To answer some questions, I'm fine I haven't drowned. Yes my city flooded some, and there was a major factory fire, and some roads collapsed, but I am personally ok. It's been a raucous week here, and I am grateful for a bit of respite. I gave my first public talk about the Ancestral Healing work that I offer, and it went very well. I had yet another enjoyable game night which also included philosophical discussions on the existence of a God (or Gods I like to think of myself as an equal opportunity deist). I had some new clients and I am prepping artwork for a fair next week. All in all it's been a joyfully packed week.
For those of you that don't know I do a rattling prayer ceremony every Friday which I send out to people on my list. I'm up around 70 people right now on my personal list. That ceremony also includes people from my year program premium membership and I've been doing it steadily for about 2 years. I set up my mesa and rattle for at least 10-15 minutes while I focus on the prayers. It has over time evolved into a ceremony where I honor the Creator, the Earth and all the spirit helpers that I work with and rely upon. Then I send out the prayer to the people on the list. Each week I snap a photo of the mesa set up and email that out so that people have a visual record of the week's ceremony. Sometimes the setup is very elaborate and I sing and chant while I rattle. Other times it is as simple as I can make it. For me when I designed this ceremony I wanted to be sure it was something I could commit to doing no matter what. Whether I have been on the road, at home sick as a dog, or just bone tired it gets done. I'm not always as focused when I am exhausted or ill but I still send out the prayers.
What I have noticed is that in the past 2 months or so is I have also had a change in my ceremonies. My mesa more often than not has remained closed for ceremony. To those who think the mesa setup is the prayer that is only the visual representation of the ceremony. The real ceremony is me shaking my rattle honoring Spirit and asking for prayers on everyone's behalf. Still there is some symbolism to how I feel called to set up the mesa. Recently I have been doing a lot of heart healing work. I have softened the inner feelings of my heart. The mesa represents your heart's fire and right now it just feels appropriate to keep it bundled as if it is bandaged recovering from old wounds. Although it also reminds me of a cocoon holding the inner workings together as they are remade.
In the quest for authenticity we sometimes may feel as if we have to shout out for all the world to hear who we are and what we feel about it. I don't think that is always necessary. Entrance into our hearts is not for everyone who just wanders in off the street. Now I don't mean that we should be fake with people, but I don't think just anyone gets the exclusive on our inner lives and feelings. There is with social media the rush to share all, but we don't generally share the bits we struggle with or carry shame about. Most people have Facebook pages that are as manicured as a suburban lawn. So just now I am drawn in with my heart even as I work to open it. Still access is not instantly granted and I believe firmly that is how it should be. There are some people you owe no explanations, and you are under no obligation to correct someone's mistaken impression of you. Some people see me as guarded and they are right, and I'm not sorry about that. I am naturally introverted and public interaction challenges me. I am in the process of becoming and right this moment I need that space apart to reform so I can emerge from the cocoon spreading fresh wings with a heart ready to soar.
So how about you? Have you been feeling the need to draw in a bit? Do you feel tired trying to simultaneously be wide open and feel loving to yourself? What if you chose to love yourself and forgot about being transparent to all. We all live in the between spaces of perceptions and reflections. Our inner selves are our own to share or not as we so choose. Maybe you need to wrap your mesa up tightly right now, or maybe you need to spread all your sacredness out on the table for the world. You decide no one else.
Peace and Blessings,