Greetings all,
Another week of spring moving back and forth between warm and cool, bright and overcast. This past week I have been musing on the limitations that we experience in our lives.
Now I as a practitioner of all sorts of magic and mystery crafts am expected to say screw the limits. Rules, guidelines, what are these creatures you speak of? However, limitations are part of our human experience. With the death of Prince so recently grabbing the media in its distraction game, I amusingly recall some talks given by a much less well known celebrity, Kevin Smith. He had some very interesting tales about the rock god. His chat with his staff comes to mind when he finds out that Prince doesn't understand the word no anymore. The example of wanting a live camel in the middle of the night in January in Minneapolis embodies this. He couldn't see why his staff couldn't get it for him. Now I am not doing this to tarnish the star's memory, but just to show you how when the limits are taken away we seem to lose perspective.
I've known individuals that have transcended most people's everyday concerns of money. They can forget how hard it can be for people and on the far extreme of this spectrum they can be downright antagonistic. We have public figures right now who've never had to deal with the survival issues that most people go through. Not only that but their money gives them almost complete free reign to act without discernible consequences. It seems as if when all limits are removed people become entirely egocentric and convinced of their own unfailing brilliance.
Limits are often painted as negative in the spiritual thought community. I have started to differentiate limits into separate categories. There are limits that confine who we are, keeping us from expressing ourselves and growing. There are also limits that help give us a framework from which to define who we are. Now the same exact limitation can be either confining or defining depending on the person. Not only that but we may outgrow some of our limitations. None of us keep the same limitations as we move through life: first we must be carried, then we learn to crawl, then walk, perhaps we learn to ride a bike or drive a car. As we grow we transcend some limits, but as long as we remain human we will experience loss, pain, and death.
So as we look at our lives and where we butt up against our limits we must continually examine whether we are confined or held lovingly in a safe place to define what we are. We must decide which limitations we must transcend in order to more fully be ourselves. As we do this we must also have compassion for others and their limits. It really isn't for us to say when someone should bust through and expand into limits that are less restrictive. We are each born with different capabilities and are further differentiated by our life experiences. What may seem like a strait jacket to one person may feel like a warm blanket to another.
So how about you? Are you comfortable in you limits? Do you feel trapped, or do you use them to innovate and create yourself within those boundaries? Are you outgrowing a limitation? Are you throwing all restraint to the wind? Are you a compassionate respecter of the limits of your fellow travelers. I'll tell you what I told a client of mine recently, "Those fears, insecurities, emotional baggage, and limitations are something we all have. Some of us are just better at hiding it from people. Some of us use it as motivation to improve ourselves, others project blame or play the victim. Only the Masters have transcended all limits. We have all eternity to be a Master there is no rush."
Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle
Musings
Saturday, April 30, 2016
Thursday, April 21, 2016
Teaching to the Student
Greetings all,
I hope you've had an enjoyable week. I've caught little moments of beauty in the wake that time leaves behind since my last post. I've been privy to late night awakenings and the mysterious energies of the dawn. I've also been lucky to get some great feedback with my teaching lately.
The last 3 years I've grown tremendously in my ability to teach. I've taught in people's living rooms, wellness centers, backyards, churches, community centers, and gyms. Tai chi is something I've been practicing for half my life. I've forgotten as many forms as I currently know, but it wasn't until I started teaching that I think I really began to understand the forms I practice. When my teacher approached me in the dojo and said, "You're a Sifu,", I was surprised. I certainly didn't feel like a master. I was terrible at sparring, I didn't know any Ba Qua or Hsing Hi. At the time I even had a friend (former friend now) say that he hated how in the west they just passed out titles and how it diluted the potency of it. (Yes he was that much of an asshole, I did say former friend).
I struggled with the label for quite some time. The thing is Sifu could also be translated as teacher. So in that sense I am a Sifu. I teach, and thankfully much better than I did when I was granted the title. It's a good thing I started teaching friends because I had no idea what I was doing. I still have trouble conceiving exactly how my teacher instructed us. I get snippets here and there of memories spliced together, but mostly all I remember was him demonstrating the move for us and remarking on the breathing pattern. He also had several advanced students assisting him in class. When I first started teaching friends and acquaintances, I tried teaching his way just demonstrating the form, but it didn't work. Nobody understood me and I kept getting people with physical peculiarities. One student had a leg that was longer than the other, another one didn't have all the tendons in their knees, another had a mechanical heart valve (useful in that I knew when they were working too hard, I could hear it ticking). I was hyper focused on the form, but for many of the students with physical issues the form was impossible to do "correctly".
A turning point came for me when I landed a job teaching at wellness center. It was membership driven like a gym so people could drop in one week but they'd be gone for the next 2. I had to adjust my teaching style so that anyone could walk into class and follow along to most of what we were doing. I changed the focus from form to giving the students an experience of chi flowing in their bodies. Progress was slow if you were measuring by forms, but each class had it's own grace and flow. I had a core of students that loved it, but sadly the wellness center closed. I next moved onto teaching at a gym and I brought what I had learned from teaching from a more personal wellness viewpoint. Currently I teach 3 classes a week: one class is for active seniors with a range of people in their 60s all the way into their 80s, the other two classes are made up to a great extent by people who are undergoing treatment for cancer or who have successfully come through treatment. So I am once again adjusting my style of teaching. I don't know that I'd be a success in a dojo, but I feel like what I am teaching now is of greater value to my students.
One of my class participants recently traveled to an event where they had people demonstrating a particular style of fan form tai chi. When they asked what the beginning level was like they were told that what they had seen was the beginning level. They and others there were discouraged because much of it was out of their ability to attempt. To be a teacher you have to meet people where they are, not where you think they should be. That is the most valuable thing I have learned, you teach to the student not the form. Forms are meaningless, they are simply an outlet for the chi to flow through.
So how does this apply to you? Well at some point you are going to be called upon to teach or train somebody in something. Whether it is professionally or in your family we all share our knowledge. If you want to be effective you have to be able to assess where someone is with their understanding and their current capabilities. In my mind a teacher is a servant not a master. The classes I teach belong to the students not me. By respecting people's limitations equally to their strengths you give them space to grow. That said you may have a different teaching style. Do you know what it is? Are you able to adapt to fit your audience's needs? Are you more focused on the information or the people? Teaching is an art form on its own and one that is rarely respected in our culture. If you haven't taught lately perhaps it is time you do. It matters not what, just that you connect and share. A good teacher is hard to find I've been lucky in mine. May you be lucky in yours.
Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle
I hope you've had an enjoyable week. I've caught little moments of beauty in the wake that time leaves behind since my last post. I've been privy to late night awakenings and the mysterious energies of the dawn. I've also been lucky to get some great feedback with my teaching lately.
The last 3 years I've grown tremendously in my ability to teach. I've taught in people's living rooms, wellness centers, backyards, churches, community centers, and gyms. Tai chi is something I've been practicing for half my life. I've forgotten as many forms as I currently know, but it wasn't until I started teaching that I think I really began to understand the forms I practice. When my teacher approached me in the dojo and said, "You're a Sifu,", I was surprised. I certainly didn't feel like a master. I was terrible at sparring, I didn't know any Ba Qua or Hsing Hi. At the time I even had a friend (former friend now) say that he hated how in the west they just passed out titles and how it diluted the potency of it. (Yes he was that much of an asshole, I did say former friend).
I struggled with the label for quite some time. The thing is Sifu could also be translated as teacher. So in that sense I am a Sifu. I teach, and thankfully much better than I did when I was granted the title. It's a good thing I started teaching friends because I had no idea what I was doing. I still have trouble conceiving exactly how my teacher instructed us. I get snippets here and there of memories spliced together, but mostly all I remember was him demonstrating the move for us and remarking on the breathing pattern. He also had several advanced students assisting him in class. When I first started teaching friends and acquaintances, I tried teaching his way just demonstrating the form, but it didn't work. Nobody understood me and I kept getting people with physical peculiarities. One student had a leg that was longer than the other, another one didn't have all the tendons in their knees, another had a mechanical heart valve (useful in that I knew when they were working too hard, I could hear it ticking). I was hyper focused on the form, but for many of the students with physical issues the form was impossible to do "correctly".
A turning point came for me when I landed a job teaching at wellness center. It was membership driven like a gym so people could drop in one week but they'd be gone for the next 2. I had to adjust my teaching style so that anyone could walk into class and follow along to most of what we were doing. I changed the focus from form to giving the students an experience of chi flowing in their bodies. Progress was slow if you were measuring by forms, but each class had it's own grace and flow. I had a core of students that loved it, but sadly the wellness center closed. I next moved onto teaching at a gym and I brought what I had learned from teaching from a more personal wellness viewpoint. Currently I teach 3 classes a week: one class is for active seniors with a range of people in their 60s all the way into their 80s, the other two classes are made up to a great extent by people who are undergoing treatment for cancer or who have successfully come through treatment. So I am once again adjusting my style of teaching. I don't know that I'd be a success in a dojo, but I feel like what I am teaching now is of greater value to my students.
One of my class participants recently traveled to an event where they had people demonstrating a particular style of fan form tai chi. When they asked what the beginning level was like they were told that what they had seen was the beginning level. They and others there were discouraged because much of it was out of their ability to attempt. To be a teacher you have to meet people where they are, not where you think they should be. That is the most valuable thing I have learned, you teach to the student not the form. Forms are meaningless, they are simply an outlet for the chi to flow through.
So how does this apply to you? Well at some point you are going to be called upon to teach or train somebody in something. Whether it is professionally or in your family we all share our knowledge. If you want to be effective you have to be able to assess where someone is with their understanding and their current capabilities. In my mind a teacher is a servant not a master. The classes I teach belong to the students not me. By respecting people's limitations equally to their strengths you give them space to grow. That said you may have a different teaching style. Do you know what it is? Are you able to adapt to fit your audience's needs? Are you more focused on the information or the people? Teaching is an art form on its own and one that is rarely respected in our culture. If you haven't taught lately perhaps it is time you do. It matters not what, just that you connect and share. A good teacher is hard to find I've been lucky in mine. May you be lucky in yours.
Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle
Saturday, April 16, 2016
Wheels within Wheels
Greetings all,
I have been once more all over the map this week. Well not literally. I have been flitting between teaching, training, and events. Last weekend was the Victory of Light Expo. It was my first official book signing event. It was strange not to be working in the Tomstones booth. I got a chance to walk around and speak with many people and share in the collective feeling of loss. I didn't know that so many people even knew who I was. I got a lot of hugs, and I ate too much sushi (another great tradition that shall continue in memoriam).
The past few years have brought such a change in my social world. It has been one of losses but also of tremendous gains. When I rebranded this blog over three years back I started it with a post about respect. For most of my life respect is something I did not have. My life had pretty much thrown me as many different shades of disrespect as you can imagine. Now this post is not a pity party, I simply bring up my near constant experience of disrespect to contrast with how I feel things are now. It still feels somewhat like a dream that people actually want to come listen to me speak. I've gone from being barely able to have a class of three people to averaging a dozen or more. When I presented at meditation groups or other circles in years past it was always a very small turnout. Now I tend to fill a room. I am not saying this to brag, but to convey how amazed I am. I can't say just how grateful I am for this turn of events. I have to pinch myself to remind myself how lucky I am that people would actually want to spend time with me. My voice which was ridiculed for my entire adolescence people actually compliment me on now.
The Wheel of Fortune has turned, and from the outside it can seem like I am suddenly without effort riding high. What most don't see is how long I spent being ground down on the bottom of the wheel, nor how many people delighted in kicking me as I crawled trying to stand up. There were very few who showed me kindness and respect when I was low. I remember a kindness for a long time. I remember those who saw something good in me when I couldn't. I remember you, and I will give a good turn of the wheel for you when I can. I don't respond to every positive comment I get online, but I want you to know that I do appreciate them. To the haters, I have to say you make me feel more important because you spend your time trying to bring me down, so if you must keep at it. To those that chose to kick me when I'm down I remember you as well, but luckily for you I am too busy building my life to waste time on you. (Not that I wouldn't hold the door for Karma cause I totally would).
So what does this meandering between the self being bashed and being celebrated mean? Well in the grand scheme it probably means nothing. We're told over and over we shouldn't care what others think of us. However, unless we're sociopaths we can't help but care about it. It would be more accurate to say we shouldn't care what certain people think of us. We're always going to worry about how we appear to those we love and care for. We are social beings as well as individuals. The challenge in life is managing the balance between what is good for the individual and what is good for the group. There will be times when the wheel will grind you down, but the wheel always turns and a new set of opportunities and challenges present themselves. The whole of nature is full of turning wheels: the cycle of the seasons, day and night, growth and decay. As those wheels turn around us we are also spun around the wheels of our society and culture. Still in the center of those wheels is another wheel. It can be directed by those wheels around it or it can and sometimes will change directions spinning in counterpoint to the larger wheels. That wheel is you and your journey. It can move with the wheels of circumstance in harmony or discord, but there are times in life where it can spin and change the wheels whirling around it. For around all those wheels is the great wheel, the wheel of spirit and from that wheel we were all forged.
So how does this affect you? I assure you that you are in the middle of several wheels right now as you read this. The season you are in, the time of your life, your standing in society, and your personal relationships all are creating forces that place demands on you. The question you must ask is if you are riding the wheels or are they riding you? Some wheels you just have move with others can be respun, stopped or even broken. Do you know which way your own personal wheel is spinning? Do you see the path it wants to take? What happens if you start to look for the other wheels that can help spin you around to get where you want to go? What if you could see the point on the cycle of turns where you could get off the less than merry go round? We are each a wheel within many other wheels and if we all decided to we could change the way the wheels of the world spin. Some wheels will help you others will crush you, but what if you could choose which wheels you stepped onto?
Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle
I have been once more all over the map this week. Well not literally. I have been flitting between teaching, training, and events. Last weekend was the Victory of Light Expo. It was my first official book signing event. It was strange not to be working in the Tomstones booth. I got a chance to walk around and speak with many people and share in the collective feeling of loss. I didn't know that so many people even knew who I was. I got a lot of hugs, and I ate too much sushi (another great tradition that shall continue in memoriam).
The past few years have brought such a change in my social world. It has been one of losses but also of tremendous gains. When I rebranded this blog over three years back I started it with a post about respect. For most of my life respect is something I did not have. My life had pretty much thrown me as many different shades of disrespect as you can imagine. Now this post is not a pity party, I simply bring up my near constant experience of disrespect to contrast with how I feel things are now. It still feels somewhat like a dream that people actually want to come listen to me speak. I've gone from being barely able to have a class of three people to averaging a dozen or more. When I presented at meditation groups or other circles in years past it was always a very small turnout. Now I tend to fill a room. I am not saying this to brag, but to convey how amazed I am. I can't say just how grateful I am for this turn of events. I have to pinch myself to remind myself how lucky I am that people would actually want to spend time with me. My voice which was ridiculed for my entire adolescence people actually compliment me on now.
The Wheel of Fortune has turned, and from the outside it can seem like I am suddenly without effort riding high. What most don't see is how long I spent being ground down on the bottom of the wheel, nor how many people delighted in kicking me as I crawled trying to stand up. There were very few who showed me kindness and respect when I was low. I remember a kindness for a long time. I remember those who saw something good in me when I couldn't. I remember you, and I will give a good turn of the wheel for you when I can. I don't respond to every positive comment I get online, but I want you to know that I do appreciate them. To the haters, I have to say you make me feel more important because you spend your time trying to bring me down, so if you must keep at it. To those that chose to kick me when I'm down I remember you as well, but luckily for you I am too busy building my life to waste time on you. (Not that I wouldn't hold the door for Karma cause I totally would).
So what does this meandering between the self being bashed and being celebrated mean? Well in the grand scheme it probably means nothing. We're told over and over we shouldn't care what others think of us. However, unless we're sociopaths we can't help but care about it. It would be more accurate to say we shouldn't care what certain people think of us. We're always going to worry about how we appear to those we love and care for. We are social beings as well as individuals. The challenge in life is managing the balance between what is good for the individual and what is good for the group. There will be times when the wheel will grind you down, but the wheel always turns and a new set of opportunities and challenges present themselves. The whole of nature is full of turning wheels: the cycle of the seasons, day and night, growth and decay. As those wheels turn around us we are also spun around the wheels of our society and culture. Still in the center of those wheels is another wheel. It can be directed by those wheels around it or it can and sometimes will change directions spinning in counterpoint to the larger wheels. That wheel is you and your journey. It can move with the wheels of circumstance in harmony or discord, but there are times in life where it can spin and change the wheels whirling around it. For around all those wheels is the great wheel, the wheel of spirit and from that wheel we were all forged.
So how does this affect you? I assure you that you are in the middle of several wheels right now as you read this. The season you are in, the time of your life, your standing in society, and your personal relationships all are creating forces that place demands on you. The question you must ask is if you are riding the wheels or are they riding you? Some wheels you just have move with others can be respun, stopped or even broken. Do you know which way your own personal wheel is spinning? Do you see the path it wants to take? What happens if you start to look for the other wheels that can help spin you around to get where you want to go? What if you could see the point on the cycle of turns where you could get off the less than merry go round? We are each a wheel within many other wheels and if we all decided to we could change the way the wheels of the world spin. Some wheels will help you others will crush you, but what if you could choose which wheels you stepped onto?
Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle
Saturday, April 9, 2016
Chapters
Greetings all,
My last two posts have been very raw emotionally. Sorry if it is too heavy, but I try to write honestly. Being on a spiritual path is not all shining beings of limitless light, and universal love blissing out of your pores everyday. Most days are filled with a lot of the same things that everyone deals with, the only difference is the context in which you place those experiences.
The stories of our lives have chapters. We have our childhood, adolescence, first love, first heartbreak, first death, and our setting off into the world chapter. I have been called the king of run on sentences before, and some of my chapters could be said to run on as well. The last three years has been the closing of several long chapters of my life. Now it is time for the new one.
New chapters are tricky. That blank white page is full of promise and peril both. It's exciting and nerve wracking. Things will not be as before and there isn't yet enough prose to let us know the shape this chapter may take. My roads never travel in straight lines, or at least they haven't yet. I've always been one to take the meandering path, sometimes circling around a goal for quite a while before realizing it. Sometimes never realizing it at all but rather being called off on some other wild adventure. I've watched many people over the years just set off on a path and go right for their goal. It still amazes me. I don't know if it is something inborn, is Fate somehow involved? If so then it would explain a lot. I've got a fate lined burned into both palms quite deeply. This is both good and bad. Bad if you would like to take the direct path, good if you get cornered but Fate has plans for you still. (GET AWAY FROM HIM YOU BITCH!!!) Extra points if you can place that reference
So here I am. I'm no longer part of business partnership. I'm no longer just an assistant. I'm barely working retail these days. This chapter seems to be all about me stepping into my path of power. It is exciting because it is what I've wanted for years. It is scary because it is just me. There is the blank page taunting me to fill it with my stuff rather than side quests and ride alongs. I loved the ride alongs and helping out others, even some of the side quests were fun, but now that chapter's done. Right now I'm feeling rather ambivalent about the whole thing. Tomorrow I go for my first big book signing following a lecture at the largest psychic expo in the region. I should be stoked, and I am, but I am also sad about the turning of the page and the ending of the previous chapter.
So how about you? What chapters in your life are ending that you are still holding onto and rereading? What is the theme for the chapter in progress? Are you excited or afraid of the words coming out in the story of your life? Maybe it is okay to be a little of both. Are you a straight shooter, or do you swerve as you come in for a landing? Do you judge yourself for having a different story from your family, friends, or society at large. TV and movies don't count they are lies I tell you LIES! It might be time to turn the page, and choose consciously where your story will take you next.
Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle
My last two posts have been very raw emotionally. Sorry if it is too heavy, but I try to write honestly. Being on a spiritual path is not all shining beings of limitless light, and universal love blissing out of your pores everyday. Most days are filled with a lot of the same things that everyone deals with, the only difference is the context in which you place those experiences.
The stories of our lives have chapters. We have our childhood, adolescence, first love, first heartbreak, first death, and our setting off into the world chapter. I have been called the king of run on sentences before, and some of my chapters could be said to run on as well. The last three years has been the closing of several long chapters of my life. Now it is time for the new one.
New chapters are tricky. That blank white page is full of promise and peril both. It's exciting and nerve wracking. Things will not be as before and there isn't yet enough prose to let us know the shape this chapter may take. My roads never travel in straight lines, or at least they haven't yet. I've always been one to take the meandering path, sometimes circling around a goal for quite a while before realizing it. Sometimes never realizing it at all but rather being called off on some other wild adventure. I've watched many people over the years just set off on a path and go right for their goal. It still amazes me. I don't know if it is something inborn, is Fate somehow involved? If so then it would explain a lot. I've got a fate lined burned into both palms quite deeply. This is both good and bad. Bad if you would like to take the direct path, good if you get cornered but Fate has plans for you still. (GET AWAY FROM HIM YOU BITCH!!!) Extra points if you can place that reference
So here I am. I'm no longer part of business partnership. I'm no longer just an assistant. I'm barely working retail these days. This chapter seems to be all about me stepping into my path of power. It is exciting because it is what I've wanted for years. It is scary because it is just me. There is the blank page taunting me to fill it with my stuff rather than side quests and ride alongs. I loved the ride alongs and helping out others, even some of the side quests were fun, but now that chapter's done. Right now I'm feeling rather ambivalent about the whole thing. Tomorrow I go for my first big book signing following a lecture at the largest psychic expo in the region. I should be stoked, and I am, but I am also sad about the turning of the page and the ending of the previous chapter.
So how about you? What chapters in your life are ending that you are still holding onto and rereading? What is the theme for the chapter in progress? Are you excited or afraid of the words coming out in the story of your life? Maybe it is okay to be a little of both. Are you a straight shooter, or do you swerve as you come in for a landing? Do you judge yourself for having a different story from your family, friends, or society at large. TV and movies don't count they are lies I tell you LIES! It might be time to turn the page, and choose consciously where your story will take you next.
Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle
Saturday, April 2, 2016
With a Little Help from My Friends
Greetings all,
It has been a very rough week for me. I have had yet another friend pass away from illness, and an immediate family member in the hospital. During this I also had a job interview and meetings, while I continued to teach and even started a new teaching position. This didn't leave me much time to sit and feel.
My reaction to strong emotions in the past has been either to drown in them or to completely shut them down and run away from them. However I have adopted the phrase "adulting" from Facebook. So I have been attempting the act of the adult emotionally. I will not lie this shit's hard. Staying centered in the heart and the place of feeling is no picnic when you experience loss. Harder still is to do my work by focusing within the field of the heart and moving its energy around. It hurts both emotionally and physically. Still it must be done. I once said I want to learn to paint with all the colors of the emotions. Sorrow has its strokes as much as joy. It highlights it even by contrast. However there is a tendency in our society to label the darker hued emotions as wrong, bad, or even as a medical condition. Apparently in the new DSM-V grief is considered a disorder if it lasts longer than two weeks. So you aren't allowed to feel sad and down for more than half a month, otherwise you may need to ask your doctor if ______ is right for you. (Caution may cause alien babies to burst forth from your sternum in rare cases).
So I had someone offer me, with the best of intentions, to energetically poof my sorrow into nothingness. I politely declined telling them I needed to feel what was there because it was real. Loss hurts and I think magically banishing it away would be too much like running away from life. I've done that enough. No more running, unless chased by raptors (it could happen you don't know my life so no judging). No I put on my big boy pants and cried, shook, and mourned. I worked with my heart moving its energy while feeling the pain that was there. I don't want to suffer, but I also don't want to invalidate how I feel. The pain I feel from the losses I've had means that the connections I've shared were good and valuable ones. So I did my work, I meditated without trying to numb. I did my ceremonies asking for what I needed.
What I got were my friends that remain. Those lovely souls I have been patiently gathering the last several years have formed a web of support around me. The last time I did this loss song and dance I was not only without support I was downright antagonized. It led me into a place where I nearly didn't survive. Part of me began to fear that with all the heavy emotions and losses piling up I would head back into that place. This time is different. This time I am not alone. This time no one is antagonizing me. (Woe to anyone who would at this juncture I'm much feistier now, Mooneagle 2.0).
So after my diving deep into the wounds of the heart I went to my regular game night. I didn't think I had the energy to, but I went anyways. I was greeted with hugs from both our regulars and others not seen in some time. We fell into each others company and took comfort. I am not the only one among us who've had significant loss and upset of late. People may think it frivolous but my game night and time with my friends has really added so much color, depth, and light to my world. I can't imagine life without it right now. I think we've forgotten how much we need to be with each other in our culture. We have social media and texting to keep us in constant contact, but it doesn't give us what our hearts need. It can't give us that look of knowing, that hand on the shoulder, or embrace that takes the weight from our minds. As I said above I want to paint with all the colors of the emotions and while the sun bright yellow of joy is most definitely one of my favorite colors, the somber blues are teaching me to be kinder. We've all lost something special or someone in our lives rather than let it numb us what if we let it made us more compassionate and grateful towards each other?
So how about you? Was your week a gauntlet of sorrows? Does life weigh heavy on your heart? Does the man get you down? Well maybe now is the time to reach out. Call that person who knows your heart like their own. Plan to meet with your old friends from the long ago or the recently found soul mates. Breathe into your heart and feel the pain because it is authentically yours as much as the heights of ecstasy. Own your feelings let them find space, and then gather with your loved ones. See if that lightens your load or at least shifts your shoulders to a more comfortable spot. In the meantime I'll get by with a little help from my friends.
Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle
It has been a very rough week for me. I have had yet another friend pass away from illness, and an immediate family member in the hospital. During this I also had a job interview and meetings, while I continued to teach and even started a new teaching position. This didn't leave me much time to sit and feel.
My reaction to strong emotions in the past has been either to drown in them or to completely shut them down and run away from them. However I have adopted the phrase "adulting" from Facebook. So I have been attempting the act of the adult emotionally. I will not lie this shit's hard. Staying centered in the heart and the place of feeling is no picnic when you experience loss. Harder still is to do my work by focusing within the field of the heart and moving its energy around. It hurts both emotionally and physically. Still it must be done. I once said I want to learn to paint with all the colors of the emotions. Sorrow has its strokes as much as joy. It highlights it even by contrast. However there is a tendency in our society to label the darker hued emotions as wrong, bad, or even as a medical condition. Apparently in the new DSM-V grief is considered a disorder if it lasts longer than two weeks. So you aren't allowed to feel sad and down for more than half a month, otherwise you may need to ask your doctor if ______ is right for you. (Caution may cause alien babies to burst forth from your sternum in rare cases).
So I had someone offer me, with the best of intentions, to energetically poof my sorrow into nothingness. I politely declined telling them I needed to feel what was there because it was real. Loss hurts and I think magically banishing it away would be too much like running away from life. I've done that enough. No more running, unless chased by raptors (it could happen you don't know my life so no judging). No I put on my big boy pants and cried, shook, and mourned. I worked with my heart moving its energy while feeling the pain that was there. I don't want to suffer, but I also don't want to invalidate how I feel. The pain I feel from the losses I've had means that the connections I've shared were good and valuable ones. So I did my work, I meditated without trying to numb. I did my ceremonies asking for what I needed.
What I got were my friends that remain. Those lovely souls I have been patiently gathering the last several years have formed a web of support around me. The last time I did this loss song and dance I was not only without support I was downright antagonized. It led me into a place where I nearly didn't survive. Part of me began to fear that with all the heavy emotions and losses piling up I would head back into that place. This time is different. This time I am not alone. This time no one is antagonizing me. (Woe to anyone who would at this juncture I'm much feistier now, Mooneagle 2.0).
So after my diving deep into the wounds of the heart I went to my regular game night. I didn't think I had the energy to, but I went anyways. I was greeted with hugs from both our regulars and others not seen in some time. We fell into each others company and took comfort. I am not the only one among us who've had significant loss and upset of late. People may think it frivolous but my game night and time with my friends has really added so much color, depth, and light to my world. I can't imagine life without it right now. I think we've forgotten how much we need to be with each other in our culture. We have social media and texting to keep us in constant contact, but it doesn't give us what our hearts need. It can't give us that look of knowing, that hand on the shoulder, or embrace that takes the weight from our minds. As I said above I want to paint with all the colors of the emotions and while the sun bright yellow of joy is most definitely one of my favorite colors, the somber blues are teaching me to be kinder. We've all lost something special or someone in our lives rather than let it numb us what if we let it made us more compassionate and grateful towards each other?
So how about you? Was your week a gauntlet of sorrows? Does life weigh heavy on your heart? Does the man get you down? Well maybe now is the time to reach out. Call that person who knows your heart like their own. Plan to meet with your old friends from the long ago or the recently found soul mates. Breathe into your heart and feel the pain because it is authentically yours as much as the heights of ecstasy. Own your feelings let them find space, and then gather with your loved ones. See if that lightens your load or at least shifts your shoulders to a more comfortable spot. In the meantime I'll get by with a little help from my friends.
Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle
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