Power Struggle

Greetings all,

I hope you had a pleasant week.  I've certainly had an eventful one.  I had my monthly meeting of the Monroe Institute's Louisville Chapter, and I spoke at the Center for Integrative Health.  This next week promises to be full of activity with Halloween and the Day of the Dead gathering as well as my Chi Kung workshop at the Louisville Salt Cave.  Amidst this flurry of activity I finally had the time to delve into a dream journey.

As I have said in previous posts, I have a rich dream life.  It often gives me some extra behind the scenes information to help me make decisions and lead me down new avenues of discovery.  Whenever I have strong emotions in a dream it's a sign to look more deeply into it.  So I followed a power animal down the rabbit hole of consciousness back into a recent dreamscape.  In this dream a dolphin had appeared, one that I wanted to pet, but I was afraid to.  Once I began to feel trepidation about touching the creature it transformed into a more prehistoric version of itself, much larger and with a lot more teeth.  When I reentered the dream in shamanic trance I went to the dolphin and laid my hands on it.  Then it led me under the sea (yes I thought of the disney song when I wrote that and now so will you...f o r e v e r).  We found a glowing treasure chest.  A golden light merged with me and then the dolphin spoke.  It identified as part of me, and asked, "Why are you afraid of your own power?"

Now while I am pretty sure the journey included sone power and soul retrieval, the real gem for me wasn't what was in the chest it was the question.  Why do I fear my own power?  I don't have to look far for examples of that.  I am really good at sabotaging my own efforts or talking myself down with potential clients.  I've seen amazing things, heck I've even been behind a few of them so why am I so reticent about claiming and living in my own power?  I don't think I am alone in this.  So many people I meet just want to hand their power away.  Whether it is in readings or healing work I am always trying to give people their power back.  Really guys apparently I'm not even comfortable with my own so why would I want yours.  It might be because at least in some ways I equate power with responsibility.  So if I don't use it or shy away from it I subconsciously know that I can't be blamed.  It will be someone else's fault.  (Because we all know the most important thing is to know who to blame).

The thing is I have reached a point where I really need all of my power to get stuff done.  The past two years people have been sent to me with increasingly serious problems; they need serious help from a serious person.  I don't like being serious, I prefer being silly (Although my Facebook feed is an even mix really).  Maybe I worry that I will be weighed down with so many obligations there will be no time for joy.  Maybe I worry that I will inadvertently cause harm by being "too" powerful.  I've also felt the burn of envy directed my way at times, so it could be to an effort to avoid that.  Whatever the underlying reasons, it is true I am afraid of my power.  I knew it as truth as soon as the dolphin said it.  In our culture it seems nobody wants to take responsibility.  They all want to be rescued by a hero.  This would explain western civilization's fascination with messianic religions.  We're all waiting for our saviors, there is just one problem with that.  The only person that can save us is ourselves.

Those with power have a duty to act.  That can make us very uncomfortable.  There is a lot going on in the world today, and we know more about all the ills than we ever have before.  It is very overwhelming, and it makes it easier to just believe there is nothing we can do.  That way we can just go on with our lives without having to change or put forth extra effort.  To stand in your power is to make a ruckus at times.  We rock the boat when we show up standing in our power.  We upset people.  The people pleaser in me gets very uncomfortable with making other people upset.  The inner struggle is real and it continues.

How about you?  Do you struggle with your inner badass?  Do you pretend to helplessness?  Are you holding out for a hero?  Well I have to break it to you, you're the hero of your story.  No one is coming in on a white horse to put out the fires, slay the dragon, and whisk you away to an enchanted land of plenty.  No glowing heavenly figure is going to descend and wave their hands suddenly making it all better.  That power sleeps in you.  It is time to wake it up and dream it into your life.  Maybe just try being the awesome version of you a little at a time so you can work up to it.  Remember that power was put into you for a good reason, if you're not using it then you're not fulfilling your purpose.  So try being a little less scared of yourself, I'll be right there with you.  In the meantime this week's prayer was for us to surrender to our own power.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Signs of a Feather

Greetings all,

I hope your week has gone well.  It's funny when I started this blog I never meant to give such a clear picture of the inner workings of my mind.  I have a less than trusting nature, and letting people in has not been my strong point.  The benefit of this blog for me has been that it has helped me understand the interplay of my thoughts, emotions, and life patterns.  Weekly posts also helped to condition me to write steadily which was immensely useful when I was in process with my book.  I wrote myself out of a plot hole in my own life's story here and I appreciate all of you who have joined in and shared my words, now to business.

Chance and Fate have always played a significant role in my life.  Now I'm not what you would think of as traditionally lucky.  I don't find 4 leaf clovers, gambling has never been a strong talent, and pennies haven't rained down from heaven for me (well except that one time but that was part of a cosmic joke where I was the punchline so we're not counting that).  I am lucky in the sense that I have a lot of near misses with tragedy.  I'm also lucky in the fact that I seem to be plugged into a bit of the Universe's secret language of symbols.  I'd say I have a lucky knack of synchronicity.  Whether it is a natural talent or a skill I'm not sure.  I certainly have noticed that the more attention I give it the more of it seems to show up, but I also have a natural inclination to pay attention to such things.

Pattern is all around us.  Our bodies are patterned with DNA, our clothes have a signature weave.  The flow of traffic however chaotic also has pattern.  The seasons, the tides, the phases of the moon, the growth of trees, and the shells of sea life; they all have pattern.  Events have them too, and from those we craft our stories.  Now many of our stories are like others', but some stories are almost completely our own.  Now if I indeed have this way with synchronicity it all comes down to one choice I made long ago...my story would have magic in it.  This choice set my story apart from most of the mainstream world.  I've lost some things, but gained others.  The rich inner life of dreams, visions, and chance encounters has definitely been a treasure.

I have been dreaming true again.  When I was in school I remember dreaming of test questions, and sure enough those were the questions that came on test day.  These days my dreams aren't about those kinds of tests; they advise, connect, and sometimes warn.  I have been dreaming of the phoenix this past month.  In three separate dreams the magical bird that is reborn from its own ashes has given me nighttime visions.  The last dream showed a phoenix coming down to watch me drum for the winter solstice to battle the darkness and bring back the light.  So this solstice the drumming will be dedicated to the phoenix.  I know it will be a very powerful ceremony and great change awaits us in the coming months, there is reason for hope in the new year.

Sometimes my dreams bleed over more blatantly into my waking world.  This week I dreamed  I was practicing a new form, the Sparrow Hawk Hsing I form.  I recently purchased some educational videos on animal forms, but had only so far learned horse.  I had tried viewing the sparrow hawk form but couldn't wrap my mind around it.  Well in the dream I was practicing it (or at least attempting it).  The next day as I ate lunch a hawk came and landed on the neighbor's goalpost, and turned to look into the window directly at me.  It stayed there for an extended period of time looking calmly at me.  When it finally flew off I knew it was time to try the form again.  I have been working on it for a few days now, and while I am still not convinced I am truly getting it, I was able to get started.  It was as if my mind just wasn't ready for it until now.  It is times like these that I feel lucky.  It is so easy to forget amidst the madness of the modern world the underlying connection and power that exists within nature and within ourselves.

So why am I telling you this?  Well I don't think I'm the only one out there with a penchant for synchronous happenings.  I think more of you are plugged in than realize it.  Many of us ignore those twinges of fortune when they occur.  We shrug them off as coincidences and go about our busy lives. We have things to do after all, there's no time for questing, and really that is just a windmill over there in the field...right?  Well my darling readers if you are following these words the odds are good that the Universe has been laying keys to other realms at your feet.  I mean you're reading this blog out of all the other ones on the internet.  Do you think that is just random chance at work?  I assure you it isn't.  You were meant to see these words, you were meant to begin pondering the deeper meanings of life's patterns.  You were meant to find the doors that fit the keys you've been given.  So this week start paying attention.  Are your dreams sending you coded messages?  Are the street signs pointing the way beyond an address.  Does the next song on the playlist have a message from another world for you?  Follow the breadcrumbs and see where you end up.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Collective Pain

Greetings all,

Happy Hunter's Moon to you.  I hope you are enlivened by the light of the full moon this weekend.  For me it has been so intense it seems lately like everyday is a full moon.

I've talked a lot about opening to the more difficult emotions and feelings lately.  A lot of people I know have also been processing some very deep wounds.  It seems like right now everything is rising to the surface.  I've made big changes in the past year, and I would like to take even bigger steps in the year to come.  However in order to do that there is a lot that needs to be dealt with and transmuted.  I think all of us are relating with that right now.  I've talked to several people this week who have been having the same exact symptoms both emotionally and physically that I have been experiencing.

I have heard it said that our body is the reflection of our unconscious mind.  Well mine has been pulled tighter than a violin string lately.  On top of my own issues, which could be a multivolume set, there is also the collective unconscious.  All of us experiencing similar symptoms have not only our personal wounds, but are also feeling the collective unconscious of the world right now.  You don't even need to be psychically empathic anymore for this to be true, between 24 hours news channels, Facebook, and Twitter.  We are afloat amidst a sea of information all clamoring for our attention, with most of it couched in the most provocative terms to claim our eyes for ad revenue.  This election cycle has also been particularly gruesome. Election years are always periods of heightened anxieties.  There is so much going on beyond that, between constant revelations of racially charged violence of police against people of color, threats of terrorism, the looming of a bigger war sparked off by the conflict in the middle east, and the economic and social unrest here in America we've frankly got a lot of real problems in front of us.  So it's no wonder that we may all be feeling a bit tense in our bodies.

I am tempted to unplug and disengage.  In fact it might not be a bad idea.  However as a majority of my business comes from my online presence I sort of have to stay plugged in.  Still I am having to find ways to disengage.  It is hard.  I am empathic so even if I go on a news blackout with extremely limited time on social media for postings and quick messages I am plugged in on a spirit level to the mass of feelings we as human beings are generating.  There is a lot of fear right now and it hurts...literally.  I feel your disenfranchisement in my body and it hurts, hell the other day I was so tense I was nauseated. We have pitted each other against ourselves.  Many of you perhaps don't feel it as viscerally as some of the more psychically tuned people do, but I assure you this climate of fear and aggression is affecting you.  It may be as simple as a stress headache, or a bit more aggressive driving attitude (I have noticed of late that people are driving crazy).  You may be losing sleep due to some general anxiety.  Stressed out fearful people are easier to manipulate.

So why am I telling you all this.  Well one, I feel like I am confessing as to why I haven't been as productive lately.  Secondly, I think many of us are beating up on ourselves for feeling so vulnerable right now.  It's hard to get out and make the world a better place when we are in pain.  Left or right, black or white, immigrant or indigenous, we are all in this together.  Your pain is my pain and vice versa.  After the dust settles on this heightened time we will all have to roll up our sleeves and get to work to solve the problems we are faced with.  We are not islands, we are the drops of water in the ocean.

Do do you find yourself achy, tired, and anxious?  Are you in fight or flight mode?  Do you feel a deep need to withdraw from the world?  Well cheer up you're not alone.  Talk to people.  Connect with those you love and trust.  Maybe confess how you feel.  Perhaps together you can carry the weight of these heavy times with less of a burden.  Come together, sing, laugh, and play because the woes of the world will be there, but so too will the blessings.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

The Transformative Power of Nonsense

Greetings all,

I hope you've had a wonderful first week of October, or as I call it "The Superficial Supernatural Month".  I tend to be busier this month because suddenly the mainstream finds my activities acceptable as long as they are for entertainment purposes only and if I will give them a seasonal discount.  Sorry guys I'm full price all year long because real monsters don't have a season.

Now that I've gotten a majority of my snark out of the way I wanted to talk to you about something really serious.  There is something you can do that can really transform your life into a magical story full of vivacious color and plot twists.  Are you ready for it?  Are you sure?  Okay then, there is a vast amount of power in goofing off.  You thought I was going to tell you meditate didn't you?  Well while that certainly can't hurt things I have to say that goofing off with some of my friends has had the strongest impact on my overall outlook.

I have different circles of friends. Some are people that I work with and they get my magical side.  Others I click with because they are artists and makers. Some people I do games with or see movies.  Some of my friends are ones for deep meaningful conversations.  Some are the purveyors of the divine nonsense that breaks me down into fits of laughter in less than a minute. Some of my friends are in several of these categories.  Today I am going to talk about those keepers of nonsense.  There are a few people that I have an almost chemical reaction with just by being around.  Seriously it is like comedic pheromones.  Except instead of sexual attraction it leads to unstoppable silliness and uncontrollable laughter.  This ladies and gentlemen is why I've never had to do drugs.  (Although many people have assumed we were high upon encountering us).

Some people will say it is fluff, or luxury, but laughter is absolutely essential if you want to be effective in your life.  The world we've built offers up to us a million reasons why we should be miserable and terrified, so any act of pure joy is an act of revolution. I've often said that if you want to disempower an "evil" spirit the best way is to laugh at it.  They totally hate that, and joy burns them like acid.  It's an energy thing they just can't get their hooks into joy.  So letting go and giving into nonsense and laughter isn't just the best way to vanquish the dark forces, it also happens to be a great way to spend the evening, so it is a two for one deal. Even if you're not in the monster hunting trade lightening up and not being so serious all the time is very freeing.  It makes you less rigid and more able to flex into new situations and solutions.

I am blessed that I have several people that I just immediately get silly with.  Unless one of us is dealing with a crisis it is our default state, and when one of us is having a crisis we jump to it to get it solved.  (I mean we all want to get back to the base state of nonsense).  Most of us had this when we were kids. Many of us unfortunately had it drilled out of us either intentionally or through the various traumas of life.  We also lost it because we thought it was just for kids.  We had to be all serious and  a mature adult.  Perhaps I am immature in my belief that life shouldn't be such a chore or burden.  There should be crazy singing, impromptu dancing, and lots of innuendos that go nowhere.

So why am I saying this?  Well the collective consciousness has been collectively anxious.  The pressure currently in the mass psyche is like an overtaxed boiler.  We all need to blow off some steam.  We all need those people around us that serve to remind us that human beings can be a delight.  They help us to remember that we aren't just needed but wanted.

So how about you?  Do you have your brave companions of the inane?  Are the saints of silliness in your traveling circus you call a life?  Does laughter stalk you and your family like a cat waiting to seriously fuck up your ball of yarn? Well if not why not?  Where are the beloved crazies in your life that bring out your inner jokester?  Where are the kings and queens of inappropriate fun?  Seek them out and erupt in glorious vivacity.  Lay traps filled with sinister joy.  Laugh so hard your sides hurt.  Truly people once you do it you'll not want to live any other way.  I shall await your adventuring party atop the Mountain of Maddening Delight.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Sacred Grief

Greetings all,

Autumn has finally descended here weather wise.  It is with great reluctance that I let go of the growing season.  I was born in South Florida so for the first years of my life I knew only different shades of summer.  There was hot summer, cold summer, and almost summer.  Still the seasons paint us and shape us so I don't know what I would have become had I remained in the land of summer.  The dark half of the year has come to cast its shadow upon us and with it some of the more somber feelings take precedence as we lose the light and the leaves.

It has been a year of loss.  So far I have lost two very good friends, and I have a family member in hospice.  The sand is running a bit thin.  The card that keeps coming up for me when I care to look is the three of swords.  In one deck it depicts a heart pierced by three swords.  I've had quite a change in my work life this year as well, so much so that I haven't really stopped to acknowledge fully my losses.  That is until recently.  About two weeks ago I was coming out of a period of high anxiety and restlessness.  I was feeling ill as well.  I had up until that point been very productive starting back in my studio and experimenting.  Then it all came to a halt.  Anxiety had kept me from sleeping and I was exhausted.  I could barely honor my obligations and keep appointments let alone create.  Something had to shift.

Each week I participate in something called Ganesha Group.  It originally was created to help participants remove the barriers to healing, and now has evolved to bring in the elements of healing.  We were working with the 4th key of healing "I allow help, support, and healing."  During the work, I had a profound experience.  Tears kept coming.  I was grieving, and it felt so peaceful and right.  I had been so stressed out and frantic and this was the opposite.  I refer to the deep vulnerable space I touched as Sacred Grief.

For so many years I had avoided diving into the space of loss because I had often been tormented by long stretches of depression.  I had worked so hard to see the good in life I was afraid of falling back into the pit of despair. (Extra points to people who caught the Princess Bride reference).  I had resisted sadness and grief and treated it as emotional baggage. Part of me thought that I could just wait until that third sword had struck and then I could efficiently do my grieving all at once.  You know it all sounded so logical in my head.  We have pathologized grief in our society.  In fact last I checked the DSM-V had a grief disorder, a subset of depression, because apparently it is considered abnormal to grieve for more than two weeks.  Heaven forbid that we actually have to experience strong emotions for that long.  How inconvenient for us and our community.

The problem is if we don't fully experience our feelings they linger in the body and in the back of our minds clouding our experiences.  What I touched in that moment of relief in the grief was pure grace. It was at once completely human while being simultaneously divine.  As the seasons give us their individual colors so too do our emotions.  We tend to demonize a lot of our feelings particularly those with a darker shade.  Feeling blue?  Well then just ask your doctor about this pill.  Now I am not condemning medicating for actual depression, but we seem to have gone to the extreme and put all sadness into a clinical diagnosis.  Sometimes you are going to be sad, because life has sadness in it.  People you love die, or your lover leaves you, or you lose your job, or you get sick.  These are a part of life and feeling bad about them is natural.  Sadness and grief makes us think deeply about our lives, it forces us to examine where we are, where we've been, where we're going, and how we think we'll get there.  We must honor that part of ourselves that mourns.  We have to use all the crayons in the box not just the reds and the yellows.

So how about you?  Have you allowed yourself to sink into that place of Sacred Grief.  Have you allowed your feelings to be fully felt? Do you hold yourself together until it is convenient for everybody for you to have feelings?  Well guess what that doesn't work.  It doesn't make you weak or a selfish person to need to take a bit of time to allow your feelings to flow.  So say no to some people, make space for yourself.  Touch your grief and hold it as the sacred thing it is, for it comes out of your love and connection to others.  Through it maybe you will feel the grace beneath that love.  I hope you do and I hope you learn to paint with the colors of all your emotions.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle