Sunday, May 14, 2017
This week the full moon graced the sign of Scorpio. What some of you may not know is that in my birth chart my moon was in that sign. That is actually the origin of my name Mooneagle. There are 3 animals associated with Scorpio: the serpent, the scorpion (obviously), and lastly but less well known the eagle.
Scorpio is one that peers into the depths, and is aware of the deep currents of the psyche. This week we had a glimpse into our often buried passions and pains. There is a misconception that meditation and spiritual practice will always leave you feeling better. Let me just burst that bubble for you. Sometimes you are left feeling very raw and vulnerable. As we grow up we learn to suppress our feelings, or at the very least not to let them show. When we slow down and sink into our minds and hearts those feelings rise up longing to be heard. The more we've shoved those feelings down the more uncomfortable it can be for us to move deeper into ourselves.
Now I rely on my feelings in the work that I do. It is an asset to me, but for many years it was a liability. For whatever reason it seems common that when people know you are sensitive that they will provoke or attack you. Now usually a bully is projecting their feelings onto their victims. They hate those vulnerable parts of themselves so when they see them in others they attack to free themselves of the discomfort. They get to feel strong, for a moment. That is one coping strategy, another is to retreat into the self away from other people in a mental realm. This second strategy can lead to creative leaps or inventiveness, or it can lead to delusions and a fracturing of reality for a person. Yet another common strategy is to numb the self, and in fact this one is actually celebrated in our culture. We call it toughening up, and in truth a certain degree of this is necessary so that we don't become paralyzed by our own emotions. However we often take it to an extreme where we barely allow ourselves to feel them at all.
I realized in the past few months that I haven't allowed myself to feel deeply in my own life. I don't allow myself the space to want what I truly desire. This is a real detriment when it comes to creating a life that I love as I can't get the emotional energy needed to power such a change. As I moved into healing some of this scar tissue I have been put in touch with a lot of the pain I shoved down into the depths of my consciousness. This is a weight I carry everyday, but for the most part I am unaware of how much it has weighed me down. Transmuting this pain and wounding will take a lot of focus and effort and will leave me feeling quite exposed. If I don't heal it and transform it though I will never move into that life that I've pictured.
So why am I telling you this? Trust me it's not to throw a pity party. Spirit repeatedly has told me I'm not special. If you are reading this I'd say there's a great chance that you are unconsciously carrying around a wound or pain that you have encased and tossed down into the subconscious. You carry that with you all the time like extra ballast. Over time that extra weight makes it harder and harder for you to move forward freely. This past week's moon had the potential to reveal what we have tossed in the bottom of our awareness. It would not be a pleasant revelation, it may be quite traumatic in fact, but it is necessary if we want something different in our lives.
As we move forward into the next moon, get in touch with what you are still carrying. Just begin to acknowledge it. It will probably be uncomfortable it may actually even hurt quite a bit, but we need to feel that if we are to truly set it down for good. Be gentle with yourselves, be forgiving of yourself first and then others. Look within and see what is there and do your best to still love yourself in that place of vulnerability. One thing I learned is that the more we accept ourselves as we are the more we change. It is quite counterintuitive, but once you grasp that it can be quite liberating. Here's a toast to the depths and the treasures it can bring back to us.
Peace and Blessings,