Wasted Lives

Greetings all,

I hope you have had a fulfilling week.  I've certainly been checking things off my to do list.  I've been making choices, and making my schedule for the next month.  It is a good sign that I am starting to plan out my calendar, it feels to me that I am becoming more professional.  It has been a long time coming, but I am finally seeing the investment in my skills and business start to pay off.  Which brings me to this week's topic.

I teach classes in Tai Chi each week.  It is helpful on several levels:  one it is steady revenue as opposed to my flexible earnings from clients and sales, two it forces me to practice regularly so that I can be an effective demonstrator for my students, and three it gets me out of the house to interact with the larger public.  My life can be quite insular, I'm not an extrovert so I don't go out much.  Like most of us I live in a bubble, but mine happens to be a bit out of the mainstream. Occasionally something pops through bursting my paradigm isolation.  This week it came in the form of an old woman who wanted to set me straight.

I never did catch her name so let's call her Florence.  Well I was enlisted as IT help with one of the other senior's phone and Florence and I got to talking about tech.  Then she wanted to show me pictures of her granddaughter on her iPhone which was fine by me.  She was studying in the medical field.  Originally she had wanted to go into psych but Florence had apparently intervened since there was no money in that, but what she really wanted was for her to go into marketing.  That's where all the cash was (because we don't need silly things like doctors).  Well the conversation turned to me and my plans,  well she had plenty to say on that.  For those of you who don't know I hold degrees in art and psychology.  She called it "Lala" stuff and reiterated that money is what makes the world go round and nobody should waste their life on art or service. She then inquired after my age, which was forward, but I told her and she was shocked.  She proceeded to tell me she should have gotten to me when I was 19 or 20 to set me on the right path.  Fortunately for me I had another appointment so I was able to extricate myself.

This interaction got me thinking.  I have devoted my life to honing what gifts I have and acquiring the skills I use with my clients.  It is quite true that if I had used that time in other areas that today I could be  much better off financially.  Still for those who think only money matters they never stop to ponder what they would buy without those who spend their lives creating.  They don't think about all those who toil to bring them their savory dishes.  If all of those people just went into marketing there would be nothing to market.  There would also nobody to take care of the sick, invent new technologies, compose music, or produce the media to entertain the rest of us.  When people only value money they just consume until there is nothing left.  Money is a means to an end, an energy exchange, it is not the end.  Right now we are seeing the follies of putting profits over people. Here in America most of us cannot afford healthcare.  Around the world freshwater supplies are being polluted.  The very air we breathe is being tainted because some people value money over protecting our home for ourselves and our descendants.  The only reason money makes the world go round is because people have agreed that it does.  Those agreements may change, and indeed they must if we wish to have a sustainable way of life.

I really shouldn't have let it affect me, but this encounter was one in a series I've had over the course of my life.  People have praised what I do, while simultaneously grumbling over the price.  Don't get me wrong I love what I do, and I can't see myself doing anything else.  It's what I'm good at, and I have a hard time putting my energy into anything that doesn't provide something of true worth to people.  Selling plastic crap that people don't need would leave a huge hole in my soul.  Still it sucks when people tell you that you're wasting your life.  What sucks more is that it wouldn't affect me if some part of myself didn't agree with that.  It can be difficult seeing myself struggle to meet my material needs while knowing that what I do is valuable.  It can really lead to some serious self doubt.   When I get into that downward spiral I have to remind myself that my needs are met in this moment, and that I have changed people's lives for the better through my work.

So why am I telling you this?  Well it can be hard to pull away from the herd mentality and walk your own path.  We may watch movies about mavericks and rebels, but we are conditioned by family and later by schools and institutions to not dream too big.  It is hammered into us that we just need to keep our head down and take care of our obligations.  Many of us spend the precious moments of our lives toiling in places we hate for things we can't enjoy.  Yes we need to have some place to live.  Yes we need clothing and food.  Yes we need to be able to get around.  You know what we also need desperately?  We need lives of purpose and meaning.  Without that everything we do is hollow and scripted.  Not everything we do will bring us great wealth, but that shouldn't be the only measuring stick we use.  So this week start to become aware of those yearnings you've ignored because they didn't serve the greater cultural narrative of material success.  Look to what lights you up, not because it will bring you profit, but because it will bring you the most valuable thing of all...a life worth living.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

P.S. That picture was of my Mesa prayer this week; the focus was to have the strength to walk our own path.

A Kindness

Greetings everybody,

I hope you had a pleasant weekend.  I got out and about.  This weekend is the second time I participated in a local festival called the Mighty Kindness Hoot.  It is an artistic festival centered around kindness.  It's just a one day even and both times I have really enjoyed being a part of it.

On such special occasions I have to break out my horns.  Walking around the fair I got to feel the energy of the event quite viscerally.  It felt pretty good.  I've been to my fair share of holistic, healing, and psychic fairs.  This had some elements of those but also elements of a street fair, a wellness fair, an art fair, a local business fair, and an social cause event.   Now people often confuse being nice with being kind.  I have worried of late that I am more nice than I am kind.  I see that as a problem.  Nice is a behavior, usually one that is self serving or manipulative.  In my mind it doesn't come from a clean place, but one of calculation and strategy.  Kindness comes from the heart, it is more innate and more pure.  It comes from the desire to do good for another simply to do good, not for the hope that it will put you in a good position later.

Are you still fuzzy on the difference?  Well it is a significant one.  The easiest way is to give you an example.  If I were to give a reading to someone where there is some unpleasant news to deliver if I am being nice I will try and sugar coat it, or make it sound like something it isn't.  If I am being kind I will give the person the information without trying to make it more palatable and then see if there is something that can be done to help them deal with the situation.  Nice is all about appearances and seeming pleasant.  Kind is all about service.  It is not great service to put on a fake smiley face and feed someone sweet delusions so they keep coming back for more.  Kindness is healing, nice is just covering up the symptoms.  Kindness is hard to do in certain circumstances, nice makes us feel like we are good even if we're not doing good.

Some people are just very kind by nature.  Now most of us start out that way, but somewhere along the road of life we've had it beaten out of us.  We armor ourselves against the hurst of the world and genuine kindness can be hard to come by.  As I said above I often worry that I am more nice than kind, so I try to ask the question, "What would be the kind thing to do?"  I ponder it for a moment, see what answer I get, and sometimes I even do it.

It is my hope that lost kindness can be relearned, because kindness is its own reward.  There is an ease in the kind heart that is not found in the false projections of the niceties.  Manners are all well and good, but intent is the key to all.  In this world of broken dreams and shattered promises it can be easy to overlook that the solutions to many of the world's problems are available to us.  The only thing stopping us is our ability to work together towards a common goal.  The lost art of getting along is more important now than ever.  In this time a little bit of kindness could go a long way to creating a brighter future.

So why am I telling you this?  Well take stock of yourself and be very honest.  Are you more kind or nice?  (You know you could be neither, but you probably wouldn't be reading this in that case).  Have you forgotten how to be kind effortlessly?  Is your heart light with joy and compassion or is close and calculating?  Look at your own motives, make sure you are aware of the energy that is moving you.  There is often a fear that if we allow ourselves the freedom to be kind that we will be taken advantage of by others.  There is that danger, but if you are aware of yourself and the spirit of Mighty Kindness you will often feel when others don't resonate with it.  You don't have to be blind to the evils of the world to choose to be kind.  Just keep your eyes open, all three of them, and remember most of all, be kind to yourself.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Deep Moons

Greetings all,

This week the full moon graced the sign of Scorpio.  What some of you may not know is that in my birth chart my moon was in that sign.  That is actually the origin of my name Mooneagle.  There are 3 animals associated with Scorpio: the serpent, the scorpion (obviously), and lastly but less well known the eagle.

Scorpio is one that peers into the depths, and is aware of the deep currents of the psyche.  This week we had a glimpse into our often buried passions and pains.  There is a misconception that meditation and spiritual practice will always leave you feeling better.  Let me just burst that bubble for you.  Sometimes you are left feeling very raw and vulnerable.  As we grow up we learn to suppress our feelings, or at the very least not to let them show.  When we slow down and sink into our minds and hearts those feelings rise up longing to be heard.  The more we've shoved those feelings down the more uncomfortable it can be for us to move deeper into ourselves.

Now I rely on my feelings in the work that I do.  It is an asset to me, but for many years it was a liability.  For whatever reason it seems common that when people know you are sensitive that they will provoke or attack you.  Now usually a bully is projecting their feelings onto their victims.  They hate those vulnerable parts of themselves so when they see them in others they attack to free themselves of the discomfort.  They get to feel strong, for a moment.  That is one coping strategy, another is to retreat into the self away from other people in a mental realm.  This second strategy can lead to creative leaps or inventiveness, or it can lead to delusions and a fracturing of reality for a person.  Yet another common strategy is to numb the self, and in fact this one is actually celebrated in our culture.  We call it toughening up, and in truth a certain degree of this is necessary so that we don't become paralyzed by our own emotions.  However we often take it to an extreme where we barely allow ourselves to feel them at all.

I realized in the past few months that I haven't allowed myself to feel deeply in my own life.  I don't allow myself the space to want what I truly desire.  This is a real detriment when it comes to creating a life that I love as I can't get the emotional energy needed to power such a change.  As I moved into healing some of this scar tissue I have been put in touch with a lot of the pain I shoved down into the depths of my consciousness.  This is a weight I carry everyday, but for the most part I am unaware of how much it has weighed me down.  Transmuting this pain and wounding will take a lot of focus and effort and will leave me feeling quite exposed.  If I don't heal it and transform it though I will never move into that life that I've pictured.

So why am I telling you this?  Trust me it's not to throw a pity party.  Spirit repeatedly has told me I'm not special.  If you are reading this I'd say there's a great chance that you are unconsciously carrying around a wound or pain that you have encased and tossed down into the subconscious.  You carry that with you all the time like extra ballast.  Over time that extra weight makes it harder and harder for you to move forward freely.  This past week's moon had the potential to reveal what we have tossed in the bottom of our awareness.  It would not be a pleasant revelation, it may be quite traumatic in fact, but it is necessary if we want something different in our lives.

As we move forward into the next moon, get in touch with what you are still carrying.  Just begin to acknowledge it.  It will probably be uncomfortable it may actually even hurt quite a bit, but we need to feel that if we are to truly set it down for good.  Be gentle with yourselves, be forgiving of yourself first and then others.  Look within and see what is there and do your best to still love yourself in that place of vulnerability.  One thing I learned is that the more we accept ourselves as we are the more we change.  It is quite counterintuitive, but once you grasp that it can be quite liberating.  Here's a toast to the depths and the treasures it can bring back to us.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Trust in Me

Greetings all,

I hope you are enjoying the first week of May.  For most of this week I've been without a voice.  Which is very difficult when you teach 4 classes. This came on the heels of a very powerful ceremony.  Maybe the universe is telling me to be quiet.  Well it didn't say anything about blogging so here I am.

One of the biggest stumbling blocks I encounter with myself and with others is trust.  It holds us back.  For without trust we cannot move ahead without constantly looking behind us.  This is particularly true in the work I do.  Unlike Hollywood I don't get a huge special effects budget for my work.  Sometimes my clients see instant changes and other times they unfold gradually in a way that could almost be coincidental, if it didn't keep happening.  There are other times when after I do my ceremonies or transformational work where things seem to get worse, until something new enters the picture.  It is at that moment right before the change occurs where trust is needed the most.  Suspending our fears is key to allow something new to come into being. The more we can trust, the more we can have happen.

Being able to project a field of calm energy is essential for me in my work.  I just don't always have the best luck when it has to do with my own life.  It is easier to know for someone else that things will generally work out alright, than it is to accept that for yourself.  The more personal something is the more charge we attach to it, but that is the real test for ourselves.  When we overcome that fear and begin to trust ourselves and the Universe, that is when we really step into our true power.

So why am I telling you this?  Well lately myself and those around me have been having challenges with trust.  We see the worst happening even though it isn't a sure thing. Once we get locked into that spiral life becomes a series of imagined tragedies stealing our power, our peace, and our joy.  We forget to be grateful and often forget to be kind.  This is the forging process of the soul.  In the coming week see if you can suspend your tendencies to focus on what could go wrong and instead work out your trust muscles.  What if things go right or turn out better than you hoped.  When we work with spirit things have a way of turning out differently than we planned but ultimately better.  Keep that in mind, and remember trust me.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle