rejecting something or someone, perhaps just thinking, "Well let's see which way this goes,", is more appropriate.  If you like me constantly find that you are holding yourself back then maybe it is time to let what is in you flow. Don't be shy about the yearnings of your heart.  Now is not the time to accept mediocrity, now is the time to return to the innocent expectation of great and good things.  If not now then when?  If not you than whom?  Just let your heart love, let your mind heal, and above all hold yourself like the shining star your body was forged in.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle