It is the close of a long week. My first festival at the waterfront has come and gone. I am so glad I participated in the Mighty Kindness Hoot, but I am exhausted. I spent many hours over the past two weeks getting amulets ready for the festival, and after all that work I only sold two. I don't regret it though as I got to meet some people and offer my services in a new venue. I was proud of my work, and that is worth all the hours spent.
I can't tell you how many years of my life I spent feeling as though I was not good enough. I can estimate it though as starting in kindergarten and going to at least age 30. There are still stretches of time these days where I feel I don't measure up. This is not about humility, this about the constant doubt of my own worth. It is something I know I am not alone in. Our whole way of life is built upon this fear. It is why the cosmetic, fitness, and fashion industry is so successful. We are afraid we aren't good enough for people to want us around. So we are easy picking for quick fix schemes. However, the danger in any of these fixes is that we worry that if we falter we'll be seen as frauds and that the people we care about will abandon us.
A lot of the work I do focuses on helping me to accept myself and my gifts as worthy. Some of us manage to dodge the great mass mind control designed to make us feel unworthy. I have met some of these people. They are great to be around. There is less posturing, they seem less tired, and they can put you at ease very quickly. When we feel not good enough we wear masks in the world. We work in them, we play in them, walk the dog in them, and even try to sleep in them. Relationships are hard because they require us to remove our masks. Communication is hard because we worry about other people finding out we're just not that great. It is our worry over our self perceived inadequacies which makes us overreact, see insults where there are none, and project our insecurities and false motives onto one another. Once you take that out of the equation all that relationships require is appreciating others, and being considerate of their feelings and needs.
I come together with other healers on a regular basis to help remove some of this false programming and to reconnect with the authentic Mooneagle that lies deep within my psyche. Every week the focus shifts until we come back around. Well this past week we came around once more to resonating with the statement "I am good enough." During the practice I asked the question, "What would it be like if I really felt like I was good enough?" I then had an experience of meeting the me who believed that. Guess what, I really liked that guy. He seemed genuinely relaxed and kind. He was not just wearing the mask of being at peace, he really was at peace. People often tell me I seem so calm, and lately I tell them that I've worked very hard to appear calm. I'm really not that calm, I just freak out very quietly. I want to be that guy though, the Mooneagle who really resonates with being good enough down into his very cells.
So what about you? Where do you fall on the good enough spectrum? Do you accept yourself as you are with open arms, or are you waiting to accept yourself for when you lose those last five pounds? Are you worried that your friends, family, or significant other couldn't possibly love the real you? What if you met the you that felt good enough? Imagine them for a moment, hold them in your mind how do they feel to you? What do they do different? How are their interactions with others? For myself and all my relations I pray that we realize we're good enough. If you're reading this no matter how distantly, you are one of my relations.
Peace and Blessings,