Wednesday, January 9, 2019
I hope this post finds you well and whole. The last few weeks has been a whirlwind of change for me. There is much that I can do now, but I find myself moving slowly.
At the end of the year, I found people were getting back in touch with me for appointments and opportunities. I generally see a dip before the holidays and sometimes into the new year. This time it was a blessing as it gave me time to process my recent loss. I've had just a few clients since my grandmother's death. What I have found is that I am still quite capable and effective, but that when I work my emotions are much more intense. Of course it has always been that way, but I've not quite had this level of grief whilst trying to work. It hits me both before and after a session. So I am able to focus and give a level of service I am proud of, but the personal cost to me has been higher. For this reason I find I am not getting as much done as I could be.
I can't tell you how many times I've had people tell me that they'd love to do what I do. What they don't understand is just how much what I do demands of me. I require lots of time to rebalance myself to make sure I am in integrity. I arranged my life in a way to be of service that precludes a normal full time career with benefits and safety nets. Plus I get all the feels, all the time. Emotional states in me have to be watched because if they go much out of balance my physical body tends to get sick. All while I live in a culture that actively ridicules what it is I am and do. Still I can only be what I am. I can only do what is in me to do. So I do it the best way that I can. So rather than beating myself up, right now I am allowing myself more rest. I am moving slowly. I am re-centering until I feel strong enough to move out into the faster currents of life.
Why am I telling you this? Well many of us get bogged down in the idea of being productive and ceaseless activity. Some refer to this as the Cult of the Busy. The belief goes something like this, important people are busy, good people are busy. Therefore if you want to be good or important you must always be busy. We were not designed for such things. We were designed to be active, but we were also meant to rest and relax. We need the latter to achieve the best results with the former.
So how about you? Do you berate yourself for having human limits of energy or will? Do you put off feeling your emotions so you can get more done? Do you ever clear your schedule for slow time? Well it might be a good time to start. Give yourself time to rest, dream, and then maybe your plans can come about in their own good time.
Peace and Blessings,
Sunday, December 30, 2018
I hope you've had a peaceful week. I can hardly believe we come to the end of 2018. This past Friday I did my last weekly ceremony of the year. I made a slideshow of all of them, it is easy to forget how much goes into all of it until you see it all at once.
As I stand on the precipice of a new year, I'm not quite sure which course to chart. I've been in a holding it together pattern for a while. The shape of my life has changed and will continue to, but I haven't yet chosen what I will become when I exit the cocoon. It is not that I have no direction, I have several projects lined up: a new book to write, new artwork from the clay studio, continuing my study of chi kung, producing my first workout DVD, and offering some of the workshops I've developed over the past few years locally. I simply have not yet set my heart into them as yet. I just don't know what will light my heart on fire. Right now I am making space for what is to come.
I laughed for the first time in months two nights ago. I mean real deep, fall off the couch type laughter. I think that is a good sign of things to come. I'm beginning to long for things and experiences that had just fallen by the wayside. That is also a good sign. Being in the seeker mode precedes the creator mode for me. This year I want to be more conscious of what I bring in. It is not that hard to manifest, it is hard to manifest consciously and wisely. Often in the past I got exactly what I asked for, only to find out I really didn't know what I wanted.
Why am I talking about this? Well I am quite sure you've had one of your desires come true at some point and then promptly wished you had a receipt for it to take back to the universe's customer service desk. Getting what we want is not always a pleasant experience. I think it is a good idea to ask ourselves a few questions. What does this wish require of me (i.e. will I have the time, energy, and resources to manage this)? Will this fundamentally alter the quality of my life? Let's also not forget, will this enhance my relationship with myself and others? Really any change I'm asking for needs to hit on those points, or at least solve a problem I have currently.
So how about you? Are you looking back on the year and assessing the path you've walked? Are you considering the road ahead? It is important to step back from time to time and see what the our contribution to the tapestry of our lives has become. Time is the loom on which we weave life, but we have to pay attention if want a clear pattern to emerge. It's fine to have some background here and there, but at some point we need to make the loom weave something we intend. So in this time of resolutions and gatherings, cherish what you have. Spin the straw of your life into golden thread, and brighten the heavens with your creation.
Peace and Blessings,
Sunday, December 23, 2018
It has been a few weeks. My heart has not been in the blog much of late. For those of you who don't know I had a death in the family early in December. I'd been expecting it for a while, but it still sidelined me for a bit. I'd been involved in caregiving for my grandmother for the past eleven years. This year her health rapidly declined. She was 98 when she passed away. I've kept up with my weekly prayer ceremony commitments and teaching my classes, but after that I just didn't have much energy to write. I also didn't have much to say.
Friday was the winter solstice, the longest night of the year. I've often referred to my winter solstice drumming as the movable ceremony. I never seem to have it in the same place two years in a row. This year I held it at the Louisville Spiritualist Center. We drummed for 3 rounds with a short break in between them. The first round was for gratitude. The second round was to call in our guides and helpers. The third round we gifted our light to the darkness within us.
Drumming ceremonies can be very simple. You call in the directions to create sacred space. You set an intention, and then you drum a steady beat. Our first round seemed to take the most energy to get everyone in sync. During the second round, it flowed much smoother and I even had guidance for the third round come in (which makes sense since that round was about calling in our guides). The third round was pure magic. When the tempo changed for me, nobody missed a beat we all changed our rhythm at the exact same moment as if we shared a single mind. Time also seemed to stretch. The drumming sessions seemed to last for a very long time, but after all the rounds we still had a half hour left in the scheduled event time. It still amazes me that just by the simple beat of the drum we were able to form a temporary telepathic bond, and alter the perceived flow of time. Afterwards I felt like someone had hit the reset button on my energy.
Darkness can be disorienting, so can loss. Right now I am not sure which direction I am going. I don't have to know today or tomorrow. I can take my time to get realigned. Ceremonies are useful to help us orient ourselves in the world. By honoring things like the seasonal turning points we synchronize our rhythms to the rhythms of nature. Like all the drummers playing together, we are stronger when we are aligned. I felt very grateful to be able to share that with others. Our numbers came to 17 for the ceremony. In tarot the 17th card of the major arcana is the Star. It is a card of hope, dreams, and transcendence.
Why am I telling you this? Well for many people 2018 was a brutal slog through loss and discouragement. We are in the dark half of the year where our inner strength and attitude is tested. It is no accident that our ancestors began these holiday celebrations at these times. It is the time where human beings need to come together and celebrate the most. We need the warmth, not just in our bodies but our hearts as well. Sharing joy in company is what makes the season shine in the memories of children their whole life. As life progresses though things happen, hearts break, people pass on, and we can be left feeling only the loss for what was, instead of trying to create that love and warmth in new ways with new people.
So in this dark time, love as much as you can. If you need to grieve, then grieve. If you feel alone, seek other lost souls who feel the same and comfort them. Be the star that others find their way by. Find a way to bring joy to yourself and one another. That for me is the true reason for the season.
Peace and Blessings,
Sunday, December 2, 2018
Lately I have taken breaks from writing. There is a lot in the works. The altar set up above was from my post Thanksgiving weekly prayers. The Friday after Thanksgiving is always easy for me to find the prayer focus as it is always about gratitude.
I won't lie, the last few years have been really tough for me. I've ended relationships, I've lost people, and I have more loss ahead. I don't want to sugarcoat things, because sometimes as we drive along the road of life a long stretch of it is truly awful. However, I do think it is important to acknowledge our blessings and give thanks for what continues to support us. It's easy to take for granted what we have. I continue to have some top notch people in my life. I have several phenomenal teachers with impeccable integrity. I have a handful of good friends that want the best for me. I have work that is meaningful to me and makes a difference. I often forget that teaching Tai Chi in some ways boils down to being paid to workout more. How many people do you know that get paid for that? I have a warm place to sleep, and I always have food. I am in fairly good shape and health. It's easy to see only what is missing or what doesn't measure up, but the truth is I have lot going for me in this moment.
As holiday madness descends, it can be tempting to compare our lives to how we think they ought to be. No holiday has the power to banish longstanding familial strife, or personal trauma. It is more than likely that holidays will stir up the heaviness we carry within. We don't have to be perfect Christmas cards (and the even more annoying holiday brag letter) people. All of us have ups and downs, including yours truly. I know of no power or magic that will change that, it is simply part of being alive. Gratitude helps us to remember to be humble. Much of what we have is due to no special worthiness or quality that we possess, it is simply a product of grace and luck. Where we are born, the resources we have, are in large part completely beyond our control. Nothing we have or do is completely ours. We've all had help and a bit of luck.
So why am I telling you this now two weeks after the fact? Well I'm sure many of you got caught up in the feasting, and maybe even shopping. Thanksgiving for many years was my favorite holiday as I got to spend time with loved ones without all the fuss of worrying over presents. It is often treated as food laden gateway into the holiday season, but I believe it is crucial to regularly reflect on our blessings. If we don't, we can easily become selfish and greedy, and those traits never lead to fulfillment.
How about you? Have you spent the time to really reflect on what you have going for you? Have you told those around you how much you appreciate them? Have you counted your near misses with tragedy as blessings too? Well you may want to take some time in between holiday parties, decorating, work, and shopping to feel into your gratitude. Until next time.
Peace and Blessings,
Monday, November 12, 2018
I hope you had a great week. The cold seems to have moved in, and we're swiftly moving from fall to winter here. The time change is still messing with me in the evenings when it seems like the light has just been stolen from the world, but such is the insanity of our clockwork existence.
I can take a long time to make up my mind on things. I ponder and turn over options in various combinations before I make a single move, loathe to change anything that might make matters worse. When I do move it can seem impulsive to someone who isn't familiar with me. They see the pent up energy of my attention unleashed all at once. It is good to ponder change.
This past week I finally updated the description of my main healing sessions on my website. I had written it several years ago when I did a reworking of the site. I had looked at it in the past few months and knew I needed to change it. When I finally copied it down into my word processor and really looked at what I had put out there for the past few years I was kind of horrified. It was unclear, full of passive language, self deprecating expressions, and just plain confusing to anyone who wasn't an expert in energetic healings. It would explain the lackluster sign up rate I had. Once people work with me they tend to want to work with me again, but I get a lot of questions via email and the most common was about what my sessions were exactly. I think I have solved that problem though. I did it by cutting out a lot of detail and using simpler phrases.
I live in a bubble. I have friends that are in energy healing fields, be it tantra, chi kung, yoga, massage, shamanic practice, or reiki, they all have a framework for the kinds of techniques I employ. The problem is that the world doesn't share my bubble. Most people don't know what I'm talking about. There are so many layers of complexity when you work with clients, but you can't really explain that all in a service description. If you do, you'll overwhelm and confuse people. This leads to them either thinking they don't know enough to work with you, or that you don't know enough to explain it properly. Both of those scenarios are less than ideal. So I took out all the technobabble and generalized things.
Why am I telling you this? Well, I'm not the only one who lives in a bubble. We all have an understanding or expertise that we want to share with the world. It is vital that we learn how to reach people at a basic level so that we can share what we have to offer. There's time later to go into more depth with those interested in learning more. Learning to effectively communicate rather than pontificate is a life lesson. What appears mundane to us may be completely novel and exotic to someone with different life experiences.
How about you? Are you trapped in the echo chamber of your life bubble? Do you have a hard time communicating what you know to the world at large? Well maybe it is time to simplify. Try not saying everything in an introduction. Aim for clarity, simplicity, and connection. I will be continuing on my quest to reach the outside world. I hope to meet you there.
Peace and Blessings,
Sunday, November 4, 2018
I hope you've had a festive week of spirits and treats. I had ceremony and readings the latter half of the week. I had one impossible bonfire on a rain soaked day of the dead, and magical spreads during a mini psychic fair.
It is easy to get bogged down in the mire of the mundane world. We forget the mysteries with frightening speed if we don't reinforce our dedication to them. Even I can get lured into a trance of the logical world, a Newtonian clockwork of drudgery and limitations. That's why it is important for me to force myself to get out and about to share my gifts with those outside the magical community. It is from the eyes of others that we sometimes get to see the depth of our own mysteries. This is why I do a few events each year. I had stopped for a while as they had never been particularly profitable, but value extends beyond the glimmer of coin.
Years ago when I was the young reader on the scene, I considered myself pretty damn spiffy. At the time, I'd been reading for a decade nonprofessionally. Like any skill, the more you practice the better you get. It was only after going to fairs and meeting some others of the psychic persuasion that I began to doubt myself. You see their gifts fit neatly into categories. They were predictable, and seemed to be under their complete control. My gift remains to this day hard to define, and because of that I often doubt myself. In fact the more I try for specifics the less I seem to be able to see. The more I let go, the more readings seem to flow and the more amazing details emerge. Of course I don't know when they emerge as they are just as likely to come through an offhand comment I make to someone as they are to come from my interpretation of a card or rune. To sum up, when I'm being the most psychic I may be the least aware of it. That has been the bane of my confidence for years.
So the value for me participating in fairs for myself has been to restore faith in my intuitive faculty. I gave several readings this weekend that touched their recipients on a deep soul level. Their grateful reception helped me to remember that I am gifted and that I do provide value. That's a gentle reminder that I need in a society that tends to downplay the spiritual arts.
Why am I telling you this? Well I think it is good to be honest about my own struggles with my self image. People often don't see the challenges others face within their own minds. We simply see the results. The fact is that many people see what I do as frivolous or they wish they had my job because it seems so easy or enjoyable. While it does sometimes flow well, oftentimes I use a great deal of focus and concentration to bring forth results. It can be an exhausting process, and I often have very little control over that process. I simply show up and do my best.
How about you? Do you need a gentle reminder that your gifts are valid and valuable? Do you underestimate yourself? Do you share with others how much you value their skills? Well if you're in need of a refresher try sharing what you do outside of your normal haunts. See what is set loose when you are freed from the normal expectations. You may surprise yourself or simply remember the powerful being that you are.
Peace and Blessings,
Sunday, October 28, 2018
I hope you've a had a great week and you're eager for the festivities for the upcoming one. Next weekend the time changes and the gradual lessening of light will get quite the jumpstart. Even when the sun is shining now the light is thin and pale as opposed to little more than a month ago when the yellow heaviness of the sun beat down constantly. We are in autumn and winter is coming.
The past two months I've had lots of time to think and reflect on the year. I've gotten some clarity on some of my boundaries and while it took some uncomfortable experiences to get there I am grateful to finally have it clear for myself. One thing I learned many years ago was that psychic ability does not deliver moral authority. What I mean by that is just because you are more in tune with energies it doesn't follow that you are a better or more evolved human being. These abilities were called siddhis by the yogis and gurus. They were sometimes developed during people's spiritual practices, but adepts were warned that they could become distractions. They were not the goal merely a signpost. Some who developed one or more of these gifts would set themselves up as 'Teachers' and manipulate their students for their own gain. Many cults start this way.
These days many people are interested in developing psychic abilities. Some few are even quite successful at improving their own, but what is often not taught in development classes is the proper ethics of psychic gifts. When not to use these abilities is as important as learning to use them. Nobody likes a Peeping Tom, whether that is with physical or spiritual eyes. I'd always felt this but it hadn't crystalized until recently.
I teach many different types of classes: Tai Chi, Chi Kung, Rune work, Shamanic journeying, and various other methods of spiritual/psychic development. I get people with varying abilities in my classes. I have occasionally run across several folks who rather than participate will spend the whole class 'tracking' me. Basically they get their nose up in my energetic business. I've even had some get angry with me when they couldn't track me. This of course mystified me. Then it really pissed me off once it sank in. Firstly, I am a very private person. My energy and my inner thoughts are not for other people, that's why we have a spoken language; it conveys what we wish to express and share to others. Secondly, the arrogance that someone could properly interpret my subconscious inner world is staggering. I'm me and I don't even understand myself half the time. Thirdly, it's nobody else's GOD DAMN BUSINESS! Maybe I'm just a wee bit sensitive on the subject, but I've encountered people that have used their uninvited psychic prodding to hurt me.
Why am I telling you this? Well I'm doing my part to educate. I've talked this over with my teachers and they agreed with me. Tracking folks without their permission is a violation of their personal space. I mean you wouldn't go through someone's voicemail and text messages without permission would you? You wouldn't read through their personal journal without a green light from them? (If you would we're not going to be friends). So why would you think it's ok to get up into someone's energy without asking. I don't do it unless I'm in session with someone, because permission is part of the agreement. In order for me to work on someone or read for them I need access, so if you show up as my client you've given permission for while we are in session, and only while we are in session. Believe me the amount of focus it takes to properly sense, track, and interpret is not something I want to be doing 24/7.
How about you? Did you learn a psychic trick and decide everyone's head was your oyster? Have you had your inner world violated by thoughtless busy bodies? Do you stick your third eye where it hasn't been invited? If so I would suggest turning that eye inward to the places where you don't want to look because the traits or energies that you are seeing in others are more than likely within yourself. That's not to say that what you're seeing about others isn't true, but it is truth filtered through your lens of perception and experience, not theirs. If you find yourself on either side of this issue it is time to reassess. I've reinforced my personal energetic boundaries, and perhaps you should too. While you are at it, make sure you take time to respect the boundaries of the people you encounter.
Peace and Blessings,