I've been playing catch up this week since my return from Cincinnati. The third week of the month saw my second meditation group hosted, new clients, and two parties. It seemed every time I turned around new plans were springing up.
En garde is a fencing term used to alert opponents in a match that the sparring is about to begin. It is of french origin meaning on guard. As I was moving through the crowd at the kickoff to the Derby Festival I was acutely aware of my guard. I have become more aware of how often I am on high alert with shields up. My defensive stance can often make me seem cold or standoffish, and I admit I am not the warmest person you'll meet. I do think though I am warmer than the impression I give off when my defenses are raised. The ego can be either watchful guardian or a warden, or even both. Our ego's primary concern is in fact our well being, sometimes it just overshoots the mark.
In doing healing work I often come across energetic barriers that people have over their hearts. They appear as solid in the aura and can look like stone or steel doors. I'm the first to say that such things serve a purpose…for a time, but such rigid barriers are not useful for the long term. Over time it keeps out as much good or even more than the bad it was meant to protect us from. We become starved from the emotional disconnection and if we continue in this way it can warp our perception. We become even more distrustful and we attract untrustworthiness into our life. So we shore up our defenses, build higher walls and thus the cycle continues.
Currently I am doing a lot of emotional work, and I am discovering that I have turned a lot of social interactions into minefields where there were only meadows. I have created gates and locked doors to keep out the heavy actions of others only to find it wherever I turn. This isn't the world only my reflection of it upon the moat of my self isolation. I am of course exaggerating for effect, but the core of truth is there. I have loosened some of the doors in my psyche the past few years and let some few people inside my walls. My life is richer for it. Still I struggle with tearing down the walls. I have to learn to trust in outstretched hands rather than a stone facade. It is not good for us to be on watch all the time. It is not living it is surviving, and I want to live.
So what about you? Are at the ready, shield arm raised high with your rapier poised in your other hand? Do your defenses color your perceptions of those around you? How much good have you missed holed up in your fortress? What would happen if you put a few nice windows in? What if you got an easier latch on those doors? How much life can you let into yourself? I do not suggest you leave all your doors wide open day and night with no cares on whom traverses the threshold, but I do think a frank assessment on a case to case basis should be your guide. Ponder your defenses and see if perhaps you can let one or two guardsmen go.
Peace and Blessings,