They say the thrill is in the chase. There is certainly an adrenaline rush when pursuing a goal. When you push through your limitations the feeling of exhilaration can be almost addictive, but when the goal is a person or a relationship that feeling tends to fall flat. Sometimes in our pursuit of companionship we forget ourselves.
What am I getting at you may ask. Well one trait I express is that I put a lot of energy in maintaining connection and communication with friends and potential friends. I tend to be the social hub for several different communities of people. I mean here I am posting every week trying to connect with a readership. It is easy for me to sometimes forget that connections are not something to chase after.
Yes you heard me right. You shouldn't have to chase people. If you think chasing someone is romantic then you've been seduced by pop culture. This goes for friendships too. If someone is placing a lot of obstacles and tests in your path to see if you are "worthy" to know then I have another secret to impart...they're not worth knowing. If you have to go out of your way to get someone to like you and see what you have to bring to the table, then they're also probably not a keeper for your social support network. There are also those you and I both know that seem to like you, but are chronically busy. I mean all the time, so much so that you have to constantly initiate contact just to make sure you still have their correct number or email address. Again think hard what are you getting out of this?
So now you may be wondering if you stop putting so much effort into connecting with others what will happen. Will you turn into a hermit? Will you be forgotten? Well I am not suggesting you stop reaching out to people, but rather make sure that the people you are reaching out to are meeting you halfway. It always comes down to balance. In my line of work I have to reach out for business purposes. I have to network and make new contacts, get students registered for classes, and get people interested in what I do. In my personal life however I am beginning to adopt a philosophy of relaxed communication.
Why do we chase people? Well most likely it is insecurity. We feel if we don't put on a show and do the footwork we might just end up alone and unloved. It's that basic underlying pattern of "I'm not worthy and nobody will like me so I best try really hard." Ah lovely self doubt how you make us pine for those unworthy of our attention. This is really all about yourself, I mean the chase is ultimately about a need to control how much others value you. There is a famous line from the "Wizard of Oz" (the movie I can't remember if it is in the book), "The heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." That's an awful message really. That sort of thinking will make you miserable.
So does any of this apply to you? I wouldn't know, I haven't been stalking you. (Okay maybe just that one time). Seriously though do you spend your time in your personal life trying to convince people you're worth their time . Do you have people in your life that make you feel like a phone stalker. Do you think if you stopped initiating contact, or going out of your way for someone then you wouldn't see or hear from them? I suggest you try an experiment, just stop. Allow others to approach you. Try it out for a week. Now this is not a "test" of anyone's loyalty this is to see how much energy you put into maintaining contact. What would happen if you just accepted the fact that you are valuable and worthy all by yourself? You might be surprised about the quality of company when you resonate with that.
Peace and Blessings,