Alchemy

Greetings all,

Last week I spoke of inertia, and this week has been about momentum.  Where once in my life I had long stretches of nothing and no one to occupy my time, this week has been full and rewarding with synchronicity and soulful doings.

Since I left retail at the beginning of the summer I have been rediscovering parts of myself.   You shut a lot of yourself down in certain work situations.  Retail certainly taught me humility, or maybe it was humiliation.  In either case it put me out in the public in a way that I wouldn't have been.  I can be kind of a hermit at times.  I have traded one form of public interaction for another though and now I am teaching and speaking in front of groups on a regular basis.  I'm not sure if the retail helped with that, but for my own peace of mind we'll just say that it did.

When I made the decision last week to get back into my clay work, I was immediately gifted with a fortuitous "coincidence".  Previously I had to drive to the next closest city an hour away to get supplies, but this weekend was the grand opening of a ceramics supply store right here in the center of town.  Sure it could just be random chance, but what are the odds that it would open the same exact week I began to get my hands dirty again in the studio?  I tend to suspect some magical agent was involved in this, or perhaps some precognition on my own part.

So I came back into my studio, confronted by months of neglect with difficult clay and found that it had stiffened further so slab building was impossible.  Quite simply it was too hard to be rolled out.  So I went to plan B which was to use my extruder (a giant size play dough fun factory for ceramics).  I literally had to punch the clay into shape so it would fit into the barrel of the extruder.  Due to the extreme toughness of the porcelain, when it came out of the barrel the tube bent and tore in crazy directions.  As an evolved being I took a breath and then exhaled, "FUUUUUCCKKKK!"  Then with that calming ritual completed, I cut the odd shapes loose from the equipment and set them aside.  After cutting them down a bit I began to see directions that I wouldn't have thought of pursuing without the initial imperfections.  I came out of it with three very unique pots which I then carved to enhance the forms that I co-created.

All of this came out of the difficulties I was having with my materials.  In the past some of my best work has come about due to problems I had to solve, or because I had leftover material that I didn't want to go to waste.  I often liked it better than what I had planned or envisioned.  This taking in of the current conditions and working with them to transform and create is the driving force of alchemy. Whether it is turning lead into gold or spinning air and space into a dense mound of clay it is a magical process.  It is challenging and fascinating and learning how to turn what comes our way into opportunity and blessings is part of the way of the alchemist.  Some things take a bit more thought, ingenuity,  and energy to transform than others, but the densest material often yields the most spectacular end results.  

So how about you?  What perceived negative situation or material can you rework into a golden opportunity?  What problem can be transmuted into a brilliant alchemical solution?  This is not the same as positive thinking, it is better, it is transformative thinking.  What if everything that arises around you could be used as a stepping stone to a major transformation?  What if what weighs you down could be decanted into fuel that would rocket you up to your shooting stars where you wishes and dreams dance?  It won't be easy, but if you can learn to work with what you are given then you will become the Alchemist, master of destiny, servant of the Divine, and you will hold dominion over the matter of your life.  Seems like a cool gig if you ask me.  Try it on for a bit and see what solutions rise to the surface of your life.

Peace and Blessings,

Thomas Mooneagle

Inertia

Greetings all,

I hope you have had a relaxing week.  The first part of it I spent running around like a chicken with its head cut off.  I was trying to get around to visit everyone whilst I had a guest.  The summer is soon drawing to a close  and indeed today we've had some very mild weather, a taste of the days to come.  The greening time never seems to be long enough for me.  I like the arching hallways that the leafed trees form on the back roads and twisting lanes, but all seasons have their time.

This summer I haven't been as productive as in years past. I've barely traveled, and I have not made too many things.  This year I don't have the excuse of writing a book either, I'm on hiatus from that endeavor for a little bit.  I've been focused on promoting the book I've already published which is a job in and of itself.  I've focused a great deal on teaching and learning this past season.  As well as streamlining some of my business practices and online presence.  However I haven't touched clay in months.

For those of you who don't know, aside from my teaching and psychic life coaching and healing work, I am also an artist. Although I prefer to see myself as a maker of things.  It's part of what I love and yet it's been far too long since I really have done anything meaningful in my studio.  Making pieces has always been a struggle for me.  It takes a great deal of energy for me to bring a piece to life.  I've often said I've experienced every obstacle to making work you can think of.  I've had professors who used to publicly shame and humiliate me.  I've had apprenticeships in studios that closed.  I've had people back out of deals for firing work after they had fleeced me of labor.  I've had a kiln that never quite reached temperature.  I had a gallery that was never open so my work sat unseen, and a gallery that sold my work but then didn't pay me for it.  The last thing that happened was that there was a leak in basement which weakened the boxes my clay was stored in so that it became permeable to moisture. So now I am stuck with several hundred pounds of clay that is so stiff I can't work with it on the wheel.

I love creating and working in clay, but the idea of just getting started right now is exhausting.  For this reason I've let my supplies and equipment sit idle while I put my energies elsewhere.  Yet I am not happy about that.  As much as I love the healing work that I do, making things is part of who I am.  Without it I feel empty, like a part of me is missing.  I've just not had the energy or inspiration for the struggle to get things going again.  This has led me to feeling like a big failure.  The irony is that while I am typing this I am drinking tea from one of my own handmade mugs.

I have made some good work in the past, but I've also had a lot of heartbreak in the past few years.  I'm not one of those moody artists who gets more creative when they are down.  When I create it is from a space of expansion and joy.  Nothing kills my creativity so much as sorrow.  Amanda Palmer the singer/songwriter talks about this in a video preceding one of her songs.  She says she had only written 3 songs in 2 years because she had been depressed, and the worse thing was the expectation that as an artist she should be using that depression as fuel for her art and when she couldn't that made her depression even worse. (I'll link the video down below. Check her out because she is a goddess of creative energy).  So it gets me both ways.  Right now I'm at a crossroads of whether to give it all up or try again.

I've decided I am going to try again.  My several hundred pounds of clay that is too stiff to work with on a potter's wheel is still useable if I hand build with it.  This is something I've done almost none of, but maybe it is an opportunity to grow my skills and bring even more ideas to life through my hands.  I've been going through old ceramics magazines and watching how to videos on Youtube.  I'm starting to get inspired.  I've begun sketching and hoping and looking forward to working again.  I'm not quite ready to begin but I am feeding the fires, and refilling the well of inspiration.  It takes a bit to reach escape velocity when you've been held down by the inertia that life can sometime exert.  I know there will be challenges so I 'm trying to build my excitement until I just can't stand to wait to get into my studio.

So why am I telling you this?  Well we all have dreams that we set aside for a time.  Sometimes it is for legitimate reasons, but some of us never pick those dreams up again.  We think our time has passed, and it is too late to make any difference.  If this year has taught me anything it is that we must make use of our time before the sands of our life run out, because they will and then it will be too late.  We grow and we change, and sometimes old dreams are outgrown but our deep longings are always there with us.  For some it may be to learn to play an instrument so they can start a band with friends, others may want to learn to paint, others may want to write stories, or hike undiscovered trails in the far mountains.  We must honor our obligations and duties in life, but we must also reach for our dreams and expand our spirits.  We didn't come here just to make a living, we came here to make a life.  Those two ideas need not be exclusive to one another.  So pick up a pen, a brush, an instrument, or whatever implement you need for your dream.  You don't have to be amazing at it, you don't have to earn a living with it, but you do have to put your heart and soul into it.  Come on let's break through the inertial dampeners our past has placed on us, it will be more fun together.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Guru Trap

Greetings all,

I've had an exhausting and rewarding week.  I've gotten to spend some time with friends seldom seen and that is always a good thing.  Today I slept in and rather than feeling guilty about it, I reveled in it.  Sleep well earned is a good thing.

As I have reimagined my website and refined its forms I have also been looking at the structure and challenges of my life more deeply.  My relationship to my ability, power, and reception of what I do has been at the forefront of my mind.  I feel I do good work, and yet I also feel I am holding myself back from doing even more powerful work.  So what exactly is the deal?

Well in the past when I have done service for people there have been times when they have basically given their power away.  They have placed me up on a pedestal as a savior, or some sort of special class of person, high above the teeming masses.  This is a very uncomfortable position to be in for me.  Most of the time I feel like so called "ordinary" people have it a lot more together than I do.  I have fears and insecurities too as many if not more so than the mainstream folks.  I worry (it's a family trait).  Beyond that, there is another reason why I may shy away from more showy manifestations.  I call it the Guru Trap.

Quite simply the Guru Trap is when you start to believe your own hype.  You think because you can do amazing things the rules of society just don't apply to you.  I've seen this with several masters in the field. They bring in astounding energies and have what I call a large special effects budget.  They warp reality around them.  Invariably they also fuck up their lives.  They have affairs with students or their assistants.  They get embroiled in lawsuits and feuds with other practitioners, or they misuse their influence over those that come to them for help.  A good part of me fears turning into that, and so I hold myself back.

Right now I am at a crossroads, I either stay small and have to find another means to support myself or I  must grow in what I allow my influence to be.  I like my work, I like helping people maneuver through life's challenges and thrive.  I am going to choose to grow, but I am left with the quandary about how to avoid the Guru Trap.  "The first step in avoiding a trap is knowing of its existence."  At least that is the case in the novel Dune.  Unfortunately that didn't seem to help Duke Leto.  Currently my only strategy is to rely on my friends to let me know if I turned into the self serving guru maniac. I also keep repeating to myself, "To whom much is given, much is expected."

So why does this matter to you?  I think a good many of us fear turning into an asshole so we don't step forward.  We are afraid of who we may become so we stagnate and turn back in on ourselves.  That which doesn't continue to grow decays.  So many of us feel worn out way before our time.  We disconnect with any larger purpose in our lives because we just can't let ourselves grow into that role. It doesn't have to be large public role either, it can be as normal as being a parent, a homeowner, or sober.  We ask who would we be and we assume that we would be that thing we fear.  Maybe we've looked at other role models and found their shine is tarnished when viewed up close, or maybe we've expected perfection.  Perhaps we think failing on a small scale is better than screwing up on a grander one.  In either case who are we to tell the universe, "No I'm sorry I think you have the wrong person for this mission.  You want someone taller with fewer personal flaws and insecurities."

What to do now?  Well instead of fearing what we might become what if we focus on what we'd like to be in the event that greatness is thrust upon us?  What if we learned from the failings of others and forged a different path?  What if we focused on using our growing gifts to serve the world and in turn let it serve us in kind?  When we focus on just ourselves we run the risk of being "that guy", but maybe if we focus on a larger self of community and world we may leap over the pitfall of the Guru Trap.  So try it with me, be a partner in growing because the world needs our best self and efforts.  Now is not the time to shrink back, now is the time to rise and serve.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Windows of the World

Greetings all,

Today I write from a guest computer.  Mine has taken ill, it came on quite suddenly. I am sad to say that the hard drive is with the Lord now.  As I am on a borrowed laptop this posting shall be a bit more brief than usual.

The gut wrenching experience of having my dear sweet laptop fail really brought home a few issues to me.  One, I spend a huge amount of time immersed in the digital landscape.  Now to be sure a lot of this is for work, but a good deal isn't.  Secondly, work tends to blend into leisure.  There is always something fascinating to see and learn online.  I've applied a ton of what I see on Youtube in my artwork.  There are millions of fantastic podcasts, compilation videos, and inane hilarities to be found.  Thirdly, I have been feeling a bit tethered lately to my machine and knew I needed to unplug a bit more.  In steps the hand of fate, voila I am forcibly unplugged.

I sometimes wonder if we have two souls.  An analog one and a digital one.  My generation saw the rise of the online world.  The one that followed it has never known a world that isn't plugged into the informational matrix.  Have a question?  Ask google.  We're so used to the instantaneous availability of data that we feel like a part of ourselves is chopped off when we can't access it.  The pace of life has increased so much that unplugging for a day or more brings up fears that we are missing out or will be left behind by our connections.  This is even more true for those of us who have online businesses.  The IT departments have become the new priesthood, they hold the keys to the combined  uploaded knowledge of the human race.

So now bereft of my work and play companion I am left to ponder my identity.  I am no longer Borg. I am unassimilated into the great collective consciousness of the internet except in small bursts.  I have time now to interact and I have been having more offline conversations and interactions.  So I hope that when my computer has been resurrected by the priests of the technocracy I choose to unplug more and live within my skin rather than a digital avatar.

How about you?  Do you feel deprived of some aspect of yourself when the WIFI goes out?  Is your avatar getting more attention than your analog self?  Are you projecting more of your spirit into the digital reflection of the world?  Well if you are don't despair, most of us do that from time to time.  Sometimes what we need is a hard reboot of our life and priorities.  So set aside some time to unplug.  Maybe don't google something the second it occurs to you, take your time and use the information stored in your internal drives, and as always make sure you are keeping regular backups of your data.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle