Emotions

Greetings all,

I hope you are doing well.  I've had a cold for the past week which is just now really starting to dissipate.  I was very disappointed because I had been doing so well this fall about not getting the seasonal sinus crap.  Last year I spent over a month (actually close to 2) being ill during the fall and winter.  I had a lot on my plate emotionally speaking.

Being empathic or sensitive has its drawbacks.  One of them is that my health mirrors my feelings quite a bit.  It is one of the reason some people view me as distant.  I really try not to get upset or be in the middle of upset (haha life kind of requires that).  When I am overwrought emotionally you'd be astounded how quickly I come down with something, sometimes within hours.  Of course that is usually after weeks of burning the candle at both ends.  I do tend to keep pushing myself and then get all frustrated when my body goes, "Hold up there partner I'm sitting this one out!"

This all stems from me trying to avoid confrontations with everybody.  Not a healthy habit I know, and one I am seeking to change.  I have to be pretty mad to call someone out.  This completely shocks people when it happens, they think they're dreaming or have strayed into the Twilight Zone.  I am downright cruel when I get that angry.  That silver tongue of mine has a sharp edge when it is pointed at someone.  Now usually someone has worked hard to get me that angry, so some might say they had it coming.  I would say that or part of me would.

The thing is you really can't make someone else responsible for your emotions…even if you are empathic.  Not unless you want to live life in a bubble or in constant victim mode.  See the thing is if someone has brought me to that point of fury odds are I haven't said anything to them.  I haven't just taken them aside and said, "Hey what you just did is not okay with me."  I could make excuses as to why this is.  I could say I did use to do that then I met an emotional tyrant who turned that against me.  It would be true and what is also true is that everyone else in my life is not that person.  (If however you are that person and you are reading this blog looking for a response here it is……ten years of silence was your response).

How does this apply to you?  All of us sometimes behave as if the person in front of us is someone from our past.  We live in our memories especially in our close relationships for those are the ones that have the most potential to hurt us.  It is hard to be vulnerable.  It is something I personally struggle with as I am sure many do.  I don't think there is any spirit or deity that would judge us for this paralysis of emotion.  I am able to do my work without mastering this.  I could happily go on with my healing practice helping people even if  I never progress into this level of vulnerability.  It isn't about anyone else.  Similarly whatever emotional or personal challenge you experience has no bearing on your "worthiness" it only affects the level of enjoyment you will take in life.  So maybe try to grow and change or not, either way know that it is only ever about you.  How do you feel?

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle