Friday, May 31, 2013

Superman Identity Crisis

Greetings all,

I've been under a period of intense self reflection.  It's not a bad thing to do now and then.  I've noticed a few things about myself.  It is just like me to focus on what I perceive as weaknesses or areas for improvement for all you human resources people out there.

  If you were thinking I was going to list all my shortcomings online for the world to see think again.  If you can't figure them out from my blog without explicit details then you don't need to know.  I mean why don't I just hand 12 year olds sub machine guns and tell them to go play tag.  The results would be the same, a shooting gallery.  (Okay not the same and probably a bad analogy given the world we live in).  It is interesting what we do in order to compensate for our shortcomings to feel okay about ourselves.

"To have good job security make yourself indispensable."  I am not sure where exactly I heard that phrase, but I adopted it.  The only problem is that I didn't just adopt it in one sphere of my life.  I brought it into the world of my relationships.  Often when we embrace an ideological tenant it has unforeseen consequences.  In this case it was the striving to be the perfect friend.  Sounds great doesn't it?  I'm not suggesting that I shouldn't put a lot of energy into my close relationships, but the pressure of being the perfect friend the Uberfriend is quite stifling at times.  It isn't just a weight on myself either.  If I make myself indispensable it is creating a dependency which doesn't allow others to grow or experience their brokenness.

So why do it at all?  Well my dear readers there is this thing called fear.  In this case fear of abandonment.  I mean look at the original statement.  It is based on the fear of losing something important and vital.  So the fear script goes something like this, "If so and so realizes I'm not perfect or have this shortcoming they won't like me and they'll leave."  So what does the Mooneagle do?  He dons his cape and flies to the rescue when trouble is spotted.  Now there is nothing wrong with helping out.  It is a rather admirable thing provided it comes from a place of genuine love and not out of the need to fix someone else or their situation.  Supporting is different than fixing.  Sometimes you just have to let people experience their pain.  This of course is a hard lesson for myself and all my fellow empaths.

So does any of this apply to you?  Do you keep a metaphorical pair of tights and cape with you at all times?  Are you indispensable?  What would happen if you weren't?  Do you derive any of your self worth from someone's dependence on you?  Do you seek to be the Uber(insert title here: lover, mother, brother, sister, father, friend, co worker, etc...) because you are afraid of people judging you on your weaknesses? What if you simply played to your strengths?  Do you need to be the Superman or Superwoman all the time?  Perhaps you just need to be you.  I'm not telling you one way or the other I'm not here to be your savior, that's kind of your job.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

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