The end of the year draws near. Holiday season is in full swing. The cold and dark can be challenging and the holidays while they lift some up, for many they serve as a reminder of what is missing in their lives. We often see what has yet to be healed, and perhaps what can never be again.
I tend to get down around the holidays. This springs from several things: a bit of seasonal depression, missing people who have passed away, the weird tendency to compare my holiday experience to social norms, and the stress of having to put on a happy face or be called Scrooge or the Grinch.
To those that may be in similar positions forced to play a parody of 'merry' let me give you permission to tell the joy police to go fuck right off. You are not obligated to be happy on their timetable or be festive just because it is what they want. You are you, your feelings matter even the ones you prefer not to feel. We cannot ignore the darkness around us or within us. When we do, no amount of decorating or holiday lights will brighten our hearts.
To those of you who are estranged from loved ones, I understand. The Mooneagle is no stranger to the chasms that can grow between souls. What I have learned about myself in recent days may help you navigate, or at least help you to not call your ex. I find at certain times I miss people, or miss the time when we still cared for one another. This goes for even some of the most whackadoo crazy abusive or exploitative relationships. I have to come to see that it is not the person I am missing, it is myself. I miss the person I was when I still loved them. I miss the ease of not having to be on guard from them. I miss the innocence of my own heart.
How about you? Are you struggling in the 'most wonderful time of the year'? Is your weary heart ready to have a lie down until spring? Do you find yourself exhausted for the loves you have lost? As we journey further into the darkness, let us not lose ourselves by looking for the others we have lost. Let us instead call back our loving hearts. Let us find the selves we have lost or buried with the past. Let us find the innocence lost in the darkness and gently take its hand and carry it back with us into the returning light.
Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle
