Falling

Greetings all,

I write once more from the road.  I'm certainly getting in my miles this year.  Soon the travel cloak will be put away for the season, but a few weeks more are left in the rush.  As the leaves begin to fall, it is a time of letting go.  Just as we do spring cleaning so too does autumn have us let loose of things.

Falling down is an important lesson.  One all of us learn (some like yours truly learn it repeatedly just in case we missed the gist).  The thing about falling is learning to pick ourselves back up without too much discouragement.  I usually do, but not until I have sufficiently bitched about it and beaten myself up for falling down in the first place.  Someday I hope to at least transcend the need to beat myself up for not doing everything perfectly the first time.  I do believe I have shared my burden of perfectionism.  It is never so apparent then when I fail at something.  The self recriminations and feelings of worthlessness can be overwhelming.  Generally I am very poor company for days after a set back.  I want comforting and yet refuse to be cheered or comforted.  I call that my pity whore state of being.

This week I was informed that I was being let go from one of my teaching positions.  It came as a shock.  I have regular students but apparently my attendance rate was too low.  (To be fair my class was scheduled at the worst possible time for most working people).  I had gotten glowing performance reviews so I was blindsided.  So I have spent the last 48 hours alternating between panicking about funds and then wallowing in the depths of being a professional failure.  No drama there nope not a bit of it.  Okay people no drama to see here move along.

We can either define ourselves by our successes or failures.  However probably the best way to define ourselves is how we manage to get back up and face the world again with grace.  I swear I will learn to do this gracefully…tomorrow…or next week….perhaps next year.  This is harder to do than you'd think.  It is easier if we learn it when we're children, but not all of us do.  For those who didn't have the creative parenting style that teaches resilience there is hope though.  You can learn to be resilient, to dust yourself off and get back in the game.  It is a choice.  Although I may complain and consider giving up, it is an option that is off the table.  I can't give up, not won't, can't.

So how about you?  When you fall do you get back up or do you lay there until someone comes along to pick you back up?  Do you see failure as some sort of big character flaw that only unworthy people have?  Do you beat yourself up when you fall short?  Well my dear ones you're not alone.  Most of us are still learning how to take care of ourselves while we move forward.  Give yourself permission to fall from time to time with the caveat that you will get back up and try again.  To rise we must fall, to succeed we must risk  failure.  Is it really so bad to not be perfect?  Think about it as you get back on your feet this week.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle