Monday, October 24, 2016

Signs of a Feather

Greetings all,

I hope your week has gone well.  It's funny when I started this blog I never meant to give such a clear picture of the inner workings of my mind.  I have a less than trusting nature, and letting people in has not been my strong point.  The benefit of this blog for me has been that it has helped me understand the interplay of my thoughts, emotions, and life patterns.  Weekly posts also helped to condition me to write steadily which was immensely useful when I was in process with my book.  I wrote myself out of a plot hole in my own life's story here and I appreciate all of you who have joined in and shared my words, now to business.

Chance and Fate have always played a significant role in my life.  Now I'm not what you would think of as traditionally lucky.  I don't find 4 leaf clovers, gambling has never been a strong talent, and pennies haven't rained down from heaven for me (well except that one time but that was part of a cosmic joke where I was the punchline so we're not counting that).  I am lucky in the sense that I have a lot of near misses with tragedy.  I'm also lucky in the fact that I seem to be plugged into a bit of the Universe's secret language of symbols.  I'd say I have a lucky knack of synchronicity.  Whether it is a natural talent or a skill I'm not sure.  I certainly have noticed that the more attention I give it the more of it seems to show up, but I also have a natural inclination to pay attention to such things.

Pattern is all around us.  Our bodies are patterned with DNA, our clothes have a signature weave.  The flow of traffic however chaotic also has pattern.  The seasons, the tides, the phases of the moon, the growth of trees, and the shells of sea life; they all have pattern.  Events have them too, and from those we craft our stories.  Now many of our stories are like others', but some stories are almost completely our own.  Now if I indeed have this way with synchronicity it all comes down to one choice I made long story would have magic in it.  This choice set my story apart from most of the mainstream world.  I've lost some things, but gained others.  The rich inner life of dreams, visions, and chance encounters has definitely been a treasure.

I have been dreaming true again.  When I was in school I remember dreaming of test questions, and sure enough those were the questions that came on test day.  These days my dreams aren't about those kinds of tests; they advise, connect, and sometimes warn.  I have been dreaming of the phoenix this past month.  In three separate dreams the magical bird that is reborn from its own ashes has given me nighttime visions.  The last dream showed a phoenix coming down to watch me drum for the winter solstice to battle the darkness and bring back the light.  So this solstice the drumming will be dedicated to the phoenix.  I know it will be a very powerful ceremony and great change awaits us in the coming months, there is reason for hope in the new year.

Sometimes my dreams bleed over more blatantly into my waking world.  This week I dreamed  I was practicing a new form, the Sparrow Hawk Hsing I form.  I recently purchased some educational videos on animal forms, but had only so far learned horse.  I had tried viewing the sparrow hawk form but couldn't wrap my mind around it.  Well in the dream I was practicing it (or at least attempting it).  The next day as I ate lunch a hawk came and landed on the neighbor's goalpost, and turned to look into the window directly at me.  It stayed there for an extended period of time looking calmly at me.  When it finally flew off I knew it was time to try the form again.  I have been working on it for a few days now, and while I am still not convinced I am truly getting it, I was able to get started.  It was as if my mind just wasn't ready for it until now.  It is times like these that I feel lucky.  It is so easy to forget amidst the madness of the modern world the underlying connection and power that exists within nature and within ourselves.

So why am I telling you this?  Well I don't think I'm the only one out there with a penchant for synchronous happenings.  I think more of you are plugged in than realize it.  Many of us ignore those twinges of fortune when they occur.  We shrug them off as coincidences and go about our busy lives. We have things to do after all, there's no time for questing, and really that is just a windmill over there in the field...right?  Well my darling readers if you are following these words the odds are good that the Universe has been laying keys to other realms at your feet.  I mean you're reading this blog out of all the other ones on the internet.  Do you think that is just random chance at work?  I assure you it isn't.  You were meant to see these words, you were meant to begin pondering the deeper meanings of life's patterns.  You were meant to find the doors that fit the keys you've been given.  So this week start paying attention.  Are your dreams sending you coded messages?  Are the street signs pointing the way beyond an address.  Does the next song on the playlist have a message from another world for you?  Follow the breadcrumbs and see where you end up.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Sunday, October 16, 2016

Collective Pain

Greetings all,

Happy Hunter's Moon to you.  I hope you are enlivened by the light of the full moon this weekend.  For me it has been so intense it seems lately like everyday is a full moon.

I've talked a lot about opening to the more difficult emotions and feelings lately.  A lot of people I know have also been processing some very deep wounds.  It seems like right now everything is rising to the surface.  I've made big changes in the past year, and I would like to take even bigger steps in the year to come.  However in order to do that there is a lot that needs to be dealt with and transmuted.  I think all of us are relating with that right now.  I've talked to several people this week who have been having the same exact symptoms both emotionally and physically that I have been experiencing.

I have heard it said that our body is the reflection of our unconscious mind.  Well mine has been pulled tighter than a violin string lately.  On top of my own issues, which could be a multivolume set, there is also the collective unconscious.  All of us experiencing similar symptoms have not only our personal wounds, but are also feeling the collective unconscious of the world right now.  You don't even need to be psychically empathic anymore for this to be true, between 24 hours news channels, Facebook, and Twitter.  We are afloat amidst a sea of information all clamoring for our attention, with most of it couched in the most provocative terms to claim our eyes for ad revenue.  This election cycle has also been particularly gruesome. Election years are always periods of heightened anxieties.  There is so much going on beyond that, between constant revelations of racially charged violence of police against people of color, threats of terrorism, the looming of a bigger war sparked off by the conflict in the middle east, and the economic and social unrest here in America we've frankly got a lot of real problems in front of us.  So it's no wonder that we may all be feeling a bit tense in our bodies.

I am tempted to unplug and disengage.  In fact it might not be a bad idea.  However as a majority of my business comes from my online presence I sort of have to stay plugged in.  Still I am having to find ways to disengage.  It is hard.  I am empathic so even if I go on a news blackout with extremely limited time on social media for postings and quick messages I am plugged in on a spirit level to the mass of feelings we as human beings are generating.  There is a lot of fear right now and it hurts...literally.  I feel your disenfranchisement in my body and it hurts, hell the other day I was so tense I was nauseated. We have pitted each other against ourselves.  Many of you perhaps don't feel it as viscerally as some of the more psychically tuned people do, but I assure you this climate of fear and aggression is affecting you.  It may be as simple as a stress headache, or a bit more aggressive driving attitude (I have noticed of late that people are driving crazy).  You may be losing sleep due to some general anxiety.  Stressed out fearful people are easier to manipulate.

So why am I telling you all this.  Well one, I feel like I am confessing as to why I haven't been as productive lately.  Secondly, I think many of us are beating up on ourselves for feeling so vulnerable right now.  It's hard to get out and make the world a better place when we are in pain.  Left or right, black or white, immigrant or indigenous, we are all in this together.  Your pain is my pain and vice versa.  After the dust settles on this heightened time we will all have to roll up our sleeves and get to work to solve the problems we are faced with.  We are not islands, we are the drops of water in the ocean.

Do do you find yourself achy, tired, and anxious?  Are you in fight or flight mode?  Do you feel a deep need to withdraw from the world?  Well cheer up you're not alone.  Talk to people.  Connect with those you love and trust.  Maybe confess how you feel.  Perhaps together you can carry the weight of these heavy times with less of a burden.  Come together, sing, laugh, and play because the woes of the world will be there, but so too will the blessings.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Sunday, October 9, 2016

The Transformative Power of Nonsense

Greetings all,

I hope you've had a wonderful first week of October, or as I call it "The Superficial Supernatural Month".  I tend to be busier this month because suddenly the mainstream finds my activities acceptable as long as they are for entertainment purposes only and if I will give them a seasonal discount.  Sorry guys I'm full price all year long because real monsters don't have a season.

Now that I've gotten a majority of my snark out of the way I wanted to talk to you about something really serious.  There is something you can do that can really transform your life into a magical story full of vivacious color and plot twists.  Are you ready for it?  Are you sure?  Okay then, there is a vast amount of power in goofing off.  You thought I was going to tell you meditate didn't you?  Well while that certainly can't hurt things I have to say that goofing off with some of my friends has had the strongest impact on my overall outlook.

I have different circles of friends. Some are people that I work with and they get my magical side.  Others I click with because they are artists and makers. Some people I do games with or see movies.  Some of my friends are ones for deep meaningful conversations.  Some are the purveyors of the divine nonsense that breaks me down into fits of laughter in less than a minute. Some of my friends are in several of these categories.  Today I am going to talk about those keepers of nonsense.  There are a few people that I have an almost chemical reaction with just by being around.  Seriously it is like comedic pheromones.  Except instead of sexual attraction it leads to unstoppable silliness and uncontrollable laughter.  This ladies and gentlemen is why I've never had to do drugs.  (Although many people have assumed we were high upon encountering us).

Some people will say it is fluff, or luxury, but laughter is absolutely essential if you want to be effective in your life.  The world we've built offers up to us a million reasons why we should be miserable and terrified, so any act of pure joy is an act of revolution. I've often said that if you want to disempower an "evil" spirit the best way is to laugh at it.  They totally hate that, and joy burns them like acid.  It's an energy thing they just can't get their hooks into joy.  So letting go and giving into nonsense and laughter isn't just the best way to vanquish the dark forces, it also happens to be a great way to spend the evening, so it is a two for one deal. Even if you're not in the monster hunting trade lightening up and not being so serious all the time is very freeing.  It makes you less rigid and more able to flex into new situations and solutions.

I am blessed that I have several people that I just immediately get silly with.  Unless one of us is dealing with a crisis it is our default state, and when one of us is having a crisis we jump to it to get it solved.  (I mean we all want to get back to the base state of nonsense).  Most of us had this when we were kids. Many of us unfortunately had it drilled out of us either intentionally or through the various traumas of life.  We also lost it because we thought it was just for kids.  We had to be all serious and  a mature adult.  Perhaps I am immature in my belief that life shouldn't be such a chore or burden.  There should be crazy singing, impromptu dancing, and lots of innuendos that go nowhere.

So why am I saying this?  Well the collective consciousness has been collectively anxious.  The pressure currently in the mass psyche is like an overtaxed boiler.  We all need to blow off some steam.  We all need those people around us that serve to remind us that human beings can be a delight.  They help us to remember that we aren't just needed but wanted.

So how about you?  Do you have your brave companions of the inane?  Are the saints of silliness in your traveling circus you call a life?  Does laughter stalk you and your family like a cat waiting to seriously fuck up your ball of yarn? Well if not why not?  Where are the beloved crazies in your life that bring out your inner jokester?  Where are the kings and queens of inappropriate fun?  Seek them out and erupt in glorious vivacity.  Lay traps filled with sinister joy.  Laugh so hard your sides hurt.  Truly people once you do it you'll not want to live any other way.  I shall await your adventuring party atop the Mountain of Maddening Delight.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Sunday, October 2, 2016

Sacred Grief

Greetings all,

Autumn has finally descended here weather wise.  It is with great reluctance that I let go of the growing season.  I was born in South Florida so for the first years of my life I knew only different shades of summer.  There was hot summer, cold summer, and almost summer.  Still the seasons paint us and shape us so I don't know what I would have become had I remained in the land of summer.  The dark half of the year has come to cast its shadow upon us and with it some of the more somber feelings take precedence as we lose the light and the leaves.

It has been a year of loss.  So far I have lost two very good friends, and I have a family member in hospice.  The sand is running a bit thin.  The card that keeps coming up for me when I care to look is the three of swords.  In one deck it depicts a heart pierced by three swords.  I've had quite a change in my work life this year as well, so much so that I haven't really stopped to acknowledge fully my losses.  That is until recently.  About two weeks ago I was coming out of a period of high anxiety and restlessness.  I was feeling ill as well.  I had up until that point been very productive starting back in my studio and experimenting.  Then it all came to a halt.  Anxiety had kept me from sleeping and I was exhausted.  I could barely honor my obligations and keep appointments let alone create.  Something had to shift.

Each week I participate in something called Ganesha Group.  It originally was created to help participants remove the barriers to healing, and now has evolved to bring in the elements of healing.  We were working with the 4th key of healing "I allow help, support, and healing."  During the work, I had a profound experience.  Tears kept coming.  I was grieving, and it felt so peaceful and right.  I had been so stressed out and frantic and this was the opposite.  I refer to the deep vulnerable space I touched as Sacred Grief.

For so many years I had avoided diving into the space of loss because I had often been tormented by long stretches of depression.  I had worked so hard to see the good in life I was afraid of falling back into the pit of despair. (Extra points to people who caught the Princess Bride reference).  I had resisted sadness and grief and treated it as emotional baggage. Part of me thought that I could just wait until that third sword had struck and then I could efficiently do my grieving all at once.  You know it all sounded so logical in my head.  We have pathologized grief in our society.  In fact last I checked the DSM-V had a grief disorder, a subset of depression, because apparently it is considered abnormal to grieve for more than two weeks.  Heaven forbid that we actually have to experience strong emotions for that long.  How inconvenient for us and our community.

The problem is if we don't fully experience our feelings they linger in the body and in the back of our minds clouding our experiences.  What I touched in that moment of relief in the grief was pure grace. It was at once completely human while being simultaneously divine.  As the seasons give us their individual colors so too do our emotions.  We tend to demonize a lot of our feelings particularly those with a darker shade.  Feeling blue?  Well then just ask your doctor about this pill.  Now I am not condemning medicating for actual depression, but we seem to have gone to the extreme and put all sadness into a clinical diagnosis.  Sometimes you are going to be sad, because life has sadness in it.  People you love die, or your lover leaves you, or you lose your job, or you get sick.  These are a part of life and feeling bad about them is natural.  Sadness and grief makes us think deeply about our lives, it forces us to examine where we are, where we've been, where we're going, and how we think we'll get there.  We must honor that part of ourselves that mourns.  We have to use all the crayons in the box not just the reds and the yellows.

So how about you?  Have you allowed yourself to sink into that place of Sacred Grief.  Have you allowed your feelings to be fully felt? Do you hold yourself together until it is convenient for everybody for you to have feelings?  Well guess what that doesn't work.  It doesn't make you weak or a selfish person to need to take a bit of time to allow your feelings to flow.  So say no to some people, make space for yourself.  Touch your grief and hold it as the sacred thing it is, for it comes out of your love and connection to others.  Through it maybe you will feel the grace beneath that love.  I hope you do and I hope you learn to paint with the colors of all your emotions.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Saturday, September 24, 2016

Fate and Consequence

Greetings all,

Happy fall to all my friends in the Northern hemisphere.  We've had a lot of turbulent energy in the past few weeks and many of us have felt it.  The equinoxes are gateways in the year from one season to another.  They are also balance points so I am hoping that we will begin to reorient and ground ourselves in the season to come.

I had been feeling under the weather this week, but as Spirit promised me in the early summer things have picked up quite a bit for my healing practise.  Fate, with her sense of humor, timed it for when I was feeling at my lowest energy wise.  This could have been cruel if looked at in one light, but I choose to see it differently.  I have been repeatedly told when I worry about not being good enough for the work I do that I need to remember that I'm not the one doing it.  I am the one allowing it to come through.  My job is to honor my spiritual obligations, prepare my own energies, and keep the space as well as follow directions.  This week that is all I had energy to do.  If I had tried to "run" the sessions I wouldn't have been able to.  My healing sessions this week have been just as powerful (if not more so) then when I have been at full strength.  I think this was to reinforce to me that this is not about personal power and never has been.  This is all about maintaining relationship with Spirit.  I am not the planner of sessions, I'm not even the doer, I am merely the facilitator.  I assist and respond to people's questions and concerns.

None of this was clearer than in Thursday's autumnal equinox drumming ceremony.  I had been fighting off getting sick with only a partially successful effort.  Still I teach and swim on Thursdays.  After my professional and physical training obligations were met I didn't know that I had it to drum.  Still I had a commitment to Spirit that must be honored as well.  So I knew even if it wasn't vigorous drumming I would show up for it.  Once again the power of showing up to honor a promise was demonstrated.  I called a good friend and we met at a local park where I have drummed a few times.  We set up the space and slowly began to drum.  As I sent out the prayers for those on my Mesa prayer list and my Year of Transformation participants, I also asked for healing of my own heart and opening more into the vibration of love.  It was after that when I looked down and noticed for the first time the chalk art that children had left all around the covered pavilion where we had set up.

Again this was completely unplanned.  I had felt so inadequate because I hadn't scheduled everything out nor had I set a place for the drumming ahead of the day.  Yet clearly I ended up in the exact space I was supposed to be in.  Sometimes I think Fate and Coyote make wagers on me.  In this case I'm not sure who won, but I feel like I got the better of the deal.  If this were the end of the story we could just call it coincidence, but wait there is indeed more.  I had started the day teaching my Tai Chi class outside.  During the class a beautiful Monarch butterfly fluttered past towards the west.  As we began the drum ceremony (across town mind you) a Monarch once again flew past headed into the west.  West just happens to be the direction of autumn on the medicine wheel.  I also had an encounter with a cricket who had perched upon my gym bag that morning and I took that as a lucky sign.  Still for the skeptics out there I have the final nail in the coffin for doubt.  Earlier in the week someone shared with me an article on this equinox, it was about the Goddess Kali.  She is a fierce deity that can shake you to your core.  Having felt like I had been shaken past my core the past few months I was not happy.  I actually asked maybe she could do her work this time with love maybe even enjoyably.  Well my doubters check this out.

That's right she was there in chalk in the circle.  I didn't notice until after we began.  Take that myth busters!  Notice that the I is dotted with a heart.  I asked for that two days before.  BLAM!  So despite having zero energy and feeling like I was going to collapse going into ceremony we drummed for a good twenty minutes at least.  It wasn't all just a slow beat either.  The tempo increased on its own and by the end I was dancing.  There might just be something to all this magic stuff.

So at this place and time of power what doubts do you still hold?  What do you not believe you can achieve or receive?  Are you afraid to ask for what you need?  Why not ask anyways the worst that can happen is that you are refused.  However if you don't ask you will never get it.  I admit I was shuffled around by Fate this week, and I am kind of glad.  I couldn't have planned it better if I had tried.  So try asking and trusting a bit just for a little while you can always try something else later.  In the meantime welcome to the next quarter of the year.  I hope that it will bring your heart what you truly need.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Sunday, September 18, 2016

Sand Castles

Greetings all,

I hope you've have a good week.  I have been doing better weathering the storm of extreme energy tides.  This is due in great part to the wonderful people who offered support and prayers to help me find my footing.

Illusions surround us every moment of the day.  For the most part we go about our lives without seeing the chaotic swirls that surround our every action.  We as bipedal creatures come very close to falling with every single step we take.  We have literally trillions of chemical reactions taking place within our bodies on a daily basis which all must be perfectly timed and in harmony with each other to keep us alive.  For those of us lucky enough to own homes, we trust that the earth beneath us is stable and the winds of the world will blow gently.  All that we depend upon can be overturned in moments by the forces of nature or the chaotic forces within our own species.

Most of us ignore this fact.  We carry some insurance to shore up the imbalances of fate and circumstance.  I have been lucky.  I am not lucky due to any superior ability with cards or dice.  Fortune doesn't shower me with gold from the heavens.  I am lucky for the most part because of what I haven't had happen.  I was born into a middle class family in a country that is not in a war zone.  I have never gone hungry.  I have not been subject to constant violence.  I have been only a few car accidents and none of those were injury accidents (to which I am continually grateful to my legion of traffic angels).  I have a space to lay my head.  No one tried to abuse me as a child growing up, and my parents are still a couple after several decades of marriage.

As I become older and hopefully wiser, I can see just how lucky I have been.  When I was seriously ill years ago I had the support of family and at the time really good health insurance.  As I see more people in my practice I realize just how fragile the weave of our lives can be.  A simple accident or meeting the wrong person at the wrong time can shake us to our core.  People currently look at me now and think just how strong and sure I seem.  I'm really not.  I am acutely aware that everything I have built in the past decade is a castle built on sand.  The tides could turn at any moment or the earth could shake and all I have built will be just a memory.

When the energies I feel around myself and the world at large start to buck and rock I too am afraid.  I like many Americans have probably less than stellar health insurance, even a minor accident or issue could cause immense destruction in my life and the life of my family.  I rely on the blessings that I have received to continue living and building a better life.  The sands could shift though and I just have to trust that the universe will take care of me.  Trust is not something that comes easy to me.  It is hard for me to open up to others and trust them, or to trust that things will work out alright.  You'd think I would have a different perspective given that my holistic practices are focused on bringing in support for others.  Still I have that trust gap when it comes to my own needs and my own life.  It is something I must grow into, because I am truly in the hands of Fate every hour of every day.

So why do I bring this up?  Well the energies of late have stirred a lot of this primal shadow energy up from the depths, not just for myself but for all of us.  Many of us are feeling very vulnerable right now, especially those of us that practice some form of awareness expansion.  Enlightenment is not for wimps.  It will shake you until you surrender.  It will sometimes make you wish you had pushed the snooze alarm on the cosmic wake up call.  For mine is not the only castle built of sand.  We are all on the shore and the tides of life are coming in.  One day we will be swept out to the great sea into the beyond.  Until that time though we must build our little castles and be grateful for them.  As I have watched the sands of life run out for various loved ones this year, I have felt the bittersweetness of the world.  We are here together and by some miracle we find each other and weave lives all the while knowing that each thread we weave together will one day be ripped from our looms.  It takes great courage to continue our work and our lives.  So for today I will be grateful for what remains to me.  I will work to make my castle wonderful and inviting until the day the surf comes to take it back into the sea.  So for those of you who have watched the castles of your life fall as the sand shifts beneath it, I offer you my love.  That is the only thing that is not sand in this life.  Love endures beyond all form and even its memory continues to move through us into the world.  Honor what you have, and honor those you love.  In another time and another place we may yet sit together building castles of dreams without fear.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Sunday, September 11, 2016

Riding the Lightning

Greetings all,

Another week has passed.  It has been in turns both wonderful and terrible.  I've reconnected with some folks I hadn't seen in a long time.  I also had a good week work wise, however my internal weather has been earthquakes and tidal forces pulling on my little fragile self, or what I have previously identified with as the self.

I have often counseled people to move slowly when doing deep inner work.   This goes for both energetic/magical work or more mundane forms of depth work.  There is often a "can do" or "more is better" attitude when it comes to "self improvement".  I'm beginning to think there is no self improvement, just coming into alignment with who we truly are.  Many spiritual traditions point to an all knowing and all powerful Creator who made us.  This idea competes with many societal and religious doctrines which tells us we are intrinsically flawed and must fix or improve ourselves in order to be worthy.  There in lies the success of the multibillion dollar cosmetic and diet industry.  To those of us that subscribe to a belief in a creator deity I pose this question, why do you think an all powerful all knowing being made a mistake when they made you?  To those of us who subscribe to a more scientific materialism model I ask, "Can over a billion years of evolution be wrong?"

I emailed my support group of shamanic practitioners only to find that many of them have also been experiencing this shakiness and feeling of things crumbling.  I had worried that I had moved too fast, and tripped down the lightning path for a bit.  I've done that before, it's been a good five years since I have and it only took about a year or so to recover from the last misstep.  This impatience with ourselves and trying to be more and better can cause us to overload our circuits.  As we remove or replace core belief patterns it can feel like the house of our self is crashing down around us.  Our identity and sense of self is intertwined with both the authentic components of our identity and the false projections we've picked up from our culture, family, and belief systems.  When one thing moves the whole thing moves.  Think of a Jenga tower half way through a game.  Any piece you take out causes the whole tower to sway.  If you are into the game you get nervous, even though it is a false construct. It is the same with our self concepts and belief structures.

All that said right now myself and many others are being called on to embody more of our authentic nature, that which was created at the beginning either by evolution or a deity figure.  The world around us needs us for our innate attributes and not for what society has told us we have to offer.  We are the people we've been waiting for.  We are the light and the dark has been rising.  This sense of unease in myself is from my inner resistance from assuming and embodying more of that.  I like many of us lack faith in myself and doubt my worthiness on many levels.  The more inner resistance I have the worse that anxious feeling becomes.  As a spirit recently told me, "You don't believe in good dreams do you."  She was right I hope for things but don't really expect them.  This is something I must sort through, as power rises in me I must surrender to it.  I mustn't argue that the Universe is mistaken, and I am not fit to embody this.

So how does this apply to you?  Well do you feel lately that you're spinning out of control?  Are you wanting to make a course correction, but can't even get your bearings?  Are you stepping back into the shadows instead of forward into the light that you are?  Have a little patience, be gentle with yourself.  Consider the odds of you even existing in this moment in time, in the space that you do.  If there is a grand pattern to things, might you not be a part of it?  What if you just believe you belong here now in this world for its betterment?  What if you stopped wondering about worthiness and just took your existence as proof that you are?  What if you embraced the awesome power of your spirit?  What if instead of being struck by the lightning, you rode it down to earth?  So to sum up:  you are here, you matter, and you're worthy.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle