Friday, May 31, 2013

Superman Identity Crisis

Greetings all,

I've been under a period of intense self reflection.  It's not a bad thing to do now and then.  I've noticed a few things about myself.  It is just like me to focus on what I perceive as weaknesses or areas for improvement for all you human resources people out there.

  If you were thinking I was going to list all my shortcomings online for the world to see think again.  If you can't figure them out from my blog without explicit details then you don't need to know.  I mean why don't I just hand 12 year olds sub machine guns and tell them to go play tag.  The results would be the same, a shooting gallery.  (Okay not the same and probably a bad analogy given the world we live in).  It is interesting what we do in order to compensate for our shortcomings to feel okay about ourselves.

"To have good job security make yourself indispensable."  I am not sure where exactly I heard that phrase, but I adopted it.  The only problem is that I didn't just adopt it in one sphere of my life.  I brought it into the world of my relationships.  Often when we embrace an ideological tenant it has unforeseen consequences.  In this case it was the striving to be the perfect friend.  Sounds great doesn't it?  I'm not suggesting that I shouldn't put a lot of energy into my close relationships, but the pressure of being the perfect friend the Uberfriend is quite stifling at times.  It isn't just a weight on myself either.  If I make myself indispensable it is creating a dependency which doesn't allow others to grow or experience their brokenness.

So why do it at all?  Well my dear readers there is this thing called fear.  In this case fear of abandonment.  I mean look at the original statement.  It is based on the fear of losing something important and vital.  So the fear script goes something like this, "If so and so realizes I'm not perfect or have this shortcoming they won't like me and they'll leave."  So what does the Mooneagle do?  He dons his cape and flies to the rescue when trouble is spotted.  Now there is nothing wrong with helping out.  It is a rather admirable thing provided it comes from a place of genuine love and not out of the need to fix someone else or their situation.  Supporting is different than fixing.  Sometimes you just have to let people experience their pain.  This of course is a hard lesson for myself and all my fellow empaths.

So does any of this apply to you?  Do you keep a metaphorical pair of tights and cape with you at all times?  Are you indispensable?  What would happen if you weren't?  Do you derive any of your self worth from someone's dependence on you?  Do you seek to be the Uber(insert title here: lover, mother, brother, sister, father, friend, co worker, etc...) because you are afraid of people judging you on your weaknesses? What if you simply played to your strengths?  Do you need to be the Superman or Superwoman all the time?  Perhaps you just need to be you.  I'm not telling you one way or the other I'm not here to be your savior, that's kind of your job.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Requirements: Fun & Frolic

Greetings all,

Let me tell you what I've been struggling with over the past few months.  I've been manifesting more and more of my goals.  This is wonderful, but the sense of accomplishment and satisfaction quickly fade.  I've realized I am not sure what it is I actually want.  I mean I have the same concerns about day to day expenses and making sure I'll be able to take care of myself, but beyond that I have lacked a coherent vision of my life.

Many of you might similarly feel lost lately.  You may also be thinking, "If I get that or achieve that, then what?"  I'm right there with you, and being closer on some of my goals has made me reevaluate what I thought would make me happy.  Now don't worry I'm not going anywhere I still intend to keep doing the work I do now.  I've begun to feel however that doing the work I love is not enough for a full meaningful life.  No offense to my clients I love working with you guys, but I can't be working all the time.  I noticed that I really have only envisioned one aspect of my life and that is career.

One of my favorite quotes comes from a book called the Runes of Elfland by Brian Froud and Ari Berk.  It goes, "Work, work for a single hand will but little work command."  Basically we can accomplish little on our own.  In my case I know only one thing for certain about what I want.  Fun is no longer to be considered a luxury.  Fun is a requirement.  In our culture and particularly at this time in history we seem to think fun is only for the children (simultaneously as we cut out art, recess, music, and PE from their schools), adults have to be serious and do their duty.

Now I am not suggesting we all quit our jobs and let the kiddies fend for themselves.  What I am suggesting is that we are missing out on life if all we do is work.  We need to have meaningful and enjoyable social connections.  In Lynne McTaggart's book, The Bond,  she talks about social relations and how we are geared towards community.  Studies suggest that it has a significant impact on our health.  It is not an extra, but something we require to be at our best physically and mentally.  Having fun is a way to create and sustain social bonds between people.  So when I create a vision of my life it needs to include fun as part of the picture.

How about you?  Is fun not on your priorities list?  Do you think you have to do it all by yourself?  Where's your community and do you enjoy the quality of it?  Do you think fun is something that requires vast amounts of wealth to do?  Do you think you'll have time for fun when you retire, finish school, or find the right partner? Maybe it is time for you to let your hair down and have a little time for some quality social bonding, and of course have a little fun too.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagley

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Halfway through the fire

Greetings all,

It has been a year since I began an initiatory program in shamanic studies.  I thought it would be a good time to look back and see where I've come from and to see where I might be going from here.  A year ago I had just returned from a trip to Baltimore and the Faery Festival in Pennsylvania.  I was looking towards my first meeting of the 2 year program.  (I would say looking forward to, but I was a wee bit apprehensive).

My trip showed me several things: I didn't have to be perfect to do good work for people, I loved doing healing work and reading for people face to face, and I really wanted to spend more time doing the work I love.  So flash forward to the present:  I have an office where I meet with people and see clients, I'm getting more regular work from my healing practice, and I have just returned from the penultimate meeting of my shamanic initiations program.

You might ask do I feel all accomplished and secure.

The answer would be no.  I don't feel secure.  I do feel a bit clearer in who I am, and what I expect from my life and the people in it.  I still have fear and most likely always will.  The good part is that sometimes I choose to not listen to it...only far.   I can on occasion step back and look at my reactions and the energies behind them.  I feel more generally likeable and social.  I have decided that fun is not a luxury, it is a necessity.

As far as I have come in a year, I have oh so much farther to go.  It can be easy to pick on myself for my weaknesses and shortcomings.  It is good to acknowledge them, but it can equally useful to realize I don't have to have arrived at any particular level of achievement in every arena of my life or character.  We all make mistakes, but isn't it just like us to forget that when we screw up or fail to notice something of importance.  Many of us are far more forgiving of other's shortcomings than we are of our own.

Does this apply to you?  Have you come far only to focus on how much farther you have to go?  Do you spend too much time measuring your weaknesses rather than playing to your strengths?  Do you think you have to be fearless, secure, successful to be a "good" person?  Are you using a different ruler to measure yourself than you do for others?  Why are you measuring?  It is one thing to strive to better yourself, but are you doing that because you can't accept who you are, or are you doing it to have a richer life?  I don't know the answers to all these questions and you don't have to either, but they are good ones to think about.  Take care of yourselves this week.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Apples and Oranges

Greetings everyone,

I hope you're having a lovely week of spring weather.  I've been enjoying the mix of rain and sun, and the smell of the flowers.  I've gotten a chance to visit with friends I haven't seen for months and to make plans for the summer ahead.

Now I am fortunate to move in circles with many talented people.  I know mediums, psychics, acupuncturists, shamans, and artists.  I also unfortunately tend to compare myself with other people.  (I'm sure none of you ever have that problem).  Having good role models around is important, but it can become unhealthy if you measure yourself too strictly against others.  Really I've accomplished quite a bit in the past few years, but I just tend to be surrounded by successful and exceptional people.  When I get off balance rather than see this as a blessing, I tend to berate myself for not being as good, talented, psychic,  ect... as whomever I measuring myself against.

 I don't always do this.  When I was in college and taking my first drawing requirement class my easel was right next to a girl who was focusing on illustration.  I was focusing on ceramics and at the time I really couldn't draw.  (I'm out of practice now, but I am much better than I was then).  It was apparent by the end of the first week that I had a choice:  I could cease comparing myself with her or any of the other drawing majors, or I could slowly and tortuously drive myself completely crazy.  So I stopped comparing myself to her and I made it through.  After that it went a lot easier, except when the model came around during the break and looked at our drawings.

This may shock a lot of people, but surrounded as I am by such exceptionally gifted psychics I don't feel particularly psychic.  I often describe myself as intuitive or empathic.  Which is a much messier talent in some respects.  I sometimes don't always recognize when I am feeling someone else rather than myself.  Through use of oracle decks and runes I have learned to focus my senses to give psychic information, but I worked at it.  For some it just comes easy.  So I do my best and it does come easier than it used to, but it can be a little tough on the ego when people are so phenomenal without even trying.

The problem with comparing myself with the people I know is the same one I had in art school:  a clay artist comparing my drawing with someone whose focus is drawing.  I never thought of comparing their pottery or sculpture with mine.  (I was too busy thinking about how much I sucked at drawing).  My talents are different.  It took me a while to figure them out.  I see patterns, I can often tell where events will go by looking at the present.  I see meaning in random images, words, and sounds.  In chaos I see an underlying order.  In short I read omens.  This is on top of picking up emotional energy.  So apples and oranges when comparing myself to a medium (one who communicates with passed on spirits).

So how does this apply to you?  Are you constantly comparing yourself to someone else in a way that makes you feel less?  If you are committed to comparing yourself or your accomplishments to others are you taking into account where you both started from?  Do you absolutely know how well someone else is doing, because sometimes what looks great from the outside looks quite differently from within.  Are you comparing how something looks rather than how it feels?  Maybe you don't want a house as big as your sister's house does that make you less successful?  Does your life feel like a contest rather than a journey or adventure?  Does someone else's success detract from your own?  If so maybe you need to think about what elements you need for your own happiness rather than trying to measure your satisfaction against the perceived satisfaction of others.  I'll try and do the same.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle

Friday, May 3, 2013

Negative Balance

Negative Balance

Another week, another blog to write. This week I'm tackling negative comments. When I first started my YouTube channel over 4 years ago, I hoped it would become popular and connect with many people. It took a long while to really take off, and now it seems to have hit the exponential growth rate I could only dream of when I began.

Putting yourself out into the web is a bit like putting a message in a bottle and throwing it out to sea. It felt that way for a long time. It is like working in a vacuum, there is no immediate feedback. Luckily I am kind of stubborn, and I also begged people to watch and share. (Hey when you want your message out there you have to be a bit pushy sometimes). I prayed for comments and positive feedback. When I would get some my whole day seem to light up. I occasionally got donations too which would practically have me singing. Then of course I got my first negative comment.

I was crestfallen. I felt like a failure, a fraud, a person who had no right doing the kind of work that I do. I mean I'm not anywhere near perfect. Who was I to talk about spirituality, and to do healing work. So I did what any self respecting person would do. I deleted the comment after a few days. (Yes I know so “very” mature). I policed my comment threads like a fascist dictator. Now I don't want you to think I was the victim of constant ostracism because I wasn't. My negative comments were and continue to be in a very tiny minority (thank goodness). It wasn't until much later that I was able to just leave them alone, and not feel like I had to respond or delete them.

What changed you may ask. Well my business grew for one. I was getting feedback from more people. I was learning more and expanding my skills. Plus I kept getting more comments in general on my channel and how much people appreciated what I did. Occasionally I'd get a real zinger comment that required surgical removal from my heart, but that was rare. Also whenever I would get a negative comment there was special video I would watch. (Careful guys it is not safe for work). This video really helped me realize that just by putting myself out there I was doing something worthwhile. So I'll let you watch you it and then finish up this post.

That was fun right? I knew you'd enjoy it. So what can you take from all this? Well anytime you create something or take public action there is going to be criticism. We live in a society with a constant barrage of gossip. Most people sit on the sidelines and poke at people's shortcomings. They're not all bad people it is just easier and less risky than putting themselves out there to be seen. However comfortable the view from the sidelines is though, that's not where the action happens. If you want to change and have a better life you can't stay there. Just know when you join the ranks of people who are making, doing, and changing, you will be subject to the judgment of the sidelines folk. You don't have to accept their assessment though. That's the tricky part of course, and you don't want to be deaf to any actual real constructive criticism.  You have to find a balance with the negative comments.  Maybe do what I do and realize that if I am getting more of them it is because I am reaching more people.  Not everyone is going to love what I do, much as I might wish it to be so.  The same will hold true for you. Not everyone will sing your praises, and just remember when they don't it has absolutely nothing to do with you.  You're spectacular.

Peace and Blessings,
Thomas Mooneagle