Modeling

Greetings all,

If you are wondering about the title this week it doesn't mean I've started a new career in fashion.  I am talking about modeling of behavior in this post.

One of the things I've noticed in the past few years is how dependent we are on role models.  While we are adept at figuring things out, our behavior patterns originate mostly from what we observe around us.  This is true of both good and bad patterns.  We don't learn discernment until much later in our life, and again if it isn't properly modeled for us it can be quite the baptism by fire.  Our models can show us what not to do, and those can be instructive.  However, I find the modeling of healthy patterns far more useful as they seem to be in short supply these days.

I struggle with selfishness.  In the past few years though I have seen true generosity from people.  I have seen thoughtfulness in action, and because of this some of my behaviors are changing.  It's not that I am cruel, some things just literally never occurred to me until I saw someone else doing them.  I've also been privileged to have teachers who model healthy compassionate boundaries that allow for self respect and the respect of others.  Good boundaries oddly enough honor others as much as ourselves.  Again it's something I had to witness in action before I could emulate it.

I think all that is going on in the world today is not so much because people are bad, but because they haven't been shown anything better.  I keep thinking back to all the media I consumed as a kid growing up, and just how much garbage was in it.  There were the ideas, "The good are the mighty, destroying your enemies is the solution, if you do something hard you get the girl."  In real life these things don't play out so well.  Most people are not archetypal characters.  Heroes and villains are rarely so simply defined.  People are complex, but our mainstream models are simplified, generic, and often outdated.  When you start to dig into people's real motivation it is rarely if ever to foment evil in the realm.  This makes me feel lied to by all those Saturday morning cartoons.  Evil often wears the face of righteousness quite effectively.

So why am I telling you this?  Well right now we have some really terrible role models on the global scene.  Culturally we are still playing old stereotypes in our movies and television programming.  We need good people modeling how to get along with each other, how to care for each other, and how to care for ourselves.  

How about you?  Do you have people modeling healthy interaction patterns around you?  What about your actions?  We are all a model to someone else sometime in our life.  It could be someone you know or it could be a stranger, but the smallest act of kindness or cruelty from you could change the course of someone's life and the lives of the people around them.  The behavior you choose to model could literally change the world.  So when you get discouraged and think the tiny bit of good you've done can't help in a world gone mad, think again.  You don't know who's watching, and you don't know how far they will take what they learn from you.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

War of the Paradigms

Greetings all,

I hope you've had a pleasant week.  It certainly has been a challenging one from the cultural level.
Fair warming my liberal bent may a bit more on display in this post.

Unless you've been hiding under a rock for the past few weeks, you are aware that the recent nominee for the U.S. Supreme Court has been accused of sexual assault.  I believe the accusers. This is the latest scandal and atrocity that this political climate has brought to light.  We are in the middle of a cultural war.  This goes beyond the war on women (which is a real thing guys), it goes beyond the right for same sex couples to marry, it goes beyond race, and it goes beyond religious extremism.  At its most basic, it is clash between whether we wish to be an inclusive or exclusive culture.

I look around and I see grown men and women acting like kids do in middle school and high school.  We have cliques for adults, they are called political parties, religions, and socio-economic status.  In the past few years I have witnessed people say and do heinous things to anyone not in their clique.  The fact that rape is terrible shouldn't be a controversial conclusion.  Ripping children away from their parents and locking them in cages that look like dog kennels also should be easily recognized as evil.  Destroying confidence in the press and 'facts' should also not be something to be applauded.  Yet these things have been deemed a great success by those that champion the idea of exclusivity.

On the other end of the spectrum we have the idea of inclusiveness.  Rather than trying to keep everyone else who isn't exactly like us out, we welcome them in.  The idea that there is space at the table for everyone, oddly enough is not a new one.  It is shared by many of the world's religions.  Now most of us don't fall on the far end of either side of that spectrum.  We also can move one direction or the other throughout our lives depending on our experiences and the company we keep.  Exclusivity hoards privilege while inclusivity extends it.

Having been excluded quite a bit growing up I tend to fall in the camp that cheers for inclusivity.  I was lucky being excluded as a kid from the social circles didn't affect my access to healthcare, housing, or my family.  That same attitude which seeks to continue its cultural dominance is the one that contributes to bullying and violence.  History shows us the dark harvest this paradigm reaps: slavery, poverty, and genocide.

Why am I telling you this?  Well right now it is tough to remain hopeful as we witness our representatives champion cruelty in the name of exclusivity.  Inclusiveness seems to be on the losing end of the argument at the moment.  However the fire and noise that the exclusive camp is sending out shows that it feels threatened.  It fears losing its dominance.  In this time, it is probably the weakest it has been in recorded history.  It may not feel like it, but if we keep pushing forward inclusiveness could become the norm.  Imagine for a moment a world where people are treated fairly, and where our representatives care about everyone's well being.  What could be accomplished if we didn't have one hand fighting to keep some people down?  Think on it, keep hope alive, and keep speaking your truth.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

As the Wheel Turns

Greetings all,

Hope you've enjoyed  the first few days of Autumn (if you're in the Northern Hemisphere).  I started my season with drumming and despacho ceremony.  The wheel turns and our lives move in a new pattern.

Autumn for me is a mixed bag.  Some of my favorite things happen in this season, at the same time the fading light holds the promise of the dark winter to come.  Fall is a time where I remember many  friends that aren't with me anymore.  It's a time of magic and of thinning veils.  It is also the season in which I emerged from a shamanic death fifteen years ago.  As the trees lost their leaves, and the animals laid down for the long winter sleep, I had new life racing through my body and spirit.  I reclaimed myself from despair.  As I've said previously, this summer was very challenging.  In fact many of the conditions were a match for that summer that almost claimed my life.  This time though I didn't have to fall so far.  The wheel turned and hit me in the face, but I wasn't knocked down for the count.  I think that means I've grown as a person.

The wheels of our lives turn, and we revisit similar situations throughout our lives.  If we've done our work we interact with them from a different perspective.  This is true on the personal as well as the collective level.  Here in the U.S.A.  we've been revisiting a lot of old patterns.  In the past two years we've seen racism, sexism, and fascism make an unfortunate return to the mainstream culture.  Although to be accurate they were always there, they were simply glossed over with platitudes and code words to sanitize them for the masses.  There is a lot of people reacting with the "We've seen this before."  They're right we have.  I hope that this time we respond from a more mature and inclusive perspective.  If we don', have no fear, the wheel will turn again and we'll be right back here.

Why am I telling you this?  Well if you're like me, a lot of your old tendencies have been making an encore performance in your life lately.  Although it is uncomfortable,  it is also an opportunity.  We have the option to respond differently.  We can maybe even change directions so that this the last time the wheel brings this situation to us.

So how about you?  Has the wheel of life brought back challenges you thought you had already tackled?  Does the world seem to be stuck on the same song on the playlist?  What if you brought to bear all the wisdom you've learned since the first time you heard that tune?  What if you worked towards a different future?  What if collectively we did the same?  It's worth pondering as we wait for the wheel to turn.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Becoming Eagle

Greetings all,

Once again I am late posting.  I am not sorry.  I have been tending to my own needs, and putting time into my own healing path.

Lately I have found it difficult to write as I navigate my own challenges.  In the past I have written my way through my own problems.  This past summer though I've been moving through relationship struggles.  I have found it near impossible to get to a more detached perspective in order to write about it in a way that is not calling someone out.  That is not what this blog is about.  It is about recognizing the patterns in my life that may apply to others, as well as my responses and thought processes as I encounter the world.  I do sometimes rant about things, but if I rant I want it to be about a condition or pattern that many people are experiencing.  I want to draw a line between someone being wrong about an issue and just being wrong.  I have been labelled as 'wrong' before it is not something I wish to inflict on others.

All that said,  I finally can talk in general terms about my experiences of the past 4 months.  It can be summed up by saying I have not been treated with kindness.  If you know me and are reading this, and are wondering if I am talking to you specifically, I am not.  This pattern was pretty well spread around, it did not have one source.  This has forced me to withdraw quite a bit from my social world. Many have negatively interpreted this or taken it personally.  I suppose it is on a level, but mostly it was to preserve myself intact.  Although it may seem like it sometimes, my heart is not made of stone or steel.  It can break.  The good news is that shamans for thousands of years have had the knowledge to put people back together.  They have the technology to make you better, faster, stronger, and less of an asshole.  So when I got to my breaking point I reached out.  (Special thanks to my teachers).

When I was in a space where I was coherent enough to journey I went to see my power animal.  When I asked him why people continued to treat me in this way he said, "You haven't fully stepped into and embodied your power.  There is a space that is empty in you, and that space people project upon.  Those that are in balance project kindness and generosity, those that are suffering project their pain onto you."  He then took me to Eagle.  Not the power animal eagle but to Eagle, Keeper of the East on the medicine wheel.  Eagle did healing work on me which was so profound I wept copiously and shook in my chair (almost like convulsions but in a good way).  After he had finished I asked him what to do about my relationship struggles.  He answered, "Do what is there to do, just be."  That may sound simple, but it was quite profound.  My tendency is to run around trying to fix everything and make everyone okay with me.  He wasn't finished with being all majestic though because he added, "To become Eagle you must become a man without enemies."

There is a lot to unpack there.  I have for many years had the Mooneagle Shit List.  Rest assured if you were on it, you worked real hard to get there.  Now of course I am being told to retire that.  Cancel all my grudges.  Don't exile people into the outer wastes of the world.  I would like to be clear here, me not having enemies doesn't mean I am just hunky dory with everyone.  It doesn't mean I try to make everyone like me and please everyone.  It doesn't mean I don't stand up for myself, a cause, or other people. It simply means I don't hold onto the adversarial energy and make it personal.  Of course when someone hurts you it is very hard to not take that personally, but Eagle was very clear that the next stage of my development was about not doing that.  It was about forgiveness and not carrying around the weight of the 'me versus them' mindset.

So why am I telling you this.  Well I felt it was important to explain my absence these last few weeks as I did my inner work.  I also believe many of us are indoctrinated into the adversarial mindset.  Growing up we have stories with heroes and villains.  We paint ourselves as the heroes of our life and those we have difficulty with become villains.  We interpret all their actions through that lens, and odds are we misinterpret their motivations a fair bit of the time.  We then have to hold ourselves rigidly during our encounters, not just with those people but with everyone.  We're always on alert for the next arch-nemesis.  This makes it easy in the sense that we have people to blame when things don't turn out the way we want them, and that is convenient because life rarely turns out the way we expect it to.

How about you?  Have you got a shit list?  Are you looking to expand it or burn it?  Do you carry the weight of the past on your shoulders or is your heart light?  I know I have carried the weight for far too long, and I would like to be lighter of heart.  I don't expect it to be easy, but I do expect it to be worthwhile.  Join me in a place beyond us and them, where we simply are.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Emerging Wings

Greetings all,

I haven't been very prompt with posts as of late.  It seems to be a time of changes and I'm not quite sure which way the wind is blowing yet.  Whichever direction, I seem to be accompanied there by butterflies.

The butterfly is symbolic of death and rebirth.  It starts out as a caterpillar and then cocoons itself away from the world slowly dissolving its entire form before transforming into the beauty of the butterfly.  The monarch butterfly makes an incredibly long journey.  I was seeing them all the way up in Ontario, but come the fall they start to migrate back to Mexico for the winter.  Monarchs have been few and far between the last few years, but all of the sudden wherever I go,  I see them.  At my stopover in Chicago my friend had even planted milkweed to help attract them.  As someone who seems to get a lot of messages from omens I don't see these encounters as coincidence.

Right now there are things that are dying in my life.  There are loved ones that are getting close to walking their final mile.  There are relationships that are changing or ending altogether.  The shape of my dreams has been changing as well.  So something deep is stirring.  It easy to feel raw and vulnerable while I try and find my feet again in this new energy.   I feel as if I've been in stasis for many years and now the container I've been in is about to burst open just like a butterfly's cocoon.  So maybe all the butterflies crossing my path is nature's way of reassuring me.

So why am I telling you this? I'm reminded of a song called Monarch, by singer/songwriter Matt Alber.  A string of lyrics comes to mind, "In my body there is buried some strange memory of how to fly, what to follow, it will lead me to the origin of me...prehistory."  Yeah there is a lot to unpack there.  To me it means that what we need to move forward is already within us.  The soul waits till the time is right to stir and guide us to spread our wings.  In uncertain times there is something in the stillness that is ready to help us on our path.  I find that a comforting thought.

How about you?  What is stirring beneath your surface?  What do the depths conceal within your heart?  What do you hope will wake?  In times such as this, the only advice I have is to go gently.  Be kind to yourself and others.  It is the same advice I give for life in general, but when we are at the crossing points it is doubly important and so easy to forget.  Take time to thank Spirit for the little messengers and mysteries it sends your way.  They may be delicate like butterfly wings or they may roar like the wind, but in the end they are the chimes to wake us from our trances.  May you wake from your nightmares into sweeter dreams.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Power Trip

Greetings all,

It's been a few weeks.  I had been getting pretty stagnant when it came to blog posts.  I decided to take a short break for my trip so that I could come back with fresh perspectives.

Every year I try and go someplace I've never been before.  It doesn't have to be very far away, just some place new.  Well Ontario was both new and got a stamp in my passport.  (You have to ask them to stamp it though).  I drove across the land over a thousand miles.  This year I just felt I had to go a bit farther.  I am moving into a new phase of my life, with a family member walking their last few miles, and myself allowing myself to be seen in my power.  Lake Superior was a good choice for that experience I think.  It echoes the power of the ocean.

This summer has been one of interpersonal conflicts for me.  I'm not a person who enjoys or particularly does well with conflict, but I make people uncomfortable.  I don't mean to.  My energy has an effect.  It can be subtle and deep, or it can be loud and center stage.  What I've had to learn is that it is not about me, it is about them.  In the past I have purposefully made myself seem small or hidden my light.  Now it is getting to the point where I simply can't hide that shine.  I can only make myself crazy trying to hold it back.  I do my best to be respectful, but beyond that I have no control of how my energy will be received.  This is not a fun lesson, but a necessary one.

So why am I telling you this?  Well the world needs us all to step into and stand in our power.  It may feel uncomfortable to start with, but it is the only way we will find lasting peace and a sense of belonging.  Plus the people wielding power these days don't seem to have our best interests at heart.  Why should we allow them to direct us?  Why shouldn't we direct ourselves and our communities with authentic power? Who are we to deny our gifts to those around us?

What about you?  Have you been stepping up and claiming your power?  Have you allowed it to radiate to those around you?  Have you kept it locked away afraid of what people might think of it?  Sooner or later, the light will leak out.  What if you just opened the door?  What would happen if you allowed yourself to shine?  Try it out and see what shakes loose.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

August Ways

Greetings all,

This post is late, truthfully I started it yesterday and then scrapped it.  The words seemed forced not hitting any deeper truths.  I try to have my writing mean something, otherwise it is just a chore I set myself.

 One of my favorite artists released a new album this year which I of course I had to immediately purchase.  A good deal of my spiritual path has been scored by her work.  For many years I only did readings, but coming into the pathways of manifestation and communion with nature spirits went hand in hand with her music.  It is beautiful, poignant, and also more often than not quite sad.  The road I've taken has not been an easy one, it has left me at times broken and close to life's edges.  It has seen me lose the ones I love to death and more often betrayal.  This album seems to call up the regret and grief in me.  Yet now all of her music echoes with time and friends past.  Nostalgia is not a simple emotion, it is like a forest in the mist, concealing as much as it reveals.  August is one of the times where the summers of my past tend to haunt me a bit.  I was often lonely growing up with long days of solitude.  At the same time I dreaded summer's end because for several years I was terribly bullied at school.  

The nights are lengthening noticeably once more.  The light fades  and the cold and dark seasons are waiting me with their difficulties, or in the words of House Stark, "Winter is coming."  So the change in the light and the air brings up memories of all those former fading seasons.  This has been stirred also by the sound of this album.  For a while in the mid to late 90s Loreena McKennitt was releasing an album fairly regularly.  Then her fiance passed away in 1998, it was almost 8 years before she released an album of new work.  On this latest album there is a song called 100 wishes.  As I listened to the lyrics it speaks of wishing to be in places with someone again.  

It's funny the shapes that people carve out in your life and no matter how they exit those shapes are always there.  Estrangement is a funny sort of loss, final yet not final.  Having so many folks leave by that door often has me wondering what is wrong with me.  My twenties was one long series of soulful hellos and fiery goodbyes.  As I look back now I mourn for what had to be to bring me to who I am.  Despite loss, despite pain, there could be no other way than the road I've walked.  If it happened any other way I wouldn't know what I know, nor do what I do.  Wishing it had been otherwise would be a waste of time and emotional energy.  Not that I don't occasionally play the what if game because like everyone I do.  I wouldn't want to be back there again, even knowing what I know now.  How could I ever let myself be vulnerable if I saw where things would go?  The loss and pain shaped me as surely as a lightning strike shapes a tree, and those contorted limbs and gnarled roots are what makes it unique.  

So why am I telling you this?  Well many of us waste our lives looking backwards, with the words, "If only I had done differently everything would be better."  The truth is we don't know, and if we did we wouldn't be who we are.  Like so many, we run from who we are, believing that we aren't enough in this moment.  The idea that we'd love ourselves more if only we'd done better.  Realizing this is hard because it takes away a distraction from the raw places that need attention in our lives currently.  The work of accepting who we are and where we are is waiting for us.  

How about you?  Are you losing yourself in the ocean of past never had beens? Do your regrets rule your view of your life?  Do you honor the gifts and experiences your road has brought to you?  Does the pain of the past bring you sadness or wisdom?  It can be both, and there is nothing wrong with that.  

Peace and Blessings,

Thomas Mooneagle