What a week! I hardly know how to sum it all up. It really ran the gamut from the height of hilarity to the depths of thunderous wrath. Sad to say anger is still one of the best motivators for me to step up my game.
I should set the scene for you. A year ago I sent work off to my first out of state gallery. I was very excited, it was all very official. I had a contract, I wrote out artist statements (something I learned to do while working on my degree) , I had shipping manifests, and I was so very honored to be represented in a gallery. The enthusiasm was not to last. Within the first month or so there seemed to be a problem with prompt payments when work sold. At first I was too shy to bring up the sordid topic of, "Where the hell is my check?" When the first two months turned into the first four I lost some of my decorum. Oh let's just say it like it was, I was pissed. I focused my feelings like a lance and aimed it until I received payment. Mission accomplished but I had never worked so hard for so little.
Fast forward a few more months and my frustration had built again. My attention had been snagged away by not one but two new teaching positions, a family crisis, and my own fantastic voyage this past summer. When I finally turned my inner eye back towards my wayward gallery it was not the eye of compassion. (Think the of the burning eye like Sauron and you'll get the tone of my gaze). The Mooneagle was not a happy camper and used his words of power to express that. (Shameless plug of last week's blog post I know but if you target your words well an email can practically buzz with intent). So I sent my demands and I drove 500 miles roundtrip and retrieved my work because I couldn't trust the gallery to ship it or if they did that it would arrive in anything but shards. I also couldn't wait for the mythical check in the mail any longer. They had checks for me…post dated ones. In hindsight perhaps I should have worn all black and wielded a chicken foot charm when I showed up to reclaim my work. The first check cleared, but this Friday I was informed by my bank that the second one did not.
So here I am. A person who wields magic. Part of me says goto Defcon 1 and launch the devastator warheads (etherically speaking). This part of me is I know heavily influenced by the Ego consortium in my head. Although I suspect there is some Id in that too. My artwork and specifically my pottery are like my babies. The other part of me is saying to hold on wait a minute and see what options present themselves. I who watch these two sides argue know there will be a response, but whichever it is I will not act fully until the anger has cooled. The sad thing is in this world there are people who only respect force. To get by we have to at times be aggressive and sometimes downright destructive for own defense. However as someone who is supposed to be all spiritual whatever that means I am examined under a more harsh lens of criticism (by myself especially) taking "bold" actions.
There are times to let things go. This is not one of those times. I don't like to reward bad behavior. So my challenge is to not let the anger I feel rule me as I take action. There are times when you must feel your anger deeply and let people know about it. Stuffing it down with affirmations or trying to meditate it away is simply lying to yourself and it will come out in other sneaky ways.
How about you? Is there a situation that has been giving you grief? Have you kept quiet about it and tried to be "good about it" while quietly (or not so quietly to your friends) fuming over it? Maybe you are letting your anger run rampant instead of addressing the one thing you need to change? Are you upfront about consequences with people or do you take too much pleasure in letting others know how unwise it is to be on your bad side? The truth is we're going to have an emotional response when people treat us in ways we feel hurt by, this is natural and part of the healing process. What is not natural is to either detach ourselves from those feelings or burn them into our skin like a permanent brand. We must balance the side of us that seeks recompense with the side that wants to move beyond the hurt. I'll try to remember that as I move through legal proceedings this week.
Peace and Blessings,