Yes I have been away. I thought I should get out one more post for the year before both it and the decade expire. This past year it feels like several years of experience rolled into one. I broke with my weekly blogging tradition as I turned inward. There are some things not meant for public eyes.
Someone once described life as a puzzle with no edge pieces and no picture on the box to look at. I tend to agree. One of the biggest errors I have made was comparing my puzzle to other people's. We all get different pieces, and what will fit together in one life will not in another. Life is also like a puzzle in the sense that you want to look at as many pieces as possible and sort them into what you're going to assemble first, usually the edge pieces, in real life basically finding out what we're not. Some folks go the opposite route and find out exactly who they are before finding what they aren't. Some never get far in either direction.
I myself don't really like doing the edge pieces. I like to pick a point that has distinction and assemble out from there. It is not the most efficient way to begin, but life is not always about efficiency. It would explain a lot about my path. I work on things, pulling together skills unsure of how it will all fit together in my life. Sometimes it doesn't or exists only as a reference point. At other times, years may pass before certain pieces join up to form a larger picture.
Lately I have been wondering if the puzzle I've been assembling is really the picture I thought it was. That can be a painful realization at least until something new comes together. Right now in the time between the solstice and the new year there is a bit of breathing space. The majority of the hustle and bustle of the season has passed. We are left with ourselves, the gifts we have given, and those we have received. So many people get sad this time of year because they have learned that these gifts rarely change our lives. It is the people around us that do that, as well as ourselves. Absences around a festive table are more keenly felt. There is a great dissonance in the artificial holiday feelings society tries to manufacture for us and the realities of our lives. We punish ourselves for not feeling those deep holiday sentiments. I spent my Christmas with family and close friends and we put together a puzzle. It wasn't anything extravagant, but we got to be with each other. I am at the point in my life where I know there is nothing that comes wrapped in any box that will gift me with joy. Joy will come from me and my relationships.
Why am I talking about puzzles? Well like I said, life is a kind of puzzle. Instead of being outside of it we're in it assembling it around ourselves. You have to step back and look at what the pieces are forming every so often or you end up going nowhere, slowly. Also like a puzzle you can't force pieces together that just don't fit. You end up breaking the pieces and possibly the whole picture if you do that. Raise your hand if you've ever tried to force something to work. (If your hand is not raised maybe you should check your honesty settings).
How about you? In this time between time, as the old year wanes and the new year and decade waits in the wings, are you assembling the puzzle pieces of life, or are you just puzzled? Do you know what really brings you joy? Do you know where you fit together and whom fits with you? If not this is a good time to reflect and sort your own pieces out. There is no picture to look at to shape the pieces only your inner vision. Don't bury your pain, let it point you to where you lack. From there you can hopefully chart a joyous course into a new year.
Happy Holidays,
Thomas Mooneagle
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