Sunday, May 8, 2016

The Blank

Greetings all,

In the past week we've seen quite a number of special days: Beltane, Star Wars Day, Cinco de Mayo, Oaks Day, Derby Day and Mother's Day.  Ironically with all the motion going on around me, I've felt like a ship caught in the midst of a calm.

There are times in life when directions seem meaningless.  The ship has no wind in its sails, and if it did there would be no destination calling.  I am between projects and without any clear goals at the moment.  In such times a blank space on a screen, on paper, or on my studio shelves can seem like an accusation.  "Why aren't you filling me?"  Right now my inspiration has run dry.  For someone like me that is a terrible thing.  Inspiration is like oxygen without it my life fades into shades of gray.  It's not that I don't have interests, I do, but right now nothing is currently firing my imagination.  My emotional tie into any ideas is lacking.  I am left with a blank affect on the dashboard of my consciousness.

Some people would call this depression, some would call it a dark night of the soul, but I call it rebooting.  I've had a lot happen in the past year and all of it happened at once.  I think I am just now starting to really let it all sink in.  Sometimes you must lie still before you can move forward.  In our culture constant frenetic activity is the norm.  So much so that when we stop, it can feel off putting.  The cult of the busy, and the cult of the planners is very intertwined with how we picture a full life.  I know I want to create something special that elicits wonder and healing.  I just am not sure what that is anymore.  I thought I knew but right now I have no clue where I want the wind to take me.  The thing is I don't have to know just yet.  Society may always demand that we have a coherent plan and vision for our life, but if I've learned anything it is that you can really miss the sweet stuff if you're too focused on "the plan".  I also learned that I was not a very good planner, mostly my plans all fell apart, but I was very good at back up plans, and back up for the back ups and so on and so forth....

Maybe I am trying to avoid feeling.  Maybe I am uncomfortable with setting out in a new direction.  Whatever the reason I am finding it challenging right now.  So I haven't made any plans, or any back up plans for that matter.  Currently I am just trying to see what life would like to show me at this moment.

So how about you?  Does emptiness fill you with dread?  Do the comings and goings cease to have meaning now and then?  Does the rudder of your life seem to only have one setting?  Well maybe you're in a blank space.  What if it just isn't your move right now?  What if the ball is in the other court?  What if right now you are supposed to just observe before you make some decisions?  I don't offer this advice for you to feel better, just merely to feel.  You don't have to always know where you going or what you're doing.  Getting lost is sometimes the best opportunity we have to grow, so don't despair unless you need to.  Go about your life and see what floats your way.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

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