Sensitivity

Greetings all,

I hope you've been enjoying the Grand Water Trine in the sky this month.  I've been finding it a challenge myself.  Emotions have been magnified, fears have been brought to light, and the past has reared its head complete with a bulleted list of regrets.  Some are telling me that this the cleanse before the renewal.  Remaining aware of it has been a real test of my resolve.

Emotions are the great challenges.  They paint the events of our life.  They color our internal narrative.  Are we in a tragedy or a comedy?  For someone like me they pose an extra challenge.  I have to first determine whether what I am feeling is mine or not.  You'd be surprised about how many feelings we carry that aren't really ours to start with.  Even if it is only a percentage separating out what isn't ours makes a huge difference.

Another challenge for empathic people is criticism.  Nobody of course enjoys criticism, but it hits doubly hard for empaths.  The thing which is the hardest to remember when it happens is that just because someone says something about you doesn't make it true.  I have a habit of looking at myself under a very fine microscope and cataloguing the shortcomings.  So when somebody comes along and criticizes one of them it is redundant.  Rest assured I am very aware of my flaws.  We vacation together that's how well we know each other.

So if you are like me you have been told that you are too sensitive.  I would say perhaps I am, but that is why people come to see me.  They want to use my sensitivity.  So is it a weakness or a strength?  The answer is it is both.  However I have learned to be wary of people who too often use the line, "you're too sensitive."  Usually in context of the situations I have experienced people who rely on that after saying hurtful things are telling me that my feelings don't matter, and that their need to be clever or superior is more important than treating me with respect.  I've also heard the terms, "Well I'm just blunt take me or leave me."  Experience again has taught me to go ahead and leave.  Who wants to hang around people who are going to constantly beat you over your head with your flaws.

Now some of you are going to think well that is all just ego.  You'd be right.  It is ego.  It's my ego and I own that.  I don't see a reason to let a part of myself be abused.  You wouldn't let someone come to your home and beat up on your dog, why is the social aspect of yourself less important?  In the spiritual community ego bashing is commonplace.  I've heard people talk about "killing" the ego or "destroying" the ego.  That seems a bit violent to me.  I've also noticed that some of these same people are bent on "helping" others destroy their ego.  Mostly they do it by being assholes, and kicking people when they are down.  When confronted they hide behind the "spiritual lesson" they are teaching.  What you have here is a spiritualized ego.  This is the ego on righteousness steroids.  The ego has become enmeshed with the spiritual identity (not that I would know anything about that...).

So are you being too sensitive?  Perhaps, or you could also be surrounded by less than kind people.  I'm not saying that you shouldn't entertain criticism.  I am saying that there comes a time to show it to the door and turn in for the night.  Look around you.  Look at your relationships.  Is there someone who seems to need to hurt the feelings of those they deem too sensitive? Are you carrying more than your fair share of emotional burdens?  Are you respecting the feelings of others?  Are you respecting your own feelings?  I will let you ponder that for a week and hope that you are feeling better for it.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle