Musings

Musings

Sunday, January 22, 2017

Validation



Greetings all,

I hope you had a productive week.  This was my first week back at the gym since recuperating from a cold.  It's also been a week of meetings and plans being laid.  Despite the up in the air feeling that has prevailed for the past two months I may start to nail some things down...for now.

 Two weeks ago I had the benefit of working with a friend whose skills I respect highly.  I've been doing a lot of personal work to remove blocks and internal struggles within myself the past year or so. What they saw in my energy field this time took them by surprise, a hidden attachment and a broken place in my energetic structure.  They'd never been aware of it before and yet it had been there for years.  So he gave me some information and then trusted that I could get rid of it on my own.  I was excited to get started and went home that night to journey to my teacher.  Well the work was done by a master teacher during a shamanic journey.  I felt a huge surge of heat and energy as I popped in and out of consciousness during the shamanic trance.  I went to bed and the next morning when I awoke I was exhausted.  It felt like I hadn't slept in days.  This was the day I had planned to start back swimming, but the idea evaporated.  I went to teach my class then came home and fell into nap for most of the afternoon. The following day I woke up still tired but not quite as worn out.  Still I had a day of teaching, clients, and ceremonies.  After my last client of the day I passed out in my chair at my office.

Now my friend had told me that it could take some time for the energetic structure to heal and that I could be tired while it was repairing itself.  One of the other side effects I experienced is that I was even more sensitive to energy and people than normal.  When I went into teach the first day after the work I was bombarded by the cacophony of people as I entered the gym.  All of this was very noticeable to me, but what struck me even more was I had a desperate need for feedback.  I wanted to make sure that I had handled the issue right.  Even though I didn't do the work a guide did it, I wanted validation that what I had sensed and received was accurate.  Now there is nothing wrong with seeking validation and confirmation of psychic information, particularly as you are learning to sense and interpret what it is you are seeing/feeling/hearing.  However, the genesis of this particular problem had come about because I had stopped trusting my own senses and started relying on others.

Years ago I was involved in a group of people that were working on growing their psychic and energetic abilities.  From early on one of the members cast me as the person in the group with no particular talent.  They even joked about it, but it was one of those jokes that cut.  I would sense things that they'd do and then they would deny it.  They eventually wore down my self esteem and awareness until I became extremely vulnerable and basically couldn't trust my own eyes (or at least my third eye).  Keep in mind that up until this time I had considered myself fairly psychically gifted.  I had read for people since I was 14 and so I had more than a decade of experience with psychic phenomena at the time.  So although I knew I wasn't the most gifted reader in the whole world, I was fairly confident in my ability.  That was over though, now I was being gaslighted constantly.  Although I eventually escaped from that group with my life, the scars it left took years to heal.

Flash back to this past week.  This process of healing was continuing and I was excited about it, and even wanted to talk to other healers in my sphere about it, but above all else a big portion of me was desperate for validation.  I was about to ask for it when something clicked into my head, "Wait a minute that's how all this got started."  I realized as much as I craved that validation I must not ask for it.  I needed to trust my own intuition and guidance otherwise the healing would never really be complete.  So this has left me both frustrated and hopeful.  Frustrated in that I really want external validation.  Hopeful in that if I live a bit with this discomfort a deeper pattern can be transmuted within myself.

We all seek external validation.  It's like hard wired into our egos.  The problem is that there will never be enough praise and support.  Even if we are constantly showered we will continue to need more and more.  This becomes even more problematic if we have created our identity externally.  Unfortunately most of us have, it's part of our culture and the trend is accelerating.  The dark side of social media is the empty feeling we sometimes have that we didn't get enough likes, that our vacation photos aren't as good as our friends' pictures, that we just aren't as successful or happy as those around us.  The truth is though, that most of us have that the core of doubt about who we are, and so we are constantly seeking others to tell us who and what we are.  We try buying our identity with wardrobes, cars, houses, vacations, and electronic toys.  We seek accolades and applause from our peer groups.  We worry constantly what others are thinking about us, completely unaware that most of them are worried about the exact same thing.  The need for external validation is a black hole that will never be filled.  The only thing that can calm it is an internal knowing of who we are, and that takes some discomfort to experience.  We have to unplug from that external source and tap in to the source within ourselves.  We know who we are, we've just forgotten.

So why am I telling you this?  Well you're pretty awesome, but you won't believe me if I tell you that, or if you do that will fade quickly back into your base state of self doubt.  No one can tell you who you are.  They can reflect back what you are putting out, and the more they know themselves the clearer and more coherent that reflection will be.  However until you decide to trust yourself, your feelings, your abilities, and your dreams you won't see that reflection.  I'm not saying that you don't deserve to hear what a good job you're doing, we all need encouragement from time to time.  Especially when we have fallen down into one of life's challenges.  What we do most of the time though is jump from one ego fix to another, just like a heroin junkie.  The only difference is we're not injecting a drug, we're injecting people's opinion of ourselves.  Here's a hint most people's opinion about you is completely wrong.  They just don't have enough data.  Why would they know more about you than you do?  You spend every minute of every day with yourself.  So this week unless you absolutely need an opinion or approval for a work project don't ask for someone else to validate you or what you do.  Try it for a week.  See how deep the addiction runs.  Just become aware, I'd say let me know how you do, but I won't be giving you my feedback either.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Sunday, January 15, 2017

Wailing Winds

Greetings all,

I hope you had a pleasant week.  We've had several seasons in seven days.  There has been a little sun but mostly we've been in the gray haze that tends to define January and February here.  I'd been sick the week of new year's and was just starting to come out of it this week with just a bit of tiredness.  The dismal overcast days didn't do much for my get up and go though.

January often feels like a nebulous time.  The days are longer, but we often don't notice due to the cloud cover.  In these dreary days it can be a challenge to get outside and interact with the dozing trees.  Winter is the time for long nights and dreams, both of night and the more fleeting daydreams.  While we should try and be present in our season those daydreams often have given me some of my greatest inspirations.  When the bones of the earth are laid bare with barren branches and the wind drags its claws across a cold land, I see the intricate geometry of nature. It is often in this season I am most in tune with an energy I categorize as elven.   What we think of as elves is mostly inspired by Tolkien's work; in his turn he based the elves heavily on the Daione Sidhe.  I associate them with guiding nature's hand and crafting wonders inspired  by the world of growing things.  Now during the spring, summer, and autumn I feel more strongly the energies of what most people think of as faeries.

Yes I am sure the more serious readers out there are tuning out about now.  They're thinking, "What gives Mooneagle?  What's all this fluff about the fair folk?  I thought this was a serious blog for spiritual topics."  Well part of the reason I write this blog is to show you I'm a real person.  I'm not a guru.  I flow with many different types of energies and the one that gave me a big start was my connection to the green realms.  I have found these energies have an aura of such awe and sacredness that few churches or temples could match.  The energies of our 'good neighbors' are close to my heart.  Not only that but I draw on these energies in some of the healing work I do for myself and clients.

One morning this week the wind was up.  I had my first day of not needing cold medicine.  I slept right through my alarm which is almost unheard of.  It was the monthly test of the emergency sirens that finally woke me.  The wind had been gusting all through the night bringing with it strange dreams.  The normal storm siren sound was being twisted and distorted by the wind.  It sounded more like a chorus of unearthly voices wailing.  Had I to place it, I would say it sounded what I imagine the cries of the banshee would resemble.  The rest of the week settled into a rhythm of deep dreaming and hidden currents of magic running like underground rivers welling up suddenly to stir the events of life.  The banshee's cry is often associated with death and mourning, or as a warning that dark and dangerous times are upon us.  I don't know what it meant for me personally, although I do know that much of what has been my life will be passing away within a year, and I do see dark times ahead for the world.  Still the sound of the wailing winds was familiar and felt like it was reaching out to comfort and engage my spirit.  So I am going to feel more into my emotional connection with the near realms of Faery.  To me they have always felt like home.

So why am I going on about this to you?  Well the world is speaking to you: through the winds, the falling rains and snows, the dance of the tree limbs, and the calls of birds.  Maybe you share my love for the green realm, or maybe a different realm calls to you.  Maybe the realm of the stars and celestial folk is your heart home.  Maybe it is with the denizens of the deep waters.  Perhaps the serpentine paths of dragons fires your soul's longing.  It could be among the carved icons of saints and within the patterns of stained glass in temples and churches of stone.  The sacred is calling to you, quietly singing amidst the din of the distracting world of men.  Will you answer that call?  Will you sing back?  Will you seek for it on strange paths both new and old?  The old stories are walking now, the wonders of the world are stirring from their slumber.  Will you sing a walking song?  I'd suggest you put on your boots, grab a stout stick, wrap yourself warmly, and venture out into the wild world of story.  Maybe it will not  make your life easier, but it just might make your life richer.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Saturday, January 7, 2017

A Gift of Snow

Greetings all,

Welcome to the new year.  Here in the USA we're having this thing called winter.  This week gifted me with the first snow of 2017.  It wasn't a lot, and the picture above is actually an older one I took several years ago.  Our accumulation is much more modest this time around.

Winter is another country.  It is dark, it is cold, and it seems forever.  Being from the sunshine state originally I've had a hard time adapting to winter.  It really curtails my activity.  Post holiday blues often hit hard the week after new years.  I start thinking about what I am going to do in the spring and summer.  This is of course not living in the now.  I've learn to tolerate winter but I am still learning to enjoy it.  I got a boost Thursday with the snow.  The snow fall was that light fluffy stuff, instead of the heavy wet flakes.  As I was walking into my morning class, it fell gently in front of me in huge flakes.  As it landed on my gloves I got to see the individual snowflakes.  They were beautiful.  Not every snow falls in a way that you can see that characteristic crystalline pattern, but this one did.  Each flake was a delicate flower of white crystal.  Each time they fell it was a tiny work of art blessing me.

In shamanism, everything is alive and has a spirit.  Snow has a spirit, and from various journeys I can tell you it loves us and it falls in perfect joy.  We human beings have a different view of it, especially if we have to shovel a lot of it or be out in it.  In ages past snow gave many time to rest.  Travel ceased in many places.  Life slowed and we turned inwards.  These days people either freak out about it, or they ignore it and drive crazy.  (Which explains the freaking out part for the rest of us).  I myself limit my travel in winter.  It is not the time for wandering.  I save that for when the southerly and western winds call. When we step back from the pace of modern life we can appreciate the beauty of winter and snow.  It blankets the faded ground.  It reflects the dim light brightening the world when the sun is scarce.  It brings the quiet.  Silence settles on the outside as the sound is muffled by the snow.  The very air becomes filled with quiet sacredness.  It is almost as if Mystery is holding its breath about to utter a great secret.  When we rush we risk not only accident, but we risk missing the beauty in the world.

So why am I telling you all this.  Well the decorations are mostly down in our homes.  The lights have been turned off.  We've been surrounded by artificial symbols of beauty and hope.  The days can seem dim, and the nights dark and full of terrors.  (Yes a Game of Thrones reference I couldn't help it).  It is time now to seek that light and beauty in the world around us.  How we respond to winter is a testament to our energies.  We do not have the abundance of sun and green growing things to buttress our spirits.  This is all us right now.  Now we must lift our own spirits and the spirits of those around us. It is no accident that so many holidays fall around the darkest part of the year.  They are there because we need them to be there.  Now, as we move through Winter's country the light we carry will be our own.  We are responsible for bringing light into the darkness.  We are called to bring warmth into the cold.  We are charged with finding the beauty in the bare bones of the land.  We are summoned to be compassionate to the creatures of the earth, ourselves included.  So bless the snow in its beauty as it falls as it blesses you.  Be present in the long nights, for here now in Winter's country the stars are bright.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Saturday, December 31, 2016

A Year of

Greetings all,

I hope you've had a peaceful holiday season so far.  We are coming into the zero hour soon.  What can I say about 2016?  This was a year of tumultuousness and loss.  I left a job after over eight years, I lost two friends to cancer, we lost many icons and heroes, and we had the grittiest nasty presidential campaign season that I remember in my lifetime.  (Complete with future moron in chief).

I know many people this year that have had great difficulties, far greater than my own.  The people out at Standing Rock have put their bodies on the line to safeguard the water for everyone.  They have gathered people of all nations and creeds to a small camp to help protect the earth.  This along with the forgiveness ceremony for army veterans that took place gave me hope this year.  There is much in the world that seems to be going down a dark and dangerous path lately, but the human spirit and heart can still shine through and bring us back from the brink.  This is something I have to dedicate my belief to, because to abandon that is to champion despair and to simply give up.  Giving up doesn't sit well with me.

As I have gone through the trials and losses of this year I have had a constant source of strength and comfort in my weekly ceremony of prayer.  Pictured above is the very last prayer ceremony of 2016, the focus this week was to lay down the burdens and losses of the year to embrace the new one coming in.  It's been about 3 full years and a few months since I began devoting some time each Friday to send out prayers to my community and certain clients.  The longer I do this the more powerful it seems to be for me.  There have been times when I am shaking my rattle and tears are pouring down my face as I pray.  Those ceremonies where I just break seem to be some of the most powerful ones, or the ones where I am just so beaten down and spent that it is all that I can do to just show up and shake that rattle.  Those times when I just show up because it is all I have can turn into some of the most empowering and sustaining prayers I've ever uttered.  Woven together in my practice are the powers of intention and surrender.  These two poles are not in contention but harmony with one another.  You can't fully surrender without an intent, and you can't really give your intent the power it needs unless you completely surrender.  This is one of the things keeping a regular practice of prayer and ceremony has taught me, and as I continue into another year of ceremony I expect that lose lessons will deepen along with all the other ones that have come out of commitment.

So why am I telling you this?  Well many of you have expressed interest in doing what I do or something similar.  You ask me how did I make it work? Well doing all the sensible things like reading, studying, practicing, setting up my business, getting trained in various backgrounds of consciousness work will only take you so far.  You have to go a bit farther and dedicate yourself to service.  Like anything worthwhile it takes a level of commitment and effort.  I knew I needed to show up for Spirit on a regular basis.  It had to be something I could do if I was tired, sick, or just plain not in the mood.  Believe me I have been sick as a dog and still got my rattle out and shook it as long as I could to honor my promises.  I have been so exhausted that it nearly brings tears to my eyes to think about opening my mesa.  Which is why some weeks the mesa stays closed sometimes by its request, and sometimes by my lack of energy to set it up.  When I began there was no weekly focus just an intent to send out blessings.  I'm not sure exactly when the weekly focus started, but somehow it is always right.  Some weeks it is clear and some weeks it takes a lot to puzzle it out.  A lot of times it is simply something I realize I need and amazingly my group of participants seem to need the exact same blessing.  It has taught me that we are not so different.

So for those of you looking for an anchor or a way to empower yourselves and community I invite you to create your own ceremonies.  They don't have to look like mine.  They don't have to be weekly, maybe you can only commit to once a month.  That's ok, maybe you want to outdo the Mooneagle and do one everyday, well that's awesome (showoff)!  The important thing is to bring forth that promise of service and share it with your community (whether that is your local community or your extended one from far flung regions, prayers need no frequent flier miles).  Be creative and put yourself into your prayers otherwise they are meaningless utterances of sound in an indifferent universe.  When you merge your spirit with your prayers they come alive in a world of portent and meaning.  In this coming year of great change and uncertainty don't just seek a refuge in prayer create a refuge for others to share in.  Meanwhile happy new year and enjoy a slideshow of 2016's year of prayers.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle


Saturday, December 24, 2016

Waking Dreams in the Still Dark

Greetings all,

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!  I write this early Christmas morning post.  I am tired, but in that good way.  Between the rush of making last minute gifts, this week's two ceremonies, and the arrival of a new puppy it's been quite the dash.

I got to hold my annual winter solstice drumming ceremony in the Louisville Salt Cave (thanks ladies for hosting me)!  I knew this was going to be an especially powerful ceremony months ago I dreamed of drumming in a cave and the phoenix came down to listen.  In the dream there were 4 drummers who would battle the dark.  The dream took shape at the last minute with the lead drummers in each of the 4 directions.  My teacher held the North, two more friends held West and East, but I was flustered when I couldn't find my South.  Everyone I looked at the choice seemed forced and I finally surrendered and became South myself.  This in retrospect was just as it should have been in my dream I was one of the 4 warriors battling the dark.  More things fell into place that I could not have planned.  A man came who sang us a Hopi song at the opening and he had a personal story to share about the phoenix.  As we drummed we all became quite hot in the normally cool cave environment.  The dim warm earthlight of salt lamps was very womblike and above sparkling lights hinted of stars.  We had the best of both the upper and lower worlds.  We had three rounds of drumming and all of us were quite spent by the end of the ceremony.  


I had been seeking power to create the changes for myself, my loved ones, my community, my country,  and my clients.  The ceremony just about blew all our socks off, but I cannot take credit for that.  It was the group and spirit.  My contribution was to listen to my dreams and to just follow along without trying to control it.  As I was setting up I could hear people meeting and introducing themselves, coming together in fellowship.  They were truly enjoying the get together and that made me very happy to be part of bringing that good will together.  It went beyond the scope of the dream, and I know the changes are still working through me and others.  I felt quite raw physically and emotionally in the aftermath.  At the winter solstice we honor the North, the place of ancestors, teachers, and death.  The phoenix lent us its cleansing fire that both destroys and renews.

So why am I telling you this?  Well whether or not you celebrate the solstice or not we all come to a place of death in our lives.  According to the Wandering Oracle, "Poor is the man who dies only once in his life."  All of us die many times in life.  When we leave school (hopefully due to graduation) the formal student identity dies.  When we leave a job that employment identity dies.  When we leave a relationship our identity as a couple dies.   From the ashes of those past identities we have the opportunity to rise anew, bright and shining.  Sometimes it is joyous and sometimes sorrowful, but we rise transformed out of the darkness of our the death of our former selves.  

So as past memories arise this holiday season to either trouble or delight you ask yourself what needs to die within  your life so that new life can rise up.  What relationships should be on the pyre?  What activities or habits should be your kindling?  What action will light the spark to burn away all that is no longer who you are? Be well in this between time of Christmas and New Years.  We stand in a doorway ready to cross into uncharted realms.  You carry within you the fuel to light the way.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Monday, December 19, 2016

Winter Words

Greetings all,

It took a while but it seems winter has finally landed here, or we have landed in winter.  Being originally from South Florida I find this time of the year especially challenging.

I've lived a good portion of my life now in a place where winter is part of the cycle.  As a child in Florida temperatures in the low 60s and 50s was winter.  Many of the trees didn't even lose their greenery.  When we moved I experienced snow as part of my reality for the first time.  The length of the days also varied so much more.  I found myself cold for a good portion of the year.  This was due to do the fact that I really didn't have winter clothes.  I had no clue how to dress for it and really didn't have the proper attire until the last few years.  Some people think me fanatical about all the layers I wear and the lengths I go to so that I am warm but my body does not tolerate cold well, and being cooped up inside tends to lend itself to depression in my case.

So we approach the winter solstice now, the long night of the year.  We are in the heart of winter's country.  I will of course drum at the height of the dark to welcome back the light.  I also have the advantage of being involved with a shamanic weather circle where we seek to receive teachings from weather and better build relationships with it.  This time we went to speak to the spirit of winter.

The spirit of winter looked very much to me like the picture above except a bit more transparent.  I asked what would serve me best to release at the solstice; it told me I should release the idea that I am special.  (I should point out that shamanism pulls no punches when it comes to your ego).  That stung a little bit.  Winter went on to say that I cradle my personal hurts and wounds and think that those things make me special, but they really don't.  Many people share similar hurts, and I am not that different.  Still the cold logic remained to the observation.  In our culture we like to think of ourselves as great individuals.  There is also a widespread belief that to be happy and successful (and perhaps loved) we need to be special and stand out.  This apparently is false according to winter.

I've often felt that there are many people more skilled than I am.  I've felt like there are many who are more naturally psychically gifted than I am too.  So the whole "I'm not special" thing really stings.  The thing is though maybe someone is more gifted, talented, or "special" than I am, but I am the one showing up to do the work.  In some of the Discworld books by the late author Terry Pratchett there is a character called Casanunda.  He's a dwarf whose business card says "World's second greatest lover...we try harder....stepladders for sale."  He is quite persistent and pops up comically several times to save the day and even get the girl (well I use the term girl loosely she was more a geriatric witch with a rather lascivious outlook).  As funny as it is though I think I can relate to Casanunda.  I've never thought of myself as the best at anything and so I've often defined myself by what I lack.  This will not serve me going forward.  I need to define myself by what I love.

So why am I rambling on about my own insecurities?  Well my fellow winter travelers, I am quite sure you have a few insecurities of your own.  You may think that nobody knows the troubles you've seen and nobody knows your sorrows.  Well sorry to break it to you, but your pain is probably not all that unique. However you are a unique being.  What you love and what lights you up and what you do with that is all you.  You don't have to be the best or "special" to matter.  That's what winter was telling me and now I'm telling you.  You are a facet of creation, a twinkling light in a vast cosmos of awe and wonder.  You are one of many and you still matter.  So this season let go of your martyrdom monogrammed towels.  Step away from your sorrows and their insistence that they give you your identity.  We are more than our wounds and our words.  We are the breath of life being human in this time and place.  Here in Winter's country let us bring warmth into its heart.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Sunday, December 11, 2016

The Gift

Greetings all,

It's been a full week.  I had unexpectedly taught an extra class this week and had two holiday parties. So I've been running around.  Still I have a hard time getting into the holiday spirit this year.  I'm still reeling from the political fallout of the fall, and to be honest a year of letting go of a lot of routines.  So I'm kind of looking for the gift in all this.

I try not to be too political with my blogposts, but I find it increasingly hard to avoid this topic.  I've followed the events of the Standing Rock Sioux tribe and the Water Protectors very closely.  I've followed the list of appointments into the next president's cabinet.  All around me I see intolerance, bigotry, and ignorance being celebrated as great virtues.  The shapes of energies that are falling together show me quite a dark future for the planet.  I see more destruction of habitat, the poisoning of our water, air, and lands.  I see blood demanded for those that serve, for the profits of billionaires who just want more for themselves and less for everyone else.  I see poverty spreading, famine, pestilence, and death riding high upon the backs of those who have the least, and risk the most.  I see all this amidst the glitz and glamour of presidential pageantry.  So I'm not very merry.  I don't have it to warm my heart as they year grows cold.  I like everybody get down.  I used to think it might be depression, but I realized quite late in my development it was that I had awful people around me (at the time).  Right now I can't think of any reason why the events of the world wouldn't depress me.

I have thought of just checking out; living in the moment oblivious to the world around me, but I just can't do that.  I am connected via this web of life and internet.  I have thought of leaving this land of my birth, but I can't do that either.  (It is hard to relocate internationally).  Even if I could somehow secure residency elsewhere it would mean leaving the people I care for behind.  Still I did look into it and even had the offer of a job and place to stay in Canada should the need arise.  You see I remember history classes and the climate in the US right now is similar to Nazi Germany.  So as hard as it might be I may have to do it someday.  Yes the Mooneagle has actually considered the fact that he may be a political refugee, just let that sink in.

One of my teachers always said there is a gift in every situation.  Well I'm looking around for it and it has been hard to spot.  I think the problem though was that I was looking for that gift outside myself. I have been made more aware of who my neighbors are, and what they really think.  I have found out through Facebook posts and comments just how compassionate (or not) the people in my network are.  I've become aware that I need an evacuation plan, and that may one day save my life.  Still it is a bitter gift.  Knowledge earned is not always a cause for celebration.  I realize in all of this that what I choose to do is going to matter.  I can't just check out emotionally or physically from the situation.  I did that the day after the election and my family descended into fights which seemed to come out of left field.  We never know our impact on others until we withdraw our energies.  The sad thing is they often don't know either.

So dear reader I must apologize.  I try my best to be insightful and uplifting, but this week I just can't manage it.  Christmas is not my favorite holiday and brings its own emotional baggage, but this year it is the straw and I seem to be the camel in this metaphor.  I would ask that you consider what gifts are open to you right now?  Which ones do you have to share?  What has been revealed to you and how can you use that knowledge to best serve yourself and your community?  I'll lift from winter shadows eventually, hopefully ready to fight on, and I earnestly hope you'll be there standing with me.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle