Saturday, October 29, 2016

Power Struggle

Greetings all,

I hope you had a pleasant week.  I've certainly had an eventful one.  I had my monthly meeting of the Monroe Institute's Louisville Chapter, and I spoke at the Center for Integrative Health.  This next week promises to be full of activity with Halloween and the Day of the Dead gathering as well as my Chi Kung workshop at the Louisville Salt Cave.  Amidst this flurry of activity I finally had the time to delve into a dream journey.

As I have said in previous posts, I have a rich dream life.  It often gives me some extra behind the scenes information to help me make decisions and lead me down new avenues of discovery.  Whenever I have strong emotions in a dream it's a sign to look more deeply into it.  So I followed a power animal down the rabbit hole of consciousness back into a recent dreamscape.  In this dream a dolphin had appeared, one that I wanted to pet, but I was afraid to.  Once I began to feel trepidation about touching the creature it transformed into a more prehistoric version of itself, much larger and with a lot more teeth.  When I reentered the dream in shamanic trance I went to the dolphin and laid my hands on it.  Then it led me under the sea (yes I thought of the disney song when I wrote that and now so will you...f o r e v e r).  We found a glowing treasure chest.  A golden light merged with me and then the dolphin spoke.  It identified as part of me, and asked, "Why are you afraid of your own power?"

Now while I am pretty sure the journey included sone power and soul retrieval, the real gem for me wasn't what was in the chest it was the question.  Why do I fear my own power?  I don't have to look far for examples of that.  I am really good at sabotaging my own efforts or talking myself down with potential clients.  I've seen amazing things, heck I've even been behind a few of them so why am I so reticent about claiming and living in my own power?  I don't think I am alone in this.  So many people I meet just want to hand their power away.  Whether it is in readings or healing work I am always trying to give people their power back.  Really guys apparently I'm not even comfortable with my own so why would I want yours.  It might be because at least in some ways I equate power with responsibility.  So if I don't use it or shy away from it I subconsciously know that I can't be blamed.  It will be someone else's fault.  (Because we all know the most important thing is to know who to blame).

The thing is I have reached a point where I really need all of my power to get stuff done.  The past two years people have been sent to me with increasingly serious problems; they need serious help from a serious person.  I don't like being serious, I prefer being silly (Although my Facebook feed is an even mix really).  Maybe I worry that I will be weighed down with so many obligations there will be no time for joy.  Maybe I worry that I will inadvertently cause harm by being "too" powerful.  I've also felt the burn of envy directed my way at times, so it could be to an effort to avoid that.  Whatever the underlying reasons, it is true I am afraid of my power.  I knew it as truth as soon as the dolphin said it.  In our culture it seems nobody wants to take responsibility.  They all want to be rescued by a hero.  This would explain western civilization's fascination with messianic religions.  We're all waiting for our saviors, there is just one problem with that.  The only person that can save us is ourselves.

Those with power have a duty to act.  That can make us very uncomfortable.  There is a lot going on in the world today, and we know more about all the ills than we ever have before.  It is very overwhelming, and it makes it easier to just believe there is nothing we can do.  That way we can just go on with our lives without having to change or put forth extra effort.  To stand in your power is to make a ruckus at times.  We rock the boat when we show up standing in our power.  We upset people.  The people pleaser in me gets very uncomfortable with making other people upset.  The inner struggle is real and it continues.

How about you?  Do you struggle with your inner badass?  Do you pretend to helplessness?  Are you holding out for a hero?  Well I have to break it to you, you're the hero of your story.  No one is coming in on a white horse to put out the fires, slay the dragon, and whisk you away to an enchanted land of plenty.  No glowing heavenly figure is going to descend and wave their hands suddenly making it all better.  That power sleeps in you.  It is time to wake it up and dream it into your life.  Maybe just try being the awesome version of you a little at a time so you can work up to it.  Remember that power was put into you for a good reason, if you're not using it then you're not fulfilling your purpose.  So try being a little less scared of yourself, I'll be right there with you.  In the meantime this week's prayer was for us to surrender to our own power.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

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