Tempering the Temper

Greetings all,

Another week another post.  Ah, but what a week it has been full of emotional highs and lows.  Speaking of emotions….

I have a temper.  Don't laugh its true.  Many people are shocked to find out this fact.  The Mooneagle does get angry.  Not that this happens a lot (barring traffic jams), but it does happen.  I'm one of those people that I describe as having a long fuse.  Imagine a long trail of gunpowder, you can light it and it may take a while but eventually there's going to be a very big bang.  Sometimes the longer the fuse the bigger the bang.

Anger is an emotion that often gets demonized.  It can be destructive and dangerous.  However it can also act like rocket fuel blasting us off into new heights.  We've all had those moments when we're fed up with a situation or relationship and we go off.  We either leave the situation or blow it up.  I've often said I don't burn bridges,  I napalm them.  Usually I wait till someone is in the middle of a crossing.  While very dramatic and emotionally exhausting this has liberated me from situations (and people) that might have drawn me back into an even more exhausting cycle of suffering.

So anger is useful.  It can be at any rate.  The problem I often have is that I go directly from peace time picnics to all out war.  This is just a tad bit less useful.  Anger inspires quick action, but rarely clear thinking.  Remember those bridges?  While I might have been dancing round the flames in celebration there are so many times where I remembered something important that I left on the other side of that now burning chasm.  I've squandered opportunities and had to start from scratch because I was just to eager to strike that match and stoke the fire.

The espresso shot of adrenalin that anger brings can be very habit forming, in fact recent studies suggest that catharsis therapy where you take your aggression out on a pillow or doll can actually make you more prone to outbursts of anger.  What happens is that you are creating and reinforcing those aggressive patterns in your neural pathways.  The more you do something the deeper the pattern is wired into you.  Of course bottling up your anger isn't such a hot idea either, or rather it is too hot.  (Remember that bridge before it was charcoal?)

So what to do?  If we fire up the flame throwers we just make ourselves more prone to anger, but if we suppress it we risk a meltdown.  This seems to be one of those smelly creeks that have boats with only a single paddle.  In metal working there is a process called tempering where a piece of metal is  cooled quickly, and then carefully reheated below a critical point.  This makes the metal more durable and less likely to shatter and break.  To simply not be angry is not an option we risk being inauthentic, and also being the world's door mat.  I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that if you don't stand up for yourself at times people will not treat you very well.  You also don't want to go around blasting everyone with vitriol because you're not getting your way.

One of the things that helps me is to ask questions.  Why am I angry?  Now my initial response is usually well person X did this to me, but you have to dig deeper.  Maybe someone did something that hurt my feelings.  Why are they hurt?  What issue did their actions or words bring to the surface?  What in me needs to be healed?  What do I need to address within me?  Don't think this means that other people get a hall pass though on poor behavior, because along with those questions I'll ask myself what actions I need to take to address whatever triggered the flare up.  Sometimes the answer is do nothing, ignore it, or let it go.  Other times the answer is confront and tell person X that what they're doing is unacceptable, and that if it continues other actions will follow.

So does any of this apply to you?  Do you hold your anger in until you erupt and drown Pompeii in fiery ash and ruin?  Do you regularly spit fire at friend and foe alike?  Do you temper your responses?  Why not look at your anger with the same lens you see any emotion with.  It has a job to do showing you where change is needed in your life.  If you loved what it did for you without being attached to the feeling would that change your outlook on anger?  What if you used the fire of anger to cauterize your inner wounds rather than inflicting more wounds?  Most importantly give yourself a little slack we all lose our tempers at some point, no reason to lose your cool over losing your cool.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Handling the Hierarchy

Greetings all,

This week was a blend of wonderful and maddening in a way I really can't quite put into words.  In fact some of this week will pop up in future blog topics.  Sometimes when events are intense I don't always write about them immediately, I allow them to marinate for a bit.  After I have some perspective on the flavor  then I can pull them apart and analyze them.  Perspective really is what this blog is all about.

So I will focus on something I have encountered in multiple engagements in the past, hierarchy.  The power structure and all its incarnations suffuses our lives.  It can be so confining particularly if you are a bit of an oddball like myself.  There simply isn't a slot shaped for me to fit into.  This not fitting in however is what led me to seek something beyond myself, to seek magic and the path of spirit.  In this space of infinite possibility and wonder I thought I had escaped the hierarchical power struggle that rages on in our world.  Well you know naivety is as good a teacher as any, if not necessarily a gentle one.

Having been mostly self taught for the first half of my magical meanderings I managed to steer clear of most of the politics (yes there are magical politics and if you think normal politics is ugly you have no idea).  I have been involved in two different magical groups in the past both of which ended in quite a sour state.  I have had several teachers of various metaphysical subjects, as well as those who thought I needed them as a teacher.  I am very picky about teachers and I have fired several.  The firing has always amounted to someone wanting to control me and decide for me what my energy could be allowed to do.   I don't want to harp on teachers, good teachers are invaluable they set you free to fully embody the amazing spirit that you are.  They sit with you not above you.

In the metaphysical world so many people are scrambling for some sort of title.  I myself have collected a few which to me sound utterly ridiculous when I start listing them.  My goal has been for the past several years to be my own Authority.  I don't want to ask permission to follow what my spirit and guides tell me.  The teachers I have always urge me as well as others to look to their own guidance.  We sit in a circle, every point in the circle is necessary for it to exist.  The symbolism of the circle is everything a hierarchy isn't.  All are one, all are respected and equally important.  If you think someone in the circle is not as valid then you can be sure it is your ego at work and not your spirit.  Ego loves hierarchy especially when it can sit on top.

So how does this apply to you?  Well are you getting lost in the chinks of the hierarchical machine?   Are you sizing up everyone and ranking them?  Are you giving your own authority away to someone with a title?  Are you playing king of the mountain with your life?  What if you assessed integrity rather than authority?  Now I don't want you to think there isn't room for experts in life, because there is, but how many of the people ruling your life are actual experts?  Try it out see people arranged in a circle instead of a pyramid.  How does that change your responses?

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

The Balance

Greetings all,

Every week I am always surprised that I come up with a topic to write about.  The commitment of writing always has me looking for ways to expand my thoughts.  Expansion seems to be on the menu lately as well.

In the past week I have made arrangements to start teaching at a new facility, I have had one speaking event while planning at least two others, I became a local chapter leader for the Monroe Institute, I've started making magical oil blends, and my healing practice is also picking up.  So many things that have been just under the surface are poking their heads up out from the deeps.   It feels overwhelming to see so many opportunities blossom at once.  It is so strange to see it all shifting even though that is at the heart of what I do.

Even with the mystical nature of my work it can be very easy to get bogged down in the business of it: scheduling, lesson plans, writing up talks, and website maintenance.  I'm having to remember to leave unstructured time to be and to get out of the house.  (Time on social media does not count as unstructured).  When you work for yourself there is always so much to do, and making sure you get out and just have fun is imperative.  What I do requires a light heart and the right attitude so keeping a balance between getting things done and taking in life can be a challenge.

Fall is a special time of color and sensing the deep currents of the earth.  The power of the dark is growing, and that has its own allure.  There is mystery to be found in the dark.  The stars are clearer in the crisp night air.  The light has changed its color, becoming thin like sheer curtains in the window.  Fall is also the time that I often start to feel melancholy.  With the fading light of summer I feel the loss of the green, unless I go out and fill myself with the colors of fall and the shapes of the revealed limbs of trees I can sink into a personal kind of darkness.  I used to hate fall for this reason.  As beautiful as it can be I resented the coming frosts and chilling winds that would bring winter.  That changed years ago after recovering from a near fatal illness.  I had been sick for most of the summer, I really started my true recovery in October.  I was grateful for everything and I let myself experience the season in that vibration.  I still mourn the passing of the summer each year, but it is balanced by all the loves I discovered in fall.  I had my life given back to me in the autumn and I have never forgotten that.

So why does this matter to you?  Well are you too wrapped up in the workings of the season and forgetting to go out and enjoy the beauty of it?  Are you denying your sadness of the loss of the light so much that you are failing to connect to the deeper currents running in your life? Perhaps you are denying the fall its splendor as you schedule yourself every which way till January.  I am happy to have things to fill the calendar, but does it need to be filled?  What if you went for a walk in a wood to see the spectrum of the changing leaves?  What if you sang the trees a lullaby?  Try it out, balance the worlds you live in between the tasks of the day and the experience of fall's transformation.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Crucible

Greetings everyone,

This week has been something.  What exactly it is I'm not sure yet.  There was certainly quite a lot of stress and challenges.  The crazy makers were in rare form as well.  However it ultimately may be a blessing.  I keep coming back to a deeper understanding of how much I depend on others.  This is not a judgment just an awareness.  It is this interweaving of connections, needs, and exchanges,  that fuel our world at large and in our private lives with friends and family.

It's been a week since I offered my Transmuting Shame download.  I had been told by spirit that this one would have an enormous impact.  Life would change in a way it hadn't before.  I immediately felt my heart open wider than it had been in many years.  The challenge has been to keep it open.  My body  in an attempt to follow suit with the energetic template also shifted.  I had an aching in my chest, arms and shoulders as my anatomy shifted around.  Muscles that have long held tension around my physical heart began to let go sparking protest to all the connecting tissues.

This is happening at the same time as major changes in my work life are taking place, and corresponding to family events.  This is not what you would think of as the ideal time.  I found myself getting short with others, feeling angry and pessimistic.  I wanted space to process, and I got the opposite.  After the dust from my upset had settled though I came to realize how much I had to be grateful for.  (No doubt helped by a day out at my favorite art fair and a little retail therapy).  In the space of a day I opened to the beauty around me.  I felt like I was filling my soul with it.  My life was the crucible the place of purifying fire where the substance of value is distilled from the raw grit.  All the stresses or rather my thoughts about them were the materials poured into the crucible that is my being.  In the Crowley Thoth tarot deck the 14th card of the major arcana is called Art.  In other decks it is referred to as Temperance, but in this deck it refers to the art of alchemy.  The transmutation and ultimate transformation of the base materials of life into the gold of the soul.  Often times when this card appears it can mean that all the materials we need for the solution are already present, it is up to us to use them in an inventive way, hence the art of alchemy.

So how does this apply to you?  What are you taking for granted?  Can the challenges you are facing open you to a deeper space of gratitude and love?  Were you hoping for a time of peace to get yourself together only to find a whirlwind of chaos?  What if the whirlwind is the mix you need to find the gold hidden within you?  What if all the difficulties are the materials and your life is the crucible to forge you into something more than the sum of your parts? Now I'm not suggesting you don't get upset and feel bad about the things that trouble you, but once you have felt them perhaps seeing them as ingredients might help to free you from fate.  We say we want to transmute, transcend, ascend, or embody, but that is a process not a hall pass from deep work.  Take inventory of your life, list the ingredients, and then make something magical with them.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Once Upon a Time

Once upon a time in a faraway land….

It's a familiar beginning isn't it?  There is something very powerful about those words.  We hear them first as children and then later read them to the next generation.  Still there is something that grabs at our imagination when we hear them.  We know something magical is about to follow.  As children we really do believe a magical adventure is just around the corner, at the edge of the backyard, or down at the bottom of the deep end of the swimming pool.

As we grow up (a bad idea if you ask me), we are told that life is not a fairy tale.  Reality is drummed into our heads.  We are programmed for what is not possible, so stop wishing and trying for it.  All of this is done with the best of intentions, well okay perhaps some of it is well intentioned.  Mostly it is because we are navigating a world of the broken dreams and shattered hearts that have come before us. We are told to not get our hopes up, and so after a time we learn not to hope, not to dream, and to simply accept the world as it is.  Some people embittered even go out of their way to prove to others how cruel the world can be for their own good, or so they say.

Well my friends on my sojourn this summer I received several important messages from spirit.  One of them was that life is a faery tale (note the spelling difference…spelling counts especially in magic).  Now at first I thought maybe this was wishful thinking, but as I was making the last leg of my round a bout way home I found myself behind a van while I was pondering the spirit messages.  When I looked at the license plate it had one of those vanity plates.  It was Cinderella.  Spelled to fit the plate but very obviously that ashy little princess.  Spirits do tend to have a sense of humor at least the ones that work around me do, I might have rubbed off on them over the years.  So in my mind the message that life is a faery tale was real.  So how to reconcile that with the world?

The thing most people remember is the happily ever after part of the story.  In narratives particularly simple ones we skim along to the pertinent events.  What we miss is that many of our protagonists go through many trials and suffer for long periods of time (try reading some old versions of Rapunzel if you don't believe me).  It was not a brief struggle and then onto true love with a side of royalty.  Most of us are not valiant knights, or secret princesses, but we are beings of great power capable of changing our world if we believe we can.  This is why the faery tale is important.  It speaks to our heart and how we wish the world could be.  (No I don't mean pushing carnivorous old women into ovens).

The world is what we make it, and the changes that happen are the ones we believe that we can make.  This is the faery tale,  the magic of our hearts dreaming combined with our actions and perseverance.  A faery tale is not meant as an escape from the details of life, but rather a compass to navigate them.  The washing up will have to be done whether or not you make it all the way down the yellow brick road.  There will be challenges, but the biggest one is you.  You have to stop believing that a better more meaningful world is impossible or not realistic.  You just can't afford that belief if you want to live  in a world of wonder.

So how about you?  What's your story?  What would your happily ever after look like?  What sort of world would you need to create to have that ending?  Think on it for a while.  If you don't know where to start it's easy.  It always starts the same…once upon a time.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Voices in the Fire

Greetings all,

What a week.  The ups and downs continue here.  My foray into deeper mysteries continues along side my day to day concerns.  Such is the way of it, you wouldn't want to be pulled too far one way or the other.

I find it is a constant balancing act between staying grounded and also opening to the wonders of life.  If you get too bogged down in the mundane life loses its shine, if you wander in the lands of myth too much you lose all connection to consensual reality.  For most people it is the loss of mystery that becomes the more dominant end of the pendulum.  This is typical for western society.  We bleed the mystery out of our children before they get too old.  Some people take far too much joy in the process.  The business of living is important, but so is having a reason for going about the business of life.

So ladies and gentleman the reason for ceremony comes into being.  Well one of the reasons is to create a touchstone to mystery.  We are all much more than we seem to ourselves and the world we inhabit (for that matter so is the world).  Occasionally we need a reminder of that connection to the mysteries beyond our conscious knowledge.  Ceremony can act as a gateway to that unknown and often untapped potential within us.  Believe me with the culture we have we need a reminder.  (Some people need a siren and five alarm fire).

The truth is we do the miraculous everyday.  We create the world in a particular way just by showing up.  In quantum physics they'd say we collapse the wave form into the particle form of matter and energy.  What we see is a product of what's out there but also what's inside of ourselves.  So if you want to change something the best way to do that is to change yourself, and change how you look at it. It really is that simple, but not always easy.  Changing our minds is dicey, we like things to remain fairly predictable.  We need some way to access that other vision and ceremony provides that bridge.  The ceremony is not the change, we are.  It helps us access it though and for that it is useful.

This week I had the opportunity to participate in a large ceremony with one of my teachers and shamanic groups in my area.  There was a despacho ceremony (there's always despacho).  This ceremony was different in that it was linked to a larger one that was a global event.  The Global Vigil Fire happens twice a year, once in the fall and the spring.  Shamanic practitioners light bonfires all over the world and pray for the world, weaving webs of power between the fires like ley lines.  Through these fires they connect with one another, and help support each other.

Our group was much larger than I expected it to be.  Most of us had been to gatherings before.  We were greeted with a brand new fire pit.  I called in the energy of the south for the fire.  I had brought my dijeridu for this, I'm not very good at playing it but people seem to like it.  The fire was lit and it burned furiously bright.  The wind came creating a vortex of flame sending the sparks high up in the air.  To me it seemed like it was our prayers rising up into spirit.  This fire had green in it at the base and several times during the burn I saw strange colors in the flames.  As we began to drum the fire danced with us.  It was several minutes in before I began to hear voices singing, not around the fire but coming from within the fire itself.  I couldn't tell you what they were saying, but my drum changed to match their tempo.  At one point my speed doubled suddenly, not by my choice but by the insistence of the fire.  I began to dance and move about listening to the singers in the fire.  Oddly enough whenever I stopped the rest of us around the fire stopped.  I felt like I was holding the rhythm for people.  (Sorry to all you tired ones I made drum faster).  After I finally lifted my voice to whoop and sing back to the fire our group started joining in too.  Later that night as we watched the last bit of fire burn and talked strange colors would appear in the fires and a light came out of it that was not of the flame but very bright like a strobe light.

I had been exhausted all week.  I actually had debated whether or not I should go.  I had hurt myself in my studio the prior week.  Still I had made the choice to go.  I am very glad I did.  Some of my major aches and pain went away that night.  While I was tired I no longer felt so worn out that I would drop.  This after nearly an hour of dancing and very intense drumming.  The voices from the fire worked a bit of magic on me.  I hope my gifts did the same to others around similar fires around the world.

So other than the field report why tell you this?  Well has your heart been longing for mystery of late?  Have you gathered with others to support each other's quest for beauty and wonder?  Do you ever connect to the great web of life to draw strength or give aid?  Have you let your cares loose in ceremony?  There is magic in coming together, in connecting with something greater.  Why not gather a few like  hearts and minds together for an evening around a fire.  Tell the fire your dreams, your hopes, and what you love.  Give support to those around you as they spill their wishes into the light of the flames.  Be mindful of all the others in the world sitting by the fire speaking their words into it, and give them your love as well.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Wax and Wane

Greetings all,

I hope you had a lovely week.  We had the last of the super moons for the year this week.  This final full moon of the summer was a doozy.  To top off that I led a public despacho ceremony and a friend of mine did some workings on my behalf.  Well things definitely changed.

I've been in  the middle of a work cycle in my ceramics studio the past few weeks trying out a new method of working on the potter's wheel.  Unfortunately for me the boxes where I stored my clay had been compromised so I have been working with much stiffer clay than I ever have before.  I have also been working larger.  This has presented me with quite a challenge.  The bad news, my body is sore my muscles are knotted, and the clay didn't dry right so it is all cracking.  It really knocked the wind out of my sails to see all that effort yield no results.  The good news is that I was able to work with the clay and shape it more effectively.  The new method worked, and if I'd had clay that was at the normal consistency I believe I could have had even more progress with my skills.  The muse giveth and the muse taketh away as it were.

This theme of growth and decline has been present the last three moons.  At the same time as my foray into recalcitrant clay was going on, I've been investing more into my teaching role.  For those of you who don't know I teach tai chi at a local wellness center.  I started in May and I must say it's been one of the nicest experiences in teaching I've had thus far.  The center is beautiful with bamboo floors, high ceilings, good natural light, a great sound system, and wonderfully appreciative students.  My skills as a teacher have blossomed here.  I feel I am a much better teacher now because of the particular challenges to instructing I've had in this space.  Well just as I had given notice to let go of more of my hours at my part time job to make room for more teaching time I was informed that the center was closing.  When did this happen?  You guessed it on the full moon.

In some respects it's been one bitch of a moon.  Many people in my social circle are experiencing hardships (all in time with the lunar cycle).  It's been everything from a beloved pet dying, to a husband in the hospital, to relationships ending, and of course lost jobs.  Still in my case the 2 main challenges have given me as much as they've taken (more really once time has passed).  In both cases my crafts were honed. An increase in skill is an increase in opportunity as far as I'm concerned.  While I've been exhausted with my schedule I now have an opening coming up.  New doors, new paths, and new opportunities lie before me.  I can feel that now.  ( I gave myself 3 days to sulk and wallow).  I had to feel my fears and disappointments.  They waxed full and now they are waning.  Like the moon our emotions follow a rhythm, if we can ride it we can capture opportunity when it passes close by.

So as far as my losses go, I lost some time in the studio.  I've lost a certainty about a physical space to continue teaching.  As far as gains go, I am better able to use my clay skills.  I am a better teacher than I was at the beginning of the summer.  (I actually have students willing to follow me to a new space when I find one).

What about you?  What has been on the wane in your life recently?  Beyond the discomfort and fear that comes with it are there any benefits?  Is it making room for more growth or  more opportunities?  They say the moon is the mother of luck and risk, what have you risked lately?  What venture have you boldly put your stake into?  Did you lose your shirt, your pride, or your way?  Perhaps what was lost was simply not good enough for you.  What if the universe ripped it from your hands because it has something bigger just beyond the veil.  Tricky thing is luck, it's like fire light and wild, and its also like water slippery and flowing.  We can't hold onto luck it moves in and out.  We can only recognize it, partner with it, and cultivate our lives as it waxes and wanes like the silver moon.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle