Shaken not Stirred

Greetings all,

Yes that is a Bond quote in the title.  Probably the only time you'll see me referring to him.  He is after all the worst spy in history.  Everyone knew who he was, and if he isn't a misogynists's dream of the ideal man he is damn close. The title refers more to me this week.

Events are moving, sometimes accompanied by hundreds of pounds of steal behind them.  Last weekend's near miss with the car in the fog (or as I like to think of it as someone who was compensating either for the lack of a mother's love or a severe handicap in anatomical endowment) has been followed by two more of these close calls.  I've gotten a bit jumpy you might say.  Usually when cars get flung at me it is because something wants me to mind my own business.  Of course I never do, it's just not who I am I suppose.

In times of tremendous change it is natural to feel a bit untethered and unsure.  I find myself conflicted torn between quickly trying to hammer something down into certainty and remaining open to an opportunity as yet unknown.  The thing is I don't really have to know at this point, but it is funny how everyone else wants to know what my plans are.  I almost manufacture plans just to have something to tell people.  They aren't lies either, I create real plans.  I just wonder if it is too soon to believe in any of them.  Meanwhile I am plugging away at some of my more ambitious long term goals.  I seem to be in delaying mode though, sometimes when things are close to coming to fruition I back away.  Nowadays I at least recognize the tendency. Believe it or not getting what you want can be just as frightening as not getting it.

So here I am betwixt and between the last chapter of one life and the first chapter of another.  I'm debating on what that next chapter will include.  I do feel all wobbly on the inside, but society demands certainty at all times.  The world waits for no man and all that rubbish.  Well considering the amount of time I've had to wait for various people or circumstances I think I shall take a moment to catch my breath, to look up, to even dare I say it…rest.  I've been given a great gift and that's an empty space in my life.  There is no need to automatically fill it without pause or reflection.

How about you?  Are you jarred from one event to another never taking time to regain your equilibrium?  Do you fill every empty section of your space and life?  Are you afraid of having space to think or be without a role to perform?  Why does the undefined frighten you?  Does having your ship come in leave you hung out to dry?  Stir these thoughts around in your head for a bit, and see if they don't shake you up.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle