Focus

Greetings everyone,

This week I was once again gifted with a topic through conversation with a friend.  I'm always on the lookout for a good topic for reflection.  Next week I have some exciting news to convey, but for now buckle your seat belts for more musings.

A friend of mine recently kicked someone out of their life.  Unlike me they don't tend to be a bridge burner (bridge napalmer is a more apt description of me).  They brought up the idea of scarcity consciousness and its effects on relationships.  Basically they don't think that having one person in your life takes up space and blocks others from entering your life.  It made me look at my perspective.  My view wasn't about limited slots for people like a seating arrangement at a table, but more about devoted focus and attention.

With focus we put our energy into one area rather than others.  This is good as it allows us to explore some relationships and opportunities more deeply.  However if you put all your focus and attention in one area others will suffer or will at least not progress at a comparable rate.  One of the things I struggle with is becoming fixated on one goal or idea.  I get a sort of tunnel vision where I block out all other possibilities and opportunities.  I used to do that with my artwork.  I had this idea that I was just a potter so I blocked out information that I had a chance to pay closer attention to because it wasn't part of my focus.  Fast forward and I've done sculpture and jewelry and could kick myself for not exploring more working methods when I had the chance.  I have since tried a softer focus and have had an explosion of creativity that I couldn't even previously conceive.

I know we were talking about relationships but I just wanted to show how this pattern of hyper focus or exclusionary focus works in another aspect of life.  In relationships I have lived the same pattern.  I have focused on one to such a degree that I even allowed myself to be a bit player in my life. Here is where my friend above and I differ.  They seem to be able to keep their prominence in their own life while focusing on someone intensely.  They don't get focus fixation.  Which is why they don't burn bridges as much as I have.  (Is that a torch I smell?)

So how does this apply to you?  Is your focus too intense?  Are you fixated on one relationship to the detriment of all others?  Are you only exploring one avenue of opportunity in your life?  Are you blocking out other possibilities that don't fit your "plan"?  What would happen if you softened your eyes opened up your focus and allowed a bit more serendipity in your life?

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

For the Love of Evil

Greetings all,

Hope you've had a good week.  Spring has been off and on, but now seems to be rolling along once again.  This is the second year of my blog experiment.  Blogging each week  has kept me on the search for good topics.  Every week life shows up with some sort of message or lesson, and I do my best to pay attention to receive and unravel the hidden patterns that lie in wait within my experiences.

When I went up to work at a big psychic fair a few weekends ago I had a very curious experience on my drive.  About midway through my road trip I was passed by a red car going extremely fast.  I was in the right lane and so it zoomed on by in the left without a hitch.  The driving attitude suggested that I was not noticed.  I felt completely ignored by this speed demon.  (You'll laugh in a minute at that).  I had just enough time to catch the license plate on the sports car.  It had a vanity plate and it read "EVIL."  It was a bizarre moment.  I felt like I had been completely under the radar for that car, and I thought, "Evil passed me by and didn't even know I was there."  I took it as a good omen for the trip.
Some would call it coincidence, but I seem to get an awful lot of those from license plates.

Good and evil have quite a standing in our culture.  We see them locked in an eternal struggle in our myths, our movies, and in our own minds.  I'm beginning to think that good doesn't fight with evil though.  Evil can't conceive of good and vice versa.  This is not to say that bad things don't happen, they do.  However the idea of fighting fire with more fire (or in some cases firepower) is mostly counterproductive.  I've spoken before of anger being a signpost on the way to awakening.  Anger can be a very revealing experience as our perceptions conflict with situations that are out of balance.  The anger tells us that something here is not working.  However it is the start of change any meaningful and balanced change must be made in a state that is not in anger otherwise we end up creating more problems than we solve.

In Andean Shamanism the concept of good and evil is quite different.  There is not good and evil, or even light and darkness, there is lightness and heaviness.  Heaviness is caused by being out of harmony in a relationship (with the self, family, society or earth).  When we are not in right relation we create an energy called hucha (pronounced hoocha)  that weighs us down.  It makes us more tired, stressed, cranky, sick, and sometimes cruel.  When someone in that cultural understanding does something hurtful to others they aren't called bad they just are carrying a lot of hucha.  The medicine people eat the hucha to restore balance in a person, they then send it down into the earth and bring back light sweet energy.  The nastier someone is the more hucha they have and the more in need of healing and love they are.  It is paradoxical because these people are the hardest to love.  This is probably why in the Bible it talks about loving your enemy.  (Yes I know it makes me want to vomit too).  When people go too long without love or healing they become more and more destructive which of course creates more hucha for everyone.  When we counter violence with more violence we create more hucha.  I am not advocating allowing violence to continue I am saying when we attempt to stop it we have to be careful to not add anymore of that heavy energy into the equation.

I was having a conversation with a client today about hucha.  Somehow or other the income inequality in our country came up.  They started talking about the "1%"  and how they needed to be taken down.  Now on emotional level I completely get that, but from the level of spirit all I could see was how much they needed healing and to let go of all the hucha they were carrying.  Truly the only way we can deal with the challenges our world faces is to work together rather than to continue to tear at each other like carnivores fighting over a carcass.  (Remind me of this when I get on one of my rants about corporate power).

So how does this apply to you?  Well is there someone that you are viewing as the "villain".  What would happen if you just viewed them as someone in need of healing?  Would you still take their treatment as personal?  Would you be able to detach from their energy easier?  I'm not telling you to tolerate abuse, but when you are not in eminent danger from it perhaps realizing it is the hucha they are carrying rather than anything about you personally that is the cause may help you stop dancing to the tune of victim and villain.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas

Heuristics

Greetings all,

I bet you're confused about the title of this week's post.  As each new season comes  my memory readjusts.  The feeling of the air changes.  So as we settle into spring all the prior springs I have experienced come into my mind.  In psychology the term that closely mirrors this is state dependent memory.  Basically something learned or experienced is easier to recall when you are in a similar state.

Spring is about getting out and greeting the world.  Many of us have been sequestered against the cold during the winter (especially this year).  My social life has pretty much been on hold since December.  This is nothing new.  However what has been new in the past year is how much I have socialized.  Lately though I find myself retreating into my insecurities into the hermit loner archetype.

This can all be boiled down to heuristic algorithms that my brain has been running for years in social settings.   A heuristic is basically an analytical shortcut based on past experiences that is used to navigate situations.  Being empathic made social settings uncomfortable a lot of times for one reason.  I was very good at sensing emotions but not as good at assigning meaning or distinguishing between my feelings and the feelings of others.  So someone would be feeling angry or sad and because of the human tendency to project I would think I had somehow caused it.  There is of course a perverse negative narcissism involved here.  Basically I made everything I was feeling about me.  I took it a step further and started predicting outcomes based on feelings.  Now I was really good at this with other people which is why learning to read for people was easy, but when it came to my life I was way too heavy in factoring in my fears and insecurities.  In short I was running prediction software with very questionable data.

I bring all this up because I have caught myself doing this recently.  I've even indulged in nihilistic confrontational inner dramas.  Mostly they involve imagined accusatory standoffs with people.  When I snap out of it I realize I am playing at the victim role.  It is getting to be a stale role.  Those old heuristics just aren't serving me anymore.  Maybe they kept me out of some trouble in the past, but now they just keep me out of the fullness of life (and maybe a little bit of good trouble).  It is time for me to realize that while I may sense things I am not in any way a neutral observer in my life as of yet, and without that neutrality my predictions for personal matters are inherently flawed.

So what does this have to do with you?  Well are you running old programs that are constantly replaying painful dramas in your life?  Are you assuming responsibility for everyone else's feelings?  Do you project meaning onto others that has nothing to do with you?  Perhaps it is time to step back and make sure your heuristics aren't being run by fear.  Maybe you need a software patch.  What would happen if you asked people what is bothering them rather than assuming it is about you?  The thing is most things usually aren't about us even when the feelings of others are directed at us.  We make everything about us because we are looking out at the world from our perspective, but perhaps we can try to wipe off any smudges on the lens from now on.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Unworthy Adversary

Greetings all,

I had meant to have this posting done yesterday so I wouldn't have to bring my work with me on the road.  Alas it was not meant to be.  Here I sit in my hotel room typing away to you dear readers.

I have been reflecting on the past as the winter sputters out into a most anticipated spring.  My twenties have been on my mind.  Mostly as a wasted opportunity.  I had so much upheaval in my early twenties that I spent most of the second half putting the pieces back together.  I seemed to conjure one adversarial conflict after another.  Person after person reaffirmed how unworthy I was reinforcing a very negative self image.

I'd like to take this opportunity to say thank you to all my unworthy adversaries.  Thank you to the teachers who said I had no talents or gifts.  Without you I may not have become a true artist.  Thank you to the people who called me ugly.  Without you I may have never found my beauty.  Thank you to the bullies who tormented me.  Without you I might not have found my power.  Thank you to the boss that acted like you owned me.  Without you I would never have found my true worth.  Thank you to the pretend friends who saw only my faults.  Without you I may not have ever found respect.

My only regret really is that it took so long for me to see that I didn't need an adversary for me to find my light.  Contrast makes things very apparent.  It often promotes a crisis (sometimes several) to bring us to a realization.  It seems like I've gone through a process of elimination over the years.  Slowly removing from my life what I am not.  The process continues with fewer unworthy adversaries.  Mostly because over the past several years I realized it was always me.  What was said or done to me hurt only because I believed it was true or that I deserved no better.  Make no mistake I still get upset with people if they mistreat me,  but one of the benefits of this blog is that I get to deconstruct it.  People behaving poorly with me makes great fodder for topics, but my focus is always on why something bothers me.  What part of me is resonating with what is going on in the outer world.

I have faults, we all do.  In my darker moments I dwell on them rather than on my strengths.  It can sting when someone pokes at one of those shortcomings or insecurities, but that is all the more reason to be more accepting of yourself.  If we allow others to separate our being it only causes suffering.  When we work on our own mess and love ourselves throughout, the way we respond to antagonism shifts. How that may look varies.  Sometimes it is a peaceful ignoring of the treatment.  Other times may be confrontational as we take up for ourselves.  The thing to remember is the only adversary you have is you.

So how about it?  Is there someone you think holds power over you?  Do you have an arch nemesis?  Is it more impersonal, a group perhaps?  What would happen if you viewed them as an unworthy adversary?  What if they were just small potatoes?  What if the real challenger was in your own mind?  Does that make it harder or easier to move forward?  Why not look into the mirror and say, "The only way you win is if we both win."

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle