A Look in the Mirror

Greetings all,

I hope this week finds you well.  This week I've noticed a lot of old habits creeping back in.  I've been doing relatively well with keeping to a schedule until this past week.  Although rather than berate myself perhaps it is simply a chance to look deeper into the mirror to see what is there.

A year ago I was attending the second meeting of the shamanic 2 year program I am enrolled in.  We paired up with partners and each of us had to journey for the other to see what to do to get ready for the next session.  I remember my partner was nervous before they told me my assignment because their guide had said I wouldn't like it.  Then she told me what it was, and I said, "They're right I don't like it one bit."  I still did the assignment which was to look at myself in the mirror for fifteen minutes right into my eyes.  No distractions, no music, just breathe and gaze.  Try it sometime, if you've never done it you may find it challenging to do for fifteen minutes.

Now I find myself finding reflections of myself everywhere.  (A wee bit narcissistic, for all I know I could be the reflection).  I was at a meditation this week hosted by a friend and we were opposites in dress.  I wore a white shirt and black shorts, they wore a black shirt and white shorts.  I've been seeing this white and black or yin and yang if you prefer everywhere lately.  The world it seems is one great mirror and that holds promise and peril.

Duality is the chessboard on which the game of life seems to be played.  People identify with one pole or the other.  "I am this, not that."  Some people identify by what they are against.  You see this a lot at election time when people say they vote for the lesser of the 2 evils.  They might not like their candidate, but at least it isn't candidate X.  (Political affiliations have been removed to reduce trolling, remember kiddos don't feed the trolls).  The world can seem that way, polarized and volatile.  As children we are socialized with that very basic structure something is either right or wrong.  Even in later life when we intellectually know there is more to a situation than the hero/villain lens we still use it.  We're conditioned to use it by our media culture.  It stops us from thinking too much.

A lot of change is stymied because of the duality mindset.  One thing people in power don't want is for others to be thinking rationally about issues.  If they do then those issues can't be used to divide and control them.  When we can't see ourselves in others we conversely end up seeing more of ourselves projected out in the world, particularly the parts we don't like about ourselves.  There is that peril I was talking about. The world will mirror back to us what we are again and again.  If we don't accept it and address it those reflections can become sharper like the shards of a broken mirror.

Some of you will be thinking well that just lets people off the hook for their behavior.  It doesn't really.  I don't reward unsociable or cruel behavior.  I also can't not see myself in that light.  I have seen the face of evil, and it is my own.  One train of thought that helps though is if you accept the idea of parallel universes.  In some cosmological theories for every choice that is made the universe splits off into parallel universes exploring every option.  So in some universes I am a psychotic killer who eats babies.   (I knew I should have turned left at universe 15664).  If you aren't sold on the idea of parallel universes what about reincarnation?  If you think you never played the villain you haven't been a student of history.   I played that role and being an overachiever I perfected it.  I mean I was downright malevolent, I would have fit in with any Disney villain.

So what does it all mean?  A lot of consciousness work focuses on coming into neutrality about things. From there a truly free choice can be made.  The surface of the mirror is where the power is.  It bridges the reflections.  Where is the mirror in your world, your consciousness?  Where does that reflection pop up for you?  Who brings the old patterns to the surface to stare back at you?  What about the promise I spoke of, well if everything is reflecting you back, then it puts you in charge.   If you accept your reflections and work within yourself then what is reflected back also changes.  An old magical theory states if you change yourself you change the world.  So what will you see when you chant Mirror mirror on the wall?   Will you choose promise or peril?

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Romance and Mystery

Greetings all,

When I told one of my teachers what the name of this blog post was going to be they asked me if I had fallen in love.  I have not, at least not in the traditional sense of the phrase.  I have been feeling a deep call in my heart these past few months.  Although if I am honest it really started last fall when I was on the road.  The call of magic and mystery was upon me.  Since then it has only increased the longing in my heart to experience even deeper more profound mysteries.

In some indigenous American cultures the Creator is referred to as the Great Spirt or Great Mystery.  While I am not myself a member of any Native American tribe I've always liked that idea.  It has a great resonance for me.  As children so many things are mysteries or magical.  Our walk through the world inspires wonder and delight.  (For those of you who didn't have that experience it is never too late to have a happy childhood).  What I love about referring to the Divine as a Mystery is that it leaves a lot open.  It covers both the personal aspect of a being that wishes to love us, and also all the wonders that we don't quite understand.  It invites us into a sense of the sublime,  that uncharted nature of the feeling of mystery where we know something is going on, but we aren't sure quite what, is so important in taking us beyond the fields that we know into a larger and if we so choose more magical world.

As I have been connecting with people in the past year I have realized I am not alone in this yearning.  Many people are feeling the call.  They want to taste magic.  They want to touch it, feel it and see it.  What I have also noticed is that many people are not wanting to put the work into it.  They want Mystery on Demand. I've ranted before about the perils of wanting something quick and easy when it relates to spirits and magic so I won't repeat that now. What I will say is why would Mystery want to experience you?

This is not a judgment by the way.  I am saying one of the effects of experiencing Mystery is a profound change in the self.  If you're  not willing to change why would Mystery visit?  You are sending off a signal of "That's alright I don't need you, but could you do a few parlor tricks for me this evening."  I have been thinking of it like having a romance.  If you were trying to attract or keep a desirable partner you'd take care of yourself wouldn't you. You'd watch your hygiene, your manners,  and handle your personal affairs in a way to minimize drama.  You wouldn't just hang out on the couch watching TV eating garbage and expect to date the man or woman of your dreams.  (People that are easily offended should be aware this is a metaphor and has nothing to do with perceived standards of physical attractiveness).  You'd expect to put some effort into courting that certain someone.  You may join a gym, learn a new skill or take up a new hobby.  You might be really brave and learn to dance.   So why wouldn't you put the same level of effort into experiencing Mystery.

One of the great realizations in the past year or two for myself was that if I wanted the kind of life I dreamed of, I would have to change to be the type of person who could handle that life.  I would have to have the level of energy to maintain that life, and have the emotional/mental flexibility needed to manage it.  It is natural for us to want more of that elusive wonder.  It takes some effort like any worthwhile relationship.

So what about you?  Have you been longing for more magic, mystery or meaning in your life?  Have you been trying to romance the Mystery into spending time with you, or have you been more interested in the latest gossip?  Do you make time to meditate to improve your mental/emotional hygiene so that you look all sparkly to Mystery?  Are you more interested in getting even, than moving on?  Have you been demanding miracles, while simultaneously not making space in your paradigm for them?  Romancing the Mystery is a full time job, but in my opinion it is the best damn job to have.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

I don't care and that's pretty awesome

Greetings everyone,

I have great news!  I got one of the worst comments I have ever received on my youtube channel a little over a week ago.   Confused?    Why is that great news?  Well on its own it isn't great news, but my response to it was.  I simply didn't care.  Let me allow that to sink in for a minute.....I didn't care.

I didn't take the insult personally.  I didn't believe it for a second.  (I did critique the spelling and grammar though).  The negative slur had the opposite of its intended effect.  I was happy.  I was relieved that I didn't take in any of the energy of the comment.  I was actually grateful to have been insulted plus it meant I got to watch one of my favorite videos called "Thank you hater" by Cleverpie.

Some of you won't get what a big deal this is for me.  If you have been reading my blog at all you'll have heard me reference or let's face it complain about being empathic.  While it is a useful skill it can make you hyper sensitive to criticism.  When someone tells you, "Who cares what they think or feel about you."  Well if you're highly empathic you care, it is hard not to since you pick up that person's feelings.  So to not care what someone thought of me, nor entertain their feelings for a second is huge.  I take it as a sign that I must be growing.  When I first started making videos and posting them  I was always quite nervous about what people would think of them and of me.  I tell people it was an act of self acceptance to record myself at all let alone post it for the world to see.

This past month has been one of expansion and rediscovering personal power.  I don't think it is just me either.  I've sensed opportunities for many of us to break out of our self imposed limitations.  Magic has been calling to me for half the summer.  The longing for ceremony and ritual has been constant.  You may be thinking. "What don't you have enough magic in your life?  I mean you're freaking Thomas Mooneagle!"  It's true I do tread in the mysteries.  However it is easy to forget what you can do for yourself while you are doing for others.  It is good to stretch and reinvigorate your own empowerment.

So my darlings what about you?  Is there some negative that you can turn around and realize how little it affects you?  Is there something someone did to push your buttons that you transcended?  Can you be thankful to the little shit for the opportunity to realize you're bigger than that?  (Yes while you may be over them they are still a little shit).  What power and practices do you feel inspired to take up again?  What seemingly small thing is a sign of a big change deep below the surface?  Ponder on it for a while and let me know.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

The Biggest Lie

Greetings all,

A few years back I began taking classes about the medicine wheel in the Andean tradition of shamanism.  In that tradition we start always in the south.  That is the place of the Sashamama, the mother serpent (or anaconda mama in street slang) she teaches us to shed our past.  A lot of the medicine of the south is about letting go of old ideas and transmuting old wounds.  One of our assignments was to uncover the biggest lie we ever told ourselves.  That was the wound to be transmuted.

Now I've gone round the medicine wheel a few times and I continue to uncover old ideas that need to be shed to make peace with my past and move into my future.  Recently in my musings I discovered one I had been harboring for decades.  The lie goes something like this,  "I am not strong."  This originated from my childhood most likely because I was the youngest of several siblings.  I was kind of small and I was never very good at sports.  However the theme of not being strong evolved beyond the physical into the realms of mental and emotional reserves.   It influenced my beliefs about how effective I could be in making decisions, being successful, and coping with the challenges of life.

Some people would agree that I am not strong.  The funny thing is some of my biggest conflicts have been with people who have been afraid of my capabilities.  They tended to try and play upon my lack of confidence in my own strength.  Much of this I didn't realize until later.  I've repeatedly rubbed a few people the wrong way energetically, and yet still deep down is this lie that I am not strong.  In part this is due to societal views on what strength is, particularly for men.  I don't heft huge weights, nor am I the one you think of when moving heavy furniture or appliances.  Ironically I work in clay which happens to be a very physically demanding medium.  I also own my own business and run a fairly successful Youtube channel.  So what is the deal about not being strong?

Let's try an experiment.  Think of someone who epitomizes strength.  Don't try to be politically correct or deep just pick the first person that comes to mind when you think strong.  So who was it?  Was it a man or a woman?  What are the attributes of that person?  Whomever sprang to mind for you will tell you a lot about your concept of power.

So what about you?  Do you think you're not strong?  Is that your biggest lie that you've told yourself?  Is your lie about not being beautiful, talented, or worthy?  Whatever your biggest lie is you most likely have story around why it has to be true.  Beware of telling that story every time you do you make it harder to realize the lie.  How do you expunge the lie and begin to see the truth about yourself?  You begin by recognizing the lie that's been running/ruining your life.  Maybe you haven't ever consciously given it much thought, maybe it has just been a subconscious mirroring of cultural views.  Start looking into how you define your core concepts of the ideals you value: power, beauty, talent, worthiness.  Are these your definitions or are they somebody else's you just adopted?  Whenever you shame yourself or speak negatively about yourself ask yourself simply, "Is this really true?"  You'd be surprised how often  the answer is no.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Just Friends

Greetings all,

I've been thinking this past week about how we think of friendships.  Our culture has celebrated family and romantic relationships for a long time as the formulaic answer to happiness.  I can't tell you how many times I've heard the phrase "we're just friends".  Yes it is meant to distinguish between a romantic attachment rather than as a pejorative, but the qualifier "just" implies a lesser status.

Growing up I didn't have many friends.  I actually didn't end up with any longterm friends until I got to high school.  In my twenties I had intense friendships some which lasted and some that didn't.  Having been a loner for most of my life I highly value friendship.  It was in the past few years that I noticed that not everyone holds it in the same high honor.  There is nothing like loneliness to make you appreciate good people except being around the wrong sort of people (which is its own sort of loneliness).  I've had friendships end dramatically, and sometimes through fading and distance.  Other friends I won't see for years and yet we still hold each other in our hearts.  I've had friendships that have saved my life, others that have crushed my heart,   Friendships have been my richest, deepest, and most enduring relationships.  As such I am always up for making new friends.  Every friend is its own adventure.  So what's the deal with the "just" friends.

We live in a highly mobile culture.  Families and individuals move around more than they did in generations past.  It is rare for us to have a friend we've known since childhood.  In some ways that explains why friendship hasn't gotten the respect it deserves.  Neighborhoods have people coming and going every year, so getting to know people often takes more time than most of us have available.  We have Facebook friends, and online forum friends, and sometimes we have never met.  (Not to imply that you can't have meaningful online friends, but social support sometimes needs hugs).  As we get older and start to get into romantic partnerships our friendships can dwindle particularly if our partners don't like the same sort of people we do.  I've seen the scenario where a couple gets together and one of them will actively separate their partner them from their friends.  I've seen where people after entering into a romantic relationship will simply forget they have friends unless that romance ends.

So where am I going with all this?  Am I just ranting and complaining?  I'll admit I am ranting just a bit.  I just wonder if we've forgotten about the sheer joys of companionship.  Having older relatives who have lived quite a long time it has struck me how important it is to keep friends and to keep making friends.  We know ourselves through our relationships with others.  In our families we often play a role that is very hard to change; we get to stretch our identities with friends.  Friends are our traveling companions and you always want good companions for the road whether it be rough or easy going.  What about you?  Do you have your traveling companions?  Do you value them and do they value you?  Are you keeping the door open for new comers to your merry band?  Do you make the time to connect with others?  Has modern culture watered down your concept of friendship?  What does it mean to you?

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

The Chase

They say the thrill is in the chase.  There is certainly an adrenaline rush when pursuing a goal.  When you push through your limitations the feeling of exhilaration can be almost addictive, but when the goal is a person or a relationship that feeling tends to fall flat.  Sometimes in our pursuit of companionship we forget ourselves.

What am I getting at you may ask.  Well one trait I express is that I  put a lot of energy in maintaining connection and communication with friends and potential friends.  I tend to be the social hub for several different communities of people.  I mean here I am posting every week trying to connect with a readership.  It is easy for me to sometimes forget that connections are not something to chase after.

Yes you heard me right.  You shouldn't have to chase people.  If you think chasing someone is romantic then you've been seduced by pop culture.  This goes for friendships too.  If someone is placing a lot of obstacles and tests in your path to see if you are "worthy" to know then I have another secret to impart...they're not worth knowing.  If you have to go out of your way to get someone to like you and see what you have to bring to the table, then they're also probably not a keeper for your social support network.  There are also those you and I both know that seem to like you, but are chronically busy.  I mean all the time, so much so that you have to constantly initiate contact just to make sure you still have their correct number or email address.  Again think hard what are you getting out of this?

So now you may be wondering if you stop putting so much effort into connecting with others what will happen.  Will you turn into a hermit?  Will you be forgotten?  Well I am not suggesting you stop reaching out to people, but rather make sure that the people you are reaching out to are meeting you halfway.  It always comes down to balance.  In my line of work I have to reach out for business purposes.  I have to network and make new contacts, get students registered for classes, and get people interested in what I do.  In my personal life however I am beginning to adopt a philosophy of relaxed communication.

Why do we chase people?  Well most likely it is insecurity.  We feel if we don't put on a show and do the footwork we might just end up alone and unloved.  It's that basic underlying pattern of "I'm not worthy and nobody will like me so I best try really hard." Ah lovely self doubt how you make us pine for those unworthy of our attention. This is really all about yourself, I mean the chase is ultimately about a need to control how much others value you.  There is a famous line from the "Wizard of Oz"  (the movie I can't remember if it is in the book),  "The heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others."  That's an awful message really.  That sort of thinking will make you miserable.

So does any of this apply to you?  I wouldn't know, I haven't been stalking you.  (Okay maybe just that one time).  Seriously though do you spend your time in your personal life trying to convince people you're worth their time .  Do you have people in your life that make you feel like a phone stalker.  Do you think if you stopped initiating contact, or going out of your way for someone then you wouldn't see or hear from them?  I suggest you try an experiment, just stop.   Allow others to approach you.  Try it out for a week.  Now this is not a "test" of anyone's loyalty this is to see how much energy you put into maintaining contact.    What would happen if you just accepted the fact that you are valuable and worthy all by yourself?  You might be surprised about the quality of company when you resonate with that.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Ascension and Embodiment

The past few years we've heard a lot about ascension in the metaphysical circuit.  The solstice of 2012 (or as I liked to call it THE GREAT CONJUNCTION) has come and gone.  When we look around at our world it still seems neck deep in crises.  Where is this promised golden age?  The problem I think is the misunderstanding of the ascension idea.

The picture we have been painted by various channelled messages and new age thought about  ascension has been one where everybody just wakes up and suddenly agrees on the same things.  It sounds like the metaphysical version of 1984 when you examine it.  When in our entire history have we all agreed on anything?  The only way that would be possible is with some vast system of mind control.   (The Mooneagle isn't ruling that out, but who watches the watchmen)?  In other versions it dictates a rapid ascension of those that "embrace these energies (or ideas)" and continued struggle and extra suffering for those who do not.  Does that sound judgmental at all?  Of course not it's for their good right?

When I have looked at how these ideas work I have noticed that the solutions all seem to come from outside.  I'm not saying that you can't get solutions or ideas from elsewhere, but I doubt seriously that they appear out of nowhere.  When I've had a solution just come out of the blue it is usually something I'd been working intently on and contemplating for a while.

Contrast this with the idea of embodiment.  It's not as fancy at first, for one we have to stay in our flesh suits.  It requires being present, being conscious (not that ascension doesn't), and fully engaging with the world around us.  By fully engaging I mean coming out of our heads and truly feeling our lives.  In the past I have been guilty of meditating my feelings away,  living in the abstract rather than the visceral.  Ascension is great don't get me wrong, but what our world truly needs is some of these high energies anchored securely here by the people making choices.  We forget that the world is a shared dream.  When we  don't fully embody the energies of spirit by placing it in some ethereal realm we cut ourselves off from our ability to change the nature of the dream.  We can then fall prey to those that want to shape the dream to their benefit at the expense of others.  Things like media, culture and religion all attempt to control the narrative of the dream.  Some of them mean well,  but even so they present an incomplete picture.  The more we embody, the more conscious we become of the dream like nature of our reality.

Embodiment is not easy.  It requires us to feel strongly.  That means sometimes it hurts.  If you think spiritual growth means not having to feel unpleasant emotions I have disappointing news for you.  There are times when I feel awful about everything, and yet it seems from those places I have moved into even higher patterns of life.  It's my goal to fully embody the quality of joy, but what most people don't realize is to do that you must also experience deep sorrow.  The weight of depression has caused me to develop skills and strengths I never would have found in any other way.  It caused me to seek new ways of being, to seek change.  Let's face it if we felt awesome all the time we'd never change.

So how about yourself?  Are you living in your head trying to ascend to some ideal plane of existence where the problems just drop away?  Are you mired deep in the pit of collective nightmares?  Are you trying your hardest not to feel fully?  Well friend you aren't alone.  Gandhi said to be the change you wish to see in the world.  If you believe in that idea embodiment might just be for you.  What energy would you like to see more of in the world:  love, peace, wisdom, creativity, joy, innovation?  Pick one or pick  all of them, and then embody them.  That is how you are the change.  You live them, you feel them, and ultimately you become them.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle