It's been a hot minute hasn't it? Spring is beginning to transition into early summer. My best laid plans have gone awry. I will be in the wind at the end of the month, traveling to fulfill a secret mission. Don't worry the secret will be revealed eventually, but now it is story time.
Once upon a time, there was a lonely knight. When he was a young boy, monsters came from the dark world and tried to wound him. He hid until he was old enough to forge a magical suit of armor. He worked night and day forging one piece at a time. As one piece was finished he put it on and continued on the next piece and the next. Until one day he was completely encased in armor. The monsters could not get him. For a time he was pleased knowing that his protection was impenetrable. The years went by some slowly and some flying. Though he was now surrounded by good folk and there was only the occasional dragon, the knight forgot that he was wearing armor and so he forgot to take it off. As time passed he forgot how to take it off, and though it kept him safe from harm it also kept him safe from feeling joy and the loving touch of others. Soon it came to be burden, but one he did not know how to set aside. So his greatest strength had become his greatest weakness. When his heart was weighed down by the weight of his regret he set off through the wilderness to seek the Wizard of the Wastelands. It was said that he knew how to free people from enchantments.
I hope you enjoyed story time. This little fable was inspired by my own life. As I have written before I was often bullied as a child (and occasionally as an adult but that doesn't go so well for bullies these days). I was very sensitive and I had to teach myself to not express or show emotion, otherwise it invited further torment. Through my different meditations and mental training techniques I was able to learn to detach from most people. At the time it served me well and probably saved my sanity, but like most tricks it simply exchanged one set of problems for another. One of the best examples of how this has hurt me in the long run is the difficulty in taking in a compliment or anything good that someone tries to send my way. If you have flirted with me in the past I may not have been blowing you off, it just didn't get through the armor. (Sorry about that)
So why am I sharing this story with you? Well it isn't so you'll feel sorry for me. (Although don't put that sort of manipulation past me, I'm tricksy). This is a very common adaption pattern. We armor up to protect ourselves. We numb ourselves so we won't feel the hurt. The problem is we don't feel the joy in life either. I'm not judging you if you have or are currently doing this. Like I said above this ability did save me. The trick is to know when and how to take off our emotional armor. Real knights tended to not sleep in their armor. Not only was it really uncomfortable, it was a bitch to pee in, and it was so heavy that if they did sleep in it they wouldn't be able to get up themselves.
How about you? Do you live in your armor? Do you drag yourself from one day to the other in a fog of emotional numbness? Has joy and music left your life? Well in the coming days look for times when you can take some of that armor off. You can always put it back on if a toxic dragon lady or ogre man stumbles into your den. Be gentle with yourself, for your old tears may have rusted the armor. Be mindful not just what your are protected from, but also what you have cut yourself off from receiving.
Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle
