It has been a year since I began an initiatory program in shamanic studies. I thought it would be a good time to look back and see where I've come from and to see where I might be going from here. A year ago I had just returned from a trip to Baltimore and the Faery Festival in Pennsylvania. I was looking towards my first meeting of the 2 year program. (I would say looking forward to, but I was a wee bit apprehensive).
My trip showed me several things: I didn't have to be perfect to do good work for people, I loved doing healing work and reading for people face to face, and I really wanted to spend more time doing the work I love. So flash forward to the present: I have an office where I meet with people and see clients, I'm getting more regular work from my healing practice, and I have just returned from the penultimate meeting of my shamanic initiations program.
You might ask do I feel all accomplished and secure.
The answer would be no. I don't feel secure. I do feel a bit clearer in who I am, and what I expect from my life and the people in it. I still have fear and most likely always will. The good part is that sometimes I choose to not listen to it...only sometimes...so far. I can on occasion step back and look at my reactions and the energies behind them. I feel more generally likeable and social. I have decided that fun is not a luxury, it is a necessity.
As far as I have come in a year, I have oh so much farther to go. It can be easy to pick on myself for my weaknesses and shortcomings. It is good to acknowledge them, but it can equally useful to realize I don't have to have arrived at any particular level of achievement in every arena of my life or character. We all make mistakes, but isn't it just like us to forget that when we screw up or fail to notice something of importance. Many of us are far more forgiving of other's shortcomings than we are of our own.
Does this apply to you? Have you come far only to focus on how much farther you have to go? Do you spend too much time measuring your weaknesses rather than playing to your strengths? Do you think you have to be fearless, secure, successful to be a "good" person? Are you using a different ruler to measure yourself than you do for others? Why are you measuring? It is one thing to strive to better yourself, but are you doing that because you can't accept who you are, or are you doing it to have a richer life? I don't know the answers to all these questions and you don't have to either, but they are good ones to think about. Take care of yourselves this week.
Peace and Blessings,