Greetings all,
We've had a scorcher this week. The full moon on the summer solstice was intense and I was running to get all my obligations seen to so that I could perform my quarterly drumming ceremony. By the end of the day I ended up chasing the sun. It was close but the ceremony went off and finished before the sun kissed the western horizon. I look forward to the day when I have a house that has enough land around it that I can simply drum there and not have to go seek out a spot in a park where I will be left alone. It was a rather powerful and focused ceremony. I built up to a crescendo and then all of the sudden I stopped. Then I got to do a despacho with one of my teachers and we all drummed again around a bonfire. It was a pretty magnificent night.
This year I've been easing out of my old patterns. I've removed the metaphorical training wheels on my bike and the floaters from my arms. I'm finally just using my talents to make my way in the world without any part time jobs to fill in the gaps. It's challenging and I find myself worrying about making ends meet. I've done this before a decade ago. I tried it for two years and I failed spectacularly. I've failed a lot in my life. I'm always in awe of those people who pick a goal and simply sail towards it. I end up usually hitting obstacles that derail me and send me off on bizarre tangents. In other words I end up playing a game I like to call, "How many different ways can I fail at this."
I've been told that real success comes after a lot of failure. I had a pottery teacher who once told me you had to make a thousand ugly pots before you could make a beautiful one. The trick was just getting through the thousand without giving up. As I look back on my previous attempts to make my way on my skills I am actually grateful I failed. Ten years ago I knew so much less than I do now, and I am sure a decade from now I'll say the same. The previous setbacks put me in situations where I acquired a whole new set of skills, and where I stopped thinking so narrowly allowing for more flexibility. So I like to think of my failures as failing upwards. I learned things that I then applied to subsequent iterations. So if in this round I fail again I will expand my knowledge base.
However there is a downside with too much failure, you get used to it. Sometimes I have to stop myself from sabotaging my success. The danger comes when you start to identify a failed attempt with being a failure. We're so obsessed with success stories in our culture that we often gloss over the years of failed attempts that lead to breakthroughs, or we cover them in a montage scene with catchy upbeat music in the "based on a true story," movie that comes out. It is hard to stay inspired without the upbeat music and cheer section that the movies provide. Most of us that diverge from the pack only get criticism from those closest to us as we try to do something different. Lots of time this is meant to protect us from failing, but usually it just leads us to feel like a failure. Failing up is different, it is the process of failing that leads us forward with more experience and information. It is a botched attempt that points the way.
So how about you? Do you dread life's many failures? When you fail does it motivate you or drain you? To do anything of significance and challenge we must court failure. What if instead of trying to avoid failure you tried to fail correctly? Fail upward, let each miss-step land you further down the road of your dreams. Remember this isn't a movie, and life is not a montage. What if when you fail you didn't take it personally? I know it can be hard, but instead of viewing everything that goes wrong as a personal flaw we'd do much better to simply see why something didn't work. Sometimes it is us, and sometimes it is lack of knowledge. Sometimes it is just being at the right place at the wrong time. The important thing to remember is that you have a lot to offer, as long as you don't give up, and when you fail try and fail up.
Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle
Musings
Sunday, June 26, 2016
Thursday, June 16, 2016
Not Sorry
Greetings all,
This week I like everyone have followed the news from Orlando with a heavy heart. Once again a shooting massacre has torn lives apart, and snuffed out many for no reason other than hatred. I have been quite vocal on Facebook speaking about gun control. I know that it is a polarizing topic and some would say not the right focus for a "spiritual" blog as if there is anything that is out of bounds when it comes to spirit. I am going to talk about it as well as a few other things, because these are things we need to examine as a society, or we shall just continue the cycle of violence.
For those of you who have not met me in person there is something you probably need to know to understand where I'm coming from. I'm tiny. If I were to go out to a bar I would probably be the shortest guys in the place. I don't goto bars in part because of this fact (also because I don't drink and the energy in bars drives me crazy). I have noticed that when there is alcohol involved in an event whether it be a night out or a party someone inevitably gets angry drunk. It generally is a guy and he starts to look around for someone to start something with, and oddly enough it always seems to be the smallest male in the vicinity. That generally is myself. I have been threatened with the promise that someone was going to "get their gun". I have also been physically assaulted in a restroom (and guess what people it was a straight white male not a transgendered person). I managed to get out of those experiences unscathed. I have friends who have not. In my practice I have heard horror stories mostly from women of the vile things they have had to endure at the hands of men. They are considered the lucky ones, the ones that got away.
We have a gun problem in America. If you don't know that you're drinking the koolaid the NRA is giving out with their blood money. Beyond the laws though there is a deeper issue, our obsession with high powered weapons. Why exactly do about half of us believe it is not only their right, but essential to their well being to have military style weapons? I have boiled it down to two main threads, fear and the outdated masculine model. We are bottle-fed fear via broadcast media, social media, print media, and our political leaders. I can't quite wrap my head around the idea that some people would rather see more mass shootings occur than place some restrictions on gun purchases and the amount of ammunition you can buy. For fuck's sake people exactly what kind of attack are you expecting? Do you really think a whole drug cartel is coming for your family? Statistics show you're more likely to die from gun violence if you own a gun. I'm not here to tell you that you don't have a right to protect yourself. I believe you do, but let's face it assault rifles were not invented for protection they were invented for slaughter and maximum kill ratios. Yet gun enthusiasts are terrified that their "protection" will be taken from them, that they will be left defenseless. They are afraid of the darkness and evil in the world. I will not say there is no evil out there. I have seen its face, it's real. However you must ask if you want to structure your whole life around the existence of evil.
That second thread, of the masculine identity being archaic is so intertwined with our society's love of guns and "might makes right" sentiments. The past half century has seen an enormous sea change in gender roles. The rise of feminism has left a lot of men feeling threatened, not because there is anything particularly scary about treating women like *gasp* people, but because when the roles of a binary gender change on one side the other side must also shift. What we've seen instead is a doubling down on some of the most sexist attitudes in the belief that if we just hold out long enough things will go back to normal (whatever the hell normal is). So we're still selling the ideal man image to boys and young men. They are to be big and strong, physically superior, assertive/aggressive, brave to the point of being foolhardy and be successful to provide for the family. If they follow the rules of masculinity they are supposed to get the girl (whether she really wants to be gotten or not). On the more noble side men are supposed to be protectors, heroes, and if necessary sacrifice themselves. We are also not supposed to show emotion except at sporting events and maybe funerals...maybe.
So we have an old model that no longer fits the world we're living in, so what do we do? We sexualize the gun. I mean come on it's definitely masculine. It shoots hot things out a barrel that can change a life. Sound like something else hmmm let me think what could it be....oh yeah a penis. A lot of male power has been decaying the last few decades. Earning power is down for most men, it generally now takes two people working to support a middle class lifestyle in America. Divorce rates have risen markedly since the sexual revolution, and married men live longer than single men. Then there is the big, strong, and powerful model. Well a gun makes it a lot easier to feel stronger and more potent because it can create serious life and death consequences. Now for some I realize a gun is just a tool for hunting and protection for the home, but for many it has come to symbolize the power of that masculine ideal.
I have for the last few years been trying to come up with what would the new masculine model be. So far I have come up empty. I think in part because I was raised on He-Man and GI Joe, and this programming is so deeply ingrained it is hard to see a way out of it. It could also be that I am asking the wrong question. Instead of asking what does it take to be a good man I should be asking what does it take to be a good human being. There are gender differences I know (I have sisters really I know), but like everything they exist on a spectrum and will be more prevalent for some rather than others. If we just nix the restrictions of masculine/feminine and just went for what qualities make up a good person we may be able to escape this death grip (in this case literally) on outmoded concepts of being.
I know I have offended some of you out there this week. I would say I'm sorry, but I'm not. People are dead from something we could have prevented if we stopped beating our chests and being so afraid of losing the right to be able to easily kill many people at once. We need to look at what we're trying to hold onto and why. How about you? Do you hold onto some cultural program for what a man is. or what a woman is? Do you find yourself trapped by roles you didn't sign up to play? How much does your fear drive your decisions? How much do you identify with the tools, implements and weapons that surround you in our culture? How much do you value your rights versus the rights of others to live? Think on all these things carefully before responding, because this week I am not feeling kind or neutral. I am furious that once again many families have lost their loved ones because we have refused to stop this.
Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle
This week I like everyone have followed the news from Orlando with a heavy heart. Once again a shooting massacre has torn lives apart, and snuffed out many for no reason other than hatred. I have been quite vocal on Facebook speaking about gun control. I know that it is a polarizing topic and some would say not the right focus for a "spiritual" blog as if there is anything that is out of bounds when it comes to spirit. I am going to talk about it as well as a few other things, because these are things we need to examine as a society, or we shall just continue the cycle of violence.
For those of you who have not met me in person there is something you probably need to know to understand where I'm coming from. I'm tiny. If I were to go out to a bar I would probably be the shortest guys in the place. I don't goto bars in part because of this fact (also because I don't drink and the energy in bars drives me crazy). I have noticed that when there is alcohol involved in an event whether it be a night out or a party someone inevitably gets angry drunk. It generally is a guy and he starts to look around for someone to start something with, and oddly enough it always seems to be the smallest male in the vicinity. That generally is myself. I have been threatened with the promise that someone was going to "get their gun". I have also been physically assaulted in a restroom (and guess what people it was a straight white male not a transgendered person). I managed to get out of those experiences unscathed. I have friends who have not. In my practice I have heard horror stories mostly from women of the vile things they have had to endure at the hands of men. They are considered the lucky ones, the ones that got away.
We have a gun problem in America. If you don't know that you're drinking the koolaid the NRA is giving out with their blood money. Beyond the laws though there is a deeper issue, our obsession with high powered weapons. Why exactly do about half of us believe it is not only their right, but essential to their well being to have military style weapons? I have boiled it down to two main threads, fear and the outdated masculine model. We are bottle-fed fear via broadcast media, social media, print media, and our political leaders. I can't quite wrap my head around the idea that some people would rather see more mass shootings occur than place some restrictions on gun purchases and the amount of ammunition you can buy. For fuck's sake people exactly what kind of attack are you expecting? Do you really think a whole drug cartel is coming for your family? Statistics show you're more likely to die from gun violence if you own a gun. I'm not here to tell you that you don't have a right to protect yourself. I believe you do, but let's face it assault rifles were not invented for protection they were invented for slaughter and maximum kill ratios. Yet gun enthusiasts are terrified that their "protection" will be taken from them, that they will be left defenseless. They are afraid of the darkness and evil in the world. I will not say there is no evil out there. I have seen its face, it's real. However you must ask if you want to structure your whole life around the existence of evil.
That second thread, of the masculine identity being archaic is so intertwined with our society's love of guns and "might makes right" sentiments. The past half century has seen an enormous sea change in gender roles. The rise of feminism has left a lot of men feeling threatened, not because there is anything particularly scary about treating women like *gasp* people, but because when the roles of a binary gender change on one side the other side must also shift. What we've seen instead is a doubling down on some of the most sexist attitudes in the belief that if we just hold out long enough things will go back to normal (whatever the hell normal is). So we're still selling the ideal man image to boys and young men. They are to be big and strong, physically superior, assertive/aggressive, brave to the point of being foolhardy and be successful to provide for the family. If they follow the rules of masculinity they are supposed to get the girl (whether she really wants to be gotten or not). On the more noble side men are supposed to be protectors, heroes, and if necessary sacrifice themselves. We are also not supposed to show emotion except at sporting events and maybe funerals...maybe.
So we have an old model that no longer fits the world we're living in, so what do we do? We sexualize the gun. I mean come on it's definitely masculine. It shoots hot things out a barrel that can change a life. Sound like something else hmmm let me think what could it be....oh yeah a penis. A lot of male power has been decaying the last few decades. Earning power is down for most men, it generally now takes two people working to support a middle class lifestyle in America. Divorce rates have risen markedly since the sexual revolution, and married men live longer than single men. Then there is the big, strong, and powerful model. Well a gun makes it a lot easier to feel stronger and more potent because it can create serious life and death consequences. Now for some I realize a gun is just a tool for hunting and protection for the home, but for many it has come to symbolize the power of that masculine ideal.
I have for the last few years been trying to come up with what would the new masculine model be. So far I have come up empty. I think in part because I was raised on He-Man and GI Joe, and this programming is so deeply ingrained it is hard to see a way out of it. It could also be that I am asking the wrong question. Instead of asking what does it take to be a good man I should be asking what does it take to be a good human being. There are gender differences I know (I have sisters really I know), but like everything they exist on a spectrum and will be more prevalent for some rather than others. If we just nix the restrictions of masculine/feminine and just went for what qualities make up a good person we may be able to escape this death grip (in this case literally) on outmoded concepts of being.
I know I have offended some of you out there this week. I would say I'm sorry, but I'm not. People are dead from something we could have prevented if we stopped beating our chests and being so afraid of losing the right to be able to easily kill many people at once. We need to look at what we're trying to hold onto and why. How about you? Do you hold onto some cultural program for what a man is. or what a woman is? Do you find yourself trapped by roles you didn't sign up to play? How much does your fear drive your decisions? How much do you identify with the tools, implements and weapons that surround you in our culture? How much do you value your rights versus the rights of others to live? Think on all these things carefully before responding, because this week I am not feeling kind or neutral. I am furious that once again many families have lost their loved ones because we have refused to stop this.
Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle
Sunday, June 12, 2016
Good Enough
Greetings all,
It is the close of a long week. My first festival at the waterfront has come and gone. I am so glad I participated in the Mighty Kindness Hoot, but I am exhausted. I spent many hours over the past two weeks getting amulets ready for the festival, and after all that work I only sold two. I don't regret it though as I got to meet some people and offer my services in a new venue. I was proud of my work, and that is worth all the hours spent.
I can't tell you how many years of my life I spent feeling as though I was not good enough. I can estimate it though as starting in kindergarten and going to at least age 30. There are still stretches of time these days where I feel I don't measure up. This is not about humility, this about the constant doubt of my own worth. It is something I know I am not alone in. Our whole way of life is built upon this fear. It is why the cosmetic, fitness, and fashion industry is so successful. We are afraid we aren't good enough for people to want us around. So we are easy picking for quick fix schemes. However, the danger in any of these fixes is that we worry that if we falter we'll be seen as frauds and that the people we care about will abandon us.
A lot of the work I do focuses on helping me to accept myself and my gifts as worthy. Some of us manage to dodge the great mass mind control designed to make us feel unworthy. I have met some of these people. They are great to be around. There is less posturing, they seem less tired, and they can put you at ease very quickly. When we feel not good enough we wear masks in the world. We work in them, we play in them, walk the dog in them, and even try to sleep in them. Relationships are hard because they require us to remove our masks. Communication is hard because we worry about other people finding out we're just not that great. It is our worry over our self perceived inadequacies which makes us overreact, see insults where there are none, and project our insecurities and false motives onto one another. Once you take that out of the equation all that relationships require is appreciating others, and being considerate of their feelings and needs.
I come together with other healers on a regular basis to help remove some of this false programming and to reconnect with the authentic Mooneagle that lies deep within my psyche. Every week the focus shifts until we come back around. Well this past week we came around once more to resonating with the statement "I am good enough." During the practice I asked the question, "What would it be like if I really felt like I was good enough?" I then had an experience of meeting the me who believed that. Guess what, I really liked that guy. He seemed genuinely relaxed and kind. He was not just wearing the mask of being at peace, he really was at peace. People often tell me I seem so calm, and lately I tell them that I've worked very hard to appear calm. I'm really not that calm, I just freak out very quietly. I want to be that guy though, the Mooneagle who really resonates with being good enough down into his very cells.
So what about you? Where do you fall on the good enough spectrum? Do you accept yourself as you are with open arms, or are you waiting to accept yourself for when you lose those last five pounds? Are you worried that your friends, family, or significant other couldn't possibly love the real you? What if you met the you that felt good enough? Imagine them for a moment, hold them in your mind how do they feel to you? What do they do different? How are their interactions with others? For myself and all my relations I pray that we realize we're good enough. If you're reading this no matter how distantly, you are one of my relations.
Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle
It is the close of a long week. My first festival at the waterfront has come and gone. I am so glad I participated in the Mighty Kindness Hoot, but I am exhausted. I spent many hours over the past two weeks getting amulets ready for the festival, and after all that work I only sold two. I don't regret it though as I got to meet some people and offer my services in a new venue. I was proud of my work, and that is worth all the hours spent.
I can't tell you how many years of my life I spent feeling as though I was not good enough. I can estimate it though as starting in kindergarten and going to at least age 30. There are still stretches of time these days where I feel I don't measure up. This is not about humility, this about the constant doubt of my own worth. It is something I know I am not alone in. Our whole way of life is built upon this fear. It is why the cosmetic, fitness, and fashion industry is so successful. We are afraid we aren't good enough for people to want us around. So we are easy picking for quick fix schemes. However, the danger in any of these fixes is that we worry that if we falter we'll be seen as frauds and that the people we care about will abandon us.
A lot of the work I do focuses on helping me to accept myself and my gifts as worthy. Some of us manage to dodge the great mass mind control designed to make us feel unworthy. I have met some of these people. They are great to be around. There is less posturing, they seem less tired, and they can put you at ease very quickly. When we feel not good enough we wear masks in the world. We work in them, we play in them, walk the dog in them, and even try to sleep in them. Relationships are hard because they require us to remove our masks. Communication is hard because we worry about other people finding out we're just not that great. It is our worry over our self perceived inadequacies which makes us overreact, see insults where there are none, and project our insecurities and false motives onto one another. Once you take that out of the equation all that relationships require is appreciating others, and being considerate of their feelings and needs.
I come together with other healers on a regular basis to help remove some of this false programming and to reconnect with the authentic Mooneagle that lies deep within my psyche. Every week the focus shifts until we come back around. Well this past week we came around once more to resonating with the statement "I am good enough." During the practice I asked the question, "What would it be like if I really felt like I was good enough?" I then had an experience of meeting the me who believed that. Guess what, I really liked that guy. He seemed genuinely relaxed and kind. He was not just wearing the mask of being at peace, he really was at peace. People often tell me I seem so calm, and lately I tell them that I've worked very hard to appear calm. I'm really not that calm, I just freak out very quietly. I want to be that guy though, the Mooneagle who really resonates with being good enough down into his very cells.
So what about you? Where do you fall on the good enough spectrum? Do you accept yourself as you are with open arms, or are you waiting to accept yourself for when you lose those last five pounds? Are you worried that your friends, family, or significant other couldn't possibly love the real you? What if you met the you that felt good enough? Imagine them for a moment, hold them in your mind how do they feel to you? What do they do different? How are their interactions with others? For myself and all my relations I pray that we realize we're good enough. If you're reading this no matter how distantly, you are one of my relations.
Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle
Sunday, June 5, 2016
Zero Hour
Greetings all,
Welcome to the end, or the beginning. Weeks that begin with a 3 day weekend are always a bit odd for me. My schedule gets thrown off, the days seem to move around on me. In this space of time out of time we can have a tendency to recross our own tracks.
Everywhere I've been lately I've been seeing the number zero. Often I've seen triple zeros on license plates. That's not a common numerical sequence on a plate. I've ended up at mile marker zero multiple times as well. As I have stated in multiple blogs, I get omens. I think it is to help with how dense or stubborn I can be when the universe wants my attention. If we were in a movie we'd call it a glitch in the matrix. Zeros can be highly significant. The concept of the number zero was a mathematical innovation. It gave sophistication to the Mayan calendar's long count (a calendar that was more accurate than our own), and allowed for place holders allowing for tallying infinitely larger numbers with just ten numerals in our own system. Zero is nothing but allows us to create infinite combinations. It is the number of the void, the womb of creation. Zero is also the end of a countdown, when we reach it...KABOOM! (Well depending on whether this is an action movie or not that is).
The Tarot card The Fool is assigned the number zero. I certainly feel like a fool right now. Not in the sense of being an idiot (although I have my clueless moments), but in the sense of having no particular plan or encoded direction. I've come to the end of a phase and I'm not quite started out on my next journey of intention. It can be an unsettling place to be. Many of the primary actors in my life have exited stage left. I haven't yet chosen the theme for the next act. In this case my zero sign could be telling me something. I have a chance to start with a clean slate. Perhaps it is a good time to really take a deeper look at what I am still carrying around with me. If zero is the void, then I am incubating right now. I may want to purge some of the cargo in the hold so that I"m only growing what I really want in the next phase.
I have been revisiting old places, relationships, and thoughts that I have passed through in my life lately. I've said goodbye to friends who have passed on, and I am letting others go slowly with love. When the stage scenery is whisked off at intermission it can be dizzying. So I think, and I could be wrong, that the zero is letting me know I'm in a between space. Just like zero is a place holder for a decimal, it is acting as breather before the next change will hit. Now is the time to make some decisions, to consider what now. What do I leave behind, and what do I move towards? I wish I could say that was comforting, but it is change and all change even good change is stressful. Perhaps though that is one idea I should set aside now that I'm in the pause.
How about you? Are you seeing signs? Are you at that special between space in your life where you're not quite moving toward one thing or another? Have you set sail with no destination? Do you need a destination, or do you trust destiny? I wish I could offer you some sage advice, but we're at the zero hour and nothing has materialized yet. We are pre conceptual right now, and in this instance you are on your own to set your direction.
Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle
Welcome to the end, or the beginning. Weeks that begin with a 3 day weekend are always a bit odd for me. My schedule gets thrown off, the days seem to move around on me. In this space of time out of time we can have a tendency to recross our own tracks.
Everywhere I've been lately I've been seeing the number zero. Often I've seen triple zeros on license plates. That's not a common numerical sequence on a plate. I've ended up at mile marker zero multiple times as well. As I have stated in multiple blogs, I get omens. I think it is to help with how dense or stubborn I can be when the universe wants my attention. If we were in a movie we'd call it a glitch in the matrix. Zeros can be highly significant. The concept of the number zero was a mathematical innovation. It gave sophistication to the Mayan calendar's long count (a calendar that was more accurate than our own), and allowed for place holders allowing for tallying infinitely larger numbers with just ten numerals in our own system. Zero is nothing but allows us to create infinite combinations. It is the number of the void, the womb of creation. Zero is also the end of a countdown, when we reach it...KABOOM! (Well depending on whether this is an action movie or not that is).
The Tarot card The Fool is assigned the number zero. I certainly feel like a fool right now. Not in the sense of being an idiot (although I have my clueless moments), but in the sense of having no particular plan or encoded direction. I've come to the end of a phase and I'm not quite started out on my next journey of intention. It can be an unsettling place to be. Many of the primary actors in my life have exited stage left. I haven't yet chosen the theme for the next act. In this case my zero sign could be telling me something. I have a chance to start with a clean slate. Perhaps it is a good time to really take a deeper look at what I am still carrying around with me. If zero is the void, then I am incubating right now. I may want to purge some of the cargo in the hold so that I"m only growing what I really want in the next phase.
I have been revisiting old places, relationships, and thoughts that I have passed through in my life lately. I've said goodbye to friends who have passed on, and I am letting others go slowly with love. When the stage scenery is whisked off at intermission it can be dizzying. So I think, and I could be wrong, that the zero is letting me know I'm in a between space. Just like zero is a place holder for a decimal, it is acting as breather before the next change will hit. Now is the time to make some decisions, to consider what now. What do I leave behind, and what do I move towards? I wish I could say that was comforting, but it is change and all change even good change is stressful. Perhaps though that is one idea I should set aside now that I'm in the pause.
How about you? Are you seeing signs? Are you at that special between space in your life where you're not quite moving toward one thing or another? Have you set sail with no destination? Do you need a destination, or do you trust destiny? I wish I could offer you some sage advice, but we're at the zero hour and nothing has materialized yet. We are pre conceptual right now, and in this instance you are on your own to set your direction.
Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle
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