This week I was once again gifted with a topic through conversation with a friend. I'm always on the lookout for a good topic for reflection. Next week I have some exciting news to convey, but for now buckle your seat belts for more musings.
A friend of mine recently kicked someone out of their life. Unlike me they don't tend to be a bridge burner (bridge napalmer is a more apt description of me). They brought up the idea of scarcity consciousness and its effects on relationships. Basically they don't think that having one person in your life takes up space and blocks others from entering your life. It made me look at my perspective. My view wasn't about limited slots for people like a seating arrangement at a table, but more about devoted focus and attention.
With focus we put our energy into one area rather than others. This is good as it allows us to explore some relationships and opportunities more deeply. However if you put all your focus and attention in one area others will suffer or will at least not progress at a comparable rate. One of the things I struggle with is becoming fixated on one goal or idea. I get a sort of tunnel vision where I block out all other possibilities and opportunities. I used to do that with my artwork. I had this idea that I was just a potter so I blocked out information that I had a chance to pay closer attention to because it wasn't part of my focus. Fast forward and I've done sculpture and jewelry and could kick myself for not exploring more working methods when I had the chance. I have since tried a softer focus and have had an explosion of creativity that I couldn't even previously conceive.
I know we were talking about relationships but I just wanted to show how this pattern of hyper focus or exclusionary focus works in another aspect of life. In relationships I have lived the same pattern. I have focused on one to such a degree that I even allowed myself to be a bit player in my life. Here is where my friend above and I differ. They seem to be able to keep their prominence in their own life while focusing on someone intensely. They don't get focus fixation. Which is why they don't burn bridges as much as I have. (Is that a torch I smell?)
So how does this apply to you? Is your focus too intense? Are you fixated on one relationship to the detriment of all others? Are you only exploring one avenue of opportunity in your life? Are you blocking out other possibilities that don't fit your "plan"? What would happen if you softened your eyes opened up your focus and allowed a bit more serendipity in your life?
Peace and Blessings,