Moving Slowly

Greetings all,

I hope this post finds you well and whole.  The last few weeks has been a whirlwind of change for me.  There is much that I can do now, but I find myself moving slowly.

At the end of the year, I found people were getting back in touch with me for appointments and opportunities.  I generally see a dip before the holidays and sometimes into the new year.  This time it was a blessing as it gave me time to process my recent loss.  I've had just a few clients since my grandmother's death.  What I have found is that I am still quite capable and effective, but that when I work my emotions are much more intense.  Of course it has always been that way, but I've not quite had this level of grief whilst trying to work.  It hits me both before and after a session.  So I am able to focus and give a level of service I am proud of, but the personal cost to me has been higher.  For this reason I find I am not getting as much done as I could be.

I can't tell you how many times I've had people tell me that they'd love to do what I do.  What they don't understand is just how much what I do demands of me.  I require lots of time to rebalance myself to make sure I am in integrity.  I arranged my life in a way to be of service that precludes a normal full time career with benefits and safety nets.  Plus I get all the feels, all the time.  Emotional states in me have to be watched because if they go much out of balance my physical body tends to get sick.  All while I live in a culture that actively ridicules what it is I am and do.  Still I can only be what I am.  I can only do what is in me to do.  So I do it the best way that I can. So rather than beating myself up, right now I am allowing myself more rest.  I am moving slowly.  I am re-centering until I feel strong enough to move out into the faster currents of life.

Why am I telling you this?  Well many of us get bogged down in the idea of being productive and ceaseless activity.  Some refer to this as the Cult of the Busy.  The belief goes something like this, important people are busy, good people are busy.  Therefore if you want to be good or important you must always be busy.  We were not designed for such things.  We were designed to be active, but we were also meant to rest and relax.  We need the latter to achieve the best results with the former.

So how about you?  Do you berate yourself for having human limits of energy or will?  Do you put off feeling your emotions so you can get more done?  Do you ever clear your schedule for slow time?  Well it might be a good time to start.  Give yourself time to rest, dream, and then maybe your plans can come about in their own good time.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle