Sunday, May 20, 2018
I hope you had an enjoyable week. This week has been chock full of events and preparation. Last weekend I had the Louisville Spiritualists Center's event, where I helped set up and organize the healers. This week I was prepping for the Mighty Kindness and my monthly local chapter meeting for the Monroe Institute. By now you'd think I'd learn that I don't have to bring everything that I do to a festival or event, but don't I try every time.
These last few weeks I've been so emotional. Past relationships have been on my mind, those that ended either by estrangement or death. The relationship that has been on the forefront of my mind has been my relationship with self. There's been moments where I've let all self judgments and shame drop away, and in those all too brief times it feels just phenomenal to be me. In those all too fleeting moments I feel so light like I could float right off the ground. It's only with the contrast of those gifted flashes of Grace that I realize how much mental/emotional weight I am carrying around.
The truth is I have not been very kind to myself. I've been bullied, ignored, or disrespected so much that it barely registers anymore. It takes something big to get my attention. This numbing has been a primary coping mechanism, but it hasn't kept the pain out. It has normalized and then internalized it. That critical voice of authority from long ago now speaks in my own tones inside my head. I've been dragging these heavy burdens with me everywhere, it's no wonder I find so many things challenging. I've begun to think though that if I have accomplished what I have in spite of those internal torments and the chains I've been pulling along, what could I do if I found a way to set all of that aside and only carried myself.
It sounds simple, but like most simple things it isn't easy. We often internalize what we hear repeated over and over, especially if it was something we heard a lot of when we were kids. We come to believe what others say about us must be true. This is because we are social creatures, and in society what gets mirrored back to us forms our self image. Things like meditation help us to disassociate from that often false and distorted image. It can take time though, because most of that image is unconsciously generated. I'll give you an example, when I was around 14 or so I had someone I looked up to say that unless I was very handy or made lots of money nobody would ever love me. This person was very near and dear to my heart at the time. (14 year olds are not very discerning with who gets access to their self image). I went through adolescence believing that, hell up through my 20s and most of my 30s. Guess who is still single? Now of course I know on a rational level that statement is complete bullshit, but on a subconscious level I obviously still put stock in it. It's why I put up with people treating me like a nonperson. That's just one belief that did a lot of damage because instead of deciding that person was awful I continued to invest in them. I took on that burden to carry instead of carrying myself away from their influence.
Why am I telling you this? Well I have found that many of the problems we have boil down to us carrying around someone else's judgment of ourselves until we believe it is our own. Their assessment becomes our reality. We become disconnected to who we are, instead we strive to be good enough to snuff out that judgement, but it is always there in the corners of our psyche, a slow and subtle poison that steals our joy. "I'm not ____ enough. No one could ever love me. I'm not worthy. Good things are for others. I'll never get over this." There is your starter pack of lies for a cursed life.
So in the coming weeks I ask that you look at how you treat yourself. What is it you believe about yourself? Does it come from your personal experience or is it someone else's view that you have internalized? What if you were to see yourself in your own truth? What if the lies we tell ourselves were to fall away? What would you be then? What would you feel like? What would your life be like? I hope that we all set down our burdens, maybe then we can all fly somewhere together.
Peace and Blessings,
Sunday, May 13, 2018
Happy Mothers's Day, here's a flower for you.
I have memories from a very young age. I remember being bathed in the kitchen sink at dusk by my mother. I was probably two years old at the time. My very first memory was my mother driving me home from her mother's house. There are countless thoughtful deeds she has done for me. There are also times where she missed the mark and wounded me deeply as we all do to the ones we love from time to time. There are also times where I've been ungrateful, thoughtless, and downright unfeeling. Such is the nature of family.
The primal bond between mothers and their children is the most powerful force there is in nature. I've seen it both break and cast curses. Quite simply the relationship you have with your mother will color all of your other relationships. For most of us it is a complicated relationship. When we pass into adulthood it can be difficult for both children and mothers to adapt to the new status. We can become trapped into the roles we wore growing up. Now that works both ways, adult children can also expect their parents to be the same all powerful figures from their childhood. That's assuming there was no trauma or abuse which opens up a whole new set of complications.
Mother's Day can be hard for many reasons. Maybe you've lost your mother to death. Maybe your relationship was abusive and toxic. Maybe you never knew your mother. Holidays bring out our wounds that haven't healed. As we move forward in our life we have to look after ourselves, we become our own mothers and fathers. If we can't heal our connection to our biological parents, we can work to heal our inner parental archetypes.
So why am I telling you this? Just like us, our mothers carried their own wounds and traumas. Many of them did the very best they could working through their pain to be there for us. Maybe yours did good by you or maybe she didn't. At this time it is good to acknowledge those around us that have mothered us and others. Not all mothers are related to us. Wherever I go I seem to encounter the energies of the Mother and the Grandmother, whether it is in the feel of the shade of trees or in the people I meet. There are those that care for me with that same tenderness I have been blessed to experience. So I try to judge less and love more.
How about you? What's your relationship status with your mother or her memory? Are you carrying the old hurts around with you everywhere, or have you managed to salve the wounds of the past? Do you value those among us that take care of others? Do you value your own role as caregiver? Cut the mothers in your life some slack, and if you're a mother cut yourself some slack too. Mother needs her consideration as much as her children.
Peace and Blessings,
Sunday, May 6, 2018
I hope you had a lovely week. It is May and the weather has finally turned to warmth. Cool breezes at night and warm sunshine in the day make this my favorite time of the year. I forget how renewing the seasons can be, and I am grateful.
So on one of the last cooler days we had, I came out to my car and a lone honeybee was on the window. It looked at me, and I looked at it. For some unknown reason I felt instantly drawn to this small creature as it looked in on me. I fully expected it to fly off after I started the car and began to drive away, but it didn't. I went in to teach my evening class fully expecting it to be gone when I came back out. It was still there. I drove home with my small companion, and the next morning it was still there. It had rained and was quite cold for the season, I was worried for the bee. Again I'm not sure why but I felt a heart connection to this little insect.
This is not the first time I have had this kind of experience with an insect. A few years back a beautiful white moth was on the patio door looking in and I could swear it was beaming unconditional love at me. I've also had strange encounters with unusually helpful birds. I've had instances where it felt like even the trees were waving hello as I walked past. Now some people would call this delusional, but in shamanic societies this would be the norm. I think we take for granted just how much we relate to our fellow organic beings. The fact that we have animals that live with us as companions, and some even do vital service for us is amazing. We're communicating across species, that's phenomenal. I can't even get decent technical help for my cellular service, and that's just because of a slight language barrier. These animals don't have thumbs and we communicate.
Human beings never got very far on their own. We are social creatures, and where it was possible we threw in our lot of with other species to advance. Think how cats and dogs have contributed to society, and what about the horse. Even in this day and age we still refer to the amount of power in our vehicles as horsepower. Indigenous cultures around the world always incorporated animals into their stories as helpful (or sometimes less than helpful) characters. This is not an accident, whether we know it or not we are in relationship with all other lifeforms around us. The nature of that relationship will determine how rich our lives become.
So why am I telling you all this? Well I think we take for granted all of our distant relations in this world. We miss out on the healing power in the song of birds. We become indifferent to the plight of the deer that seek to cross our roads. If not for a slight variance in DNA we would be them, and they us. Go back far enough and everyone and everything is related. We are individuals, but we are also part of a whole system of life. So as you go about your business notice your cohabitants. Appreciate their contribution to the vast tapestry of life around you. Are you in balance with this network? Do you honor its sacredness or do you walk asleep through artificial worlds of the human mind. Ponder, feel, look at the dizzying array of life, and be good to your distant cousins. Maybe somewhere along the way a creature or plant will reach across the biological divide to offer you exactly what you need in that moment.
Peace and Blessings,
Sunday, April 29, 2018
I hope this message finds you well and safe. I've been feeling blessed lately as it seems my constant efforts are finally starting to pay off. I can see the life I've dreamed of finally taking focus around me. Still there are things that remain elusive.
This year I've finally had the opportunity to consistently use my talents in session work with clients. Things are becoming more steady and I'm having to really check my calendar before I say yes to anything. I find that a good problem to have (if we want to label it a problem which I don't). I feel like I'm finally finding a rhythm with session work where I can relax into it. When I opened my practice 8 years ago (I know I can hardly believe it myself), it was kind of frustrating because each session I had to figure out what I was doing. Every single one was different, even if it was with the same client. Now when I see someone whether for the first time or as a regular client, I am used to the variability. I do have some things I check on regularly, but other than that anything can happen.
The nice thing about each session being different is that I can't get bored or complacent. Each time I see someone it is like a puzzle. Sometimes I just look at a person and I know exactly what to do, even before they arrive. Other times I have to spend a few moments finding my way into the session. Just finding out what we're working on is not always so cut and dry. People come to me for a variety of reasons, some with very specific goals or problems. However I go where I am led and that is not always where the person had intended. Whatever brought them to me may have just been a way for some other deeper pattern to be healed. There are also people that just want to have an experience and have a very soft focus. That holds a different challenge, how do you measure the success of an undefined goal?
So where do I start? Well the first thing I do is set up the space, I may be drawn to pull certain items out or burn a particular incense. This might be a clue to the work that will be done. I also select some ambient music to drown out any noise from the hall. This may also be significant (or not). Then I set up my mesa, which could be open or closed for the session. If I do open it up, how I arrange the stones and tools upon it might also clue me in to what patterns are moving in a person's life. After the space is set and the client arrives, I ask them directly how they are, and why they are here. Sometimes I move the mesa around a bit while chatting, explaining as I do so what that means. So after the chit chat, and the arranging of the space I take my first look. I see if there is anything on or around the person that is drawing my attention. Then I zero in on that and investigate, see if I need to remove something or bring something in. From there the session develops and flows, as I work I ask the client for feedback on their experience as I make adjustments in their energy field. This conversation sometimes is just to confirm with them that they can track what I'm doing, but other times the information or feelings that come up for them become the guiding force for the rest of the session. If I get stumped, I take a step back, engage the client again and ask for guidance. Now sometimes my guides and helpers just take over and just tell me what to do, which is awesome because I don't have to tax my brain as much for that. Usually the sessions that are taken over by Spirit are the most powerful ones, but not always. Sometimes the sessions where I've had to dig deep to find what is really going on are the most valuable ones. Like I said before each one is different.
So why am I telling you all this? Well I think it is important for people to get a glimpse of how I work. It is also important for you guys to know that I sometimes do get stumped. I end up doing spiritual troubleshooting half the time. It used to annoy me, but now I just see it as part of the job. It definitely keeps things interesting. A client recently asked me about whether I doubt myself ever. I told them all the time. I think that's normal and healthy as long as I don't let it get in the way of the work. If you think you know everything, you never search for more. Life may have routines but is not rote. Life is constant change and being able to figure things out on the go is important.
So how about you? Are you running too much on autopilot, or are you always reinventing the wheel? Do you examine the myriad ways in which you troubleshoot your own life every day? Do you imagine others just have the answers in hand, or are you aware that they had to flex their thinking bits? The mind can be a tremendous servant for all our work, so it is a good idea to include its many gifts where we can to help us navigate. So challenge yourself to think through things, and work with the puzzles in your life. Find your own way into the maze, and more importantly find your way through it to the other side.
Peace and Blessings,
Friday, April 20, 2018
I hope your week has treated you well. There has been change in the air. Weather continues to surprise us with seasons coming and going and coming again. I've been blessed to take part in and lead ceremonies this week.
Of late people have been talking about me. They've been saying good things. One thing that has come up several times in the past week is that people have been referring to me as powerful. I always step back from that label. It triggers me to self deprecate. I've issues with power, I prefer to be called effective. The funny thing is the 'power' animal that has been with me longest is one that is all about reclaiming and uncovering personal power.
I've said before that when you are in alignment with your true power you can't harm anyone with it. Reading that statement to myself I am aware that I fear hurting someone with power. So I set limits on myself, which often leads to me being hurt. I think our society confuses power with control. Those that pull strings, manipulate, and frighten are seen as powerful. The truly powerful inspire people towards change without force. The light within them sparks the light within others. They don't control others, they just have an effect on them. (Hence my preference for being referred to as effective). When people have an intense session with me they assume I'm in control, but it is not so. The more powerful a session, the less control I have over it, and I prefer it that way. In shamanism there is the concept of being the hollow bone. Basically you are the pathway the healing moves through not the source of it. The more I get out of the wa,y the more effective I am for those that seek me out. So when people call me powerful part of me rebels because I am not the source of that power.
I got to meet one of the Q'ero healers this past week. It was a great gift. He did several blessings and ceremonies for me. I felt the energy, but the real gift was seeing that he was like me. He was dedicated and effective, but I got to see that I was as effective in my own way. I had taken the teaching of the Q'ero to heart as well as the other pathways I follow, and it had germinated within me. I had access to the same power. So when someone called me powerful this week I replied with, "Anyone can be powerful if they are dedicated."
So why am I telling you this. Well like I said above anyone can be powerful. In fact everyone can be powerful. It just takes dedication. Your power might be in how you provide financially for your loved ones. It might be in how you nourish others with lovingly prepared food. It might be your words that soothe or inspire hearts. Your talents and insights might bring needed change. Your fortitude may be a shield for those that are afraid. Then again it might just be your presence, sometimes just showing up is powerful. As we move forward we need to expand our understanding of what it means to be powerful. We are not all warriors, nor should we all be. So in this time of change, when light and dark spar through our societies, it is important to remember that we can be powerful and effective. It is our mission to cultivate that light we have inside, if we do so the power we need will be provided.
Peace and Blessings,
Sunday, April 15, 2018
I for once am getting my blog out before the weekend is over. It seems these past few months it has been a struggle to get it done with everything going on. I'm not complaining, for the most part I have been pleasantly occupied and building good foundations to support my future endeavors.
This past week I launched a new service on my site aimed at prosperity. I have had an abundance energy download on my site for a long time which is a good product, but I believe abundance is just half of the equation when it comes to financial success. One of things I've discovered is that abundance is tied to nature, and nature is rife with it. It is the normal state of living things. While scarcity does happen in the cycle, it is temporary and the system of life has so much built into it that if an organism plans well and manages their energies they can thrive. That is where prosperity comes into play. I think of prosperity as what we do with the abundance of the world. It is our interaction pattern which will determine whether we thrive and 'prosper' or if we'll struggle along.
Most of us have gotten a lot of negative ideas about money passed down from our families. Some of us have patterns from old soul agreements laid down in former lives. We also culturally have a dubious relationship with money because of its very visible misuse in our governments and societies. For those of us in the healing arts, we are often shamed for thinking about our work as something that should profit ourselves. One of my shamanic teachers told me that we don't go to the same level of energy to solve a problem, we either go a level down or a level up from it. The energetic blueprint of our finances often has distortions around it at the level of the mind, which recruits energy from our emotional body to reinforce it, which then directs how we see and act upon opportunity. Well to bypass that I came up with a method that addresses our agreements around money and prosperity at the level of the soul.
I accidentally came upon this idea during a client session that had very consistent blocks with money that we couldn't seem to address any other way. Afterwards I thought I should do the process on myself, so I did. Then I spent the next 6 months beta testing it before I put it out on the market. I learned a lot during that time. I was amazed at how people were so different in their approach to wealth. As far as how it showed up for me: I was offered more classes and clients, I became more visible professionally in holding leadership positions, and I became less scared at investing and spending money. I stopped feeling so trapped by money and started using it more effectively. Do I still have limiting thoughts and feel in the space of lack, yes I do, but I also have a contract with Spirit and my own soul about how I want my relationship with money to be. So whenever I choose to do something in alignment with that, it creates more of that energy. So yes I am tooting my own horn here because I am proud of the work I do.
So why am I telling you all this? Well I want everyone to do well. We get locked into thinking patterns and while I don't want people to suppress their thoughts or feelings, I think it is good to check out from spirals that only take you down. At the same time, I don't believe in punishing yourself for not having "manifesting mind patterns". We are all going to have times where we just don't feel the magic and we eat from the table of scarcity economics. I think it is more a sum of our habitual patterns of thought and deed that matter. We have to learn when to risk and when to play it safe. There is no right way to go about a prosperous life because there are no two people exactly alike. I do think that there is a unique way for each of us to find our prosperity, and I'm excited when someone does. It gives us another positive role model when that happens.
So how about you? Do you constantly say no to opportunity out of habit? Do you overlook your own potential? Do you refuse a gift or help when offered? Well maybe you should stop that shit and follow through on your dreams. Maybe you should formulate some ideas and start building towards them. I can shower you with manifesting energy, but you have to actually sprinkle it over the events of your life to make good. I hope you do. I hope you prosper, because when we all do well, we all do well.
Peace and Blessings,
Sunday, April 8, 2018
I hope your week was good and full. You may have been a bit more fortunate and actually have had spring, it's been uncharacteristically absent for me so far this month. I am eager to welcome the warmer times of the year...soon.
These past two weeks I've been getting back to basics with clients. When I officially opened my healing practice eight years ago I was leaning heavily on my shamanic techniques, specifically the mesa. I've kept that as part of my toolkit, but I'd ventured more into quantum tracking and transformational energy healing. Lately the mesa practice has been taking center stage again and I am excited to see where I am with it this time around.
For those of you who are unfamiliar, a mesa is simply a collection of sacred stones wrapped in a cloth. It is a portable altar. When you create a mesa, it is you. It is your heart's fire. So working with the heart is extremely important. I have been working a lot on mine so as the mesa practice becomes more prominent I am noticing things are flowing differently for me.
This week I had some depossession work come to my office. I was helping to remove entities and stray energies out of a person so that they could heal and embody more of their own soul's essence. Well I encountered what I refer to as a Mr. Grumpy Pants. I knew it was one because of the client's reports of terror and then rage. Those are two big indicators of a Mr. Grumpy Pants type of being. In shamanic circles they are often called suffering beings or the suffering ones. In more European cultures they refer to them as something else (I bet you can guess what). Now the reason I call them a Mr. Grumpy Pants (I suppose it could Ms. as well but I've never checked under the hood for that distinction) is that I don't want to attach any extra fear or give them an aura of power that they've not earned. In the Andean tradition there is no good or evil only light and heavy. A Mr. Grumpy pants is an entity that carries a lot of heaviness with it. This is no fun for anyone including them. You see a depossession is not just a healing of the client, but also of the energies that are stowing away in them. The spirits I work with take them away for their own healing and restoration.
I don't know why but this week when I encountered pants with a bit of the grump in them I had a different reaction than in the past. Usually I am very firm and somewhat annoyed. As my client was telling me about their experience I had compassion beaming out of my heart. I pretty much stayed in that space for the whole session. It made everything so much easier. It made taking direction from spirit flow effortlessly. I have had other sessions in the past where tremendous healing has occurred and the common thread in them seems to be that my heart was open and the compassion of Spirit came through and bathed the room in that energy. So while I do believe that learning and perfecting different techniques is important, it is the heart and the compassion that it generates which causes the most profound shifts.
So why am I telling you this? Well I was pretty jazzed up about the session, as was my client. Finding that compassionate space in my heart and allowing my helpers through was as healing for me as it was for the client. We have a lot of cultural ideas built around the idea that love is a struggle. Love is not a battlefield, it is not a fight, it is a space of flow without agenda. Coming into a situation with compassion transforms the nature of the interaction, whether it is with friend or perceived foe. It can be hard to do sometimes, but when you succeed it is very powerful. Power is not always about struggle and overcoming, it can be equally about embracing and aligning.
So how about you? Are you falling into battle rather than falling into love? Do you defuse conflicts with your wild wide open heart? Do you glory in your opponents defeat or do you look for the win win? Do you see emotions and sweetness as weak? If you do remind me to introduce you to the Ocean Mother sometime, so loving, so giving, and yet one of the most powerful forces on the planet. The power of love is not just an inspiration for pop songs, it is the raw power of all life. So drink deeply from the power of life and until next week.
Peace and Blessings,